What is virginity?

[Iker80]

I've seen the topic asking with who and when we lost our virginity and I start thinking what is virginity? Many people say it's the first time you have sex, but I don't agree. What if it was a not very fun fumble when you were a teenager and nobody even cum, does that count? You can drive through a city and say "I've been there" but that's not what people mean when they ask if you've been there, they mean have you seen the sights, have you explored the place. And I'm a bi man so I have my straight virginity and my gay virginity, and there's first time top and bottom when you're a guy. Even for straight guys there's top and bottom virginity because women can use toys in you.

My anal virginity was the biggest and last one for me, it's a big thing for me to share that. The first guy to put his dick inside me felt good, but he only did it for a few strokes. He was all about him being a bottom. I think my first proper time was when I was with a guy I really wanted inside me and he did it for a long time. He recharged fast and fucked me multiple times. Feeling him throbbing inside me I had my first prostate orgasm. That experience felt like the real thing. Still, he wore a condom the whole time. Even then I'd never fully felt a dick inside me. That happened later when I finally tried it with a guy bare. I wanted him a lot and I felt empty of him before he even went inside. I didn't even feel tight, and I'm often nervous to bottom. He just went in smoothly like his space was reserved. I had a couple of prostate orgasms as he fucked me missionary, we kissed and I wrapped my legs around him and played with his hairy nuts as he stroked in me. Finally he filled me with his cum. Feeling his dick throbbing a hot load inside me was when I was certain I'd totally lost my anal virginity. It was like the last bit. I guess that was when I'd properly 'been there' and had the full and real experience. I think these two guys are the guys I lost my anal virginity with because I had my first orgasm with one and my first bare fuck/load with the other.

But I want to know what you think, what for you counts and what doesn't? Is it just the first guy you did something with, or is it something else?

[greo]

It's the first time you have sex.

[hntnhole]

6 hours ago, Iker80 said:

what for you counts and what doesn't?

First, thanks for that most interesting subject/question.  

The very word - "virginity" - implies a physical state of no experience of having sex with another person.  But, the next question would/should be, what do you want your experience to be?  Or if the subject is young, have you even considered that there are options?  Your answer is spot on, in that there is now "connection" between the partners unless there is desire on both sides.  If a guy who knows (or even thinks) he wants other guys, caves to the pressure and marries traditionally, would that count for "losing his virginity"?  I would vote np, since his experience did satisfy what he knew he needs, and got something else instead. 

On the other hand, if a straight kid to jacks off with a buddy, is that to be considered "gay" sex?  I would say no, in that two kids exploring what their bodies can do in no way implies anything more than a couple of curious kids exploring what their capabilities are.  The interesting question would then arise: did one of the two kids experience something "more" than just jerking off?  

Your lovely description of your first "proper' time is evocative of a young man, formerly unaware, becoming acutely aware of one of his important needs, regardless of the condom.  That experience spoke volumes to you, and that expression of your sexuality became an important facet (meaning, a part - not the whole) of your sexuality.  It allowed you to understand that hard raw Cock fucking your hole was also an important facet of your sexuality.  I'd call that the most fortunate event of your budding sexuality, since you're able to "connect" with other men in either position.  Some of us can't say that.  

Of course, the virginity question is the type that any answer will fill, since generally it's the first time we actually "feel" - "experience" that meeting of the souls, via our cocks/holes since the term "virginity" has more meanings than merely the common one.  Loosing our "virginity" is when we first feel that huge rush, the enormous thrill, the life-changing sexual cataclysm of having an emotional response - not simply a physical one.  

Thanks for that excellent post.  

 

[onlyraw]

Thanks for the interesting philosophical question 

first I agree @Iker80 that to consider it “loosing your virginity” - at least one of the  parties needs to cum 

I also agree with @hntnhole that boys experimenting and jerking off together- even jerking each other off doesn’t count 

I would argue that for straight and gay male sex, the orgasim needs to come from penetrative sex ( I will let the lesbians determine what they think on thier own)

then one could argue that for gay men… there are 4 virginities they can lose 

Oral top

oral bottom 

anal top

anal bottom 

then @hntnhole brings up an interesting point…. If one’s first fuck is purely physical…. With no emotional connection is it still losing one’s virginity?

