Toon

How old are you. I know that after I turned 40-something, there was a delay between my need to pee and peeing. My doctor told me my prostate was probably enlarged. It happens to all guys.

1997 I was 23 when I graduated college and landed a great job in a Midwestern city. I was young, not bad-looking and optimistic about life in general. I was (and still am) gay, but had no gay friends or any gay experience - which was fine. My greatest love at that time was routine: I loved doing the same thing every day in the same way. I'll share some wisdom with you now: your rut is a gift. Be happy if you're in a rut because that means nothing is disrupting your life. Visits to the dentist, colds, funerals, accidents, and so on take you out of your routine. The downside to this way of life is that you also have to let happy diversions go by. It can be a lonely philosophy because it means politely declining invitations to parties, happy hour gatherings or anything spontaneous. It's a sacrifice I was always willing to make. On this particular day I got out of work at 5:15 PM, as always, and drove home the same route I regularly took, when suddenly my car started to make a weird noise. Panic rose in my chest as the noise got increasingly loud. At that moment I was driving through a heavily-Mexican neighborhood and was near an auto mechanic shop called 'Mendez and Sons', so I pulled in thinking to myself 'Shit! I'll miss the TV reruns I had intended to watch that evening', but first I had to be able to get home. As I parked the car I glanced around the garage. Clearly it had been in business for a few years and it wasn't all that busy. Turning off the engine and noticed a little puff of smoke escaping from under the hood. A guy about my age came out from inside the garage and greeted me asking "You got a problem?" He was Latin, tall, skinny and had ears that were so large, they seemed to protrude comically. "I think so. The engine just started making a banging noise and I just saw some smoke from under the hood." "I see." I tried to read the inflection of his voice. Was this super bad? I couldn't exactly afford a new car now. "Can you take a look at it?" "Let me get my brother," he replied. I hated this. I wanted to be home, ordering Chinese food and watching my shows. And then I saw the brother. He was probably 30 and gorgeous, had a trace of a goatee, light brown skin and was at least 6'3". He did not resemble his younger brother except that the two of them were a similar height. "Hi, I'm Kevin. Can you take a look at my car?" "El told me about your problem and it sounds like an issue with your rings or your carburetor to me. That takes time to repair and we close in an hour." "Oh." I could barely believe how much this sucked. I guess I could call a cab or try to get the car to another garage which was open late. He saw the defeat in my face and suggested "Tell you what. Pull into that first bay and I'll do what I can now." I did and looked around. All the workers were tall, Latin and about the same shade of brown, and they were all young and handsome -- except for big-eared 'El'. They wore matching blue coveralls. The helpful guy with whom I had just spoken approached me, wiping his hands with a rag, and introducing himself and his crew. "I'm Mike. I guess I run the place and all these guys are my little brothers." "Who's the dad?" "Oh, the 'Mendez' n the name is my mom. She owns the shop -- got it from one of the guys she married. She's Mexican and loved marrying and making babies with white guys. I'm the oldest and so it pretty much MY place." That explained a lot. As curious as I was to hear more, I wanted to get out of here and be home. I popped the hood and let Mike get to work. "We got a waiting room to your right. There's a TV, magazines and a pop machine." I went there. The TV was on a Spanish-speaking channel and I didn't bother changing it. I just watched and fell into kind of a trance from the monotony of all the quick talking that I couldn't understand. I must have nodded off because eventually big Mike had to shake me awake. I forgot where I was for a second. "The good news is that it's just a few bad hoses that need replaced. Won't cost you too much. Bad news is that we don't have one of them and had to order it. It might be tomorrow when we get it or the next day." "Oh. Well I guess I need the number of a cab then." "Here's an idea. Come home with us. It's a big house right up the street and Mama always cooks lots of food. There'll be a bed for you to sleep in and everything." No. I wanted to go home. But this was such a nice gesture that I pretty much had to accept the invitation. "Okay, great. Thanks. Let's go." "It'll be fine. You'll see. Come on. Do you work tomorrow? I can drop you off." "Yeah, but nobody is ever there on Fridays. I can take a vacation day and just report it Monday." "Then that's that. Let me lock up. Go wait outside with the guys." So I stood on the sidewalk with the foursome who all introduced themselves: Mark, Matt, Luke and, of course, El, who stood right next to me like we were old buddies or something. Close up, I could see that he'd pierced his giant ear several times. Why he wanted to draw attention to those things was beyond me, but I was a guest and had no right to judge. Mike finished up with his nightly duties and joined us. This was their routine, and I respected that. We all turned a corner and headed up a hill. Mike took me back and told me to retie my shoe or something so the others could move a little ahead in the dying daylight. He wanted to talk privately. "I have another brother. He is a useless human being who spends all his time in the basement playing video games. He resents me because I wouldn't hire him. He has so many felonies for drugs and shit that I can't trust him around tools and shit. All my brothers have records. Assault, DUIs, domestic violence, and shoplifting. They're all good men with bad mistakes in their past. I've been charged with rape twice, but they were just bitches who were mad that I wouldn't fuck them a second time. Charges were dropped, but my name must be on some registry somewhere I'm sure. Sucks." "God, I'm so boring compared to your family. I do nothing and aspire to nothing except to live a normal life." "Did you ever model? You are cute and you've got the kind of hair that could sell shampoo to bald men." El kept turning around and looking at me from a few feet ahead. He seemed to want to hang but with us, but Mike gave him a look to stay ahead of us. "You all have biblical names except for El, What's that about?" "His real name is "Luke", but we call him 'El' because he's got big ears like an elephant. I remember the man my mom brought home to make him. Ugliest motherfucker ever. He didn't last long, but then baby El showed up and he's family after all. But I'l probably have to let him go soon. He's sick and has no plans to get himself better. Poor bastard." We were approaching the house. This was my last chance to say something. "I'm gay, Mike." "Like I already didn't know that. We're very sexual people and can pick up on lots of clues." Then we got up the steps to steps of a pretty impressive house, Mike moved to the front and opened the giant door. The Mom greeted us looking slightly peeved. She was an older Mexican lady with a bright red wig and high heels. Big Mike stopped to talk to her in heated Spanish, but she was pissed and made a motion to a stack of Pizza Hut boxes on the kitchen table. She blurted out few abuses, but they didn't seem to bother any of the brothers. El come up to my side and told me that her date for the night had canceled on her. He put his hand on my back and told me that we were all banished to the basement for the night. He and Mike led me down into the basement, which had been nicely finished with plush carpeting, four big sofas and a huge TV. A bottle of tequila was passed around. And then another one. I skipped my second turn. I wasn't fond of being drunk. I just had no talent for it, but everybody else was getting good and sloshed. Even the stable Mike was drunk. I noticed most of them had stripped down to nothing but underwear. I looked around the room and saw lots of giant bare feet resting on the floor. "Movie!" somebody called out. El took it upon himself to hit the remote and suddenly we were watching a hetero porn. It was kind of old and there were no condoms in sight. Big, beefy dudes fucked little petite beauties. Although it wouldn't have been my choice, it wasn't anything that I would call repulsive. Blow jobs seemed to be the main theme in this flick. All the brothers were naked now and stroking their hard dicks in unison. "Hey, Mike. Get you little friend to blow us." "Let's ask him if he wants to play," Mike replied. Turning to me he quietly suggested if I didn't want to play I should go upstairs and lock myself in his bedroom. "No," I replied, "I'll suck you if you can remember I've never done this before. You might not like it." I started in the corner with who I think was Matt. His dick was big but not giant. I took his head in my mouth and worked up and down on it. He bucked his hips a little and put two big hands on my head and tried to force me to deep-throat him. I did my best, but this was all too new. I had to leave him with a fat, slobbery hard-on. I moved on to what was probably Mark. His dick was bigger and I repeated my performance. My goal was to work them all into a frenzy so they could just jack off to the porn movie. El was next. His dick was so huge. I didn't get so far down his shaft. He gently tried to help me get further, but there was no way I could take it. "Let him eat our asses for a while," somebody suggested. "Eat your own ass, moron," Mike said. He had a huge hard-on and got up to hold me. We were standing there embracing when the other brothers gathered around. It was a group hug with rape overtones. They were all squeezing me and forcing me to the floor again. I had to think. "You don't want this, guys. I have AIDS." "Bullshit", said Mike, adding "I know you're scared, but is that really the story you want to stick with?" "It...It's true." "it's not. But that leaves you with El. He's been poz for over a year." "El, take this little liar up to your room and get to know each other." I followed him up to a nice bedroom and made myself comfortable under the covers. El was already nude and climbed in next to me. I asked him to turn on a lamp so I could look at him as we played. I had decided I loved his big ears, and perversely, that he was hotter than his patriarchal older brother. We made love. LOVE. It hurt and made me bleed, but after we did it again it was so perfect. El laid back on his pillow, exhausted, I took my opportunity to kiss left ear. My car was fixed the next day. Mike was casual as he gave me the bill, which I casually paid, leaving 'Mendez and Sons' forever.

