ErosWired

There’s no call to dis the OP that way - he asks a legit question. Not every guy whose nature is to serve Men is as far along on the road of self-discovery as some of us here who have come to embrace what we are. Especially guys who have been raised under very masculine-oriented role models may feel strong dissonance between their instinct and what they’ve been taught a Man should be and do. In such cases it would not be at all surprising for a guy to experience feelings of confusion, shame or regret after taking another man’s load into himself - even more so if he had to admit to himself that he loved it. I think sometimes around here we tend to be a little hard on guys who are closeted, questioning, or curious, just because most of us have been swimming in the deep end of this cum-soaked pool for so long we’re saturated with it. But very few of us started out that way. Some of us got introduced to it early - in some cases perhaps too early. Others grew into awareness and acceptance naturally over time and experience. Still others (like myself) had the self-understanding dragged forcibly out of us by Men who could see clearly what we were and, for whatever purpose of their own, took it upon themselves to shape us into the role and form meant for us. Whatever path a man took to reach this awareness, there was time along the way for reflection, and possibly doubt, and regret. My former Master once took a photo of me just as he had finished a very long session of rapid multiple forced orgasms mixed with different pain techniques - the details aren’t important - but what he didn’t realize at the time, and didn’t intend, was that he caught an image of me at the exact moment that I realized I was, to my core, what we here call a “faggot”. In that instant I knew it was the end for me, and only the beginning. I still have the picture. It’s not all that salacious, but it’s the most intimate picture of me that anyone’s ever taken. So cut the OP some slack, here... the question is a bone with some meat on it.

If you don’t mind my asking, you say you were trying to reconcile this with the types of relationships you wanted to have, which suggests that you were thinking in terms of relationships that provided for other needs besides sex - have you decided that you’re just going to abandon those ideas and leave those needs unmet? Do you mean that you have decided to spend all your non-work time searching for sexual contacts as a cumdump? What about friendships? Do you think you will feel isolated? Will you have anyone to lean on in hard times? I ask these things because I have no relationships or prospects of relationships, and don’t intend to look for any, but I have found that after you’ve been in service for a while and taken cock after cock after cock over and over and over, a kind of loneliness begins to settle in over you when you stop whoring for that session. The room you’re in or the street you’re on seems very empty and you’re by yourself there, especially if you watch others leaving with their friends or partners. I think there’s a real danger of sexual addiction when following the path you’re talking about, and I would encourage you to google it and see whether you think you might fit the profile before you decide for sure that that’s the future you want. In a way, the coronavirus pandemic has been a blessing for me because it’s made me pause and consider what I’ve been doing - had the epidemic not happened, I would have hosted at least four-five times and whored myself at three CumUnion parties during the time that’s passed, maybe 70-80 acts of intercourse, and the more I’m fucked, the more urgently I feel the need and duty to be fucked, and the more risk I’m likely to take to find the cocks willing to fuck me. You know as well as I do where this ends - in some utterly degraded condition, begging for cock and cum from the lowest dregs of human society, willing to do absolutely any vile thing just to feel the warmth of a cock in your hole for a minute or two - exactly like a drug... Be careful before you launch your boat into that current.

My former Master always used to say “Never means you’ll do it within seven sessions.” It occurred to me a little later, while he was pushing needles through my testicles, that he was probably right.

I’m sure she accidentally sat on that. Really, though - I wonder how often a patient tells hospital staff he or she ‘accidentally’ sat on an object that ended up so far up their rectum it couldn’t get out? “Um...sir, that’s a regulation standard size bowling pin you’ve got up in there.” ”Yeah...I...accidentally sat down on it.” ”You did, huh? Do you ever get your head stuck in there as well?”

Ah. I hate to have to break it to you like this, but I think most of the Men reading this now suspect that you’re a cocksucking slut. 😏

I hosted last night in a Louisville hotel room for the first time in three months. I came armed with two different masks, disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer, and cleaners to disinfect the room after each visit. This was a Saturday night in Louisville, mind you, at a hotel in the heart of downtown. By the time I left this morning, my profile had 138 views on Grindr and I had gotten enough flakes for a bowl of breakfast. Four, count ‘em, four guys actually showed up to fuck. Not one of them came in with a mask on. Ages ranged 28 to 58. (Fucks ranged commonplace to noteworthy, cum ranged slightly bland to very sweet - none of which has any correlation to being a Covidiot, at least as far as I can tell. We did no face-to-face fucking. One Interested Top asked for kissing and I reminded him of Covid concerns. The then asked if he could just eat out my ass instead ~~ *.? He was a no-show, though, It was not an encouraging return to service, and I may isolate a bit longer before trying again. But then, I’ve usually gone about two weeks between trips anyway, so it won’t be so bad. Maybe..

