Trying to top as a bottom

[Scottyrim]

So I am a bottom and a slut. A cumdump.  But I also love ass. The times I have topped I have loved, but I lack confidence.  In a Bathhouse I can getting fucked over and over but when I try to top I panic. I feel I will disappoint. I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection , but I want to top as well.

 

Anyone have any advice ? 

[hungry_hole]

10 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

So I am a bottom and a slut. A cumdump.  But I also love ass. The times I have topped I have loved, but I lack confidence.  In a Bathhouse I can getting fucked over and over but when I try to top I panic. I feel I will disappoint. I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection , but I want to top as well.

Anyone with a cock that can get hard can top, including bottoms. Some bottoms may not agree because they think that being a bottom is in their DNA. Well, it's not. Self-defined bottoms just like to get fucked over topping.

10 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

Anyone have any advice ? 

A bathhouse is a good place for a bottom to try topping because there are all kinds of situations that can help relax and not worry about cock size, keeping the erection or shooting too quickly. Once you are horny enough and wanna top, find a willing hole already loaded or a guy getting fucked in public and join in.

11 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

In a Bathhouse I can getting fucked over and over but when I try to top I panic. I feel I will disappoint. I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection , but I want to top as well.

Panic or disappoint who? Never worry about cumming to quickly or the size of your cock because most bottoms are happy to just get their hole creamed.

[Guest]

Practice, practice, practice!!!!!!  I'm 100% vers, but started out as a bb top out of fear......it was so "wrong" to be barebacking I'd cum almost instantly - sometimes I wasn't even totally hard yet, sometimes I was still jacking my dick to get hard to start fucking, and it seemed so "[banned word]" I'd feel myself start to cum and just jam my cock in the slut's hole.  A bathhouse, sex club or gloryhole are the perfecct place to practice.  There's almost nothing hotter to me than getting fucked by a bottom slut - get all the loads you want, then pay it forward by finding another slut to dump your load into.  They won't care if you cum too fast or lose your hardon and end up moving on.  Or just ask some vers guy online if he'd be game for letting you practice - if it fails he can fuck you - if you succeed he can fuck you anyway and it's a win-win

[ejaculaTe]

12 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

So I am a bottom and a slut. A cumdump.  But I also love ass. The times I have topped I have loved, but I lack confidence.  In a Bathhouse I can getting fucked over and over but when I try to top I panic. I feel I will disappoint. I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection , but I want to top as well.

 

Anyone have any advice ? 

It's not a Mr. IML contest, and the great thing about dark rooms [ok, almost dark rooms] is that no one can really see you; you're just a darker space in the dim light like everyone else. So there's not much chance that your skill -- good, bad, mediocre -- on a given night will become the talk of the town. The only person you need worry about is YOU. Once you stop giving a rat's ass about what other guys think, say, do, etc., your anxiety, unsurprisingly, will diminish, and your dick will react accordingly. 

[find91]

Best thing is to fuck vers or vers top guys. That way no pressure if you loose your erection or cannot perform. As they say above practice, practice, practice. Contrary what most bottoms think, topping is a skill, not just ramming penis in a hole. You bottoms know the difference between a good and bad top.

It took you guys time to be a good bottom, why should topping be any different. Because it looks easy???

[tallslenderguy]

14 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

So I am a bottom and a slut. A cumdump.  But I also love ass. The times I have topped I have loved, but I lack confidence.  In a Bathhouse I can getting fucked over and over but when I try to top I panic. I feel I will disappoint. I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection , but I want to top as well.

 

Anyone have any advice ? 

 

3 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

Anyone with a cock that can get hard can top, including bottoms. Some bottoms may not agree because they think that being a bottom is in their DNA.