1992 I have this thing for blue-collar guys. I don't know where it originated, but I've never minded too much when there's road construction slowing traffic because it gives me a chance to ogle the crew. They come in all shapes, colors and ages, but I adore them all, especially when I imagine them (1) all clean and dressed-up for a date ... with me, and (2) them totally nude ... with me. Well it was spring and all the sign-holders, diggers and mowers were out everywhere. I really enjoyed the scenery. While the flowers may have already started blooming, I didn't have time to notice them as all the blue collar guys were out in force. Back in '92 I lived in a pretty nice apartment complex in the suburbs and the owner had contracted to have the whole complex landscaped. I have no idea why because it looked quite nice before the work commenced, and now, as the work had begun, the shrubs and trees were all torn out and all the grass had been dug-up, so the only landscaping, so to speak, was the top soil and little flags marking where the utility lines were buried. We did have, however, lots of working men adding beauty to the environment. One day I came home early from work and found a big pickup backed up right against the staircase to my apartment. No big deal, really. I could just climb over the bed of the truck and get about my business. Just as I was starting to do just that, I heard someone call out "Sorry, sorry. You need to get through?" I turned around and saw a guy around my age who had on the crew uniform of green t-shirt, jeans and brown work boots. He wasn't what you'd call 'cute', but was still good looking. He looked like a championship boxer. I don't mean his face had any smashed aspects -- it's hard to explain. All I can say is when I saw him I immediately thought 'boxer'. He was about six inches taller than my height, and his hair was dark brown hair. The tops of his ears and his nose were sunburned, but the thing I noticed most was just how damn hairy he was. Seriously. He had a thick rug peeking out the neck of his collar (in front and back) and also running up each arm. "Let me move it for you." "That's okay, take your time," I replie. As he moved the pickup a few feet forward, I imagined him all clean and dressed-up and wearing nice loafers. And then I pictured him nude. He came back to where I was standing and I just had to ask him what they were planning with all this landscaping. "Oh, it's a massive project. Get ready for a rent increase! The owner wants to add a little hill and some ornamental trees and a cobblestone path. There might also be a waterfall, but the planners haven't worked out where to put it. There was talk of a rock garden, but I haven't heard much about that lately. The owner is kind of a flake." "You've met him? I've never even seen him." "Yeah...and slept with him too." I kept my expression neutral but still friendly. "Oh?" "Yeah. I've done it with a lot of your neighbors --- men and women, but mostly men." "Fringe benefit, I guess." "Exactly. That's why I love apartment complexes: there are lots of single people who are horny - like I always am. I used to charge a fee, but that almost got me in huge trouble once. So I just do it now to get my rocks off. I plain old love to fuck." I listened casually but realized I'd stopped breathing for about a minute. "Hey -- I was about to take my break. Want to go sit in some shade with me?" "Sure," I somehow managed to reply. The only problem was that all the trees were gone now and there was no shade to be found anywhere. "Well", I ventured "we could go up to my place and you take your break there if you want." "That sounds great. Thanks." As we climbed the steps, I thought about what I might have set into motion. Here was a stud who had slept with half of Hidden Mill Apartments while I had never done anything with anybody. Until this point, I was happy with fantasies, porn and masturbating. I'd never even kissed anyone. At 23, I was hopelessly inexperienced. Once we got inside, I was aware that I'd left the blinds closed and it was really dark. My poor plants. I turned on a floor lamp. "This is a nice place. I mean, all of these apartments are nice, but yours is especially nice. Cozy." "Thanks. Take a seat." "My jeans are dirty. Why don't we sit in the kitchen?" "Sure. Want something to drink?" "Got beer?" I didn't. "No, but I've got bottles of seltzer water that are nice and cold." "Perfect." I brought us both one and we sat in a nice contented minute of silence. "What do you do?" "I work for an ad agency writing copy. I usually bring work home with me, but it's been a light week." He craned his head around and looked at my living room. "That couch looks comfortable. Is it?" "Yeah. I fall asleep watching TV there all the time." "Too bad I'm so dirty and sweaty. We could sit there and talk more." "It's okay. Let's go sit there. It's easy to clean." "I've got a better idea. I'll just take my clothes off and then we'll sit." He raised his thick eyebrows. "Sound good?" "No problem, but how much longer do you have left on your break?" "I'll 'fess up. I was done for the day before you even showed up. In fact, I was here when you left for work in the morning at 7. I've been spying on you for a few weeks now". "Oh. Well, great." This was progressing fast. He had planned all of this. I sat frozen at the kitchen table as he took off his boots, socks, jeans and t-shirt, placing them all by the front door and then plopped on the couch in just his white jockey underwear. I'd never clean that couch again. "Get comfortable and come join me!" Oh how I wished I had beer in the fridge. I stripped down to my underwear just like he had done, and carried our bottles of water into the living room, but specifically made a point of not using the coasters. I'm not sure why. I turned the TV on and scrolled the channels until I found one of those ghost-hunting shows. I clicked on that because they were usually boring and quiet with some interesting stuff thrown in once and awhile. "I like these shows. I think I saw a ghost once. It was in my grandma's house." I didn't really listen to the rest of his story because I was looking at his insanely hairy body. I'd never seen so much body hair on a person. I also kept staring at the big bare feet he had propped up on my coffee table. They were at least size 14 or maybe bigger. Realizing I was staring at his feet, he asked "Do you mind that I put my feet up?" "No. I was admiring them." "Well, they're beat up and calloused as hell. Size 15, but the myth isn't true. My dick is much smaller than my shoes." Before I could respond, he took my hand and put it directly on his crotch. It wasn't big, but it was rock hard. Pulling it out, he presented himself for my inspection. His dick was short but very fat ... and an angry shade of red. He stood up and removed his underwear, dropping his shorts with his other clothing. Now I had a clear view of his perfect round ass, which was so hairy I could barely see his ass crack. Taking his seat, he pulled me down to suck on his little mad monster. I did, and it felt natural. I could smell clean sweat and that got me excited. I bobbed my head and sucked with all the sudden passion I felt. I sucked his cock for both of us, in equal measure. I wanted to keep going for hours, but he lifted me off and saying "I'm getting too close." "We could go to my bedroom," I offered. "No. This is good right here. Just lay back'. I did...with a throw pillow under my head. "Wait. Lift your head up and let me put that pillow under your ass." Sure. What ever, I thought. Why not? That's when the sex started. He was trying to slip his fat, stubby cock into my ass. This was, after all, gay sex. The sensation of his forced entry might be described as a combination of a bad burn and a bad cut. I wanted it to stop and was about to tell him as much, but he was focused so fiercely and getting in there, and I specifically remembered him commenting how much he liked to fuck, and so I tried to relax and let him do his thing. It was uncomfortable for just a minute more, but then I reached around and gave him a full body hug as he pumped. His hair felt so good, almost as if I was drowning in pubes, if that makes sense at all. "I'm going to cum in you," he announced. "YES! Do it, man!" "My dick isn't all that clean, and my cum is hazardous. Now think about it and tell me one more time that you want it. Hurry." What? Surely he didn't mean what I thought he meant, so without any exploration I answered "I want you to come in my ass!" And then he did. He was still and his body went limp. We stayed that way for nearly a minute. Afterwards we cuddled and hugged for a little longer. He made an excuse to leave and I was all alone. I had blood on my leg that I cleaned up with a paper towel. There was a big red stain on my couch, but I just turned the cushion over. We got together every day after that except for a week when I was sick with the flu. And then the project was done and he moved on. As the year went on, I noticed I was weaker and thinner. I never got his number. I walked the new cobblestone path late at night and thought of him. I wished and hoped, but doing both of those things is a waste of time.

The 90's I grew up in a very religious part of the U.S., in a very religious town. I swear there was at least one church on every block. Of course my parents raised me Christian, but it never took. I just never believed any of it. But like a lot of people, I learned how to keep my doubts private and play along for the sake of peace. I had gotten really good at hiding my true self...sort of. I was gay at birth,but never mentioned it. I tried to at like everyone else, however, my voice and mannerisms would sometimes give me away and the whispering really began in high school. I dealt with it as best as I could. I learned to control my body, walk and gestures better, and my voice deepened eventually. And then I graduated and went to college in a very liberal town. Even though I had more freedom there, I continued to 'play it straight'. There was a gay disease going around and I thought I could disguise myself and hide from it. Even though they were deep into Jesus, I still missed my parents and would come home to visit at least once a month. And as oppressive as this town could be, it was still very beautiful in the nicer seasons. There were huge, beautiful trees lining every street. There was also a great park built around a wide creek that ran all the way through the community. On Spring Break I came home and mostly hung out with my friend from high school, Annie. We would walk along the creek and talk about everything. She'd decided to wait a year before going to college to save up more money. So we went there most every day. One time I had to excuse myself and go to little brick building where the restrooms were. After I finished peeing, I checked out the stalls for interesting graffiti. I'd long been fascinated with graffiti even though it usually just consisted of crude drawings of big dicks and the occasional 'suck me'. In the very last toilet stall I found something more interesting: I come here every day at noon to jack off. Would like a blow job My mind raced. What time was it? Oh, it was already 4 in the afternoon. I felt a mixture of relief and regret. Annie and I continued walking, but I didn't talk much. "Why are you so quiet?" "I'm just thinking. What are you doing tomorrow?" "Ugh. I have to work from open to close on Thursdays. But maybe we can go to the drive-in on Friday?" "What's playing?" "Something crappy. It'll be fun. I need to get home pretty soon, Aaron". "OK. I'll walk you to 12th street". The day ended. I ate dinner with my folks and we watched some sitcoms for awhile. I usually stayed up for Letterman, but that night I just showered and went to bed. I lied in the dark and tried to imagine the guy who'd left that writing on the stall wall. I didn't picture a hunk. I pictured a fat, ugly park worker in coveralls with a small dick. I didn't imagine it being like a sexy porn scene, but that didn't keep me from tossing and turning all night. I didn't get up until 10 the next morning. I had to go there. I had to see. An hour later I walked to the park and sat myself at a picnic table almost 20 yards away from the restrooms. I brought a soda and a book with me because I could always just say I came to the park to read. I had a clear view of whoever went inside around noon. 11:40 am I felt some fatigue from not sleeping very well, but tried to read my book. It was hard to make sense of any of the story because I kept checking my watch. It was a stupid novel I'd found at home and I was getting more tired just reading it. 12:01 pm And then a beat-up pickup drove up and parked illegally right there next to the curb. If this wasn't him, it had to be a bizarre coincidence. A super-tall, skinny guy hauled himself out. He was mostly bald, but he looked familiar for some reason. He walked up to the bathrooms, but paused before entering. He looked right at me. I knew him! Todd Robbins. He was in my graduating class. He was a total jock who was among the most popular guys in school. He was a star basketball player, and I'd heard he'd gotten a scholarship to UCLA. Back then, he had a head full of perfect blond curls and the most athletic frame I'd ever seen. All of the girls (and probably a few boys -- including me) were hopelessly in love with him. What had happened? He was still standing there, waiting for me to make eye contact again. As soon as I did, he smirked and made a gesture with his head toward the door to the men's room. Then he went in. Oh God. That walk from the table to the restrooms was so difficult. My hips and legs were barely cooperating. I went in and didn't see him. I knew he was in that last stall. What was the protocol? What were the rules? I remembered that smirk and walked right to the toilet where I knew I'd find him. He was all sprawled out with his pants around his ankles. "Hi, Aaron". I couldn't believe he knew my name. "H-Hi." He was tugging on his fat limp dick. "I'm not getting hard right now, but I will. Let's take a drive". So of course I followed him out to his truck and we left. He held an empty beer can between his legs that he spat his chew in. There was no radio, so the silence was unbearable. "How was UCLA?" "Sucked. The whole state of California SUCKS BALLS! I tell ya'. My luck turned bad the minute I got there". "Like how?" "Like, that school was tough. Classes were way harder than anything we ever had in high school. Also I was only like the sixth or seventh tallest guy on the squad. And way down the list as far as skills go. I was so used to being the best that I got really depressed". "I'm sorry". I really was. "You ain't even heard the worst. I got hurt during practice -- hurt real bad. And so my back was all fucked up and they told me I needed surgery. I had it, but was told a few months later I'd never play again. Didn't matter much since I'd failed all my classes already. But they gave me some excellent pain pills. I mean, they were fuckin' magical. I was in no pain and always in a great mood". "Well, that's good". "Not really. They started to slowly cut me off of them. So I had to go around to different doctors to get more. After that stopped working, I had to start buying them off the street. You can get pain pills just as easily as you can get weed. Only problem is that they cost a lot". "How'd you pay for them?" I almost didn't want to know. "My parents sent me money every month, but then just stopped and told me to move home. So I got more from my grandma, but she's all old and shit and I couldn't drain her bank account. So I started working". "Oh yeah? Doing what?" "It was L.A., right? I was tall and good looking and hung. I made money being a goddamn prostitute. Decent money. I did some stuff I would never repeat to another soul". "Wow". "Yeah, it was nice, but Then I started losing my hair and lost weight and I wasn't so much a high-dollar guy no more. Plus I had so many diseases from sex, that I was spending as much on treating them as I was on painkillers. I figured it was time for a change". We were in the North part of town -- the part everybody called 'The Weeds' because nobody that was unlucky enough to live there seemed to care if their tiny little houses were surrounded by tall noxious weeds. The city didn't even mow the ditches or around the crumbling sidewalks. It was the sad place for sad people. We pulled into a gravel highway in front of an old mobile home. "We're here!" The Weeds. I followed inside and the whole place smelled like Skoal. It was also littered with dirty clothes, giant shoes and pill bottles. Todd walked over to the TV and found a bottle on top that he was looking for. He popped a pill and told me to come relax on the couch for a bit. "We'll talk for a while and then I'll be ready to rock". He rubbed the big bulge in the crotch of his jeans as if I didn't get what he meant. "When did you move back?" "Around Thanksgiving. I lived with my parents for a few months, but they got pissed about all the missing money they kept discovering. Right before they kicked me out, a buddy and I cleared the house of anything valuable, pawned it and split the money. I was gone right after Christmas". "How did you end up in this trailer?" "Another buddy of mine owns it and lets me stay here. You'd be surprised how big the druggie community is around here". "Why did you write that in the park bathroom?" "Oh, I don't know. I bought some pills from a guy there and just wrote it. I knew somebody would go for it...just never imagined it'd be you". The lump in his jeans was growing ever so slightly. "You gotta realize the types of guys I'm used to dealing with. Fat, older dudes with wedding rings. Not young gay boys like you". "I was so in love with you in high school". "I knew that because you'd never make eye contact with me. Girls who loved me did the same thing". He kicked off his size 16 shoes. I stopped to realize that I was in The Weeds with my idol and was just waiting for his dick to get hard. No day turns out like you think it will. "You need a drink, but I'm out of booze. Wait. Hold on for a minute". He left and went into his bathroom. I heard a rattle of pills before he came back. "Kiss me, little man". He bent down and placed a big, open mouthed smooch on my lips. I felt a tiny tablet slide into my mouth. He wouldn't remove his mouth from mine so I just swallowed it. It was small and couldn't be that bad. Plus -- I'd been kissed by The Todd Robbins. "Sit down. I'm ready". I sat and watched him peel off his socks and jeans. He pulled his underwear down a bit and the most beautiful cock in the world popped up. It was amazing to just look at at. "I'm ready for my blow job now, Aaron". I bent over and took the fat head in my mouth. I really had no idea what I was doing, but knew I wanted to take the whole thing if I could. I couldn't. I tried and tried, but couldn't go more than about two inches down. "That felt nice, but let's go get more comfortable in the bed". His "bed" was just a bare mattress on the floor. "Take some clothes off, Baby. You'll feel better". I took off everything and then sat down on the mattress. "Lie back. We're going to 69 for a little while". His cock found my mouth from above and this position made it easier or me to take more of his fat cock. It even hit my throat a few times as he continued stabbing away. It wasn't truly 69'ing because he was so tall that his face was above my shins. He lifted away from me and complimented my natural skills. "You were great, but I need to cum and I can't cum that way". I lied there and noticed I was happy and a little numb. And sleepy. All those pollinating weeds outside were making me feel like a million bucks. "I need to fuck you. How are you feeling?" "The weeds are wonderful. They're not poisonous at all." "OK. You're gone. Just get ready". My legs were way up in the air and I laughed at my toes. Todd had positioned his hips with my mine and that insistent dick of his wanted to enter me through the butt hole. MY butt hole. Fine fine. Whatever. He pushed that monster in and in, and I only briefly felt pain. It was an intense pain -- like a tearing, but it went away -- thanks to the weed pollen. I wanted to live in a field of giant weeds. He was sweating profusely and pumping away, trying to get his cum to get out. I wanted to help him. I grabbed him around his narrow waist and pulled him down into me. He was breathing extra hard now and then suddenly he was completely still. I felt warm pulses of him going through me. He looked at me from above and smiled. "That was the best fuck I've ever had, Aaron". I grinned back and wanted him to kiss me, but he was already up and cleaning himself at his bathroom sink. "Let's go watch some TV until you come down a little and I can take you home'. As I tried to get up and dress myself, I noticed I had blood all over my butt and thighs, Well, the weeds demanded some sacrifice I guess. I didn't begrudge them some blood. Todd brought me some wet washcloths and I wiped up as best I could. After I got completely dressed I joined him out on the couch. He wasn't dressed at all and lying out he full length of it. I sat at the end and put his big bare feet on my lap. There was some dumb show on...one of those stupid prank shows where dumbass guys put firecrackers in their nostrils or whatever. I massaged his toes and soles which caused him to moan with pleasure. 'How are you feeling, Aaron?" "I'm doing great. Perfect". "Still feeling those weeds in you?" "Not as much now. I think the wind shifted or something". "OK. I'll give you another minute or two. Now might be the time to tell you something. I probably gave you HIV just now. It's won't be AIDS for a long time. And also herpes which is no big deal". I felt the last of the weed pollen leave my brain. Suddenly I was coldly aware of what I'd just done. Holy shit! I sat mutely as he went and got dressed. He drove me to my house and left me there. It was early evening and Dad was in the front yard spraying for dandelions. I went up to my room, lied in bed and cried a little. i also wandered if I'd go back to the park tomorrow.