You know, it’s funny (not clown funny, not funny ha-ha) that you should mention gay clones, because I encountered some this evening as I attempted my first hosting in three months. Nine hours in and not a single cock through my open door. And why not? It’s not that they didn’t notice I was there - they lit up the apps, chatted me up, told me how much they were looking forward to fucking me... and then three of them in a row told me the exact same thing: “Oh - I’m out of gas.” They could come fuck me right now if I could help them with their transportation. If you want to call me a cunt, fine, I don’t take it as an insult, but don’t insult my intelligence. You have to wonder where they all pick up the same Identical excuses to skip out on hookups. Did I miss a seminar somewhere? They may not dress alike, but they exhibit traits of fecklessness, deceit, self-centeredness and inconsiderateness that now almost defines a type - a type of which there are far too many copies.

That’s very interesting. So you’re saying that for some Tops there’s a value-added component to cumdumps because their debased nature is actually a feature they enjoy exploiting. Given a selection, would these Tops choose to fuck a cumdump over a bottom with higher standards an a sense of personal dignity?

Be advised that the username you choise for yourself can be arbitrarily invalidated by BBRT staff, and your account access shut down, at any time. I am no longer ErosWired on BBRTS. This evening, just as I was starting hosting, my QuickConnect ad disappeared, my account access stopped, I got a message asking what I had disliked about their service (the kind you get when you drop a service) and then a notice telling that my username had been canceled at my request. It gave a code and said to call support with the code to reinstate the account. The woman I spoke to informed me that their new filter snagged on my username, which I have held on BBRTS for years, because it contains the word ‘wired’, now apparently considered a drug reference. No, the fact that I had had the username there for years didn’t matter. No, I couldn’t provide a modified spelling for ‘wired’ like ‘wyred’ or ‘w1red’. No, it didn’t matter that I had just paid for a six-month premium subscription. The only alternative I was given was to change my username to something else. When I expressed how inconvenient that is because I use the same identity across multiple services, she replied, “It’s just a word,”... and then hung up on me. When I finally got back on again after a long wait, I didn’t try to argue - I just changed my username to ErosElectronica temporarily until I can decide what better to do. But beware - if the drug-using crowd decides to co-opt any more common English words, your online identity may not be safe either. Oh, and you drug partiers who use ‘wired’ to describe your illicit actions - fuck you very much. 🤨

How do you process that, though? I mean, does it make sense that a man put his penis into something that genuinely disgusts him and fucks it? Or does that not matter at all because What they say means something else to you? Sorry if that question is derailing - I’m afraid it’s what my head does all the time. If the Top who said that were fucking me, I would (and do) have to restrain myself from pausing the Top’s rhythm to ask: “Now, when you say disgusting, do you mean...?” It doesn’t bother me if a Top thinks I’m disgusting or calls me disgusting if it amplifies his experience; I just want to always make sure I understand him. Top thinking is a mystery to me.

Oops. So the cum-colored hood doesn’t have the intended suggestive effect...🤔 Back to Square One.

Without any doubt. All to the good. It just leaves the complication that identifying potential partners among the homosexual population isn’t quite as simple as in the hetero population where secondary sex characteristics are usually reliable markers. That is to say: We have no equivalent to boobs. When the risk of approaching a man of unknown orientation was simply too great, visual codes became necessary, and, if you knew what to look for, marked the individuals in the crowd. Now that the danger is subsiding, the need for covert identification is also disappearing - but not the usefulness that the system offered. Just because we don’t have to hide anymore doesn’t necessarily make us easy to find.

Heh. Sometimes the doors haven’t been closed when guys have fucked me. Sometimes there haven’t been doors. Sometimes dozens of eyes were watching. Still no regrets.

Isn’t it ironic that in an age of acceptance when gays no longer have to hide in plain sight and make themselves known to one another with colored handkerchiefs and other codes, that the removal of the need to hide means we become invisible to one another? The clones are still there - they’ve just been digitized onto apps.

This question is actually a little broader than the title implies. There's a lot of talk on BZ about bottoms who host anon scenes in hotel rooms (waves flag) and the Tops who fuck them there. But just as there are plenty of hetero men who would never think of visiting a strange woman for sex in a hotel room, there must also be plenty of gay men for whom the idea of going to a hotel for an anonymous fuck with a stranger is an outrageous notion, beyond the pale, something only done by... certain kinds of people. If you're a Top who fucks anon bottoms at sketchy places, answers hosting ads for a quick shag, and otherwise uses such opportunities as they arise to get your rocks off, what's your philosophy about this? Why do you think you do it when others don't? If you're the kind of Top who never would, is there any reason beyond STD prudence or loyalty to significant others? Is there a community sense of stigma involved? Is there a stratification of the fucking world in which we cumdumps occupy a level considered [banned word] by some other stratum of gay society? I'm curious about this. I'm perfectly proud and content to service any man at all, yet I have a feeling that there are some who would not avail themselves of my service on principle.

