How Do You Handle A Bad Hookup?

[TigerMilner]

A man I hooked up with today has me wondering how other guys handle when a hook up is an asshole? I got a bad vibe the minute I opened the door and saw he was at least 10 hard years older than his picture and stated age. I was horny and not feeling confrontational, so I just went with it. I started sucking his dick immediately before he could have an opportunity to try to kiss me as I was not going to do that. He got hard really quickly then started forcing me down on his cock and gagging me, not in a hot way but in a way that seem overly forceful. I took it. Then I thought if I could just get him to fuck me that would be better. But he got behind and tried to jam it in dry. It was not working and I said "the lube is right there". When I said that he drew back and slapped my ass so hard I swear I almost turned and hit him back. It was not hot and it was not called for. It was as if he was punishing me for suggesting lube. Then he took the lid off the lube and poured about half a $12.00 bottle down my ass crack, all over my bed and onto the floor. None of it got on his dick. Then he again shoved his dry cock into me. He fucked me hard and violently. Nothing was hot about it because i was not into him and I was pissed off. Still, I wasn't feeling in a confrontational mood, though at several points I almost just told him this was not going to work. I have done that before. But today I just thought get him off and it will be over with. He pulled out of me as if to deny me the load that he knew i wanted and layed out on the bed and told me to get beside him and suck his nipples. Then he told me to lick his arm pits (he was wearing deodorant so licking his pitts sucked!) He was jerking his cock. When he got the message that I wasn't going to lick the deodorant off his pitts he pushed my face down to his cock and told me to beg for his load. I know he was purposely not letting me have the load. Finally he shot all over my face and shouted out a major grunt as he did so. I got up and got a towel and wiped my face off as he dressed and I got rid of him without much talking. All day it has been bothering me that I didn't kick his ass out earlier. 

 

I've met guys at the door and turned them away if they just weren't what I expected or weren't what they described and a few times I've told guys this just isn't working, I'm sorry, you have to go. It pisses them off but sometimes it just doesn't work.

 

I'm wondering how often does this happen to you and how do you handle it?

[RawLeather]

I've been in this predicament myself and just like you went with it. Interested in hearing suggestions as well

[houbtmbtch]

Dial 911

[NLbear]

Had a few dates similar like yours. Not really into the guy but too horny to refuse him. Regretted it afterwards. Should have send him on his way back. I think a lot of us had moments like this. Too horny not to let the guy in, 2nd thoughts later and afterwards feel like shit for doing it.

[VersatileBreeder]

It really depends on what kind of situation you are in with how it should be handled. Most of the time, telling a guy "this just isn't working," is the best policy, but if the guy is a real asshole, it can turn confrontational and the result might be bad. So sometimes, your idea of just 'get him off and he'll be gone' is the better way.

I had one hookup I can remember where I told a guy it wasn't working. What happened was, I was in a bottom mood and when this guy contacted me, we discussed what we were gonna do. He told me he wanted to fuck and breed me. When he showed up and we started hooking up, it was clear that all he wanted was to get sucked off and that's it. After sucking on his cock for 15 minutes, I started hinting that it was time to get to fucking. He didn't seem to get it. He was just like "keep sucking." And he wasn't even close to cumming. I'm not the kind of bottom that can just suck dick for days. I'll do it for a little while and then I want to get fucked. This guy just didn't seem to get it. After multiple attempts of trying to get him to switch from my mouth to my hole and he was clearly uninterested, I finally said "sorry this just isn't working." And even then, he still didn't get it. In addition to being inconsiderate, he really wasn't very bright either, which didn't help.

[Guest SBBOY]

It's an awkward and unfortunately common situation to be in these days. On the one hand you can be direct and either say in a message or list on your profile something like "If you don't look like your pictures or stats then you'll be turned away at the door" etc, but then guys will assume you're the asshole. The other option is to say "come over for a drink and we'll see where it goes" but I don't think many guys are into that either, they just want to get straight down to business. I've said "this isn't working for me" or "let's call it a night" before and the guys have been cool with that and left. However it's not always the easiest thing to say. 

 

But it does all come down to the type of guy, whether he's laid back, who will understand that it's not working. 

