Opportunity to look at AIDS up close

[NiceHard1]

I had quite an interesting, difficult experience this weekend, meeting up with a guy who I have seen on a few previous occasions.

He is a hot 24 year old cute HIV poz guy. We connected on BBRT a couple of years ago, and then met last March at the Black Party in NYC, and hung out dancing and having fun together most of the night and morning. He then moved down south for a while, and I flew there to see him for a weekend last spring. He moved back north and is living with his parents. He mentioned that he is working on addiction recovery, and I told him I thought this was excellent. I suggested getting together since he was back it the area, and would get a hotel near where he is now living. He did mention that he prob would not be up for sex as he is sorting out sex and drug use concerns. I was cool with that and would be happy just to see him.

In April when I saw him last, he looked great. But in when I saw him this past weekend, I was caught off guard to see that his HIV had progressed pretty severely. He was quite frail, had lost lots of weight, had rashes, and walked with great difficulty and with a cane.

I asked if he was getting care, and got some confusing responses, including that he had not seen a doctor in 6 months, to having an appointment in January, and the that he got some lab tests last week and was waiting for the results. I offered and would have been willing to take him to a doctor or the hospital if he needed it, but he refused and said that he was handling it, and didn't want to discuss it.

I'm sad to admit that I was struggling with how to best support or be with him, even as an HIV positive person myself. I know that I would not be able to get anything from him that I didn't already have myself, though when he indicated that he had delt with staph infections, that scared me a bit and made me a little more distant. We shared a bed and cuddled, but I was a bit reluctant and I know it showed. I am used to seeing asymptomatic people with HIV and have no experience with guys manifesting symptoms like this. I have a new appreciation for people who were caregivers for people with AIDS 20 years ago when this was the norm. Don't know how they did it, but they must have been nothing less than angels.

I could see "the looks" that we got from other people out at restaurants and our hotel. They either thought that he was drunk and stumbling, or suspected the truth and kept their distance.

He confided that he is scared by his situation, and wondered if he would be able to go back from AIDS to merely HIV. I assured him that he could if he gets back on meds and they are effective - that many guys have gone from being terribly Ill to healthy.

So while we were not really close friends it he first place, I'm afraid I've made more distance by how I responded, but wish to let him know that I'm here if he needs someone.

I also share the story to help guys consider their thoughts about wanting to choose to progress to full AIDS.

Please send positive energy and thoughts to my friend in the hope that he can recover and become again the hot sexy 24 year old that he is inside.

[not_sure_bb]

good vibes coming his way.

[TigerMilner]

Thank you for sharing this. It is important because like you pointed out, we don't really see this part of the disease too much anymore. Only the asymptomatic HIV positive guys who seem to be having hot sex day and night. This is real. Nothing sexy about it. Nothing at all. This is what happens when you get the virus and don't seek and adhere to medical treatment. I've seen this, but not in a long time. The reality is we have to take care of each other. We just don't really have to wait til this point to start.

[pipesmokin'manfucker]

Our choices often have unforseen consequences. What might seem like a good idea at the time may turn out to have been a very harmful and painful one. HIV/AIDS eventually negatively impacts not only people infected but also their loved ones and friends. I am completely at a loss as I try to fathom why anyone would deliberately attempt to acquire, or transmit, this dangerous and devastating medical condition. There are many things I am incapable of understanding. N. B.: I'm not sharing this to attack anyone or pass moral judgement on anyone. I'm merely expressing my bewilderment and uneasiness.

Edited December 11, 2012 by pipesmokin'manfucker

[toad2]

all you can do is be there for him but remember he has his pride the key when dealing with somone who is sick just be there when he needs help or needs someone to talk to being a friend is hard but being a human being can be harder

[HungBarebacker]

Our thoughts are with your friend, i'm sure that was not an easy thing to deal with for either of you. I had several friends who had full blown AIDS back in the 80's before medication was around and it was horrible to see anyone, especially a friend, in that condition and you knew they weren't going to get better, only worse. It was a depressing time and yes the caregivers back then were certainly Angels.

[rawTOP]

Agreed - too many people never saw or choose not to remember the horrors of HIV before ARVs. "Going full blown" is not a good thing.

Sounds like drugs played a big part in your friend's decline. And then add on top of that not keeping up with his doctor. IMHO, drugs (particularly Crystal) are the the big killers in our community. The question is how things would be for your friend if drugs weren't part of the equation.

