New To The Site And Sex With Men - Where To Start

[badboy69er]

Very new to the site (sorry if this is in the wrong thread!)

For the last few months I've been curious about gay sex (as I identify as straight and have never been with a man) I am very sexual so want to get adventurous just want to hear everyone's thoughts on what I should do!?

[drscorpio]

I split this off into its own thread. If you want to start a new topic, please start a new thread. 

 

You could start by putting your location in your profile; someone may be in your town and willing to help.

 

Also, put some pics in your gallery if you want to attract some attention. They don't have to include your face if you aren't ready for that yet. Unless you have lots of very personalized tattoos or piercings, a cock or body shot won't be identifiable. 

 

You might try a hookup app on your phone like Grindr or a site like Adam4Adam. If you are ready to go for bareback, try BBRT. Which of these will work best for you depends upon where you are. 

[badboy69er]

Thanks for the help. Finding it difficult to spark interest up unfortunately. Should I be doing anything else to start with?

[gaysk8er86]

I say find a hookup. Go start small and do oral. Figure out if you like anal and go from there. Why rush, evjoy if all!

[badboy69er]

That's option 1 I guess take it easy and go from there.

Then there's the desire after reading all the real intense stuff that all the guys on here do and go all out first time up!

[breedbaltimore]

nothing says a session can't start with oral and go on to anal.  I would suggest you find a guy with some experience, to help you through your first time and make it as memorable as you seem to want it to be.

[tallslenderguy]

I was your age (26) the first time I was with a guy. He knew I was knew, but I was also really horny and wanting to get fucked, so I straddled him and went for it. He laughed and said "whoa, let me get some lube" (a good idea lol). While I had never been fucked before, I'd been playing in my hole since I was a kid, so having something in my ass was not new for me. Having something as large as a cock was new though.  If you kinda want the feel ahead of time (I say "kinda" because nothing is like the real thing), find a dildo about the size of a cock your going to take.  Might want to start with a smaller guy your first time out. I loved my first time, but it gets better once you know what you're doing.

[NLbear]

That's good advice from tallslenderguy.

 

And make sure your hole is clean! Lots of posts here on that topic, read them.

 

I wasn't prepared for my first fuck and luckily nothing happened. But for a lot of tops (not all...) it is very offputting when an "accident" happens.

[TigerMilner]

If you want to go all in, find the nearest bath house or sex club and go on a weekend night about midnight. Its a buffet. And you might wind up the main course. It is so much less hassle than setting things up on a app or website.

Edited November 30, 2015 by TigerMilner

[paris_student]

I guess that you should explore yourself more and define what you want from "sex" with a man: oral, only anal, being the top, rimming, fisting, being both top & bottom, etc.

 

Also try to get some info about STDs (if that's not already the case) in order to determine what you're willing to put up with and what you're willing to forego.

[Bttm2go]

Bathhouses are a good way to get into gay sex. On your first trip, just go there to watch and get used to being around guys having sex. Later trips you can slowly move up the ladder. Take your time and enjoy the experience.

[PhoenixGeoff]

So let me tell you a story about my first (real) time.

 

I was a young kid of about 19 living in Toronto.  I was very shy.  I was just coming to terms with my sexuality and really had no-one to talk to about it.  I'd tried dating a few women, but really simply couldn't muster up the interest in carrying on.  I was attracted to men, but I figured that everyone kinda felt the same way I did and no-one else really spoke about it.  I remember when I first attached the label "gay" to myself (I never went through a bi phase like a lot of guys do because the big thing that pushed me into accepting my sexuality was my lack of interest in women). 

 

So I knew I was gay.  And I had no clue how to proceed.  Although the gay ghetto in Toronto was just a few blocks away from where I lived, I was terrified if I even walked through the neighborhood, someone would see me and find out.  Plus, this was around 1990, and the only thing I really knew about gay men is that they were all dying (I led a pretty sheltered life as a teenager).

 

I'd noticed those phone-chat lines in the back of an alternative paper, and gave them a try.  I went so far as to write out what my ad was going to say so I could sound as good as possible on the phone.  I spoke to a few guys, but was always too scared to actually pull the trigger and meet up.

 

Now back in those days, while the Internet was a thing, it wasn't used very much by everyday people.  However, if you were a computer geek, and you had a modem, there were a lot of things called BBSs (Bulletin Board Systems) which were basically a computer attached to at least one (usually only one) phone line where people could dial in and post public messages and send each other email (rather like here, but imagine a system where only one person could log into the site at a time.  And nothing but text).  In the back of the local computer paper (there were a lot more newspapers around back then), there was a listing of all the local BBSs you could dial into.  And as it turned out, in Toronto, there were two of them.