 

I definitely wouldn't recommend saying "You're not my type" or "You're ugly", I wouldn't want to hear that myself and would never say it to someone else. We're too judgemental as as a community and at times are too direct. Remember these people have feelings.

 

In Tiger's case - If it was me I would maybe send a message to the guy afterwards saying in a fairly polite way that you can't treat a hook up like that, you can't just force your dick in without lube, that I didn't appreciate the mess you made and it was definitely a one sided hook up and that's not fair. Maybe the advice will help with his future hook ups with others and spare the next bottom from an uncomfortable fuck. Although remember this guy knows where you live too, so careful what you say.

 

There are many problems when it comes to hooking up in our community. Some being personal hang ups or unrealistic expectations; some guys want it to be a porn style hook up, and/or the other guy has to look like he's just come off the cover of Men's Health, someone doesn't want to travel and wants to host only or vice versa, just wants to get sucked, PNP or absolutely no PNP, wants a 3sum with their boyfriend, etc... and then we come onto other stuff like "I'm not out (or married etc), I can't send pix" or the pix are very out dated, or blurry, or stats aren't truthful

 

We're a community that's great at being all talk, sexting, planning to meet but when it comes down to following through we suck (and not in the good way). There's always an excuse or let's meet later etc. I've been guilty of it myself at times. One issue that I have is I live with 4 other people, so hosting is out of the question. This limits me and living in London it's the same for other guys. Very few people can afford to live alone and host. 

 

And then we have location based apps, where the issue is that it's whoever is around you, who aren't necessarily going to be just the type we're looking for (unless you live in a big city like NYC, based in Hell's Kitchen and have a diverse choice available locally). Most people are just trying to kill time with these apps also and are usually busy doing something else when they pop up, like work, with family and so on. 

 

I think the best hook ups are likely to come from specific websites that caters to the fetishes you're into, where you can list and search on specific aspects/fetishes, have clear text of what they're looking for, face pix and VERIFIED is helpful too. 

 

Maybe someone needs to create a site/app where it's a requirement to update your picture at least once a month or has a review section, person get's scored on stuff like whether they turned up when they said they would, they looked like their pix and stats. I know it sounds very computerised but that's the way we're heading/become. So let's save time and develop technology to cut out the flakes and time wasters. 

[cam1972]

I definitely wouldn't recommend saying "You're not my type" or "You're ugly", I wouldn't want to hear that myself and would never say it to someone else. We're too judgemental as as a community and at times are too direct. Remember these people have feelings.

 

In Tiger's case - If it was me I would maybe send a message to the guy afterwards saying in a fairly polite way that you can't treat a hook up like that, you can't just force your dick in without lube, that I didn't appreciate the mess you made and it was definitely a one sided hook up and that's not fair.

 

We're a community that's great at being all talk, sexting, planning to meet but when it comes down to following through we suck (and not in the good way).

 

Maybe someone needs to create a site/app where it's a requirement to update your picture at least once a month or has a review section, person get's scored on stuff like whether they turned up when they said they would, they looked like their pix and stats. I know it sounds very computerised but that's the way we're heading/become. So let's save time and develop technology to cut out the flakes and time wasters.

I've said many times that we are a hypocritical community. We scream for tolerance from everyone else and demand not to be judged yet we are so intolerant and judgmental when it comes to other gay men. Or people in general. We could afford to be more caring. That said, I agree with you on handling the situation with a message to the incredibly rude guest. Yes, don't be rude, but I do think he needs to get the message across..... Then again, this guy sounds like the type that doesn't give a damn what the other person thinks. Who knows...

I just want to know when your app is going to be made available. Sounds like an incredible idea to me. I know I would use it. Hopefully someone takes the idea and runs with it.

[Guest SBBOY]

We could just skip it all and get married Cam1972?

[NLbear]

I hate it when a guy hits on me on a site without having any personal pics on his profile. Promises me to send a few through a PM. How am I supposed to know he really looks like that (after he sent it)?

What is so secret about posting any personal pics? Even if they are only body parts and no face pics? Body parts cannot identify you on the the street and to your family or collegues?

I do not understand people who want to have sex with you while staying anonymous and not show anything. You will want to know who you will being having sex. with.