I'm not sure I understand the question. Much of the confusion and angst that many go through when faced with uncertainty about their sexual orientation comes about because we aren't given a choice about same-sex desire - we don't choose to be homosexual or bisexual, we're born that way. So I suppose what you're actually asking is, why do some of us choose to accept a role that has some level of demerit attached to it - that of the submissive/receptive male to other men. I've actually thought a lot about this lately, trying to characterize who and what I am in relation to other men. I start with the lowest common denominator by looking at models from the animal kingdom. In animal behaviors, males generally either compete equally for mating privilege with individual females, or in cases where a group of individuals is gathered for mutual benefit, a single males usually compete for the top position, with the victor exercising all reproductive privilege; the vanquished either sneak a fuck where they can get it (at their peril) or do without. In either case, the natural imperative - the definition of male success and desirability - is to be the one who inseminates. Males who do not inseminate do not because their traits have proven inferior to the one who does. Humans have come a long way from our animal beginnings, but we're still animals deep down inside, especially at the fucking level. There's still something about our bodies and our genes that remembers the Old Rules, that males who don't inseminate must be weak, must be un-masculine, must lack good genes for breeding. And if they're not male, then what are they? Female? That can't be - they have penises and testicles, and they belch, and are stupid and throw sticks at tigers. But you know, there are a few of them who not only don't inseminate - they actually let themselves be inseminated. They let the One Who Inseminates wipe out the last hint of their manhood by fucking them like females and putting his better seed inside their bodies. It's almost as if they're evolving backward - devolving into something lower than either man or woman, something that has no role except to satisfy the lusts of inseminators. And they are found by all the ones who could have been on Top, and are used for their new purpose, and everyone now knows what they are and what they're for, because everyone has to have a place and a function in the order of the world. Theirs is the lowest place. Thus, by stream-of-thought we arrive at why any of us might look up one day and realize that others around him see him in as a member of the lowest sexual circle of humanity, dignity lost, and possibly regret that status. But regret that he chose it? I doubt that any of us have chosen this. I know that when a more dominant male penetrates my body with his cock and begins his motions, it feels like 50,000 years of evolution was designed to lead up to that exact moment. If in his sexual fervor he mounts me just so from behind and bunches up his haunches for true reproductive fucking, and then pumps his semen into my male pussy, an ancient truth has been told again, and I have played my true part in that true story. How could I ever regret that? How could I ever get enough of that? How else could I ever be so complete as I am as a piece of warm flesh that satisfies the Males? I didn't select this, but I rejoice in it. If I am a fag, then I will be the best fag that I can be for as many Men as I can serve, and give thanks for every moment. The only regret I have is that there is no way that Men can tell, just by looking at me, what I am and how readily they have me at their service. I regret that they will always assume that I am selfishly consumed with my own hungers and not genuinely motivated by fulfilling their needs. But there's no help for that - fags are individuals, and each has his own reasons for what he does. My reply here applies only to me; I speak for no one else, but for me, this is how I am.

This is very good advice. For my part, the only time I feel absolutely certain that a Top is truly enjoying himself to the fullest is when he is fucking me with obviously no regard to my comfort or whether I might be in pain from it, when he's bending and twisting and tossing me wherever he wants to get his angles, when his pounding is savage and his penetration is strategically deep. Men like that get a glint in their eye. When they fuck me like that, I feel so alive in that moment. If I could take that kind of fuck 100% of the time, I wouldn't hesitate, but unfortunately it comes along far too rarely. As @DannyBoyCMH suggests, I always have an out, but I would rather tear off my own arm than use it and ruin a fuck for a Top like that. I'm speaking purely for myself, understand, and not recommending it for anyone else, but I would rather be fucked in genuine fear and pain in a bona fide rape than bail out. I would recover from injury, but the shame of the failure would haunt me. That probably sounds nuts, and perhaps it is, but that's just me.

