I Have No Idea How To Get Laid

[shyguyuk]

Sounds like a joke but it isn't.

 

I'm 36 and count myself lucky if I have one fuck every eighteen months. I say hi to people on bbrt/grindr etc; occasionally people say i'm not bad looking but i never get any further. I go to saunas/hardon/cumunion but it seems that even in places where everyone is after sex and everyone knows it there's some "I want to fuck you in particular" signal that I can't reed and don't give off even if it's true. I'm basically on the verge of giving up and resigning myself to a life of lonely wanking.

 

Please, tell me how you all do it.

[C10H15N]

Nice profile.

If you were versatile, you would be perfect. As a versatile, I avoid bottoms because I know I can satisfy them, but they can't satisfy me.

[VersatileBreeder]

Hey man, sorry to hear you're having trouble getting laid. For some guys, getting laid is tough because of a very defined reason- either they are really bad looking, extremely overweight, perpetually bad hygiene, etc. From what you describe about yourself, it doesn't sound like these are issues for you.

I'm a decent looking guy, but I wouldn't say that I'm a stud by any means. Still though, for me, if I go 18 DAYS without getting laid, that's a long time.

I'm trying to figure out where your struggle is stemming from. I noticed your name on this site is "shyguyuk." That might be your problem right there- shyness.

Hooking up is the type of thing you need to be aggressive with and throw yourself out there. If you're too shy, you are gonna have a hard time meeting and hooking up with guys.

I used to work in sales and I remember one core value they used to tell us- "be bold and ask for the business." It's the same with hooking up. You say you have chatted with guys on Bbrt and Grindr, but just making a little small talk isn't gonna get you laid. You gotta be forward and state what you're looking for. If the conversation looks like it's stalling, you gotta then ask "so are we meeting up tonight?"

Hope this helps. Message me if I can be of anymore help.

[tallslenderguy]

Wow, amazing you have not gotten any at those kinds of places or events. How often do you try? For me I can go to the same place on different days and one day get 5 loads and another day nothing. Depends on who's there, etc. as for signals, there's a bunch. If I want a guy to fuck me and I'm at a cruisy place, I'll position myself somewhere in front of him and lower my pants enough where he can see some ass, that usually does the trick, instinct seems to take over and they cum up behind me, expose my hole and slide in...I'm pretty bold about asserting my ass, if I guy shows no interest, I move on.

[NLbear]

There are loads of events in London. Strip down to a jockstrap and work boots and walk around. Someone will get the idea what you're looking for. On online sites, add some pics to your profile and be bold. In your profile state exactly what you're looking for (if you haven't). No endless chatting. Just ask if they want to fuck.

[hungry_hole]

You are in very good shape and still young able to catch the attention of many guys, especially in saunas and on a sling. Maybe try a darkroom because most guys let go of barriers in the dark.

[PhilUrass]

The "I want to fuck you in particular" signal I give is eye contact and maybe a slight smile, or an eyebrow wriggle.

Like you, I live in East Anglia...hardly any guys in the area on BBRT and not so many on Grindr (East Anglia is generally more rural, for those of you unfamiliar). I get much more action if I head up to London, where thetre's a plethora of hungry holes in need of loads.

I'm one of those guys that won't make contact with a guy I see online if I can't see a face pic, so you might find you have more success showing your face pic in your profile, especially if you're not good at making a first move.

[PhoenixGeoff]

Lots of good advice so far.  Let me add my $0.02.

 

First off, there are much worse things in life than not getting laid!  I've gone through periods in my life when it happened rarely and I've gone through periods in my life when things were happening for me a bit more.  Having seen both extremes and all over the middle ground, I can tell you that lots of sex ≠ happiness.  One of the happiest times in my life happened to coincide with a fairly long (18 month+) dry spell.  On the other hand, I have been absolutely miserable when getting laid a fair bit (in part because I was so hung up on chasing after cock. I found that kind of sex life to be highly unfulfilling).  So my first suggestion is to concentrate not so much on the pursuit of dick as the pursuit of happiness, which are not necessarily the same things.

 

Second, I like how people have been keying in on your shyness.  I went through a time, in my 20s, when I would go out to a bar and stand with my back up against the wall and scowl at people, while hoping they would approach me and take me home.  The fact that I got laid at all during that time, I attribute to being in the Army and using my uniform shamelessly to lure attention.  But other than that, that strategy did not yield much success.