 

So this was how I got my start:  online.  That's very common these days, but 25 years ago, I was precocious.  And I posted a profile and emailed back and forth with a few guys and struck up a conversation with one.  So he knew I was young and closeted and didn't know anyone.  And he helped set my mind at ease and did something that was just right.

 

He took me out to dinner.  And we went to fairly nice place in the Church & Wellesley neighborhood, but not a place that was overtly gay.  And over dinner we talked things over and I got more comfortable.  And then he suggested visiting my first gay bar.  So we walked across the street to Woody's and had a beer.  Now I never would have dared set foot in a bar by myself, but with someone else, it was fine.  And, as it turned out, he suggested going back to his place, which we did.  And again, he set me at my ease...we watched some TV (Fawlty Towers, as I recall), and by then I was ready for sex, though we mostly just stuck to oral for that first time. 

 

I remember telling him that he had helped me remove all my doubts about being gay.

 

He was also careful to tell me about condoms and why they were important.  Remember, at that time, we knew HIV caused AIDS and we knew it was sexually transmitted, but there was no effective treatment yet.  I bring this up on a bareback site because it shows how concerned he was for my well-being and how much he respected me being new.

 

I could not possibly have had a better first experience.

 

So my suggestion to you is to try to do something similar.  Look for someone online who lives nearby.  Strike up a conversation.  You want someone who's going to go slowly.  You want someone who will set your mind at ease and respect your lack of experience.  You want someone who will show concern for your health and your well-being.  You want someone who'll be a friend.

 

My advice is not to jump head-first into bars or baths or what-have-you.  There will be more than enough time for that later, if you want.  And you should know right now that, while most of the guys on this site are very sexually active, you don't have to be that way if it's not right for you.  There are lots of gay men who follow a much more conventional path:  dating, monogamy, these days even marriage.  So don't let yourself be overly influenced by what others are doing.

 

My other piece of advice is to research your options for protecting yourself from HIV and other STDs right now, before you start.  Hopefully the guy you choose to meet up with will also go over this with you.  Even though this is a bareback site, for right now, if you want to try fucking (as a top or a bottom), I really strongly suggest that you use a condom, until you have time to sort through the risks and the available alternatives (like PrEP).  You can always choose to start barebacking later, once you're better educated and have a better idea of what kind of life you want to lead.

[hungry_hole]

My other piece of advice is to research your options for protecting yourself from HIV and other STDs right now, before you start.  Hopefully the guy you choose to meet up with will also go over this with you.  Even though this is a bareback site, for right now, if you want to try fucking (as a top or a bottom), I really strongly suggest that you use a condom, until you have time to sort through the risks and the available alternatives (like PrEP).  You can always choose to start barebacking later, once you're better educated and have a better idea of what kind of life you want to lead.

What a great advice! And now when hook-ups are so easy to arrange, the chances of STI are greater.

 

I sometimes think that all men should try sex with men because after all, other than STDs, there are no consequences of man-to-man sex other than great fun. Young men start "experimenting" with sex with women and then find themselves in a huge drama or with a child. But the reason why I hesitate in telling men to go ahead and fool around with other men are STDs.

[PhoenixGeoff]

I sometimes think that all men should try sex with men because after all, other than STDs, there are no consequences of man-to-man sex other than great fun. Young men start "experimenting" with sex with women and then find themselves in a huge drama or with a child. But the reason why I hesitate in telling men to go ahead and fool around with other men are STDs.

 

Let me turn that around:  What do you think of this guy?  His Church certainly approves of his decision and would rather have the rest of us do the same.  Are you comfortable with that?

 

Either orientation is something we respect or it isn't.  If we don't like society telling us to conform to heterosexual norms regardless of our orientation, then we shouldn't be out there trying to recruit straight men.

[hungry_hole]

Either orientation is something we respect or it isn't.  If we don't like society telling us to conform to heterosexual norms regardless of our orientation, then we shouldn't be out there trying to recruit straight men.

Recruiting? I'm talking about a guy like badboy69er, who's looking for man-to-man action. I would tell him, go to a sauna, fuck, get fucked, etc. But I hesitate because of STDs. Sex with men is too much fun to just let it go after one or two experiences.