1997 Damon was still pissed that he didn't know who had pozzed him. He had a whole collection of things that pissed him off, but I was used to it. Since I was a kid, I collected friends who were pretty much fucked up. I mean. I've befriended all the castoffs society tries to ignore. Drop-outs, burn-outs, addicts, etc. Somebody once told me it was because I gave off a very stabilizing vibe, but I doubt that. I was am far from perfect. For instance -- I hadn't really figured out my sexuality yet and I was already 24 years old. Maybe I was the one attracted to them. Maybe I used their lives to distract me from my own. Let's not get into that shit now. Back to my friend, Damon.... He lived in my apartment building and we became friends almost immediately. He was a tiny, dark-haired guy who never stopped talking. Not ever. In between all his chatter, he was drinking gin. He was trying to explain to me why it was so infuriating that he didn't know who gave him HIV. "It's like if I was a woman and didn't know who fathered the baby I was carrying. I bet it happened at Steve's party. Or the baths. Damn, I really shouldn't drink so much". No, he really shouldn't. For starters, he was always horny -- and he'd already accumulated his second DUI. He needed rides everywhere after they took his license. I mostly drove him to the liquor store and to his AA meetings (court-mandated). He'd found a twice-weekly meeting that was for gay HIV+ alcoholic men. Who knew such a gathering occurred in our medium-sized city? But he found it and it wasn't far from us. A thought popped into my head one night while I was waiting to pick him up.... "How'd it go?", I asked when he got in my car. "So depressing. Half of them should just kill themselves. I've heard so sad stories that I could write a book. And there's always new people who tell their tales like we haven't heard it all before. I can't wait to be done with this". "When's your last required meeting?" "I've got three more. but I can cut it down to two if I bring a guest next week. Will you do it? All you have to do is sit there and then sign a sheet of paper". "OK" Weirdly, the thought I'd had while he was inside was that I'd like to go to one of his meetings. Just to see and listen. He was so grateful that I agreed to go that he demanded we stop at a bar so he could buy me a drink. It was a gay bar on our street that looked tiny on the outside, but actually was nice and roomy inside. We sat a table facing the door because Damon always wanted to look for new boyfriends. He sized each one of them up, and I kind of found myself doing the same. A few of them were not bad-looking, but picky Damon dismissed them all. He also pointed out a few of the guys who had just been at his meeting, One was a tall, strange dude who looked like he was fresh off the farm. Everything about him was odd, but not unappealing. His big ears stood out like open car doors. He looked scared of the place, but had a desire for booze in his eyes. "Oh, HIM. He barely said a word and just smoked. I think he introduced himself as "Denny". He's an oddball hayseed". Of course it wasn't too long before Damon left the table in pursuit of some hunk. I probably wouldn't see him again for the rest of the night. Denny stood against the wall, drinking his glass of whatever. Then I formed a plan in my head. I went to the cigarette machine and emptied a few bills and some quarters into it. I came away with a pack of Marlboro 100 cigarettes. I'm not a smoker, but I knew how to open a pack. I walked up to Denny and said 'hi'. He looked surprised and then happy. "Hi. I'm Denny". "I'm Norman. Can I offer you a cigarette?" "Thanks!! I just ran out of them!" I welcomed him back to the table I was at and we sat. He was sexy in a weird way. I ordered us another round of drinks. "What have you been up to tonight?" He hesitated. "Well I guess your tiny friend told you I was at an AA meeting. I'm trying to make something of myself, but it's a struggle". "It is for everybody, Denny". "I got so many strikes against me already. I'm jobless, practically homeless, and on top of all that -- I'm going to die of AIDS. Plus I'm ugly." I reached across the table and touched his long, bony fingers. "I don't think you are ugly at all". "I'm not as cute as you. But I have huge dick...probably the biggest one you've ever seen. I think that's what got me in trouble. Everybody wanted it and I took them all on". I sat in silence, searching for something to say, "What happened to that little guy you were sitting with?" I scanned the place and didn't see him. My guess is he went home with somebody without bothering to tell me first. Damon was like that. "I guess he got lucky". "Want to go?" "Sure. My apartment is only a block away". "Let's go and watch a movie or something. I've got a bottle of whiskey under my front seat. Just leave your car here and I'll drive you back later". So I left with Denny. We got to my apartment and I immediately noticed how disorganized everything was. I had never anticipated this. Not at all. '"Nice place". "Thanks -- I'm usually not this sloppy, but I didn't know I'd have company". "It's cool. I have to use your bathroom real quick. Do you mind?" I pointed the direction it was in and then wondered where I could start straightening things up a bit. Denny hadn't moved. I looked at him with a question mark on my face. "It's right there in the hall". "I know. But I thought you might want to come watch", he said with a sly grin. I did. I was curious about his body. So we went into my little bathroom together, and I watched him lower his jeans (no underwear) and haul out the fattest, longest penis in the world. It was uncut so he had to pull the foreskin back a little. He started letting out a slow stream of pee as I watched, fascinated and aroused. Then the flow got more intense and he asked me to put my finger out a feel the stream. I did. He finished up and instructed me to taste my finger. I did and it was right then that I decided I was completely gay forever. I was no longer interested in watching a movie -- I wanted to get him in my bed. He had the same idea. We were there and stripping down in record time. "How'd that poz pee taste, Norman?", he asked as he removed his socks. I stared down at his ridiculously-long feet, and answered: "It tasted like Denny". We rolled around on the bed, kissing. He was an excellent kisser. He kept stabbing me all over with that giant boner. It could not be ignored. I lowered myself on the bed and took the head of this tool into my mouth. I had no idea what to do except what my brain told me: I sucked on it and treated it like my life depended on having it in my mouth. Denny got a little more forceful and started trying to force that monster down my throat. I gagged and then felt vomit rising. My nose was running like crazy and I wondered how unsexy he thought my skills were. He pulled out and tousled my hair. "Take a break, Norm". I lied on my back and gasped for air. "You have lube?" "Not actually. I think there's some Vaseline in the medicine cabinet". "Perfect!" He disappeared for a second and returned with mostly-full jar of petroleum jelly. He used it to stroke his monumental tool until it was so hard and shiny that it didn't look real. He then re-coated his two longest fingers and opened my hole and coated it as much as was possible. "Let's at least give it a try. I've never had a virgin before", he said seriously. He lifted my legs onto his skinny shoulders and tried to enter me. Tried. The head wouldn't fit in. I thought about just shutting all of this down and asking him to take me back to my car, but then he plunged right in -- the fat head plus an inch or two. I screamed louder than I thought I could. He bent down and put his lips over mine. I yelped and whimpered, but it was all muted by his mouth. He kept going further inside until he hit something up my butt. I guess that was the limit. He kept pushing into that wall, over and over. And he was getting faster. He lifted his mouth off of mine and told me to grab his butt. I did and pulled him down further onto me. And then his whole body tensed. He came. I felt a wetness that I didn't know the content of. Blood? Cum? Turned out it was both, but mostly blood. We both collapsed and slept in the mess. The next morning we exchanged all the contact information we had. We both wanted to hook up soon. As I was about to go change the sheets, the phone rang. Damon. "I already heard you left with that scarecrow with the giant ears. Did he spend the night with you?" "None of your business, Damon". "Well...at least you know who the father of your baby is".

