bearbandit

No, but I can guess: in the 1980s I had a friend in Rotterdam who regularly holidayed in San Francisco. A month or so after fucking with him in 1980 I had all the symptoms of seroconversion, except the doctors then didn't know what it was...

Today is my 25th anniversary of knowing that I have HIV. Want to help me celebrate? I'm on BBRT...

Ive known two different hospital, not five miles apart, have completely different policies on whether "aids" should be included on a death certificate as a cause, or contributory cause, to death. Behind the untimely pneumonias, liver failures, general organ failures, coronorary heart disease or whatever, it's quite possible you've just found the death certificate of someone who died of complications of HIV. Doctors are generally loathe to put HIV disease as a contributing cause of death for fear of upsetting the survivors: one reason why it appears that the death statistics have decreased so dramatically: "he didn't die of HIV disease, he actually died of liver failure, and there's no real reason to think that HIV contributed to his death..." except that had he not had HIV disease his liver may well not have failed. I would maintain that deaths from advanced HIV disease are happening far more often than we're led to believe by official statistics. Looks tidier that way...

I dunno, but if there's someone with a housework fetish, they'd be welcome here. Years ago I had a friend who had a client like that. Friend got his whole house cleaned and whatever the specialised escort rate was at the time in his pocket for a bit of verbal and humiliation. Don't think the punter even wanted to get fucked...

I could take issue with the words pasty and white: Celtic genes will out: I know I'll always burn or freckle before moving away from basic see-all-your-veins white. The guy I was with last weekend was anything but quoting rawTOP "the stereotypical submissive Asian guy". A very hot man who just happened to be Asian - and such a hungry arse. If he rang the doorbell now (unlike as he lives at the other end of the country) I'd be signed out of here before you knew it. To expand on my preference for pata's benefit, I remember at school having a thing about a classmate's older brother. Tache already noticeable, broad shoulders suggesting he was going to be a big guy and the first curls of hair looking out over his shirt collar. I've never deliberately sought out one race over another - I'm an equal opportunities slut.

Can only speak for myself here, but I've always felt that a hot man is a hot man is a hot man (with apologies to Gertrude Stein), and I've always regretted the lack of racial diversity in the bars and elsewhere on the scene. I've always, since being a teenager, been attracted to men of other races and it's only been lack of opportunity that's stopped me getting around more... Strange for me that this comes up now as just the other night I had some extremely enjoyable sex with a very hot man who it turned out was of mixed race (white/Asian): he expressed a kink for my ginger hair and extremely pale skin, which shows off my tattoos well. Race didn't really come into it, other than my Celtic genes showing through possibly more than his Asian genes, since it's winter and I always fade back to near translucent. Maybe it runs in families: my younger brother has been with an Indian guy for what must be over twenty years now: they got married as soon as the civil partnership legislation was passed here. Or maybe the both of us were brought up to see the person first and see their race as secondary to their personality. Who knows?

A long story... I learned I had HIV in the very moralistic 80s, and eventually ended up bbing with two BFs (both long since dead). My next long term partner tested negative and there was no way I was going to responsible for changing his status; he wasn't much into fucking anyway, and most of our sex life was centred around various torture fetishes. There was a point in the mid nineties when we were both having it off with the same guy who happened to positive. If my partner wasn't around we'd bb - it seemed kinda not quite tactful to do it when my partner was there... Anyway, late nineties I started on high dose norvir which killed my libido for the next few years. Just as it was coming back, my partner got sick and it seemed less than tactful to go out whoring while he was ill. After he died in 2007 I promised myself I'd keep to myself until I felt I was over the grief (who needs even a one-off with baggage?), so it's only the past year I've been getting out again. Unfortunately I live in a very rural area, so there's not much going on: the guys who want to play seem to be surgically attached to their wives. So in the past fifteen years I've bb'ed precise twice: the first was a guy who wanted 24/7 ownership of me, despite living a hundred miles away: can see you once a month, I insist on monogamy and chastity in the meantime. Nope. But the one time we met he left me with an arseful of cum... Second time was this weekend, a visitor to the area where I live, unusually for me younger and smaller than me, but with an arse lined with wet velvet (tasted pretty good too), a long lazy fuck, very visual (I especially like to see a guy's eyes when fucking). He especially liked the way I leak pre-cum - sufficient that if I can't be bothered to carry on being sucked off I can fake it and fool him. Ended up fisting him with my left hand (a first for me) with only a minimum of lube needed. I sero-sort: I believe the first infection with HIV to be the catastrophic one (remember my thinking is coloured by the eighties), so even with an undetectable viral load, and mindful of criminal law in the UK, it's only poz guys who'll get my cum in them. Plenty of other ways of getting off but breeding/being bred is special. Any Welsh guys in mid or North Wales - my profile's over on BBRT...

