Being true to myself....

[Guest semen-seeker]

So guys, here I am 52 and finding I have never been really true to myself sexually. I am a cock lover and have done my share of sucking cock and been to sauna’s and parties but I have never just let myself go to be fucked or fuck. I love semen and really enjoy bareback when I do it (which is rare) but hold back. I talk the talk and but when it comes to it I stop. I go to sauna’s and suck, get sweaty but as soon as a guy gets his cock near my hole I pull away. I don’t even mind the HIV thing and am fully prepared to go poz. But think my problem is I know I can be a true slut if I start following my innner desires, and would bend over or top all the time if I could. But I can’t get over this barrier of just letting go, it’s been like it all my life and now at 52 realise I am getting to old. I have also put on a little weight which doesn’t help. But love the thought of barebacking all the time and living free of this barrier. I live in East London, UK so can meet guys if I need to, but for some reason I stop, it might be the STI thing other than HIV. Just wondered if any of you feel the same? 

Edited March 23, 2019 by semen-seeker
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[Spunkinmyarse]

Are you perhaps searching for the ideal cock, which is preventing you from connecting with those you actually come across?  It doesn’t sound as though you are shy or find it awkward initiating contact, which would be another reason why you’re finding it hard to get fucked.

Sometimes at a club or sauna I can be a bit picky or feel a bit awkward at the beginning:  I need that first fuck to get me started, and there’s no stopping me.  It sounds like you might be similar.  You either need a dominant top to take control and force the issue, or failing that just put yourself in a position (eg: arse up on all fours in a dark corner) where you have no choice but to take that first cock!

Anyway, I live in Essex, so am not too far from you.  If you’d like to hit the London sex clubs and/or saunas with a ‘wing man’ to look out for you, let me know  

[Guest semen-seeker]

Hi Spunk, I think you may have a point, I am searching for the ideal cock which prevents me satisfying others. I don’t find it difficult to initiate contact it’s just something stops me bending over for any cock, but I want to do it. Maybe I am conscious of age and body now whereas when I was younger I didn’t worry to much. 

As you say the best way might be to find a dominant top for force the issue or arse up in a sauna or darkroom. 

Wing man sounds good, might help the situation move on  

[aj99]

You are afraid that if you just let go, you are going to lose something.  To find out what's at stake here, you need to ask yourself, "what am I valuing that I need to give up in order to let go and be true to myself."

This will not be an easy task.

[Guest semen-seeker]

1 hour ago, aj99 said:

You are afraid that if you just let go, you are going to lose something.  To find out what's at stake here, you need to ask yourself, "what am I valuing that I need to give up in order to let go and be true to myself."

This will not be an easy task.

Could be aj99, I want to be my true self, it’s pushing hard from within. I need to identify what it is and let go. 

[Guest cardoc49]

1 hour ago, cocklover1966 said:

Could be aj99, I want to be my true self, it’s pushing hard from within. I need to identify what it is and let go. 

Hey cocklover, I find you a very strong and courageous and human guy indeed, you truly are a man with a very fine attitude , and very personal and also necessary task, namely to find your true identity and stay TRUE to that person! And I know you will find this true cocklover / and Im so GLAD YOU ARE BAREBACK!! Only bareback sex is human and natural

[Guest semen-seeker]

Hey Cardoc, bareback is human and natural hence my struggle to ignore my internal desires. I have tried before but this barrier stops me, now I need to be true to myself and overcome it. It is necessary to go through with it, as I love cock, I’ll hit the saunas soon with some help. 

Edited March 24, 2019 by semen-seeker

[NLbear]

I think you got a great offer from Spunkinmyarse to be your 'wing man' for a sauna or club visit. You would have someone to look out for you and help you get through that first time. Hopefully that puts you more at ease. I see you already planned a visit. Let us know how you got on?

[Guest GoneFishing]

Maybe organize a daddy poz orgy

to attract older individuals with similar bodies.   I’ve had exclusive mature orgies and body type doesn’t mater.  Just great sex. At a certain point non of that matters. What maters is the hot sex.  

[tallslenderguy]

i don't know how to answer this other than offer my thoughts, but not sure they will be at all helpful. 

Have you ever had anything in your ass?  Like toys or finger or any other kind of penetration? Are you ambivalent about being penetrated? You note you love cock and semen, but have only experienced it by sucking. i can't relate (lol) but i know there are guys who are only into oral, maybe you're one of those and maybe you are being true to your self?  Do you like the feeling of being penetrated anally? 

On the other hand, if you've had stuff in your hole and know that you like it, that's a whole different matter.  Most bottoms will probably tell you it only takes one cock up the ass to get hooked.  