1999-2004 Who knows how it began? Maybe it was the bizarre roommate I had in college that was into witchcraft (along with tarot cards, Ouija boards, candle rituals, sigils and everything else "magical"). But I somehow got really attracted to rocks and minerals. These items were as old as the Earth and I believed in their powers more than anything I ever heard in church as a kid. I bought books and haunted a metaphysical shop downtown that sold interesting stones. I liked them in their raw state -- right from the ground, not those shiny tumbled rocks. In only a few years, I practically had a quarry in my apartment. It sounds silly to me now, but it was a hobby that kept my mind occupied and made my living room look...unique. In 1999, I found out about the 'Gem and Mineral Show' which made the rounds all over the country. It was always in November and March, and always at the same convention center out by the airport. I went the first time that Fall and was overwhelmed by the scope and scale of it. Apparently, there were a lot of rock enthusiasts like me locally. Who knew? All the vendors had sections with tables full of beautiful fossils and mineral specimens. I spent a good three hours looking at everything. As much as I was drawn to the stones, the one thing that caught my attention the most was one of the sellers. He was a 6'5" handsome man, wearing an untucked shirt, cargo shorts and sandals. Big sandals -- I swear he had feet the size of an NBA payers'. Maybe I stared too long because he gave me a confused look. I didn't care because anybody that hot should be used to being ogled. His girlfriend or wife or whatever was there too. She asked me if I needed help with anything, and as much as I wanted to resent her very presence, she was just so nice. Sweet. We discussed some of the rocks they had and some of the rock books we had both read. Then I kept going back to the show, and always saw them. He was usually frowning, but handsome men look good no matter the expression they have. He always wore the same thing and his other half was always nice to me...even remembered me. At the next show, they had a baby in a stroller with them. I felt a sadness that's hard to put into words. He was also developing a prominent gut that in no way detracted from his smoldering hotness. He looked sad, though. When I went the year after that, he was manning his booth by himself. No wife. No kid. He'd gained even more weight, but still dressed the same and still looked like a complete stud. On this visit, he came to assist me instead of his lady. "Looking for something in particular?" "Yeah. I really want a meteorite", I answered. Stuff that fell from space was older than any other rock on the planet. It was as old as space itself. He had one that was pretty nice, about the size of a golf ball, but it was 600 dollars and there was no way I could afford that. The floor wasn't busy at all because the show was almost over, so we chatted randomly a for a bit. "Where's your gal?" He came right out and told me that she had left him and took the kid with her. "It was all my fault. I fooled around a lot, and was too stupid ti cover it up. I don't miss them anyway". "Where'd she go?" "To Hell, I hope. But I think she's in New Mexico somewhere. The only bad part about it, is that I have to load this stuff back into trailer myself. It takes at least two hours on my own". "I'll help you", I said instantly. He looked at me strangely for a second, and then smiled. "Really?" "Yeah, we can get started pretty soon because I think they're locking the entrance now". As we packed boxes and carefully put minerals away, he talked more freely. "I never loved her and I sure as hell didn't want a kid. I cheated on her right after that little shit was born. Maybe before -- I can't remember now. I was with both women and men. The dick wants what it wants, you know?" Oh yes I did. "What about you?" "I'm gay, but don't really do anything about it". "I kind of figured you were. Do you realize how much you've stared at me over the past few years?" "Sorry. You're just so perfect". "Never heard that before. Well, not lately anyway". As we finished loading the horse trailer, he asked me to come to his hotel room which was on the same block. "It's a really nice room. You can watch TV while I get cleaned up a little and then we can go down to the bar and have a drink". So that's what we did. It was more of a suite than a simple room. With a living room and everything. I sat on a couch and turned on the TV. My rock man disappeared into another room. For a million dollars, I couldn't tell you what I watched for the next twenty minutes. ESPN? CNN? MTV? No idea. He emerged, looking perfectly groomed and dressed like he was going on a date. He had on long dress pants, fancy leather shoes and a tailored shirt. Tucked in with a belt. And cologne....nice cologne. "Hey, I never even asked your name. I'm Miles". "I'm James". "Well, let's go get a drink,James". I followed his path to the elevator. We went to the lobby and across into the bar which was mostly dead. Sunday night. We sat in a booth and he ordered a pitcher of beer and a couple of shots of something. We drank and talked. "I hope you don't think of less of me after everything I told you". "Not in the least". I meant it. I was in love with him. "Well, you need to know more now". "Now?" "Sooner the better". "I want to have sex with you, but I'm tainted. I've got at least one disease on my dick...and one big one in my balls...and my blood". I reached across the table and touched his big hand without saying a word. Then he felt at ease all of the sudden, and we talked about other things. He wasn't all that much older than me and lived in the state next to mine. He drank another pitcher of beer all by himself, and I understood why he had such a big gut. We went back to his room and he found a movie that looked sort of interesting. He took off his shoes and socks and rested his big feet on the little table in front of us. He'd been standing all day after all. "Are my feet in the way of the screen?" "A little. But I'd rather look at them than the movie'. "Oh yeah? My ex-wife couldn't stand to see my feet. I always wore sandals to spite her'. He turned off the TV and led me into the bedroom. He was completely naked in a flash and practically ripped mine off. We were rolling around naked in that huge bed, kissing. I asked him to give me a hickey as a souvenir. He sucked on my neck before climbing on top of me. He was heavy and it felt wonderful. I could stay just like that forever, but he was already working that bigger-than-average cock in between my ass cheeks. That was fine with me, but then he pushed the head into my ass and I yelped. No way could this happen. Turns out I didn't have a choice. He was bigger, stronger and heavier than me. It felt like I was breaking in half. I tried to keep from screaming, but let one loose that forced him to cover my face with a throw pillow. "Sshhh. I'm almost done". As he thrust his hips into me over and over again, it began to feel good. I moaned. "That's more like it! Enjoy this!" He made a few quick jerks with his groin and then stayed perfectly still. He filled me up. Emotionally, I felt the need to go home, but he begged me to spend the night with him. I did, but I don't think I slept for more than a few minutes at a time. His huge feet were ice cold at night and they kept grazing my bare leg. He woke me with a big kiss and a smile. "I need to check out in an hour. I wrote my address and phone number on a little card and put it in the back pocket of your jeans. Please stay in touch.Please". "I promise". I got dressed and left. I'd think more about this after a long nap. Once I got home, I got undressed and noticed a lump in my front pocket. It was the too-expensive meteorite. I came back with one thing as old as the universe in my hand....and something new in my bloodstream. I'll think about it later.

Just don't get in or near your eyes. That can cause some serious shit.

(There are a lot of true bits to this story. I'm not changing names or too many details, because I'm pretty sure they're all gone now) 1987 During Christmas break from college, I decided to buy a cool jean jacket from the mall. I was so uncool in those days that I never got a second glance from guys or girls. Then I got contacts and was determined to spiff up my wardrobe. My lesbian friend Kelly helped me pick out cool clothes-- including a weathered, faded denim jacket that looked pretty much perfect. I felt new. And I was catching looks every time I went out. My self-esteem had always been fairly low, but it was growing a little day by day. The only thing I had to learn was how to return eye contact and make something happen from the connection. I was content just being noticed for now. Honesty: I was a gay virgin who grew up on a farm. I now beat off a lot, but had no idea what actual sex was like. I had a weird schedule my Senior year. I'd get up for my first class at 11 a.m., and stay up late into the night. This was really handy when I had to do wash clothes at the laundromat down the block. It was always empty except for a bum or two who went there to sleep. I was an art major and usually took my camera to get photos of them. One fateful night. the place was completely empty and I just sat down with my sketchbook and waited for the cycles to complete. And then a Hispanic man walked in with a box of donuts. He was my height, dark and smoldering-handsome. He went to the far end and sat at a little table to eat his donuts. I kept sneaking glimpses of him. He seemed happy looking out the dark window and munching as I dried my clothes twice as long as I needed to. I kept looking at him without even realizing he could see me in the reflection of the dark window. Well, this was a bust, so I put all my clean clothes in the basket and took then to the trunk of my car. I sat in the driver's seat and prepared to go home. And then he suddenly appeared at the glass door, looking right at me. I was a bit frozen for a few seconds, but didn't know anything else to do except just start the car and leave. And then. And then he started rubbing the crotch of his sweatpants. It was a signal. A gay signal I guessed. I hopped out of the car and asked him if he needed a ride. "Sure". "Where do you live?" "We're close. What's your name?" "Ross". "I'm Orlando. I guess I should have saved you a donut. Sorry". It was 4 a.m. I pulled up to his house which looked more like a shed. Turns out it was a garage he was slowly turning into a small house. We went in and it was kind of a chaotic mess. He quickly held me close and planted a big kiss on my mouth. My first kiss. Our clothes came off gradually. This was it. He wanted to get me down on the floor with just a comforter on it. I was all set, but demanded a condom. He seemed disappointed, but put one on. His dick was kind of small. It hurt a bit but then felt better as he pumped and eventually came. I was fine, but he was in a little pain because I was so tight that it tortured his prick. I apologized for his discomfort. He pulled me down to the makeshift bed and we slept. Over the next few weeks, we continued this..I had opened up a bit and learned not to tense my ass up so much. It was all fine until he decided that the condoms were killing his hard-on. "How about if I fuck you bare and pull out?" I agreed to that despite a nagging feeling it was not safe. He fucked me like that for over a month. A few times he forgot to pull out. Oh well. I graduated and moved away. Over an hour away. He didn't have a phone in that tiny shack, so i couldn't report the horrible flu I came down with.