Congratulations: you just turned into one of the people who scare me: those unable to see an invisible disability. I've worked fucking hard at losing the "lipo look", though those with a skilled eye can still see it. Yes, I can ride a bike again, but I'm unable to walk for more than a few hundred meters (lipo again). The week I've just spent sitting on my arse has been on the toilet, letting cryptosporidium have its evil way with my guts. That's the bug that usually slips through reservoir safety systems, prompting major public health scares and "boil your drinking water " warnings, and when it does immune-compromised guys don't stand much of a chance but to get it. I get other HIV-related problems, but lock myself away till they've passed. If you're really so concerned about about much I'm costing you, let me whisper the magic words into your ear: "private fucking income, so butt out on that argument". The only state help I get is a few quid off my rent. The money I've saved the state in home-nursing two partners until their eventual deaths is nothing to what I've cost the state, even before you add into the equation the HIV voluntary work I do. I got HIV before we knew it existed, even less how to fight it. I've trialled drug after drug so that you, should you need it, have near side effect free drugs should you need them. Fuck it we've now got Post Exposure Prophylaxis and there's talk of Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. Sounds like you want to have your cake and stop anyone else from eating it. Suits me: the early drugs, from which today's more side-effect friendly drugs were developed, gave me diabetes anyway, so I'm not interested in your cake...

Well, you're welcome to check me out under the same name at BBRT... or as "rottweil" on gd

Yeah, Pulszer, some people are nuts. Yeah cum belongs in the arse or mouth. But there's also a thing called risk reduction. My diagnosis only goes back 25 years, but I reckon I got pozzed in 1980. Having achieved VL u/d on drugs, I reckon I'm pretty much uninfectious, which might be a turn off for bug chasers, but there you go. That said, it still gives me bad days, like nearly dropping my precious bike which I need to get to the nearest shop - pretty rural area here. One reason I serosort: I believe the first infection to be the catastrophic one. Even with an u/d VL I don't want to be responsible for someone else's first infection - fuck knows how many I passed it to before I was diagnosed... Plus a guy who is sorted enough to have his VL checked on a regular basis is likely going to be realistic enough to recognise the risk he's running of other STDs and get checked for them too. Don't expect everyone to be running on your brand of luck...

It's purely selfish, I assure you: STDs are a pain in the arse I could do without. And no-one needs HIV (I nearly dropped my precious boy, my Suziki Bandit 600, this morning, after a week of being unwell enough to ride) No-one should go through that pain. When it takes you thirty minutes to reverse a bike about five metres, you know something's fucked up. Yes I want to cum in guys' arses without rubbers and I want them to come in my arse or mouth. I just want to minimise the risks...

Could well be right here: in my fifties and dealing wiht both advanced HIV disease and diabetes; last time at the clinic I had them check testosterone levels, which came back on the high side of normal so my difficulties getting hard are either down to sub-standard trade (unlikely as Im picky) or diaebetic neuropathy. With Daddy's little helper, I don't have the faintest chance of coming on day 1 (even on day 1 - it's a synergistic with atazanavir so that I'm has hard as fuck but I can't come for twenty four hours). Fuck , but it hurts (tops happy!) but when I do come the next day, it's bottom heaven... Meanwhile (isn't versatlity wonderful?) I hope to have takrn several of his...

I like it nice and greasy/oily anyway, so there's a fair amount of fluid up there anyway: what matters is his withdrawal and the grin on his face... I like my men happy...

Sorry, but I have to take to you task for stereotyping here: I claim neither a giant dick, nor to be a crack addict, but my teeth are all mine: I paid for 'em. Many HIV related conditions can result in loss of teeth. Took me nearly a year to have all the work done and am just getting used to having all-plastic teeth. I'm still working on getting used to them (like a small packet of peanuts was a major victory last week) and sometimes someone whose been good enough to stay the night (ie not so shite that I kick 'em out) might see me briefly without them. Having had some false teeth in the past I worked up an incredible aversion to taking them out for sex, so if I meet you on a night when I'm in a bottom frame of mind, you won't mind if I don't offer you a gum job? (Never had one myself, but I'm told it's oral to the power of four...)

It's the look in the eye that's important to me, whether I'm top or bottom. Depending on position my eyes might might be saying "you're getting this, cunt," or "please, Sir, don't stop". It's one of the times that blindfolds are redundant and actually hamper what's going on: I have to ba able to look into his eyes and have him see he knows what's coming to him, or else see his acquiescence to what's happening...

A difficult question: the quality of my life is so dependent on the policies of the UK government, which, in practice, is forcing people who are no longer capable of working into a shrinking jobs market. Nothing in the multiple choices covers the despair and fear that that causes. Due to known reactions to HIV drugs (denied at the time but freely admitted to now), the illness and heath of a partner and my desire to keep my problems from others, I racked up an impressive 12 years' worth of celibacy. Yes, I would like to have some of those years back, or at least as semblance, but that doesn't turn me into a an if-it-moves-kill-it-monster. Just a gay man who who has looked at the current options and made an informed choice about his options. My HIV infectivity is practically zero, and I really don't want to get any of the current nasties going around. Until my HIV was controlled I lost a quarter of my sex-life so far. If I get a bit greedy at times, who can blame me? Were it not for the ConDem government's plans for disabled people, I'd put myself into the optmistic category: passionate about work I do, but just that bit scared of the politics. I frightened myself this morning, going to take my bike out to go shopping and found that his front wheel wasn't happy about moving (Don't forget I lived in Wales where we say even on a find day that it's not rained yet). Took me a good half hour to wrestle him (the bike, Mabon) to the the road, in the course of which I realised how weak I'd gotten over the past week. Weakness is not necessarily conchordant with happiness. Rather than a seeking a measure of happiness I feel a measure of "how freely can I live my life" might be more appropriate. Or perhaps even run the two side by side as there is a certain delight in giving the law the finger (it was my late partner who had the affair with the policeman and I fear he gave him a lot more than the finger...) And I'd be a lot more more happy if the law just ignored me as another benefit claimant, but because I claim long term, I have to be investigated... It's a fair enough question, GermanFucker, it''s just that I feel that it's a little more complex than your parameters....