 

My other strategy to overcome my shyness was to drink enough beer to overcome my inhibitions and work up the courage to approach someone.  That, too, was not a good strategy.  I tended to overdo it a bit on the drinking (and while a light buzz can be pleasant, anything more than that gets rather unattractive), or I'd have performance issues as a result, or I'd end up with someone I'd really rather not be with.  Again, not a good strategy.

 

So here's what I recommend:  pursue a strategy of building your self-confidence.  For me, a big part of that was:

 

(1) Getting an exercise program (I like lifting weights, but it doesn't really matter what you do).  The fact that this will make you look better is only incidental; exercise actually makes you feel better, both overall and especially in terms of confidence.  You'll stand up taller and project better energy when you enter a room. 

 

(2) If you don't have it, get some purpose in life.  That might be the work you do, but doesn't have to be.  What are you building your life around?  Having sex?  Drugs?  Money?  Pleasure?  Service to others? Religion?  Knowledge?  Figure out what's important to you (hint: the first three, possibly four items on that list are particularly boring) and pursue them.  Get enthusiastic about what you're building your life around and that enthusiasm will translate into confidence and attractiveness.

 

(3) Finally, put yourself out there.  People relate to faces, so put your face on your profile.  Learn how to approach someone, say hello and initiate a conversation.  And then learn how to take rejection and bounce back from it.  Remember people's names and something about them (their work, their partner, their dog), so next time you can say hello and ask them about something in their life (people love talking about themselves).  Maybe you'll get laid, maybe you'll make a friend.  Either way, you're better off than you were before.  And even if they blow you off completely, well, do you really want someone like that in your life?  They've done you a favor!

 

Finally, if you are hitting events like Cumunion, I find it hard to believe that you're not having sex there, unless you're really hanging back for some reason.  If nothing else, you could lie in your room with your ass up and face down and get someone to breed you.  That tells me something in your head is telling you that kind of sex isn't right for you.  Listen to that voice.  Not everyone is cut out to be a sex pig, and that's fine.  You're better off not being that way, in many ways actually. 

 

Find out what kind of sexual relationships are right for you (and don't be afraid to go against the mainstream) and pursue those.

Edited December 15, 2015 by PhoenixGeoff

[shyguyuk]

There are loads of events in London. Strip down to a jockstrap and work boots and walk around. Someone will get the idea what you're looking for. 

 

That's exactly what I did. No joy

 

I'm one of those guys that won't make contact with a guy I see online if I can't see a face pic, so you might find you have more success showing your face pic in your profile, especially if you're not good at making a first move.

 

My face pic is front and centre on grindr/scruff, and I'll unlock it for anyone on BBRT who wants it.

 

 

(1) Getting an exercise program (I like lifting weights, but it doesn't really matter what you do).  The fact that this will make you look better is only incidental; exercise actually makes you feel better, both overall and especially in terms of confidence.  You'll stand up taller and project better energy when you enter a room. 

 

(2) If you don't have it, get some purpose in life.  That might be the work you do, but doesn't have to be.  What are you building your life around?  Having sex?  Drugs?  Money?  Pleasure?  Service to others? Religion?  Knowledge?  Figure out what's important to you (hint: the first three, possibly four items on that list are particularly boring) and pursue them.  Get enthusiastic about what you're building your life around and that enthusiasm will translate into confidence and attractiveness.

 

(3) Finally, put yourself out there.  People relate to faces, so put your face on your profile.  Learn how to approach someone, say hello and initiate a conversation.  And then learn how to take rejection and bounce back from it.  Remember people's names and something about them (their work, their partner, their dog), so next time you can say hello and ask them about something in their life (people love talking about themselves).  Maybe you'll get laid, maybe you'll make a friend.  Either way, you're better off than you were before.  And even if they blow you off completely, well, do you really want someone like that in your life?  They've done you a favor!

 

Finally, if you are hitting events like Cumunion, I find it hard to believe that you're not having sex there, unless you're really hanging back for some reason.  If nothing else, you could lie in your room with your ass up and face down and get someone to breed you.  That tells me something in your head is telling you that kind of sex isn't right for you.  Listen to that voice.  Not everyone is cut out to be a sex pig, and that's fine.  You're better off not being that way, in many ways actually. 