Ask the questions you need to ask, and then make a decision. This is a decision you can't take back once you make it. Best wishes.

Near Wichita, Kansas, 1990 I grew up knowing very little about the world. I lived in a tiny little town just outside of Wichita, Kansas, but never went there unless it was to go school shopping with Mom. It seemed like a big, scary city and I was happy in my little burg with the parks and tree-lined streets and my pals. No danger. No trouble. As I grew into my teens and got my driver's license, for some reason I felt a specific draw to the city. If nothing else, the city had a couple of malls where I wanted to spend some allowance money on cool shoes and maybe some CDs. Looking back, I can't believe how innocent my needs and desires were, but that would change soon enough. I was having feelings that were really awakened when I saw my first porn magazine. My buddy Kevin had found a stash of them in his older brother's room. The one we looked at first was called 'Club'. It contained photographs of both women and men. Kevin was fixated on the vaginas and boobs, but I only focused on those dudes and their dicks. These were old magazines and most of the men were unshaven and had those great porn mustaches. After I turned 18 and had no curfew anymore, I ventured into Wichita more often. Right after the exit from the highway there was an small building called "Joe's Pleasure." It had no windows and somehow I just knew it was one of those 'nasty' places which exist only in cities. I passed Joe's Pleasure several times before I got up the nerve to cross the threshold. I found myself holding my breath, my heart was pounding, and felt unsteady on my feet, but I managed to walk through the door, even if I had no exact idea what I would find. However, once I could focus my eyes, I discovered Joe's Pleasure was essentially big convenience store, selling mostly magazines and video cassettes. Selling porn. There was other stuff too, but I went straight to the long magazine rack. I wanted my very own copy of a 'Club'. As soon as I began my search, the old guy at the counter came over to me and asked for I.D. "No kids allowed in here," he grumbled with a lip full of chew. I showed him my I.D. and he went away. I couldn't find any copies of 'Club', but I noticed others that were way more interesting mags. My God! They made magazines with just photos of men! I wanted to buy them all, but wondered where I could hide them that Mom wouldn't find. I figured just one could be tucked somewhere she wouldn't run across it, so I had to narrow my search a little. All the models were gym fanatics with no body hair which disappointed me. And no facial hair at all. As I continued searching, I was aware of someone standing near me. I figured it was the counter guy again to tell me something like "This ain't no library," but it wasn't. It was a man about my size who was smiling and gave off very good vibes. I knew he was friendly. "Finding what you need? The selection isn't great here." "My first time. I'm - I'm just looking around." "There's an arcade in the back, but there's nothing going on there." Arcade? I imagined pinball machines and video games. "Want to go get a beer with me?" "I'm only 18. I doubt they'll serve me." (Stupid Kansas law.) "It's okay. We'll go to 'Lou's'. I know the owner. He and I are best friends and he'll give us anything. It's not far. I'll drive." So I guess I was going. I followed his compact body out to a nice pickup and off we drove. I wondered what time it was, but whatever the case, when he said it wasn't far, he clearly wasn't kidding as we arrived at the bar within minutes. Leaning back in the seat to steady my nerves, my new friend reached for my hand and introduce himself saying "I'm Dan, by the way. Don't worry, I'll take care of you." "I'm Wally. Nice to meet you." Leading me into the bar, we took a table, and Dan ordered for both of us. I restricted myself to one beer as, as a freshman, I had gotten super drunk - having consumed only three quickly-chugged beers. So I knew I needed to pace myself carefully. Yeah. I was older, bigger than I had been back then, and I weighed more, but I was in a new place with a stranger. Caution seemed a prudent idea. While we were seated there, I had the chance to give Dan a close look. He had short brown hair, a white polo shirt and shorts, and he was definitely good looking, but what caught my eye was that he was exceptionally furry. Fur peeked over the top of his shirt collar and it covered his arms like an extra sleeve. I had also caught a glimpse of his legs too, and they were likewise hairy as hell. We had a normal conversation. He asked where I was from and told me about his life. Dan had moved here from Boston to be near his mom who'd just had back and hip surgery. He'd found a job quickly because he was a hairdresser. He told me about a nearby 'cruising' park, and suggested I check out some time. "I'm just a kid with a crappy car. I don't think I could race anybody." "Uh, no, sorry, that's not what cruising means. You're a bit green, aren't you?" Just then Dan excused himself, saying he needed to use the men's room. En route, I saw him approach the bar where he briefly chatted with a guy I assumed was the owner, Lou. No sooner had Dan disappeared into the men's room when a skinny little guy approached me. He seemed harmless so I invited him to sit down. "You're under aged, right?" "Yeah, but not by much." "Well, you landed a good guy. He's absolutely the hairiest male I've ever seen. Wait until to you see him naked! Are you going with him?" "No. No. We just met!" "That's probably best. He's got the recipe." "Recipe?" "He touched my arm and said, "Sorry, that's what my word is for HIV." Just then Dan came back to our table. The expression on his face had changed. "Hi, Grimley. What's up with you?" "Same old thing. I'm going to 'Fantasy' later. Will I see you two there?" "No," Dan answered with in a stern tone booked no argument. Grimley took the hint and fled back to his own table. "He's a useless little barfly. What did he say to you, Wally?" "Not much." "He's a pest and spreads a lot of rumors. I'm not leaving you here alone for the rest of the night." Dan had brought two more beers and some tiny glasses with red liquid in them. "It's called 'Hot Damn'. It's cinnamon schnapps. I drink it to celebrate. Drink it fast." I did and it burned like hell, but I quickly gabbed the mug of beer and gulped it down. "Grimley did say one thing, Dan. He said you had HIV." "Does that bother you?" I thought for a quick second. "No. You're my friend." "That's good," he replied as he took my hand into his hairy grasp. "I think I'm drunk, Dan." "OK. Let's go someplace where you can sober up a bit". He downed his beer and led me out into the night. I felt a bit unsteady, but really good. We got in his pickup and drove a few streets away before we arrived at his simple little house. It smelled like lavender air freshener inside. Nice. He led me to the couch where we started kissing. I had never kissed a man before and it felt so natural. We were fully-clothed except for our shoes. Our embrace got seriously passionate. True passion, such as I had never before felt in my life. He took off his shirt, revealing all of his hairy torso in its full glory. My God. He was perfect. He (correctly) interpreted my admiration as permission to completely strip off his clothing. His toes had large tufts of hair and his legs were insanely hairy. His crotch was a giant bush and I could only see his little cock head poking out out of the mass of hair. I took his whole body in and was awed. He understood and let me look as long as I wanted before telling me to strip. I did without thinking. "God, you're so young, Wally. I hate to do this, but I need to. I can't wear condoms because they tear my dick hairs out. Just lay back. And then he put his full hairy weight down on top of me. We kissed so long and I was lost in it before I even noticed that he had parted my legs and planted his hips right on mine. He was insistent on getting me spread wider. And then I felt the invasion of that dick that grown bigger. I yelped. "Shhh. It gets easier from here on out." I reached around and felt his very hairy back as he pumped in and out of my asshole. It didn't feel so bad now. He climaxed really fast. He stayed still on top of me for a minute or so. I found myself wishing he would resume pumping my hole, as it was much more pleasurable than I would have anticipated, so when he did resume, I was ready for the gift of his cock and the pleasure it afforded me. Dan I stayed in touch over the next few weeks until I left to go back to college. I left the area with memories and a little guest inside my blood.

Yeah--you need to bring up the subject, He may be too shy to ask.

I think you're on to something. I write a lot of bug-chasing fiction -- and I write it with my own personality in the bottom role, and my self-esteem has been really low lately. I guess you could be right, but I'm a special case. Some chasers are just after a specific goal. I've learned from the chat room that many of them are brash and confident. There are men in our community who just know what they want,

