Lying To The Doctor

[socalboi88]

So after reading about PrEP on this website a lot, and thinking about whether I wanted to wait to get HIV before starting the Truvada—and the quarterly doctor's visits and lab tests—or start the Truvada before I got infected, I decided to start the PrEP now. I've been taking raw cock almost exclusively for the last five years, so I just sort of assumed I'd eventually convert, get undetectable, and then get back to taking raw cock. But I know there can be health complications with HIV, and it's permanent at least until they find a cure, so I guess the PrEP is the right thing to do, even if it's not all that different from taking HIV medication anyway.

 

Well the thing is, when I had my appointment last week to get the PrEP, I didn't tell them that the reason I wanted to start PrEP was because I love taking raw cock from random guys I just met online, and that I never plan on using another condom again, ever. I met with a nurse, a doctor, an HIV coordinator, and a pharmacist, all women, all very nice—very nice. And even though they said I could tell them anything, that what I said stayed there, etc., there was just no way I could tell these four nice ladies, one after the other, that the reason I wanted Kaiser to pay for this medication was because I just "don't really like condoms."

 

So I told them I had new boyfriend who had HIV, and that I just wanted to be safe in case the condom broke. They were all very happy for me having a new boyfriend and for me being responsible about my health, which just made me feel worse for making it all up. But when the pharmacist pointed out that "Oral sex without a condom is still unprotected sex," and that she was going to recommend condoms every three months when I saw her, I knew they'd really freak out if I told them the truth.

 

So I guess I lied to avoid the judgement, the stigma, the embarrassment, the look of disappointment and worry on their faces if they found out I liked barebacking, and the safe-sex lectures. And the lie worked, because I got the prescription with just a gentle reminder that "Blowjobs are sex, too." But now I feel awful for lying to four such nice ladies, and for lying to a health care provider.

 

I know everyone lies to their doctor once in a while, but this is a lie I'll be repeating every three months for who knows how long. So what do most guys do? Do they tell their doctors the truth, that they want the PrEP because they refuse to wear condoms? Or do they make up some story that they think their doctor wants to hear, like I did? Honestly I'd rather stop taking the PrEP altogether than tell those four nice ladies the truth about my sex life—which sounds silly, I know, considering it's a life-saving drug that most people outside the US can't even get yet, but it's true.

[Giftundpozempfangb]

I don't think I a doctor the truth would say, it's what no one. It then just happenedwithout knowing why.

 

[seaguy]

I don't think you did anything wrong really.   Because the end goal is the same to try and avoid getting HIV.  Sometimes it's just easier to tell them that you have an HIV+ BF so that you don't have to wonder if they'll actually give you the prescription or not, and it avoids the judgement or lectures.

[Guest ff-whole]

I don't think you did wrong... it is sad that we have to lie to avoid all these lectures and judgments...

I would do the same... It would be nice for a change if we could get prescriptions without all the bla bla... Tell me the facts what I need to know and don't ask questions, only ask the the questions or do the tests that are really necessary for the prescription to work.

[not_sure_bb]

you didnt do anything wrong really. But i never lie to my doctor or lawyers. 

[sinfuljock]

I'd try to find a good gay doctor. With mine I'm comfortable telling him everything.

[boy4you]

My Dr. ask me how sexually active I was and I told them the truth.That I sometimes have unprotected sex with strange people at the clubs I go to. They ask me if I want to go on PrEP and I said yes.

[lungfucker]

When I spoke to my doc about getting on PrEP, I just said that I wanted additional protection from HIV.  He didn't ask any questions, and in fact, praised me for being proactive.  Of course, I'm still waiting for his "back door" techniques for getting actual insurance coverage to get the meds to me.  The bottom line is that there is never a need to lie, and there is rarely a need for full disclosure of one's sex life unless there are actual health consequences.

[Guest ff-whole]

No there should be no need to lie, but where I live it's very religious and old fashioned and my doctor is female, catholic and not very modern thinking... When I ask for a blood test I see her already looking... so yes I can imagine that sometimes one would be inclined to lie a little as I have...