 

Find out what kind of sexual relationships are right for you (and don't be afraid to go against the mainstream) and pursue those.

 

Exercise has never made me feel better, it just makes me feel tired (I already hit the gym a couple of times a week)... and as I said above, that's pretty much exactly what I did at CU. Spent most of the afternoon face down on a fuck bench, but no-one seemed interested. Is it possible to give off "go away" vibes while waving your backside in the air?

 

Apart from that... other than sex (which as i've said i'm really bad at getting) i don't really have any "social" hobbies... by and large I prefer sitting at home and reading a book / fart-arseing about on the interweb to going out. Not exactly easy to meet people / build confidence that way, for sex or otherwise

 

Wow, amazing you have not gotten any at those kinds of places or events. How often do you try? For me I can go to the same place on different days and one day get 5 loads and another day nothing. Depends on who's there, etc. as for signals, there's a bunch. If I want a guy to fuck me and I'm at a cruisy place, I'll position myself somewhere in front of him and lower my pants enough where he can see some ass, that usually does the trick, instinct seems to take over and they cum up behind me, expose my hole and slide in...I'm pretty bold about asserting my ass, if I guy shows no interest, I move on.

 

I go up to london 3-4 times a year, can't afford to go more often on grindr whenever i get bored though, and usually check in to bbrt at least once a day

[thick]

buddy.  Ive had HIV since 1988.  I got full blown AIDS in 1995.  once I came out of my sickness and revived, I was still a mess.  The disease left me with spinal cord damage and I cannot feel my feet and I walk with a bad limp.

 

Before all of that I was the STUD on the dance floor and I could fuck anybody I pleased.

 

It took me 10 years to get my mojo back.  I was extremely self conscious of the way I walked.  But Ill tell you this.  I took a big deep breath and threw myself out there again.  

 

Sometimes I run into hookups that dont like that Im not a marathon runner, and yeah they arent attracted to me.  But many more bottoms have no problem with my slight disability and are perfectly happy being my boys.

 

The difference I made in myself is that I said "fuck it"

 

This is how I am.  If you dont like me.  someone else is right behind you in line that will like me.  I market myself.  I take good pics of my body and cock.  and I became aggressive and available again.

 

People smell shyness.  They smell fear.  The can detect stage fright.  Guys want excitement too.  You have to teach yourself to get over your self consciousness and at least appear interesting and then youll see a change.  

[PhilUrass]

 

 

My face pic is front and centre on grindr/scruff, and I'll unlock it for anyone on BBRT who wants it.

 

 I don't hit up profiles if I can't see a face from the get-go. I imagine quite a lot fo guys are like that. And why hide your face? Is your mum on BBRT too?

[shyguyuk]

if i don't get laid at least once in 2016 i'm probably going to give up trying

[breederboy]

I've had trouble at times too, don't sweat it. Guys are weird. I think you should be more aggressive, I have typically tended to try and let guys come to me, if they're interested, but this isn't going to work so well, so might as well say fuck it and just try and hit up as many guys as you want that you're interested in, and if some aren't oh well, their loss, but you'll probably score if you are more proactive. Trust me I know it's difficult, I struggle with how to chat with guys when I want to hook up too, especially being poz, never sure how that's going to go down.

 

Trust me. It's best to show your face on the sites, it saves time, and speaking for myself I don't want to chat with guys without face pics either, I want to see who I'm chatting with. It's 2015, no time to deal with weird people with no faces.

 

I've been on grindr a week and have a face pic, and haven't gotten a single hookup from it yet. Not sure why, but after being on it a few days, guys started hitting me up less and less, and now hardly anyone talks to me. Maybe just being more proactive is the key.

[BrockTop1973]

I can't seem to get laid lately either. Last night was my third trip to Steamworks in a row without getting any action worth talking about. Particularly frustrating because I only went there due to an invite from a bbrts guy who was supposed to be running a breeding party with a couple of other bottoms. They were there, but when I came to the door all I got was dirty look. Great for the self-esteem, and it really got in my head. I ended up leaving early even though the post-club rush was just getting started.