What is the Worst Reaction You've Received to Disclosing Your Status?

[TigerMilner]

im so sad about that. i NEVER went to a bathhouse. and the thought of having to cut myself off and only seek poz guys is making me depressed. so NO ONE who is Neg has a chance to being happy with me??> its so hopeless.

This is absolutely NOT true. When you are Undetectable, you are the safest fuck out there. You are a much better choice than the "neg" guy who "thinks" he's "clean" but doesn't yet know he's been exposed and guys are starting to catch on! Guys who are undetectable and guys on PreP are the new safe sex. Negative guys are the biggest risk out there. You are in the club now man. You need a new attitude.

[fillmyholeftl]

This is absolutely NOT true. When you are Undetectable, you are the safest fuck out there. You are a much better choice than the "neg" guy who "thinks" he's "clean" but doesn't yet know he's been exposed and guys are starting to catch on! Guys who are undetectable and guys on PreP are the new safe sex. Negative guys are the biggest risk out there. You are in the club now man. You need a new attitude.

That's exactly the message I convey when a "client" at the bathhouse or testing center asks about risk reduction... right on TM !

[rawTOP]

im so sad about that. i NEVER went to a bathhouse. and the thought of having to cut myself off and only seek poz guys is making me depressed. so NO ONE who is Neg has a chance to being happy with me??> its so hopeless.

That's not at all what I said. I said, for the moment, you're not ready to deal with disclosure issues so stick to situations where you don't have to disclose.

For god's sake pull yourself together and stop being so hysterical. I'm about to ban you because you're starting to sound fake - like someone baiting the guys on the site. Enough all ready.

[Dick7un]

Learn to disclose and realize you have dodged a bullet if someone rejects you because of that.

Disclosing upfront will avoid you problems or awkward moments down the line.

[jtonic]

Hi. Thanks everyone for your clear answers.

I went to see my clinic (and therapist) and they said, based on local laws in Quebec/Canada, I don't need to disclose my status with a sex partner upfront if I'm undetectable and practicing safe sex with a condom. I didn't dare to ask on the spot, but what about bareback? I read in other threads that a poz-undetectable guy would appear to be a safer fuck than a 'neg' - even when bare-backing. Is this something everyone would confirm? And if so, does disclosure become an ethical/personal issue rather than legal?

[jtonic]

2 months living with HIV. I'm not getting good reactions so far. I lost most of my contacts. Most guys freak out or stop responding when I reveal my status.

[cam1972]

2 months living with HIV. I'm not getting good reactions so far. I lost most of my contacts. Most guys freak out or stop responding when I reveal my status.

Guys chasing the bug think that it is going to free them to have sex with anyone and everyone. For some, that may be true. For others.. Well.. jtonic tells the story. I've been told to eat a bullet, that I'm a threat to society, that I'm a waste of air and space.... It's not the proverbial cake walk that a lot try to paint it to be for some. There's no excuse for ignorance anymore. There are so many ways to become educated about HIV. Talking with a prospective fb online this week... Told him I was poz. His response: "Damn.. And I really wanted to suck you." I told him to get educated and ended the conversation. But... for every asshole out there, there ARE guys who have taken the time to educate themselves and are open to having some fun. Just have to keep looking.

[jtonic]

Guys chasing the bug think that it is going to free them to have sex with anyone and everyone. For some, that may be true. For others.. Well.. jtonic tells the story. I've been told to eat a bullet, that I'm a threat to society, that I'm a waste of air and space.... It's not the proverbial cake walk that a lot try to paint it to be for some. There's no excuse for ignorance anymore. There are so many ways to become educated about HIV. Talking with a prospective fb online this week... Told him I was poz. His response: "Damn.. And I really wanted to suck you." I told him to get educated and ended the conversation. But... for every asshole out there, there ARE guys who have taken the time to educate themselves and are open to having some fun. Just have to keep looking.

I guess the bottom line is "your experience may vary". I've learned that your sexual / dating habits BEFORE turning poz make a huge difference. If you're the kind of guy who meet frequently on BBRT, or perhaps, you go to saunas a lot or engage in anon sex, then turning poz doesn't necessarily change your sexual / dating habits. You would continue to hook up the same way, from the same "poz-friendly" places, and you'd continue to get off the same way you always did.

But I'm in the other camp. I was not a bug chaser, I never stepped in a sauna, I never engaged willingly in bareback sex. I only learned about bbrt after going to this forum. For me, turning poz means I need to change my habits - dramatically. I can no longer meet guys the way I used to (at least, not without having to live with a barrage of rejection). I can no longer meet just anyone on Grindr. In fact, I've been told repeatedly on this forum that I should consider BBRT / anon sex / saunas - none of which were part of my habits before. That's the difference: some guys won't need to alter their habits; others won't have a choice.

[cam1972]

I guess the bottom line is "your experience may vary". I've learned that your sexual / dating habits BEFORE turning poz make a huge difference. If you're the kind of guy who meet frequently on BBRT, or perhaps, you go to saunas a lot or engage in anon sex, then turning poz doesn't necessarily change your sexual / dating habits. You would continue to hook up the same way, from the same "poz-friendly" places, and you'd continue to get off the same way you always did.