[Guest semen-seeker]

24 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

i don't know how to answer this other than offer my thoughts, but not sure they will be at all helpful. 

Have you ever had anything in your ass?  Like toys or finger or any other kind of penetration? Are you ambivalent about being penetrated? You note you love cock and semen, but have only experienced it by sucking. i can't relate (lol) but i know there are guys who are only into oral, maybe you're one of those and maybe you are being true to your self?  Do you like the feeling of being penetrated anally? 

On the other hand, if you've had stuff in your hole and know that you like it, that's a whole different matter.  Most bottoms will probably tell you it only takes one cock up the ass to get hooked.  

Hi Tall, thanks for the help, I do like being penetrated and having my ass played with. It really makes me excited when the do it myself and think of raw cock going in. But, I think I’ll be hooked after the first go. 

[BlindRawFucker1]

Could it also be a trust issue?

 

You don't trust yourself to maintain control of your desires.  But, you may not trust just any guy to put his dick in you.

 

If a guy is willing to top you, there definitely isn't a body image problem for him.

 

I have trouble trusting, since I'm blind and small.  I'm afraid I'll be hurt, even though I enjoy being fucked when it does happen.

[tallslenderguy]

3 minutes ago, cocklover1966 said:

 But, I think I’ll be hooked after the first go. 

So, is that the barrier for you? That you'll be "hooked?"   

Hmmm, this made me think of my own experience.  i fought accepting myself for most of my life (was married to a woman and religious). i had tons of sex with guys, cheated on my wife, but hated myself the whole time. For me, sex with guys was my only form of affirmation for who i am and i could truly not help myself from doing it. When i came to a place of self acceptance, the addictive nature of sex dropped away for me. i still want it and need it, but "hooked" is probably a wrong descriptor for that need/want. i think that our sexual needs/wants are natural and normal and it's the suppression and/or repression of who we are that can lead to obsession.  

If you love being penetrated physically as well as in your imagination, then i'd have to agree with you that you are not being true to yourself by forbidding what you want.  We can only guess what's going on in your mind or feelings as to why that is, your really in the best position to know that since you live with you. Maybe a therapist could help you uncover if there is a hidden reason. But from what you have written, you seem to be afraid of being "hooked" once you try it... but again, i think "hooked" is probably a misnomer that we are using. That it's kind of like saying you are hooked on food because you are hungry and eating. 

[Guest semen-seeker]

18 minutes ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

Could it also be a trust issue?

 

You don't trust yourself to maintain control of your desires.  But, you may not trust just any guy to put his dick in you.

 

If a guy is willing to top you, there definitely isn't a body image problem for him.

 

I have trouble trusting, since I'm blind and small.  I'm afraid I'll be hurt, even though I enjoy being fucked when it does happen.

Blind, I think you may of hit a nerve. Even reading what you said I felt something. It’s my desires that I don’t trust, I know if I start to take cock I may not stop and the desire just become lust and want more and more. If it was just one guy I’d trust but I know my lust would want strangers cocks and anon. Got me thinking! Trusting myself and not giving in to desire and want. 

[Guest semen-seeker]

18 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

So, is that the barrier for you? That you'll be "hooked?"   

Hmmm, this made me think of my own experience.  i fought accepting myself for most of my life (was married to a woman and religious). i had tons of sex with guys, cheated on my wife, but hated myself the whole time. For me, sex with guys was my only form of affirmation for who i am and i could truly not help myself from doing it. When i came to a place of self acceptance, the addictive nature of sex dropped away for me. i still want it and need it, but "hooked" is probably a wrong descriptor for that need/want. i think that our sexual needs/wants are natural and normal and it's the suppression and/or repression of who we are that can lead to obsession.  

If you love being penetrated physically as well as in your imagination, then i'd have to agree with you that you are not being true to yourself by forbidding what you want.  We can only guess what's going on in your mind or feelings as to why that is, your really in the best position to know that since you live with you. Maybe a therapist could help you uncover if there is a hidden reason. But from what you have written, you seem to be afraid of being "hooked" once you try it... but again, i think "hooked" is probably a misnomer that we are using. That it's kind of like saying you are hooked on food because you are hungry and eating. 

I think you have some valid points, your making me think. Maybe it’s a journey of self discovery and trust I need to start out on. I have a high sex drive but hold back with it, I need to explore that. My dad was cold and unemotional, mum was kind and caring, maybe I am taking after him on the outside but inside the innner caring and slut wants to break free. But, I agree it’s natural and normal to want sex as a man, do agree tho that hooked isn’t the right word for something that’s natural and normal to us. It’s part part of who we are as men and humans, I guess it’s just wanting to abandon convention and just go with my nature as well.