Why do we find arrogant men appealing?

[ErosWired]

Actually, the title doesn’t quite cover what I mean, and from the start I want to be clear that this topic isn’t about Alphas. There is no substitute for a genuine Alpha Male who takes control of another man sexually - the sublimity of that arrangement explains itself.

Rather, I’m thinking about the way some men strut around taking up more than their fair share of personal space, or sit around with their legs spread, unabashedly ogling every body that passes, offering comments boorish and unrefined (or just whistling), laughing louder than anything could be funny, being ‘bro’, being badass (well, trying to really hard), and being bullies.

These are the guys who think they should be in charge, not because they’re the cleverest, but because they’re the most popular and they work out and think it’s awesome that the guys at work did a Haka before the volleyball match against the guys from their rival across town.

You know - Men Behaving Badly. Drunkenly. Stupidly. Selfishly. Ignorantly. Arrogantly - as though they own the world and everything in it, know all they will ever need to know and more than you do, and are entitled to whatever they want and anything you have.

I can’t stand these kinds of men. Their empty braggadocio and their general impunity grates against my sense of justice. Their joy in their willful ignorance is an affront to my intelligence. But most galling of all is that I absolutely want to let them fuck me because of what they are.

Why? Why am I like this? Why does it send a rush through me to think of being ass-up in a room with guys who would say to one another, “Hold my beer” before sliding into me while the others egg him on and call me a whore?

Why does this macheesemo that manifests itself in bullying and posturing somehow make them choice Tops for breeding? Does it humiliate me to think, afterward, that I let them callously enjoy my body, seed me, slap my ass and strut off laughing? Yes, yes it does. But I don’t do it to be humiliated. I really don’t understand what it is that gives me an instinctual imperative to service their cocky masculinity. Does anyone understand what I’m talking about? Feel the same thing? Any of you Tops have any theories?

[BootmanLA]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

I can’t stand these kinds of men. Their empty braggadocio and their general impunity grates against my sense of justice. Their joy in their willful ignorance is an affront to my intelligence. But most galling of all is that I absolutely want to let them fuck me because of what they are.

Why? Why am I like this? Why does it send a rush through me to think of being ass-up in a room with guys who would say to one another, “Hold my beer” before sliding into me while the others egg him on and call me a whore?

I don't mean this to sound snarky, but it sounds like something you might want to talk about with a therapist.

"I have a compulsion to have sex with people I can't stand precisely because of the things I can't stand" sounds like a years-long exploration is overdue (that is, if you really want to find out the "why"). Some related questions you might ask yourself include "Do I prefer this kind of guy over ones I like (as people) better?" and, if so, "Why am I less interested in people who would actually be nicer to be with?" I wouldn't venture to guess the specifics, but it sounds to me rather like a case of doubts about your self worth. 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

I don't mean this to sound snarky, but it sounds like something you might want to talk about with a therapist.

I think not. I had an excellent therapist for 20 years before he retired, and he would just snicker at my post above if he saw it.

 I have no issues with my self-worth. This post is only about an odd phenomenon of sexuality. In other areas of life I hold my own quite well and no man is superior to me save those I acknowledge for their great virtue.

 It may be that this post is sort of like a guy saying, “I put ketchup on my bananas like everybody does, right?”

:: crickets ::

Because it may just be a quirk about me; if so, that’s fine. I’m used to being a bit of a freak. But good freaky. 🙂

[Guest]

I feel the same way as you ErosWired.  I know why I am attracted though.  It is what it is.

[LBsubpig]

I find arrogance a complete turn off.  

[BlackDude]

Naw, there’s nothing worse than arrogant mediocrity. It’s kinda pitiful actually. I mean thinking you can project yourself into “hotness.” That’s one of the problems why hooking up it down cause a lot of these guys really have an overinflated opinion of themselves and their accomplishments. Actually, I found that most really hot guys are actually pretty cool. Maybe because they are confident in their looks and don’t feel the need to dismiss others to make themselves feel better? 

[Spunkinmyarse]

All the character traits and behavioral flaws you mention, ErosWired, are generally ones we think of as being stereotypically MALE.  For good or bad, I like male things: that’s what gets me going, that’s what floats my boat sexually. For a cumdump like me, masculinity is hot, no matter how it’s expressed.

Now, you could certainly argue that there is nothing innately male in any of these behaviours, and it’s just our culture that has designated them as such. Maybe so, but I am also a product of that culture, so I have equally been brainwashed into considering them male, and thereby ‘hot’.

Edited May 16, 2020 by Spunkinmyarse

[BlindRawFucker1]

I don't find them appealing in the least.

[BootmanLA]

13 hours ago, ErosWired said:

It may be that this post is sort of like a guy saying, “I put ketchup on my bananas like everybody does, right?”

:: crickets ::

Because it may just be a quirk about me; if so, that’s fine. I’m used to being a bit of a freak. But good freaky. 🙂

Could be. But I think (again, just my opinion) that there's a difference, somewhere deep down.

In your bananas/ketchup example, you sound like you'd be surprised if other people didn't share your like for this (perhaps offbeat) food combination - that to you, it's ordinary.