Following on this suggestion, I pulled out the ol' crafting gear and made this: A full hood with lace-up back, nostril holes and open mouth, but with a snap-on N95 filter mask attachment. The inside of the mask is pocketed so that the filter can be replaced (or, if a Top were to desire it, substituted with a popper-laced cloth...) The question is, would anyone want to fuck a guy wearing this? Would it be too kinky/creepy/squicky/weird/hilarious? I mean, I'm sure there's a certain type of man from the Kink school who would get off on it in a serious way, but looked at as a solution to the Covid problem, is it too much of a boner-killer? Too much like fucking someone in a HAZMAT suit? Does it make you think about the virus when you want to be thinking about cock and ass? I'll be interested in the replies.

😬 Ouch. Sorry to hear that. I knew my situation wasn’t just a premature decision to go in after I woke up from the anesthesia they used to try to remove it non-surgically and was told they had failed. I had to wonder, though, how hard they had actually tried - If they can perform a colonoscopy, surely they could find the damn thing, and if they could find it, there have to be ways to attach something to a dildo so you could pull it out without having to cut open a guy’s abdomen. Think of it like rescuing someone who’s fallen into a well ot gotten trapped in a cave; people come up with all kinds of creative solutions for that.

It might be just as interesting to ask how many men would not want to be thought of as a slut, and why not?

You bleeped “fuck” here, on BZ of all places?

Interesting that the sex shop was ready with advice on billiard ball insertion... but I suppose after a little while they end up seeing just about everything. My nephew worked at a sex shop once, and had a guy purchase a large dildo with a suction cup base, take it outside to his car in the parking lot, suction it to the hood of his car, strip nude, and begin fucking himself on it in full and open view of the busy Interstate traffic passing close by. The cops who arrived and took the (impaired) man into custody told my nephew he needed to come remove the dildo before they could impound the vehicle. That was nonsense, of course - it had been bought and paid for. But he came out with gloves on, pried the thing off and tossed it into the bushes. I know, I know - some of you guys would have taken it home, but I guess after you’ve worked at a sex shop a while these things lose their appeal...

This is what makes such a mishap particularly undesirable - you know you will be discussed, talked about, and laughed at among the medical staff. Even though treating a patient’s condition as a public joke is ethically unacceptable, there seems to be a tacit understanding that guys who shove things that far up their butt are ridiculous by definition, and therefore fair game. Leave your pride at the door when you enter.

Oh my... memories. Once upon a time I had a 12” double-headed dildo. I got quite practiced at taking it all the way up to the point that only the second head remained outside my hole. This was many years ago, when I was still very tight inside. One evening my ass got greedy. After I came hard from that cumming-while-impaled feeling, I reached down to pull on the second head only to find it not there. A finger inserted full-length up my cunt met nothing but cunt. Long story short, after trying minimal procedures and failing, the doctors told me I would have to have it surgically removed. With only one hour left before I was to be cut open, I went to the toilet, and by some miracle the thing suddenly dislodged and slithered out of me. Expensive lesson - A suitcase full of dignity I’ll never get back, plus $2,000 and change to the hospital. You can get 15-20 really good dildoes for that...

The word slut has its origins around 1400, in various related German, Swedish and Old English terms referring to men and women as unkempt or untidy. This condition came to be associated with questionable character, and sexual promiscuity. Today, the level of activity that constitutes promiscuity is debatable, so unlike in the 1950s when a girl might be slut-shamed for going steady with three boys one right after the other, a person now has to be carnal in a pretty juicy way to earn a slut badge. Whore, on the other hand, has largely always indicated a person engaged in illicit sexual activity - fornication, adultery, or prostitution. Indeed, whore was used specifically to refer to male prostitutes from around 1630. While Tops who engage in practices not discussed here that begin with ‘e’ might qualify for this term also, I don’t find them referred to as such with anything like the regularity of submissive cumdumps like me, for whom the gay world has developed a rich and colorful lexicon of terms that variously mean “unmasculine guy with no dignity or self-respect who lets real Men use him like a woman’s pussy/breeding animal/toilet, eats their jizz and his own too, thanks them for it and begs for more”. Which is all strictly true, but somehow doesn’t capture their sense of combined incredulity, amusement, and contempt. Slut is more a word one applies to a person - one tends to acknowledge the personhood of a Top, so the term may be applied to him. Whore tends to be in sense more object-based. Because it’s easy to look at a cumdump as a thing, or object, whore is a natural fit. Applying whore to a Top, however, implies a very specific kind of accusation. So much for the lexical analysis - Can Tops be sluts? Sure. The thing is, though, Top promiscuity is a badge of honor denoting virility, endurance, strength, dominance, masculinity, and all the other Man Stuff That Makes Men Men. Bottom slutting is not that. Though high load counts may bring pride of place among bottoms, that does not necessarily translate into admiration across the community.