Why is there so little versatility in gay sex?

[ejaculaTe]

On 7/1/2022 at 6:39 PM, KylerIsTrash said:

Back in college I broke my tailbone while riding some dude visiting from Hong Kong.

My curiosity is aroused (along with other parts)....

[tallslenderguy]

Adding more to my previous post.

i see to major schools or thought and emotional response when considering Top/bottom/versatile: some seem to think it's a choice, others go so far as to say they were "born 'that' way."  For me, it's combined. Physically, i can choose to top, psychologically i seem to be wired bottom.

On the rare occasions i have topped, very specific criteria have to aline, some i am aware of, others reasons are blurry, Not so with bottoming. If a Man needs/desires to breed me, pretty much all "criteria" have been met lol. 

One thing that is important to me in this discussion is to take another guy at face value. I.e., i do not get to chose or dictate who he or how he is based on who or how i am. i may wish him to be Top, but would rather go without than have a guy go against who he is just to accommodate me. For me, that feels to much like what i did half my life when i was married to a woman. i went against who and how i am to accommodate a person and an idea.

i don't want to do that to or with another person.  For me, it goes back to my psychological wiring i guess.  i do not just want to get physically penetrated and bred, i want to be 'psychologically' penetrated and bred, and that requires connecting with real need and desire of both involved.  

[chipygmalion80]

On 7/1/2022 at 6:15 PM, NWUSHorny said:

admittedly there are quite a few with eyes bigger than their holes,

🤣

 

People like boxes - woman vs man, black vs white, gay vs str8, bottom vs top, ... ad naseum.

Boxing people in makes things simpler.

Versatility is all about being open minded. 

When I tell a "bottom" that I'm vers, the 1st question from the "bottom" is always:

"can you fuck?"

🤪

Maybe they're making sure I'm in a topping mood but I think it's mostly to put me into a box that fits into their sex makeup.

For example: I'd be MORE than happy to shove some toys and frozen popsicles up his ass, and make a homemade porno of some other guy fucking his ass, even if I weren't in a topping mood.  🤩

 

I'll keep my mind open and stay vers.

 

[NWUSHorny]

13 hours ago, Ieatcumholes said:

For me, prepping for bottoming is a two-day process. I firmly believe that the session should last at least as long as the round trip travel to have the session. (And I do my best to ensure that for the bottoms I hook up with!) Preparation for the session should be included in that! And since most tops that I've experienced don't last long enough to justify the amount of prep it takes, a two-day prep process isn't worth it for me. 

Wow, that would take dedication, that I don't possess. I can understand why you turned mostly top, and there are times, when I can tell the prep isn't going to go quickly that I make the same decision.

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, chipygmalion80 said:

Maybe they're making sure I'm in a topping mood but I think it's mostly to put me into a box that fits into their sex makeup.

For example: I'd be MORE than happy to shove some toys and frozen popsicles up his ass, and make a homemade porno of some other guy fucking his ass, even if I weren't in a topping mood.  🤩

 

I'll keep my mind open and stay vers.

I'd be ok with the boxes if they didn't have to be binary. Why not a box for versatile flip fucker? I'm both bi and versatile, so like many things in life, I don't fit and don't want to fit a this or that binary question. There should be more binaries, here are mine for the question you listed:

Have sex with men = 1

Have sex with women = 1

Anal top = 1

Anal bottom = 1

Use toys on a gay bottom = 0

Use popsicles on a gay bottom = 0

Film 2 guys fucking = 1

 

[Bimarried001]

I have somewhat of a strange take on this. I had not considered myself to be gay when I started going to x-rated theaters at the age of 16. I was a horny boy and it was a good place to watch porn and jerk off. 
 

As time went on I started letting guys suck my cock in the theater still not thinking I’m gay (back then you were gay or straight didn’t know about bi). 
I eventually started fucking guys and later started getting fucked. 
 

At some point I just turned away from topping as I became more excited being a bottom. Now I consider myself strictly a bottom. I have a 9” cock so that was a difficult transition since guys saw my cock and just went for it. 
 

Now I’ve been married for over 30 years and have a been strictly a bottom for as long n

[Guest]

I agree with ya bro. We are gay men and the way I see it, we have access to unlimited pleasure. Why would I want to avoid pleasure?! I get that some of us might situations for where for which one reason or another we can’t have certain sex acts. 
 

For me nothing hotter than breeding a bro and have him pound my shit hole while my cock is still dripping with his ass juices and my poz seed. 
 