But I'm in the other camp. I was not a bug chaser, I never stepped in a sauna, I never engaged willingly in bareback sex. I only learned about bbrt after going to this forum. For me, turning poz means I need to change my habits - dramatically. I can no longer meet guys the way I used to (at least, not without having to live with a barrage of rejection). I can no longer meet just anyone on Grindr. In fact, I've been told repeatedly on this forum that I should consider BBRT / anon sex / saunas - none of which were part of my habits before. That's the difference: some guys won't need to alter their habits; others won't have a choice.

Most definitely every experience will vary. Everyone has a different reaction to poz guys. It's the luck of the draw. However.. As far as BBRT is concerned, I have been on there for several years. It is becoming increasingly difficult to find guys on that site who want to fuck with a poz guy. In my area, anyway. For every poz guy in my area on BBRT, there are FIVE who state they are neg and will only fuck with a neg guy. Which, in my opinion, is not a well thought out plan. They can't know for sure the guy is neg. But the point is, BBRT can be a crap shoot as well.

[bearbandit]

Going back to the first it's the time I spent going through all the pre-fuck stuff with an American guy in the Block in London. After the first pause for breath (no sex in the bars then) a bit of conversation. As soon as he realised I was HIV+ he walked off without a word. From that date to this (20 years - fuck me!) I've never got into a sexual situation without the other guy(s) knowing. In clubs I've used the metal red ribbons, and as time progressed the precious metal ribbon that National Long Term Survivors Group give out when you hit ten or fifteen years (the drugs were too good: we stopped doing them after fifteen years). For parties or whatever, I've got my biohazard tattoo. No-one is ever going to treat me like that schmuck did back in the nineties!

All my online profiles say something about HIV. Yes that lessens my chances, but I'd rather fuck with someone who knows what he's getting into (and for certain guys, I'll even go as far as rubbers, like the guy with a dick bigger than any dildo I've managed). My simple message to guys who want but won't because of the HIV is "you don't know what you're missing."

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Guys chasing the bug think that it is going to free them to have sex with anyone and everyone. For some, that may be true. For others.. Well.. jtonic tells the story. I've been told to eat a bullet, that I'm a threat to society, that I'm a waste of air and space.... It's not the proverbial cake walk that a lot try to paint it to be for some. There's no excuse for ignorance anymore. There are so many ways to become educated about HIV. Talking with a prospective fb online this week... Told him I was poz. His response: "Damn.. And I really wanted to suck you." I told him to get educated and ended the conversation. But... for every asshole out there, there ARE guys who have taken the time to educate themselves and are open to having some fun. Just have to keep looking.

Wish you were in Wisconsin...

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Going back to the first it's the time I spent going through all the pre-fuck stuff with an American guy in the Block in London. After the first pause for breath (no sex in the bars then) a bit of conversation. As soon as he realised I was HIV+ he walked off without a word. From that date to this (20 years - fuck me!) I've never got into a sexual situation without the other guy(s) knowing. In clubs I've used the metal red ribbons, and as time progressed the precious metal ribbon that National Long Term Survivors Group give out when you hit ten or fifteen years (the drugs were too good: we stopped doing them after fifteen years). For parties or whatever, I've got my biohazard tattoo. No-one is ever going to treat me like that schmuck did back in the nineties!

All my online profiles say something about HIV. Yes that lessens my chances, but I'd rather fuck with someone who knows what he's getting into (and for certain guys, I'll even go as far as rubbers, like the guy with a dick bigger than any dildo I've managed). My simple message to guys who want but won't because of the HIV is "you don't know what you're missing."

That is a pisser... If most knew more about TasP the experience of poz guys might be quite different. cam1972 pretty much hit it squarely, with "neg" guys it really is a crapshoot. They think they are being saafe with other "neg" guys when in fact that is where most new infections come from.

[FillMyArse]

I was casually chatting about HIV and HepC with a friend, who is std-negative at his last recent test, to gauge his reaction on people who are HIV/HepC poz, due to my own recent HepC poz status (HIV neg but within window period of detection... getting tested again first week of August). He said if he ever became HIV poz he would commit suicide. I was quite shocked by his reply. Needless to say, I didn't mention about my HepC, but did have a rant at him about his attitude towards it.

And regarding the HepC, I've made my profiles on here/bbrt/nkp open about it. My views:message ratio has dramatically decreased as a result!!!

[bearbandit]

That is a pisser... If most knew more about TasP the experience of poz guys might be quite different. cam1972 pretty much hit it squarely, with "neg" guys it really is a crapshoot. They think they are being saafe with other "neg" guys when in fact that is where most new infections come from.

This was long before the days of TasP: We hadn't even got as far as protease inhibitors. But the event decided me that no-one would ever have the chance to deny that they were fucking with someone with HIV.

I've long said that the only two HIV statuses are positive and unknown. It's the guys who thing they're negative that are most likely to have HIV unknowingly. Not being a fan of STIs, I tend to avoid them lest they live up to their reputation of multiple infections. Get tested, guys, have regular STI workups. If it's available give long and hard thought to PrEP.

[lower_bucks_bottom]

2 months living with HIV. I'm not getting good reactions so far. I lost most of my contacts. Most guys freak out or stop responding when I reveal my status.

I had that reaction too, but after a couple of more months many of them came back