 

i feel you.  i too am a bottom who loves ass.  It's my favorite part of a guys anatomy, i find ass more visually and emotionally evocative than i do cock... which is saying a lot, because i love cock too. A guy walks by, it's his ass that turns my head. And a bare ass? Makes me weak, seriously.  You wanna seduce me or get me vulnerable, show me some guy ass.

lol, i don't sound like a bottom, do i?  i agree with hungry_hole, that "anyone with a cock that can get hard can top."  Cept i'd change "top" to "fuck."  And that is just a personal change because i am mentally and emotionally predisposed to bottom.  If i put my penis in a guy, it's not to 'top' him, it's to connect with him. Well, that and get off.  i still like to get off, but mentally and emotionally wish that my orgasm was attached to getting fucked. i have no inclination to fuck a Manly Man, it's the smooth, slight boy types that can get my penis, and then there's decided seduction involved, some mind fuck.  i also have a fantasy where a Top/Dom manipulates me into fucking... prolly not Him, and it's a seduction fantasy, not a force fantasy. i guess it's more of a sub being used to fuck? 

All that to say, i think this is a complex topic.  i think you would benefit from identifying what it is about you wanting to fuck another guy and nurture that. I.e., i imagine you fantasize about fucking a guy? What do you think and feel when you fantasize? Do you have fear in your fantasies? Do you have issues staying hard?  If not, maybe try to reproduce you're fantasies?

[funpozbottom]

13 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

So I am a bottom and a slut. A cumdump.  But I also love ass. The times I have topped I have loved, but I lack confidence.  In a Bathhouse I can getting fucked over and over but when I try to top I panic. I feel I will disappoint. I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection , but I want to top as well.

 

Anyone have any advice ? 

One way to get over performance anxiety is to imagine that everyone around you is naked. And in a bathhouse, that's usually fairly easy to do.

Seriously, as a bottom, you know that tops come in all shapes and sizes. You know tops vary in technique. And, you know what feels good to you.  When you top, just use that knowledge to give your bottom the fuck you'd like to get yourself. As for those niggling "what if's", there are usually ways to cover or get around them. If you're afraid you'll miss the hole, remember it's not 'Pin The Tail On The Donkey.'  Find the hole with your fingers first. You can finger the hole with one hand while using the other to get hard. Leave the finger in the hole until your cock touches it. If you're afraid you'll cum too quick, well, in a bathhouse guys are usually trying to get loads so getting one quick just means he can start looking for the next. If you want to cover for it tell him his ass is so hot you're going to cum. That way, it's a compliment for his ass. If you're afraid you'll lose your erection, one thing I've done to cover that is I'll pull out and rim his hole until I regain my hard-on. Finally, remember that it's not a race and no one is forcing you to perform in a particular way, so relax, have fun, and remember that ... *whisper* ... everyone's naked.

[ErosWired]

15 hours ago, Scottyrim said:

I feel I am going to miss the hole or lose my erection

I am always a little confused as to how a Top can miss my hole. Quick quiz:

Q: How is ErosWired’s cunt is like a Black Hole? 

A: It pulls in everything that crosses its “event horizon” so powerfully that not even light can escape.

Yet even Master Fucksmiths from time to time stab me in the perineum with their cocks. So, first of all, don’t even worry about it. The nice thing about that anatomy is that you can only go up and down a straight line, and the entrance is somewhere along that line. Just follow the line til you hit it.

Second, I’m assuming you aren’t blind. Nowhere is it written that you can’t look at what you’re doing and position your cockhead right on the target. Many Tops write about their enjoyment of watching their own cocks penetrating a cunt.

Third, there is no shame in letting a bottom guide you in with his hand, or give you little vocal cues (“a lttle higher”, etc.) While not all that common, there are situations where two men’s anatomies are just a very poor match, and nothing aligns for fucking. It’s nobody’s fault, and nobody’s deficiency, it’s just an apple trying to fuck an orange. Sometimes this can be overcome to some extent if both parties are patient an open and willing to take instruction.

Yes, there are Tops who can penetrate balls deep in a single thrust from a blindfolded start at a point on the other side of the bed (been there, felt that), but nothing says you have to be one if them.