In your example about the arrogant guys, you seem very clearly aware, at some level, that these are guys you personally can't stand, and yet you crave them sexually. There's a difference, and I don't think you'd have mentioned this attraction if you didn't sense there was a difference yourself. You don't seem to think that's ordinary - maybe common, but not normal. In your own words, "But most galling of all is that I absolutely want to let them fuck me because of what they are." If it's galling, then you know it upsets some system of order inside yourself.

I'm not in a position to judge the cause, but I'll note your original post itself you insist that the very obvious answers don't apply to you. Which reminds me of those guys who insist they're straight; they'll let a guy suck their cock, and yeah, okay, a guy's ass is tight and feels great around their cock, and yeah it's rude if they don't give the guy a reach-around, and once in a while, yeah, they feel they have to return the favor because they're bros and bros take care of each other, but they are STRAIGHT, not GAY. Got that?

[Phallarchist]

Let's review the examples you provided:

• strut around taking up more than their fair share of personal space: just dominant behavior
• sit around with their legs spread: space-taking dominant behavior, plus phallic presentation (you know what's between those legs)
• unabashedly ogling every body that passes, offering comments boorish and unrefined (or just whistling): sexual aggression
• laughing louder than anything could be funny: the auditory form of taking space
• being ‘bro’: projecting masculinity by signalling membership in a shared male culture
• being badass: displaying bravery and skill in a bid to increase status and thereby, mating success
• being bullies: increasing status through comparison with relative weaklings

As Spunkinmyarse said, these behaviors are simply aspects of maleness. I would consider them common enough to be secondary sex characteristics, like muscularity or body hair, but in the behavioral realm. Such men aren't necessarily pleasant company, but they are probably closer to the natural state of the male human animal than the mannered and inhibited creatures that make up polite society. Just as male instinct makes some of these behaviors inevitable, your female instinct necessitates a degree of sexual arousal in response. I really don't think it's complicated.

Or maybe you would balk at the notion of having a female instinct. I don't think you can speak of sexual attraction to males apart from sexual dimorphism, but never mind, then, I'll substitute myself. My female instinct absolutely responds to a number of these characteristics, and I want to be mated by certain men who display them.

My problem is that many of my sexual urges are in fact male, but I lack the instinct to exhibit most of these secondary behaviors. No doubt, my self-presentation is comforting to those who have suffered from male tyranny, but it also minimizes the faggot-female sexual response necessary for my breeding success.

Edited May 17, 2020 by FaceLoad
Remove @

[alwaysready]

I prefer confident and cool.

[Phallarchist]

1 hour ago, alwaysready said:

I prefer confident and cool.

I suppose "confidence" could be contrasted with false bravado, but what makes the man "cool"? Or are they synonyms?

[ErosWired]

I feel I should clarify that I do not eat bananas with ketchup. Not. That. Freaky.

6 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

But I think (again, just my opinion) that there's a difference, somewhere deep down.

This reminds me of a time at a wedding when two of my oldest friends (both women) did a dance around me to the song “Goody Two-Shoes”, pointing at me the whole time. Must be something inside... They had no idea.

But although I appreciate your analysis, I’m afraid your analogy misses the mark - I’m not in any sort of denial about what I am, just perplexed at the irrational and counterintuitive nature of it.

 I think @Spunkinmyarse and @FaceLoad are probably on the right track, that, for good or ill all of these traits and behaviors are pointers to maleness, and it may just be that simple. I could easily be trying to overcomplicate understanding my own response, it’s just that I feel an inner dissonance when I kind of want to tell a guy to fuck off but hear myself telling him to fuck me instead.

@FaceLoad - I actually don’t balk at all from considering that a part of my instinct reflects the female - we are all an amalgam of animus and anima. While I don’t think of myself as female, my sexual function is undeniably that of the female in a hetero or dimorphic context. I’m comfortable with this, and even find myself wondering abstactly from time to time what life would be like if I had a vagina instead of a cock: Double the opportunity for penetration, what wouldn’t be to love about that?

[Phallarchist]

52 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

@FaceLoad - I actually don’t balk at all from considering that a part of my instinct reflects the female - we are all an amalgam of animus and anima. While I don’t think of myself as female, my sexual function is undeniably that of the female in a hetero or dimorphic context. I’m comfortable with this, and even find myself wondering abstactly from time to time what life would be like if I had a vagina instead of a cock: Double the opportunity for penetration, what wouldn’t be to love about that?

The only time I yearn to have a vagina is when I want a man to penetrate me. I.e., when it's convenient. And then it's my most fervent wish. But if I did have one, I would never give a second thought to my rectum again. It would become exit-only, at least until the man wanted to take his conquest of my body to the next level.

[blackrobe]

21 hours ago, BlackDude said:

Naw, there’s nothing worse than arrogant mediocrity. It’s kinda pitiful actually. I mean thinking you can project yourself into “hotness.” That’s one of the problems why hooking up it down cause a lot of these guys really have an overinflated opinion of themselves and their accomplishments. Actually, I found that most really hot guys are actually pretty cool. Maybe because they are confident in their looks and don’t feel the need to dismiss others to make themselves feel better? 

I think you're exactly right @BlackDude. I'm drawn to quietly confident and relaxed men, they are themselves and don't need to put up a front. Arrogant men are, by and large, performing because they don't feel secure and confident in themselves. I'll take the quiet, dark-horse Dom or Top that everyone underestimates but who always manages to slip his cock into my mind before he ever gets it inside my cunt. I think that men are often hot *because* they are cool, relaxed, and confident.