Crossover Between Watersports & Chem Sex?

[FilThFiendFtM]

Hey fellas, how's it going? I'm a total newbie to this lifestyle, so this may turn into a bit of an introductory post for me. Please either forgive me if I mess up the slang terms and stuff, or punish me and make sure I get it right next time ;p Basically, I'm a transman who's always been mostly into women, but also very into raunch and cum, too. I'm almost 5 months into my transition, and I feel like testosterone is definitely having an impact on my sexuality, an effect which I've heard is quite common. It's kind of hard to describe, but basically it feels like my masculinity is more animalistic than I expected- I was a fairly restrained, eloquent ladies man prior to starting T (testosterone, not Tina), but actually having testosterone controlling my urges and personality is making me care less about men's fashion and convincing women how charming I am, and more about down and dirty fucking and getting off.

In the past, I've given and received golden showers (mostly with women, but occasionally with dudes or crossdressers), and it's one of my favorite activities. I love the physical sensations- the warmth as it splatters in my face, flowing over my skin and soaking my hair, the distinctive smell- and the way it feels emotionally- knowing that my partner is marking me like an animal, feeling like a piece of trash for getting off on something so filthy and depraved. Most of the women I've done it with are definitely *not* into pigplay though, so I've always had to wash off before we moved on to sex. My whole life, I've been extremely aroused by the idea of really filthy, nasty, depraved fucking- I mean just wallowing in our combined filth, letting it get ground into my hair and slathered thickly over every inch of my body, cumming hard from the awareness that I'm enjoying being utterly defiled. I gave up on the idea of brown showers when a girlfriend convinced me that it's gross, and the point was driven home the first time I witnessed a guy getting fucked up the ass and the smell of his shit being churned filled the room we were in- the smell definitely turned me off. But goddamn, a part of me still wants to know what that warm, stinking mess would feel like flowing over my bare skin, my face, even my coating my genitals in hot, thick slop and letting strangers fuck it into me, like lube. The part of me that wants to be a pig is making my dick throb right now, but there's another part of me that makes me too nervous to act on my filthy fantasies, and I want to silence that apprehension. I'm also hesitant about taking loads bareback- thanks to T, I can get creamed in both holes without worrying about pregnancy, but now I worry about disease. I've always wanted to be a cumdump, and when I've been with guys and felt their cock throbbing as they spurted seed, I wished they weren't wearing a condom. I fantasize a lot about how it would feel to get filled with thick, hot cum, to take loads one after the next until it's oozing down my legs and squelching obscenely with every thrust. The idea of being subjected to an anonymous, condomless gangbang makes my fun size fuckmeat rock hard. I want it so fucking bad, but, just like with scat, I'm too apprehensive about the consequences to pursue my fantasy.

Okay, so here's the meat of my post: I want to give in to my fantasies about no holds barred pig play, and let myself get completely used in the filthiest ways possible. I've used IV drugs in the past (though not T yet), and know that injecting coke, for example, obliterates ALL my limits, and makes me so horny I'd happily consent to, and get off on, just about anything. From what I gather, T (not meaning testosterone, this time) is even better for bringing out one's inner depravity. I would love to find a partner, or a group, that would get off on busting a few of my cherries, and turning me from a straight boy who's secretly an inexperienced but eager pup, to a complete and total, fullblown fuckpig. The idea of being drugged, either with my knowledge or stealthed, in order to get me fucking and sucking shamelessly, and indulging in the nastiest raunch the top wants without hesitation, completely fueled by piglust, makes me so goddamn horny. I want that release. I want to silence my shame and doubt. Here's my main question, though: Is combining chem sex with pig play frowned upon? Can I be cosidered a pig if I need to be high to get really nasty? Or is drug-fueled debauchery accepted/normal?

Thanks for reading all this, and thanks in advance for your feedback. Also, if anyone in the Boston area is into the idea of getting this little stray transboy fucked up and turning me into a total fucktoy, let's exchange numbers. I'll also send pics if you want, sorry I've been too apprehensive to post any in my profile.

Edited June 17, 2016 by FilThFiendFtM

[davescott1125]

I understand completely how you feel. I am bi with a wife. She doesn't know I am bi. I too want to be a total pig, bareback, etc. But concern about HIV always gets in the way of letting loose. I do most of my play with guys when I am out of town for work. Due to random testing at work, I don't use anything illegal, so my way to loosen up is alcohol and poppers. Occasionally I will throw in some pain medication that I have.

On a recent overnight trip I had a bottle of grain alcohol (Everclear). I spent the evening in my motel room naked, watching porn, posting ads online and drinking. As I got looser and hornier, my ads got more descriptive as to what I was open too... being fucked, bareback, watersports, etc. Then I began doing poppers as I began getting rough with my cock, balls and hole (I enjoy genital abuse and have extreme fantasies). As responses to the ads started to come in, I drank more and continued to do poppers. Had a guy come over to fuck me. I was so drunk and high on poppers, I tried to get him to do me bare and fill my ass with his cum,, but he insisted on using a condom. Damn.

After he left I got almost violent with genitals (I was way to drunk to maintain an erection at that point) and was trying to get a beer can up my ass. I ended up in the bathtub pissing all over myself as I tried to rip my hole open. Then I rinsed off and passed out on the bed.

[davescott1125]

Due to this thread discussing things to reduce inhibitions, you should probably ask the moderator to move this thread to the Sex with Enhancements section.

Edited June 21, 2016 by davescott1125