When are you coming to my bit of Wales?

It's becoming a recognised fact within the UK, at least, that the spread of HIV is basically down to guys who haven't tested or have tested negative and then got it without having sought out further testing or treatment. I have maintained since the eighties that there are only two HIV identities in the world: those of of use who we have it, and those who are "unknown": you might have tested negative today, but what did you do last night? Many of us, particularly those of the "missing generation", which these days I'd put at between forty and sixty, give or take a few years, have probably nursed a partner to his death (I've done it twice). While I want to enjoy bareback sex, I do not want to see a future partner go through what either of my last two long term partners went through. I take my antivirals, and also other medication, some age-related, some related to side effects of the early anti-retrovirals. I eat healthily, I work out (even seen a CD4 increase since I started weight training). I feel confident that I'm as uninfectious as I can get. Hell, I've even managed to repair HIV damage to my system to the point that I feel okay to ride a motorbike again. Yes, there's talk that even in good health HIV ages our systems drastically (as in add ten to fifteen years when you hit fifty), but the oldest biker I ever met was well into his eighties. I know that I will die with HIV, but i'll be damned if I'll let HIV be the cause of my death. Nor will it get in the way of the fun I intend having along the way...

Okay, I've got a nerve commenting here when I've been too lazy to post a pic, but you can find me at BBRT. My personal rule is no face pic, no meet. Okay, I've got a thing about looking into his eyes whichever way round sex is going. One of the biggest disappointments of my life was a guy who sounded/talked/looked perfect: I could have gone from "versatile" to "slave" were it not for the fact that his online photos were ten years out of date. Age wasn't a problem: his honesty in using old photographs was. Yes we fucked (after his travelling such a distance it would have been rude not to), and yes, he was bloody good at it, but if a sexy man like him is using ten year old photos online, what problems lie beneath?

If I could get rid of HIV, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But given the way that medicine is moving I don't see that as a likely option. Given a choice I'd far rather get rid of diabetes (a gift from early anti-retrovirals). With today's meds I'm far more likely to die as a result of diabetes than HIV.

Looking back, I probably seroconverted in 1980, though I didn't test until 1987, which of course was positive. Of the three long term relationships I've had since then, two of them were always bareback in the belief that the first infection is the catastrophic one. The third partner dies about five years ago: he'd tested negative when we first met and we both assumed he'd picked it up along the way, as it were. Before we knew he was poz, we were both fucking with the same guy, also poz, partner used condoms, I didn't. Then came high dose ritonavir and a lengthy chemical castration... Just as I was recovering from that, my partner got sick. I nursed him and after he died I stayed away from sex until I felt I could meet guys without trailing a load of baggage behind me. Why BB now? Well, although the early drugs kept me alive, I also got diabetes as a side effect and useful as it is, viagra does make it more difficult to cum. Skewed as my meds are (salvage therapy), I'm still maintaining an undetectable viral load, so you're more dangerous to me than I am to you. And at the end of the day I want either to feel your cum dribbling out of my well fucked arse or to feel my cum (or whoever else's) over my balls when my dick is still up your arse...

That's some assumption you're making there: bathe regularly and antiperspirants/deodorants are simply a question of the climate you live in and your natural personal odour (not to mention his personal preferences). I've been asked not to wash for a couple of days before a date and I've had meets that have started with a shower. There's a lot to be said for personal hygiene, and antiperspirants and antideodorants serve simply to disguise the lack of it. Ride a bike a couple of hundred miles in proper leathers and of course you're going to end up sweaty as hell (in summer at least here in Wales). For me, it's a standard part of the pre-meeting messaging to ask what level of hygiene he prefers (my arse is always going to be clean as is my dick): shower when I get there, shower before I leave or leave the shower for a few days. The one thing I won't do is smother myself in foul smelling/tasting antiperspirants or antideodorants.

soap and water are deodorants: anything else is perfume.

Seems sensible enough... Age: 54 Location, City or County: North Powys, Wales Sexual Orientation: Gay Sexual Role: Versatile - don't do anything as top that I haven't at least tried as bottom... Sexual Perversions: What are you offering? Show me something new! :-) Prefer torture over CP, but won't hesitate to use CP if necessary, piss, verbal, gob, don't go a whole load on bondage as it's your business to keep still for me: my command should be enough... Remind me of what I've forgotten. Initial presentation: biker, usually pissed off at car drivers. Travel or Accom: either Other profile: see BBRT bearbandit