The Summer of 1992 was a personal low point for me. I'm not here looking for sympathy here, so I'll just report that I'd lost my job and was about to lose my mom. I was also broke as hell. I had to sell my car just to pay rent and survive. My mom had bone cancer and it was fast overtaking her. She'd chosen to die at home -- which was about four hours from where I lived. My older sister, in a rare moment of compassion, bought me a train ticket to my hometown to say see her one last time. She also sent me a hundred bucks which I immediately spent on booze. I'd developed a fondness for beer and decided that was more vital to my mental stability than a paid phone bill. It was a tragically nice day in July when I headed to the train station. I didn't bring much with me -- just a few changes of clothes, a book I'd been reading, cigarettes, and about ten cans of beer. Also the $80.00 I had left. Maybe train stations were nice places at one point in history, but not anymore. It was like a giant room filled with the same people you'd see waiting at a bus stop...only they were carrying black garbage bags filled with their belongings. I had a fairly nice duffel bag, but was in no place to judge. We were all among the defeated. I was way too early because it was my constant big fear in life that I'd be late for something. So I had almost two hours to kill. I found a mostly empty row of seats and dug out my book. Lots of people departed and the lounge was getting emptier every few minutes. I was deep in the middle of the novel when some guy sat down right next to me. What the fuck? There were plenty of other places to sit. He smelled a little sweaty and a lot like smoke. I concentrated harder on the pages, but this dude decided to strike up a conversation. He asked things like "what's your name?" and "where're you headed?" instead of making comments that I just grunt a reply to. I gave up reading and put the book back in my bag. "Nice bag. Is that a Reebok?" "No. Nike. My name is Arnie and I'm headed to Norton...to the South of here". I suddenly thought of Mom. She always said 'Don't talk to strangers.' It was by-the-book parenting, I suppose. 'Don't ever take rides or candy from strangers.' It was in no way helpful to a non-idiot child, but I still loved the old gal and would miss her very much when she was gone. I finally looked right at the pest. He was a few years older than me, dirty blonde hair, mustache and dull beard. I'd only recently admitted to myself that I liked looking at men more than I liked looking at women. I thought he was pretty handsome. For whatever reason, I thought guys were hotter with beards but I always tried to picture them clean-shaven. Would I still find them attractive? "I'm Mike. I'm going to Revitt City to look for a job. I think Norton is on my stop. Any work there?" "In grain elevators or the railroad maybe". "I can do anything. I can sell Cadillacs even". I looked at him a little more. He was very tall and thin, but with a slight gut. He was wearing a Cubs t-shirt and the most worn out jeans ever. On his over-sized feet, he had on sneakers without socks. I decided Mike was worth getting to know. We had a little over an hour to kill. Book forgotten. We talked for a bit. I told him about the reason for my trip and he told me about fleeing from bill collectors and people 'hassling' him in general. "I owe so much money to the hospital. I hope that Clinton guy gets elected so I can get some free medicine at least". "What kind of medicine?" "Lots. Hey I saw some beers in your bad when you put your book away. Want to split one now?" "Here??" He grabbed a newspaper from a nearby chair and unfolded it fully open, "We can hide it". I pulled out a can and we shared sips of brew under the guise of giving a shit about current events. We shared another and another and pretty soon it was time for our departure. I have to say that the inside of the train was cleaner and nicer than the station. Mike and I plopped down in empty seats right in front of a huge window. The landscape would be boring, but at least we had something to look at. I felt like taking a nap. "Hey, Arnie. Do they got a smoking section on this thing? I'm craving one after those beers of yours". We poked around and found that they had a smoking car. We found it and went inside, feeling the tracks speeding by beneath us. It smelled bad and was too brightly lit. We sat down and smoked greedily. He kept talking and I hunched over and looked straight down at the floor. I kept sneaking peeks at his big feet. Maybe I had more preferences than I wanted to admit. I thought I was being casual, but Mike knew where my eyes were going, He started prying his bare feet out of those old sneakers and resting his soles on top of them. "I'm always barefoot, you know? Most of my shoes are secondhand and never fit very well. You can touch them if you want". "Not here". "Gotcha, Arnie. Lets go back to our seats". We did. We had practically the whole car to ourselves. The seats swiveled and he stretched out his long legs on my lap. I puled off his shoes again and massaged those feet with all kinds of pent-up passion. Next thing I knew he was sporting a little fat boner poking out of his jeans. "Better stop now. Let's save it for our stop...it's not far now." "OUR stop? I thought you were going to Revitt City?" 'Not anymore. Not now. Now close your eyes and get a snooze in". He left those bare feet up against my torso, but I was still able to relax and nod off". I was out. And then there were dings and the lights that went up. We were in Norton. By the time I collected myself, Mike had his shoes back on was holding his grubby little gym bag of stuff. It was almost dark outside and I could smell a storm coming. Thunder. Mike left with me. I had no idea what to do with him now that I was the "host". My mom's house was only five blocks away, and no way could I take him there. I'd have to figure something out soon. We passed the park outside of the city library. It was a regular park with one interesting feature: a really old locomotive engine from, like, the 1800's or something. I tried to tell Mike about why there was a big-ass train in a park, but he suddenly pulled me to the ground. I dropped my bag as he pawed at me like an animal. "I need to fuck you, little Arnie." He was on top of me groaning and humping. I tried to figure out a way out of this. "But I've got bad news and even worse news and then really bad news". He stripped down to nothing His fat little dick was bobbing in front of him. "You can undress yourself or I can do it for you. Decide in three seconds." I stripped down too. I think I wanted this. He covered me with his sweaty heat and started talking right into my right ear. 'The bad news is that I don't have lube with me. The worse news is that I don't have condoms. Worst of all possible news is that I have AIDS". I was stunned, but not enough to freak out. Or was I? Then he pushed that chubby prick into me fast. I tried to yell out but his bearded mouth covered mine. He kept going. And going. I felt a few rain drops on my head and saw flashes of lightning. I dared to reach around and hold his bare ass as it pumped up and down into me at a really fast pace. I was on a fast track to a deadly disease. And then the stormy evening sky really opened up and drenched our naked bodies as he kept fucking me. Through the noisy downpour I heard him shout,"Here it is, kid!" He was finished and was eager to find his clothes and some shelter. "Your ass is bleeding like hell. Stand in the rain a bit". I did for a few seconds but then put on my wet clothes and made a made a quick dash all the rest of the way to Mom's house. The hospice nurse let me in and then went back to sitting with her patient. I showered and went right to bed. I'd go be with my mom for a while in the morning and then try to find Mike. I sat with my mother for a bit, but she slept most of the time. I held her hand and admitted so much to her. I kissed her forehead and left. Mike wasn't in the park anywhere -- nor was he in the library. That was it. Mom died 32 hours later and I had a disease. Like I said, it was a low point for me.

I used to have a boyfriend who loved for me to drink his piss. It's hot, I know. But urine contains all the stuff your body is trying to get rid of. For a reason. Enjoy, but don't overdo it.

(Based on a true story) 1993 I was at The Dixie Queen, ("DQ"), which was the sleaziest bar in my mid-sized city. I'd heard it called a 'cruise bar' and as a 'leather bar', but it was really just a place you went to when you were horny. Guys from New York or Chicago would laugh at how tame it was, but I found the place thrilling, and as it was located midway between work and my house, I went there quite frequently. The men who frequented DQ were definitely not pretty, and also didn't dress like models. In fact, most of them seemed a little dirty -- which was fine by me. Anyway -- I was sitting at a table next to my friend Brad with whom I sometimes went home. He was a giant guy who worked as a bouncer at DQ some nights. I had a feeling our friendship would soon come to an end as I know he wanted us to be actual boyfriends and I just knew it was not meant to be. Our nights together usually consisted of Brad cooing I was his boy as I sucked him off. He told me more than once that I was the only person who had ever deep-throated him completely. It's not like I was an expert or anything -- I was just so turned-on by his 6'6" frame and impressive dick and the safe opportunity to swallow his cum. The problem was I didn't want to let him fuck me. I also wondered how in the world I would ever take him home to meet my parents or my friends or my co-workers. Brad was just so big and sorta odd-looking. So we were sharing a pitcher of beer, and he was massaging my leg. Out of the blue he asked "Will you marry me?" I was a little buzzed and mentally went through all the possible responses I had in my brain, but instead of a carefully reply, I simply blurted "Yes." To celebrate, Brad bought shots for the two of us, the bartender and for a few people nearby. I swallowed the drink with a guilty conscience, knowing there was no way we would ever be a couple. Or could we? I loved his big body and his size 16 feet. I loved the taste of his cum which was always a little bitter thanks to all the coffee he drank and the cigarettes he smoked. I was also fond of the piss fetish we both seemed to be developing. A few times he'd unzip his fly and put a few squirts of urine into my drink. And one night, he pissed all over my discarded clothes on the floor so I couldn't leave and would have to spend the night with him. I should maybe really commit to Brad, shouldn't I? No. It would never work....and I knew that in my soul. The place started filling up fast. It was, after all, Friday night. Quite soon we were surrounded by rowdy dudes who had made the rounds of the local bars, and the ambient noise level prohibited conversation with even the person seated next to one - for which I suppose I was grateful, if only because serious conversations simply couldn't be undertaken. At this point I really needed to take a piss, to I mouthed 'bathroom' to Brad and disappeared into the throng. Good God, it was crowded. I managed my way through to the restroom and of course there was a line. By the time I was done there was huge throng of guys blocking me from my seat next to Brad. I stood still and looked around. I was near the bar so I made my way there to order a beer. Luckily the bartender knew me pretty well and went out of his way to serve me in this mess. (It pays to tip well.) I stood there and sipped contentedly, knowing I was already past my limit. Then some young guy touched my back and asked "Hi, having a good time?" "Yeah" I lied. "You look sad." "A few minutes ago I received a marriage proposal." After he looked me up and down he asked "By how many guys?" I smiled. He was probably around my age or maybe a year younger. While he was thin and wore glasses, I wouldn't label him a 'nerd'. "I'm Bobby and I want you to come join our party downstairs. I insist." "Well, okay." I never went to the basement of this place. I like nasty thugs as much as the next guy, but he men who went down there were always old and into bondage and role-play and shit I that didn't interest me. In addition, the basement smelled like a gerbil cage. Oh, and the staircase was so steep I was somewhat concerned I'd stumble and fall, making an ass of myself. But on this occasion, notwithstanding the amount I'd had to drink, I made it down the staircase without mishap and followed Bobby to a large table at which several guys were seated, and who were sharing three pitchers of beer. Bobby introduced me saying "This is ---- oh fuck, what's your name?" "Hi, I'm Curt." We all exchanged nods and greetings. I looked at all of them. Not a dud in the bunch. I was particularly attracted to one Latin guy who was bearded and and a bit chubby. He had the widest shoulders I'd ever seen on a guy his size. "Curt just got engaged!" "No, no," I corrected "I got proposed to." "Well, whatever. Come have a drink with us." Bobby sat me down in the only empty chair which was right next to the Latin I'd been subtly ogling. Bobby remained standing and would disappear every so often to deliver shots to us all. I must have been pretty drunk because I picked up one of the pitchers and drank from the rim of it. Looks were exchanged around the table, but I didn't care too much. Bobby stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders. "Don't get too wasted, Curt. We're all going to the hot tub now!" I took one more swig from the nearest pitcher and said, "Let's go!" I only briefly thought of Brad as we made our way out into the night air. Turns out we were going to a condo which was a short walk from the front door. I don't remember too much about the trip. The next thing I knew, we were all stripping naked around a giant hot tub -- or a jacuzzi. What was the difference? The bubbling, blue water looked so inviting. I was the first in, and the others plopped down around me. It was so nice that I was afraid Id go to sleep and drown. Somebody (probably Bobby) pushed a bottle of poppers under my nose. I took a whiff. It made me dizzy, but less sleepy. I looked around and saw all the bare chests. This was heaven. Then I noticed some bare cock heads popping up from the water like periscopes. And some toes. Heaven indeed. I felt the urge to go under water...and to float in this nirvana. I did. It felt like a dream. "Whoa. Let's get him out," somebody said. Several wet hands lifted me onto a wide wooden bench covered with white towels. I could still hear the bubbles. The a giant body covered me with hairy warmth. It was the big Latin guy on whom I had a crush. I might be reluctant to marry Brad, but I'd definitely marry the Latin who, at this moment, first addressed me saying, somewhat cryptically,, "This ain't going to be easy." I didn't know what he meant because I was busy kneading his big ass cheeks and enjoying the sensation of his controlling weight on my body. And then he prodded his big cock head into me. I yelled, but one of the other dudes clamped a towel over my mouth while somebody else secured my shoulders, preventing me from squirming away from the Latin who continued pumping my ass. Not once did it felt good. I tried to remember how hot I thought he was earlier, but it didn't matter now. Funny how that works? And it was only a minute later that he finished up with a loud grunt. Bobby whispered into my ear: "He's the biggest, so the rest won't hurt as much." The rest? After that every dude fucked me on that bench. And, as far as I could tell, not one used a condom, nor was even one of the encounters even slightly pleasurable. An then Bobby was in me. I remember thinking he looked much cuter without his glasses, and in any event, he kissed me passionately, and fucked me as vigorously as the rest of the guys, but unlike the other guys, I actually enjoyed being fucked by Bobby. Looking back I think his cock was ramming my prostate on each down stroke - which, of course made all the difference, and taught me why many guys crave being fucked. Afterward Bobby blew and we caught our breath, he helped me to my feet and we all dressed - in an awkward silence. I couldn't help but notice my legs were smeared with blood and cum. Bobby walked me out. "You've got several HIV loads inside your ass, including mine. We all do this to a different young guy every weekend, but I need you to know that you are very sweet and cute. If I didn't have a lover, I'd ask you out." "Which one is your lover?" "He was the second guy to fuck you. Let me drive you home, okay? You are out of it and still bleeding," he remarked, gesturing at my feet. A little trail of bright red droplets glistened in the deck lighting. Bobby dropped me off at my place, he promised to help me come get my car over the weekend. "By the way, I'm sorry your engagement didn't work out."