 

It's the same on Xtube where you get friend requests from people without profile pics or vids.

@sleazy_Brit_Boy

 

You and cam1972 and I should form a triad. LOL

You can fuck him and me and get your specific kinks elsewhere when we are not in the mood!

[cam1972]

Well this all just became very interesting. I'm all for skipping that step. You're a sexy fucker, sleazy_Brit_Boy. NLbear...... All sorts of mental pictures popped in my head while reading your post. And damn...... Are they hot. But I have to say I'm always in the mood.

[tallbtm]

Like you Tiger I tend to be polite so bailing out is sometimes difficult if they guy doesn't get that the hookup is just not working. It's definitely easier if you're at someone else's place: You say, "Sorry, this just isn't working," get your things and get out as quick as you can. At your own place, it's a bit more difficult so I try not to invite someone over until we've talked enough that I know he's "normal."

 

Getting him off and out was probably the best and safest choice. But I feel for you... that situation sucked. Put it behind you and move on.

[ptyguy]

It really depends on the situation. Sometimes you realize that you need to be very careful and diplomatic because your trick seems to be a bit more unhinged and strange with every passing moment. You have to consider your safety in those situations but at the same time, you also have to find the quickest way to get them out of your house. These are the trickiest situations for me because the guys behavior is a complete turn off for me and if I am turned off, I am not going to want his cock in me at all! I naturally become really bad sex in that case because I am so turned off and the other guy gets turned off fairly quickly because he thinks I am awful, stiff and hung-up sex (and who wants that?). 

 

I used to try and be nice to the guys that are very clearly lying in their profiles by 20+ years and 75+ pounds but that also depends on just how badly they are lying. I have had guys show up that didn't look anything like their pictures...I mean...I was questioning if it was the same guy in the pictures. Those anger me. Did he really think he could show up looking nothing like his pictures or how his profile described him and I would be so horny/desperate that I would just go with it? When they are that bad, I am fucking rude at the door. They do not step one foot in my place and they know why. 

 

And then there are the completely and wonderfully hot looking studs that have a personality that just gets on my nerves quickly. These guys tend to think they are doing everyone they hookup with a favor because they are so hot so they do not listen to anything you are saying and quite honestly, they don't really care about pleasing you as well. It is all about them. I will let these guys know what is not working for me and if they do not listen and correct the problem or they just figure that they are so hot nobody would ever kick them out of bed, then they will get a reminder that something is not working for me and 15 to 20 minutes later they will be asked to leave if they still are getting on my last good nerve.

 

These days I rarely get together with guys I don't already know. I have my group of regular play buddies and I so much more enjoy playing with them instead of an unknown because my buddies and i know exactly what excites each other and how to do it. That familiarity makes for far better sex than an anonymous hookup. 

[twink-hearts-loads]

Tell him "you left something in the car" and then drive off. If he was your ride their or you took the bus then ask to use the bathroom & go out the window and run like Hell lol

[NLbear]

It's a problem when you invited a guy over. He knows your phone number and address. You have to be very diplomatic. And yes, sometimes it means you will need to get him off ASAP even if you don't want it, just to get him out of the house as quickly as possible. Just to avoid any problems later on as he knows your Phone# and where you live.

It has happend to me too as I said.

[TigerMilner]

It's a problem when you invited a guy over. He knows your phone number and address. You have to be very diplomatic. And yes, sometimes it means you will need to get him off ASAP even if you don't want it, just to get him out of the house as quickly as possible. Just to avoid any problems later on as he knows your Phone# and where you live.

It has happend to me too as I said.

You are right that the way to handle it differs when he is in your home versus when you are at his place or somewhere else. Fortunately this was a Grindr hookup so he didn't have my phone number. He does however have my gate code, which I regret. He also recognized me from my videos which always puts me in a potentially awkward situation. Maybe I should take the name TigerMilner off my profile. I have to admit its flattering to be recognized but sometimes I like to be anonymous. I didn't get a stalker vibe from him, just a sense of violence that I think he thought was dominance. I think men who get off on exerting dominance need to know that there is a difference in domination and in violence. The latter is not hot.