[socalboi88]

Wow thanks guys for responding. I guess it just depends on how comfortable you feel with your doctor and with telling them everything. The doctors and staff I've met at Kaiser are great, but they're all by-the-book and almost reading from a script sometimes. And everything I tell them gets typed into my permanent Kaiser record. So I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable telling them the truth. But I guess I'm not alone.

Edited December 22, 2014 by socalboi88

[subbytch]

Just a reminder: your doctors work for you, not the other way around. They aren't your parents or guardians. They no more get to make moral pronouncements about your life than the clerk at the shoe store does. 

 

Some people are comfortable firing their doctors -- I am; I've raised holy hell when I've been lectured to or condemned by them -- others aren't. If you are comfortable firing a doc, then you have every reason to be completely honest with them. If they are a good professional, they may advise you against a course of action, but they won't lecture you over it. If they do, byefelicia.

 

If you aren't comfortable firing a doc, really if confrontation isn't how you operate, then don't worry about it. They don't "need" to know you like taking loads from endless cocks. Take your pills 7 days a week and you will be something on the order of 99-100% protected from HIV. See the doctor every quarter for STIs. If you get one, treat it early and it'll cause you no more concern than a cold or, worst case, a flu does. 

 

I've worked with many doctors in my life. They are just as slutty as the next guy. No need to feel inferior to them.

[seaguy]

For some people it is hard to be so open with your doctor even if he is gay.  I know that I sometimes have a hard time being assertive with mine and that just comes from the fact that I have anxiety and its worse in a doctors office (white coat syndrome) so while I am honest about the important stuff like how sexually active I am I have a hard time just being totally open and telling all.

[pozpig]

I actually have a friend who recently (within 6 months) started prep for similar reasons. He and I talked about how to approach his doctor about getting it without actually coming out and saying he likes to be a slut on occasion. He for the most part told them the truth in that he doesn't use condoms. I'm pretty sure he left out the being a slut part.

 

As for me, I actually have a straight male doctor and although my clinic goes through doctors like you wouldn't believe (I've had 7 docs in 12 years). I'm completely honest with each doctor. Perhaps not at my initial visit with the new doc since I like to get a feel for how they are but every doc within the second or third visit which is usually monthly fully understands that I do very frequently go to sex clubs and have unprotected anonymous sex with multiple guys each time. Aside from the HIV aspect, there are other STDs to worry about and having a doctor know your sexual practices allows them to include additional testing when needed. I'm sure there are doctors who do judge their patients, and I'm sure I've had doctors who do, but aside from the "you shouldn't do that", they should NEVER refuse any options to protect yourself if it's available, especially prep. The only barrier in that case is whether or not your insurance would cover it and many doctors will find a way around to get you covered. If on the other hand you don't have a doctor willing to offer preventive care, whatever it may be, keep in mind that when it does come time to treat, it might also signal that they won't always do everything to help you.

[discreetmpls]

For some people it is hard to be so open with your doctor even if he is gay.  I know that I sometimes have a hard time being assertive with mine and that just comes from the fact that I have anxiety and its worse in a doctors office (white coat syndrome) so while I am honest about the important stuff like how sexually active I am I have a hard time just being totally open and telling all.

 

I agree here.  I have a gay doctor who is very nice and understanding, but I don't tell him quite everything.  I feel like the little white lies are fine, provided you aren't covering up health conditions.  For example, I say that I have a few regular partners but we are all open and they may be having sex with others.  That isn't quite the same as, I've had four partners in the last three days and god only knows who else they've been with or what their status is.  It's not a total lie to make it sound less slutty than it is, I'm still having multiple partners who have other partners, that's the part that matters for my doctor.  Yes, it would be nice to be totally honest, but I can accept that I feel a bit of shame still over being sexually promiscuous, and I don't need to dread the doctor as some kind of post-catholic confessional.

[socalboi88]

Thanks discreetmpls, I think that's what I'll say from now on, and at least get closer to the truth. I was going to say that in my first meeting, but I was afraid they'd give me a couple condoms and send me on my way, with no PrEP. But I guess they wouldn't cancel my prescription now that I'm already on it.