I grew up in the early 80's in a small town that was only an hour away from a fairly large city. My family rarely went there, but we got their newspaper every day. I never really cared about anything except the comics pages, but I discovered the "Arts and Leisure" section around the age of 10. I liked reading movie reviews and book reviews and I really loved the ads for all the movies they showed in the big city. It felt like such a gyp because my family didn't even have a VCR at the time. there was always one ad for a movie theater that always showed a shirtless muscle guy or some man in tiny shorts. The ad gave an address, but not the name of the place unless "Sizzling Hot Movies 24 Hours" was the name. I was well in to my late teens when I mentally decided to go to that theater one day. The ads were always vague but enticing. For around four straight weeks it showed this pouting, hot guy who I now know was Jeff Stryker. He became my secret fantasy boyfriend in those last years of high school. I knew I was gay, but had no idea how to BE gay. 1989 When it came time to pick a college, I knew I wanted to go somewhere in that city. And live there. My grades and my family's finances played a big part in me choosing a community college. Despite their somewhat humble means, my parents could be snobs and they thought the dorms were disgusting. "Like tombs made of concrete and painted in hideous colors", my mom declared. Dad thought there'd be too much partying and 'carrying on'. They agreed to put me up in a nearby apartment as long as it was under 250.00 a month and I got a on-campus job to help pay for some of my expenses. Deal! I found a place all by myself...only a few blocks from that nameless movie house. It was a studio in a sort of nice building that had virtually no smell. The neighborhood wasn't great and you could only park on the street, but I had a shitty car with no stereo, so I didn't worry about it being stolen or broken into. I moved my stuff in and nested a bit that week before classes started. I found a part-time job in the science building taking care of newts, salamanders and frogs. Feeding them was easy, but cleaning their tanks was a smelly hassle. I went to classes and met a few people who seemed nice. The studying and homework took not that much time....high school was tougher. So the weekend came and my only obligation was showing up to feed the amphibians at 11:00 am on Saturday morning. So on Friday night, I decided to go to that theater at last. I was only about three blocks from there and decided to walk. This was a pretty poor area and some of the streetlights were out and the sidewalks were crumbled and littered with broken glass. I didn't have an imposing physique, but I walked like a bad-ass who had been living here for twenty years. It worked because I arrived under the flashing lights of the marquis unscathed. There I was. I was at the no-name movie house .... finally. The sign was sloppily arranged with big plastic letters that almost properly spelled out "Deviant Pool Party" and "Leather Dungeon" and "Special Guest". OK. I was ready. The ticket counter was one-way glass and I couldn't see the woman who asked for twenty bucks. I was cool, though -- and acted like I came here all the time. There was no concession stand or the smell of popcorn. Just a simple lobby that made an attempt to look like a cinema entry. There were two doors....one led upstairs and one led downstairs. I could already hear speakers blare out the cheaply-composed music I always figured porn would have. I went upstairs. It seemed like a pretty sparse crowd down in the theater seating, but the very upper wall was crowded with guys just standing. As I let my my eyes adjust, I saw that some of them were making out intensely and about five were down on their knees giving blow jobs. OK. I just had to find a spot to be. I could lean against a wall as well as anybody. As I looked around, a couple of hands reached out and touched me...and then I was in a tangle of dudes. My crotch and ass were pawed and somebody handed me a full can of beer. I diplomatically removed myself from the impromptu molestation and made my way farther down the wall. I think I said something like "My friends are waiting for me. Be right back." But hey - I had a free beer. I strolled and drank it down. It was warm and tasted a little weird. I found a bare spot against the wall and got to lean back at least. I finally got a chance to look at the screen. Some muscle guy with a perfect ass was drilling a smaller dude on the side of a pool. It was a sunny scene and so I could see a lot of the guys around me. One of them was leaning against the back row of seats but has turned around to look right at me. He was a little chubby, but not terrible-looking. He had a handsome face, but with dark circles under his eyes. I nodded at him and he approached me. "Whatcha drinkin'?" I took another sip and told him that somebody had handed it to me. He took it from me and smelled it. "Well. Don't do that again". I grabbed it back and finished it off with one swallow. "Why not?" I was feeling just great. "Well, look behind you. Those guys drugged you so they could fuck you. Are you new to the planet or something?" I looked back and there was a small gang of shadows slowly moving toward us. "Come with me", this new friend said as he grabbed my wrist with his large hand and drug me away. We went down some stairs and through a door. We were in a whole different theater. I was confused and felt like going to sleep. "This is where they show straight porn movies. We'll be okay here for a while, but I need to get you home". I was tired but horny at the same time. I held my hero close and kissed him on the mouth. My first kiss. I reached around and caressed his ass and felt his dick grow through the crotch of his jeans. "Not a smart idea, friend". "It's the only idea I have". Over the speakers, I could hear some woman moaning in a completely fake way. "My cum is hot," he finally said. I thought that sounded sexy, so I started unzipping him and making a move to my knees so I could put it in my mouth. "Wait. Do you not understand?? I have AIDS! I'll do this, but you need to understand what it means for you". I had a head full of mud and couldn't really think of anything but sucking his dick. So I did. And he let me. It was nice at first and then he pushed a little too far in my throat and I gagged a bit. "Oh what the fuck", he said as he pulled me up and took my pants down. Before I even knew what was going on, he had his dick in my ass. My instincts ranged from screaming to falling sleep. I let it be. He was thrusting into me and telling me how sorry he was. Sorry? I was on all fours on the floor and hot cum friend was inside of me. He kept going and going. How long did gay sex last? I had to sleep soon. Then he groaned and held my hips to his crotch. "I'm sorry". I wanted to ask him why he was sorry about everything, but he quickly pulled me up and helped me get my jeans zipped as he did the same. "They're here." I yawned and said "Who?" "That posse that gave you the tainted beer. The bearded Mexican guy is poz as are most of his friends. I know at least a few of them carry knives. I have to go. I'm so, so sorry". I would miss him, but I really needed a nap now. I laid flat on the floor and had crazy dreams about men laughing as they fucked my mouth and ass. I also dreamed I was bleeding. Also hungry salamanders who would go a whole day without food.

Ever been to North Shore, Michigan? It's right on the lake and Canada is just a mile or two away. That's where I grew up in the late 70's/early 80's. It's a nice town and I lived in the nicest part of it. Sounds pretty ideal, right? Well -- my parents were well off, but they were cheap as hell. They spent money on the house, cars and booze - but skimped on most everything else, including me. I wasn't spoiled in the least. I sometimes thought they shouldn't have ever had a kid if they wanted to horde cash so badly, and I think they thought the same thing. But there I was. No take-backs. One good thing (and there aren't many) about having drunks raise you is that they let you do whatever you want. Oh, and also you could sometimes catch them in a happy buzz. Like the time I went with Mom to the store and she let me get as many comic books and "Mad" magazines as I wanted. I took advantage. And then there was the time my dad drunkenly insisted on building me a little clubhouse in the backyard, Of course he couldn't complete it in his state, but hired somebody to finish the project that week. I ended up spending all my time out there when it was warm enough. Sometimes I slept there and nobody noticed I wasn't in my bed at night. My backyard was right next to Edison Woods. It was small, but very picturesque--especially in the Fall. Around third grade I started to hear rumors about those woods. Some kid I kinda knew a little told me his older brother and his pals went there with flashlights to compare the sizes of their dicks. It was a competition that went on pretty regularly. For reasons I wouldn't understand for a few more years, I was fascinated. I wanted to see these contests! I remember one Summer when I'd stay up late at night watching flashlight beams bob around through the thick foliage. I kept daring myself to get loser to the woods, but I'd usually only get as close as the first tree. During Junior High, I started to hear more about these gatherings that took place only yards away from me. Somebody in gym mentioned that they did a bunch of other stuff there too. Like compare how far they could "shoot" and how much. Whoever had the most size, distance and volume won ten bucks. One kid said they did other things and had other contests that paid off more. I couldn't imagine, but sure spent a lot of time trying. That's when I knew I was liking guys more than girls. And I knew that meant "gay", but kept my mouth shut. Who could I tell? By the time I was 16 or so, I was obsessed with going into the woods at night and seeing everything in person. I kept creeping further into the woods at night, following the glow of the flashlights and the sound of deep voices. I once got close enough to see some silhouettes of tall guys (Seniors probably). But a stick cracked underneath my sneaker and I was afraid I'd been heard. I retreated back to the house immediately. By the time I was finally 18, I was taller, bulkier and the slightest but tougher. I had read that "Dennis the Menace" comic digest for the last time, and had discovered how much I loved raiding my parents' liquor cabinet. Wild Turkey was my favorite. I understood my parents' fondness for booze at last. I got it now. One night in late May, I got pretty plastered and decided to just go into the woods and join their party. I was stumbling a bit, but not too bad. I just followed the flashlight glow and the voices and then there I was....in the circle of dick competitors. They looked at me with the mildest interest. "You're too late, kid. We got a winner already". Somebody lit a camping lantern and I could make out faces. These were dudes in my class...plus one older guy I didn't recognize. He was a big guy , and by the smirk on his face -- I guessed him to be the grand champ. I'd missed everything. "This is Billy -- he's a returning champ, and he kicked our ass at every category. Probably because he's lived in Chicago for a few years. They teach you stuff in the big city". The other guy around my age asked "Why are you even here? Did you want to enter the contest?" "No," I said meekly, "I'm just sorry I missed it". Looks were exchanged. I stayed mute. I kept making eye contact with Billy because I guess really wanted to see his champion dick. He knew this. He opened his fly and let that fat snake out. It was way impressive. I cut across the dead leaves, knelt down and took it my mouth. I could taste so many things in that over-sized head. "A cocksucker has arrived at our party!", he announced. There were general cheers from the group. I sucked off most of them and tasted sperm for the first time...and over and over again. Billy watched with a grin. They all had really big dicks... and I bet it was a close contest. One of then said "I want to fuck his ass". Big Billy stepped in. "Nope. You're all going home now. It's late, and I have plans for our new friend here. GO!" They scattered. Then I was all alone with this big guy who had "plans" for me. He was muttering. "I've done so much shit in Chicago. I can't tell you the depraved shit I did -- with girls and guys, but I can tell you I picked up about four STDs in one year. Including the big one". I looked at him dumbly. "Do you know anything about anything?" he asked. "Not really, but I'm going to Northwestern in the Fall". "That place'll teach you stuff". "I bet you could too". He pulled off his shoes, socks and pants. He seemed to like the feeling of the grass under his bare feet. "It's nice out tonight. Get undressed". I did it without thinking too much. "Too bad I didn't bring any beer. Might make it easier on you. Oh, wait -- I got most of a joint left. He fished a cigarette-looking thing and a lighter out of his jeans. "Lay back". He made a sort of pillow out of his jeans and I rested my head there. I picked a few sticks away from beneath me. I was pretty comfortable. He lit up his "joint" and inhaled deeply. "I bet you never smoked before, right?" "Nope. I tried a puff off of one my dad's cigarettes once, and I coughed for a long time". "Well, this ain't like a cigarette at all. Just suck it into your lungs and hold it as long as you can". I did what he said, but still coughed. It tasted and smelled like a burnt herbal teabag. But I tried again and it went in better. He took it from me and said "Go slow. I don't want you too fucked up". We were both lying naked on the grass. He moved closer to my side. His giant arm wrapped around my shoulder, and it felt perfect. The moon was almost full and I could see all of his body hair and his giant, prize-winning dick get hard again. He sat up and leaned over me. "I never kiss guys, but I'm going to kiss you now". And then he did. My first kiss. It felt like something out of a movie -- and very perfect. And then he stopped and stood up. I thought he was going to get dressed and leave me there. But no. "I need to do this. Just go with it". And then he plopped his full naked ass on my face, I breathed in the smell which was a combination of sweat, soap, denim and a musk -- like from an animal. I thought he wanted me to kiss his butt. So I did. "No, dude. Put your tongue up in my hole". So I did. I liked doing it, and then I loved doing it. It felt like a favor to both of us. I could have kept going, but he got up. Then his full body was on top of me. "That felt so awesome....you have some natural talent, kid." "Now this part will be a little painful, but I have faith in you. You can scream a little, but not too much -- just in case". I was confused, bu then my legs were in the air, and Billy was pushing his hips into mine, and the head of that fat dick started poking insistently into my hole. No way would it fit. No way. But then he got it in and I yelped...probably louder than he was comfortable with. He put a giant hand over my mouth and kept pushing deeper. No way was this happening. Too unreal. But his weight was bearing down on me and the invasion continued. "I'm on the way in, little boy. Get used to it for a bit." I calmed myself as much as possible. The he started pumping. Hard. I yelled one more time before it started to feel good. It started to feel great! "Good. Good. I want you to enjoy this". "Yeah. Keep going!" He grunted as he thrust and then he was still. It was over I guess. I wasn't a virgin anymore. He rolled off of me and snuggled up against me. "I think you're bleeding. I felt it, but it will stop". I stared up at the trees. I was indeed bleeding, but let it drip into the grass for a while. "You are so much more experienced than you can even know now. Take it all to college with you and be like you were tonight. You've got stuff inside of you that should be shared ". I wandered how many of his diseases I had now. I should ask something, but I just wanted to go home, shower and sleep in my bed. He got dressed and I got dressed. "The next contest is in two days, but I'll be here almost every night if you want to come back". I did. I went into the woods every night for the rest of the Summer.

