Oh Amy I have felt your anguish for years too. Depression is a very serious illness --- it is the equivalent of a elephant sitting on you and time feels like it is slowing to a crawl.
You must seek out immediately medical help! This will not resolve by it self.
I wish that my truthful words would heal your mind and heart , but know from experience they will not.
You are beautiful and young with many year ahead to experience a great happy life. Ending it or doing yourself harm will not help. Two thoughts that have sustained me to continue on are 1) I never want my very last thought to be " I could have......" 2) I have a beautiful - smart grand daughter And I would never want her to think in a moment of dispare. " my poppa killed himself so it must be ok to do that".
Please write if you like-- and know that I do care.