If the first time you suck cock or get sucked is through a glory hole in an ABS …. Does that count???

hmmmm …  kind of a “if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there does it make a sound” question 

 

I fall into the “it is the physical act” alone that determines one’s virginity….. but the emotional connection can make it far more impactful and meaningful.

i got fucked for the first time by a guy in college….. he was a friend…. But neither of us had any romantic feelings for each other …. I basically got him to fuck me so that I could get back at my friend Jeff who I had a HUGE crush on … and he had just lost his virginity with his girlfriend…  (long story)

But even though I had no romantic feelings for Robby …. After he fucked me about 4 times that night…(and even though we never fucked again) I certainly considered myself no longer a virgin (and I loved the look on Jeff’s face when I told him that I too was no longer a virgin)

 

I will be very interested in what other guys think 

 

[tallslenderguy]

This is  not a complete answer... i'm really tired after a 13 hour shift, so i don't know what i'll think after i sleep

Somethings that come to me though is, i requires  two people in an act where one is in a sense possessed and the other possesses... and that may be symbiotic, reciprocated each in their own way? i guess central though, it is a type of impregnating and impregnation, both are part of it. i guess as i see and feel it, both give, lose something to the other......

[NWUSHorny]

It's been so long I've almost forgotten what my virginity was. I lost my straight virginity 42 years ago when I was 13. I started losing my gay virginities 36 years ago, when the 1st guy I wasn't on a same name basis with sucked my dick and let me suck his. A few months later I started fucking guys. I didn't lose my bottom virginity for almost a year and a half after that 1st man on man blow job, 3 days after losing my bottom virginity I lost I had my 1st flip fuck with the 2nd guy 2 ever fuck me, a guy who was probably the best fuck bud of my life. Less than a week later I was involved in my 1st 3 and 4 ways, with my new fuck bud. After that there weren't too many remaining virginities to lose. I didn't bareback and breed another man until I was 24 and in grad school, and didn't intentionally allow a guy to cum in my own ass until after I found out I was HIV positive at 49.

[Rillion]

For me, there isn't a singular virginity. Like I fooled around with a friend when I was 12 but it was mainly oral with us attempting anal unsuccessfully. I still considered myself a virgin. 

In my sophomore year of college I fucked a female, and considered that losing my hetero virginity. But as far as gay sex I was still a virgin. That ended when I went home with an older (he was likely in his 30s to my 22) and we flipped fucked. 

At this point there isn't too much I would consider myself still a virgin at. The main one is I'm still a fisting bottom virgin. I've had my hand inside an ass, but not one in mine.

So to summarize I think to lose your virginity in some fashion there needs to be some penetration that involves at least one person's genitals or holes with ideally, but not required, one person achieving orgasm. 

Edited 11 hours ago by Rillion

[Bokkierob]

You must be fully penetrated by a hard cock and take a load to properly lose your virginity. I lost my oral virginity at 14 to a 34yo man and a week later I lost my anal virginity to the same man. I loved taking his loads in my mouth and arse. Great intro to man fucking.

[NordicBtm]

For me penetrative sex determines it. Anal virginity (bottom) and penetrative virginity with your dick (top). I also agree that cum has to be shared for it to be 100% authentic, though the condom fuck technically counts, I guess.

I guess other forms of sex are some kind of bases or levels, but I think the most important one is always going to be involving fucking as it defines you being inside someone (or have someone inside you) and you can kiss, interact, etc. it’s more intimate for this reason than blowjobs or other sexual acts.

Then again one can have further levels of gay virginity associated with certain acts: like orgy, going to a darkroom, gloryhole, double penetration, … 😉 

Edited 6 hours ago by NordicBtm