And so many men are deeply in the closet. They think a wife, a kid and a nice house are a nice disguise. But then kid turns two or three and the wife gets fat, and the guy starts to reconsider his life. I've dated a few married guys and was smart enough to just exit before it got complicated.

1985 As an only child, I was dreading college only because I'd be sharing a dorm room with some stranger. I'd never spent the night with somebody else sleeping only a few feet away. This would suck. I moved into the little concrete cell on the 4th floor with just a few boxes and a giant suitcase. I got there first and tried really hard to pick which side I wanted to be on. I decided it made no difference, and just plopped down on he left side. I made the bed and put away my clothes and waited to see who would be walking through the door. Nobody. It had been a long day, a long drive and I finally just stretched on on the bed and took a nap. "HELLO!" I sat up awake and saw my new roommate barging through the door with giant black trash bags full of his stuff. He disappeared and then came back with a giant boom box and a portable TV. He just piled it all in the middle of the floor and stripped down to his underwear. "It's so hot -- even for August". "Yeah", was all I had to add. "I'll clean this all up, but right now I just need to relax a minute". He was lying in his bed and I found myself staring at his almost-naked body. He was super tall and long...with almost no meat on his bones. He had really large feet with the longest toes I'd ever seen. Hid hair was scruffy and but not quite what you'd call "overgrown". I also noticed he had tons of severe scars. He had one scar that went from right below his ear, down his neck and across his chest where it met up with other wicked scars. Weird. There was also a really fat bulge in his jockey briefs which I just had to ignore. This was my roommate, after all. He eventually got up and started organizing his shit. He didn't finish everything, but most of it looked okay. It was orientation week and I figured there was enough time to settle in properly. "I'm Cole, by the way. I'm from Omaha". "I'm Tim. I'm from Topeka," I replied. I thought we'd shake hands, but he was already concentrating on getting dressed and grooming his hair. "It's early, man. I'm going to go cruise the sororities and find some drunken sluts". "Have fun", was all I said. "I always do". And he was gone. I all of the sudden felt homesick -- so I called home. I needed to hear my mom's voice just for a minute or two. She put my dad on the phone, and he asked about the drive and my gas mileage. We started to talk but the noise in the hallway was deafening. What the hell? I told him I'd call back in a few days and hung up. There was a party on my floor. Guys were hooting and laughing -- and it felt like something I should join. There was a keg right there on the carpet and people were pumping out beer into red plastic cups. I'd had exactly three beers in my whole life and gotten really sick, but I was older now. In college. So I started chugging it right along with my new neighbors. I met a few guys and made some decent conversation somehow. After the fourth cup of beer, I realized I was still a novice and should probably go back to my room. I turned off the light and got undressed. Everything was spinning. I was on a wild ride of alcohol and just had to endure it until sleep. The spinning stopped and my stomach settled. "YOU'RE IN BED ALREADY??!!" Cole was back from his adventures. I sat up and adjusted my vision to the light he'd rudely turned on. "How ere the sororities? " "Great! I got blown and and even a hand-job later. I almost passed out. I swear girls will go for any guy as long as he's tall. No offense. (I was what you might call 'short')." "None taken. Cool". "Are you too tired to talk a bit. I don't know much about you. Tim, right?" THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION IS ALMOST VERBATIM: "Well, I'm 18 and on a partial academic scholarship. I want to major in journalism or maybe English". "Wow. So you're smart? Know anything about incest? My dad used to fuck his little brother when he was a kid. And his older brother fucked him at the same time. They all shared the same tiny bedroom and just all fucked all the time". Holy shit! I was hearing this. "He told you all this?" "Yeah. He was a big drunk and used to keep me up all night talking and crying". I silently hoped he was an only child, but then he added "I think he might have fucked my little sister, or tried to. Can't blame him, really. She had huge tits at age 12. I probably would have tried to get a piece of her, but she bugged the shit out of me. She turned out to be a whore anyway". "Did your dad give you all those scars?" "Nah. I was in a car accident last year...a bad one. I was on the operating table for almost ten hours. You'd think I would have had one of them 'near death experiences' but I don't remember any. The good thing is they saved my life.....the bad thing is that I got HIV from the blood transfusion". I was shocked. I didn't know much about the disease, but I knew it was a big deal. "I'm sorry", was all I could say. "It's OK. I just have the HIV, but I don't have AIDS or anything. I'm fine". And then he turned off the light, stripped and went to bed. We said a few more things, but sleep was overtaking him and he started snoring. I, however, stayed awake for two hours. At least. Over the next few weeks we went through classes and homework and developed a routine. Sort of. He didn't seem all that interested in school. He wanted to go out all night and cruise for pussy, and then, during the daytime he'd lie in bed and beat off to his huge collection of porn magazines. He never even tried to hide it. I saw his enormous hard-on so many times that first month. I liked looking at it, but I never once watched him ejaculate. That seemed too intimate. He always wanted to talk (once his dick got too sore to stroke any longer, I guess). I'd talk about my classes and how nervous I was about midterms, but all he ever really wanted to discuss was fucking. "I almost got laid the other night by this chick at Chi Omega, but she got freaked out by my scars...and my big dick, I guess. I think I'm starting to get bad reputation around here". "Why?" "I don't know, man. I guess I told my operation story too much. Or maybe it's because I'm ugly. Look at me -- if you were a girl, would you let me fuck you?" "Yes", I said way too fast. He sat and thought for a minute. "Good to know. Thanks". I'll cut to the chase here: He ended up asking me if I'd let him screw me in the butt. I agreed only because he didn't have AIDS after all...only HIV. As desperate as he was to get off, he had a lot of conditions for this event. I had to lay down on my stomach with my face in a pillow. Also, I couldn't talk or make any sounds. He didn't want to hear a guy's voice. I of course signed off on all of this. But then nothing happened. Not for days and days. And then one late night I had fallen asleep reading my history book with just a tiny lamp over head. Cole walked into our room looking dejected. I dropped my book and turned over on my stomach. Did he even notice I was still awake? Would he do it tonight? My face was in the pillow, but I turned a bit to see him take off his clothes and grab the giant bottle of lotion he used to masturbate with. I expected him to turn off my lamp so he could pretend he wasn't with a guy, but he left it on. And then he silently climbed on my back. "You have no hair back here. I like it". Then I heard the lotion bottle's pump. He was lubing up his penis. And then a thick finger started pushing some of the liquid into my ass. I'd forgotten how big his hands were, It hurt, but I didn't make a sound. This was it. Wow. It was really about to happen. My first sex. I was all excited until that fat head started to push in. I wanted to cry out, but buried my face deeper into the pillow. "Holy fucking shit -- it's so tight." "You're a goddamn virgin. I'll go as slow as I can, OK?" He inched his way into my gut, and I probably whimpered a bit. "Fuck, I'm all the way in. Most girls can't take it this far. I'm close". He started pumping away and I have to admit it felt really nice. Part of my pleasure came from knowing I was with a man I genuinely liked. Or loved. He was quickly moving toward a climax...and then he was there. I thought I'd feel his sperm shoot through me, but I didn't. He stayed still on my back for a minute. And then he stood up. "You can turn over now, Tim." I did. And I saw his full, naked, scarred frame towering over me. I reached out and touched his hip and said "Thank you, Cole." He seemed confused and a little lost. "Can I sleep next to you tonight? No rules. You can talk". I moved over as he moved against me. Surprisingly, he was into cuddling and nuzzling. It dawned on me that he had never had any real affection. We embraced and a drifted off to sleep. That began a long month of the us having sex almost every night. His rules changed. He didn't mind fucking me face to face anymore. And he let me kneel between his legs and suck him off. I even got the chance to massage his big feet and put his toes in my mouth. We kept it up until semester break when he announced that he'd flunked out and was moving back to Omaha. I barely had time to process this change when he suddenly disappeared. I didn't have a photo of him or a phone number. But what I DID have was his virus inside of my body forever. "

I feels great....I jsy wish I didn't have to rush to the toilet to empty it out of mr do quickly. I'd much rather be pissed on..and maybe drink a bit.

I'm a fan of natural bush and unshaved men. Maybe it's because I'm smooth and don't have hair on my bod.

I have a theory. Most of the last few generations have been raised on porn (Internet, video) and have developed specific fantasies. I guiltily county myself among them. I saw a video on some site of Ethan Wolf breeding his poz load into a bottom and started Ok. You win. I hate fighting on the internet. I was trying to be supportive and offer an opinion, but had no intention of igniting a debate. I;ll leave now. Bye.