4 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

Anyone with a cock that can get hard can top, including bottoms. Some bottoms may not agree because they think that being a bottom is in their DNA. Well, it's not. Self-defined bottoms just like to get fucked over topping.

For fuck’s sake, HH. How many times? It doesn’t matter how many times you repeat that, it’s never going to magically become true and validate your fantasy. I, and many total bottoms like me, cannot Top because even though we are capable of erection we cannot stay hard to fuck someone. Please reread the last sentence for emphasis. There is a psychological barrier that has nothing whatever to do with whether we “just like to get fucked over topping”. I am a trained sexual service submissive. If I could expand my ability to serve by also offering Topping, I would do it so as to reach more Men. But I simply can’t.

There might be some subset of bottoms that can be characterized by your description, but to try to paint all “self described” total bottoms with your favorite color is wrong, and you’ve done it so often now that it’s starting to feel less like annoying and more like harassment. I’m asking you formally now, and respectfully, to knock it off.

[anonbugchaser]

ive suffered the what ifs my whole life. but bottoming has its own what ifs" its gonne hurt to much" i describe myself as a reluctant bottom and a more reluctant top. ive missed out on so much sex. am i twisted or what ??

[Pumpinmyhole]

I can relate.  It's not that I never top, but generally with guys I've played with before and there's a lot of great kissing involved.  I once hit up a bottom on BBRT who had to travel and was looking for an anon load.  I had the guy drive 10 miles to my hotel only to find I couldn't get hard...I had spend a half hour overthinking it before he arrived and it did me in.  I felt SO bad that I had to send him on his way without getting a load.  

Fast forward a few months and I'm in a bath house, in the dark room, stroking.  A guy came up and backed onto my dick and I fucked him.  I fucked a few guys that night.  It just happened organically with no thought put into it.  I'd suggest a bath house or sex party and just see if it'll happen without trying too hard.

[tallslenderguy]

2 hours ago, Pumpinmyhole said:

I can relate.  It's not that I never top, but generally with guys I've played with before and there's a lot of great kissing involved.  I once hit up a bottom on BBRT who had to travel and was looking for an anon load.  I had the guy drive 10 miles to my hotel only to find I couldn't get hard...I had spend a half hour overthinking it before he arrived and it did me in.  I felt SO bad that I had to send him on his way without getting a load.  

Fast forward a few months and I'm in a bath house, in the dark room, stroking.  A guy came up and backed onto my dick and I fucked him.  I fucked a few guys that night.  It just happened organically with no thought put into it.  I'd suggest a bath house or sex party and just see if it'll happen without trying too hard.

To me, this so illustrates the mental/emotional side of sex. For awhile i started to fear i had ED, and then encountered guys who could make me hard just seeing their name in my email lol. Guys talking to me about bottom, sub stuff can get me hard as a rock. If they talk to me about me breeding them and try to get me to be top or dom, i can't get it up, even if i think i want to.  For me, that's where a hot mind fuck could come in, i know a Dom who gets mind fuck could 'Dom' (not force) me into fucking by playing and controlling the psychological side of me. 

 

[Guest]

Just my opinion here.  As a bottom, the last thing I want is a bottom trying to be a top, when he is not confident or experienced.  Maybe some bottoms are ok with this, so you can get your practice, but not for me.  My advice is to stick with what you know.

[alwaysready]

 

live large. if you meet a truly hot guy, like porn flick hot, and he wants to be the bottom, are you going to pass on that? maybe you can get him to trade loads.

[Ozpig]

The thought of topping has never entered my head

[bocini]

One word. Viarga.

Always good for those moments till you get your confidence and have your aniexty under control. I get that.

 

Then lube to help you slide in. Her tell the bottom to put it in.

Then ...a deep breath go slow.

Build up your confidence. ...then the fireworks start.

 

Good luck man.