[Hotload84]

A few years ago I had sex with a guy at the BH here in Philly who, as it turned-out, lived about 10 blocks from my house. Not quite a neighbor, but nearly so. In our post-coital discussion he mentioned he repaired computers, so I soon thereafter began using his services to handle software/hardware issues. I knew he was poz, but over the years when we chatted, he was always quite cagey about his medical treatment. While I was afraid he might NOT be receiving regular treatment, I didn't push him. Of course as it turned-out, he WASN'T on any meds, he did favor party favors, and yes, the virus was running rampant through his system.

In late 2011 I received a telephone call from his mother saying he was in the hospital with some sort of malady - and, as it turned-out, the guy spent almost all of 2012 in one hospital or another as the doctors worked to save his life. They have been fairly successful - even if process of healing is not complete. The example of his decline is the rare reminder of what AIDS will do - if left unchecked. He tells me he has sworn-off Crystal. I hope he takes positive steps to fortify his resolve.

[mike43]

sorry for your friend he sounds like a lonely and depressed person I hope he can get help maybe he's ashamed of his life style i have an aunt this way older lived her life ashamed of being gay cause it was tabbo she was an awsome person which I learned alot from she loss her battle with alchoism funny thing is I didn't even know she was gay until like 26 din't care she was my aute i love her and she was cool

[RawPozLust]

Sorry to hear about your friend. I've been healthy with HIV for almost 30 years through combination of luck, prudence and actively taking care of my health (and no drugs). I intend to be fucking and swapping my poz seed with other healthy pigs for many years to cum!

[einathens]

i went through some of this in '85 when my men started getting sick and dying. thank you for being there for him.

being a friend is harder than being a fuckbuddy. we all have to remember that sometimes a shoulder is more important than a cock, and a hug can mean more than a fuck.

[Mathieu]

Having been born in the mid 80's, I never really saw first hand or heard the difficult truth about AIDS. With the advances that came with increased awareness and the medical innovations in the years following the emergence of AIDS, many my age--myself included to some degree, I'm sure--have never come face to face with the reality of it. I think being sheltered from that, coupled with the desire that young guys have to drown themselves in the gay culture (mistakenly identified as drugs, clubs, and tons of cum) has led my generation to become either complacent or blissfully, if tragically unaware that the epidemic continues and doesn't discriminate.

Thank you for sharing your story. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been, or how hard it will be, but...well...I don't pray, but my thoughts are with you regardless. I won't go into technical details, but there have recently been cases of AIDS patients' conditions basically reverting to the point where the virus was no longer detectable in their blood. So there's hope, absolutely.

[NiceHard1]

UPDATE -

First thank you all for the positive energy. I was nearly ready to drive him to the hospital yesterday, but I didn't want to do it against his will. Thankfully, he got there today, and is now in the ICU.

A 24 year old boy should not have to suffer from AIDS these days.

I've told him that I am here for him if he needs anything, and I'm sure that hearing about all the positive energy from BZ members will make him smile.

Thanks very much!

[RawLeather]

People seem to forget they are not the only ones that are going thru these stages of the disease. I was once in your friends boat. I lost 35 lbs in a matter of weeks and my potassium levels were near rock bottom as my body was rejecting all forms of nutrition. Needless to say i had full blown AIDS. I would get tested but never would follow up for the results until the results got the best of me. I was scared but remained positive and here I am Two years later undetectable and living my life to the fullest. Enjoying what I always have. Traveling, Family, Friends and bare sex. I wish your friend all the best and hope that he too realizes he can live a full life if he takes his treatments as directed.

[HungLatinDom]

UPDATE -

First thank you all for the positive energy. I was nearly ready to drive him to the hospital yesterday, but I didn't want to do it against his will. Thankfully, he got there today, and is now in the ICU.

A 24 year old boy should not have to suffer from AIDS these days.

I've told him that I am here for him if he needs anything, and I'm sure that hearing about all the positive energy from BZ members will make him smile.

Thanks very much!

Thanks a lot. I mean it.

For a younger man with little education on the subject, it can feel like the end of the world. Having somebody like you, experienced and wise, can make a huge difference. I know, because when I tested positive, I had a man there for me, to guide me and teach me. That man changed my life, and even if we are different in many ways (redneck conservative/scientist, extreme liberal), and we are separated by thousands of kilometers, 4 years ago we still remain together. And my issue was only testing poz, nothing even close to this.

We need more men like you, willing to help and make other's lives better.

A big hug