My last relationship ended because he could only be bottom and mater top but we couldn’t switch back and forth. “I have to know my role”. Uhm versatile?! (There were other issues but that was enough). 
 

Let’s trade strains! 

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

For me, it goes back to my psychological wiring i guess.  i do not just want to get physically penetrated and bred, i want to be 'psychologically' penetrated and bred, and that requires connecting with real need and desire of both involved.

Thanks .... I knew the wrap-up would be well worth the wait !!!  That elusive "connection" doesn't happen all that often, which makes it all the more precious when it does.

[tallslenderguy]

5 hours ago, chipygmalion80 said:

🤣

 

People like boxes - woman vs man, black vs white, gay vs str8, bottom vs top, ... ad naseum.

Boxing people in makes things simpler.

Versatility is all about being open minded. 

When I tell a "bottom" that I'm vers, the 1st question from the "bottom" is always:

"can you fuck?"

🤪

Maybe they're making sure I'm in a topping mood but I think it's mostly to put me into a box that fits into their sex makeup.

For example: I'd be MORE than happy to shove some toys and frozen popsicles up his ass, and make a homemade porno of some other guy fucking his ass, even if I weren't in a topping mood.  🤩

 

I'll keep my mind open and stay vers.

 

This is not meant to be combative.

To me this reads as though you are saying there really are no intrinsic distinctions, rather: "people like boxes," and these things are all a matter of choice and having an "open mind?" I.e., those who may identify using different "boxes" like "man, woman, black, white, gay, str8, bottom, top" are being closed minded?

Given your list and how you "keep an open mind" means you can be: "man, woman, black, white, gay, str8, bottom, top" whenever you choose?

Something that keeps me from connecting with some guys who identify as "versatile" is a superior attitude some take that because they are versatile they are better, more open minded.  Implying someone who is different means they do not have an open mind ( e.g., "bottom", or "Top") does not strike me as "open minded."  To me, it comes off as ethno/ego centric to assume if someone is not like me, they are just being close minded.  That may be because i grew up in a religious culture that insisted i couldn't be gay... and i believed them and their superior attitude for many years, they seemed so confident they knew what they were talking about. They made an argument they were right because i had sex with a woman and made kids. Performing that way really fucked with me, it was a denial of who i am.   i do not think that is what you are doing, but to me you do seem to be making versatility into its own box?  You do not seem to believe people who say they are "Top" or "bottom?"  i do not claim to understand all of this that's why i think discussions like this are great. i wish you would 'hear' me when i say i am not like you and not just dismiss me as being closed minded.  BTW, i have the same feeling towards those who think Top is superior and bottom inferior. To me, they are just different.  

i think it's possible to be man, woman, black, white, gay, str8, bottom, top... and even versatile (kidding), and keep an open mind. 

i think i am being open minded when i accept you at face value when you say you are versatile. You do not have to be either "Top" or "bottom."  

Edited July 3, 2022 by tallslenderguy

[badjujuboy]

22 hours ago, mikeboi1 said:

I think this is a common problem and not just in gay sex. I am gay with men but I can say I too am bisexual and having talke to women they complain with the same problem. I have heard women say often to me that their boyfriends or partners fucked them and it was over. and they did not get pleasure out of it. Sex is not just penetration, it can be much more, role play and being very creative and doing and exploring new ideas. and sex ideas be it kinky or even bondage. i have spoken with men and they get horny in our communication, because i have no taboos in sex all is open to explore and try and try new ideas. I am a submissive bottom, but always ready to explore and try new ideas and make a point of saying I am open to anything, just dont do any damage to my body and i am clean and safe and want to remain this way. but i am always open to dirty verbal abuse, bondage, SM, and all types of sex even those that are considered unappropriate, as between two or more consenting people all is good and fun. my sex experience i have to admit it as been limited as men just want to fuck, only the rare men who have done kissing, spanking,  and fucked me and made me suck their cock after they fucked me. Even if a top as had his orgasm and cum inside of me, I would not mind if he just wipped his cock out and shoved it in my mouth and made me suck him till he got hard again, mean while treat me as his bitch or whore be it physically and verbably. As well feel his hands spank, probe my body and enjoy it. sex does not have to end with an orgasm is over. I always most often got fucked and only had my orgasm when i got home because my top was done and said get fuck out bitch or just walked away. where was my pleasure? I had not other then knowing i got a sore asshole and have is cum inside of me. it could last a lot longer and more pleasureable and memorable. i have had the rare occassion that a top finger fucked me, but would love it if he even finger fucked me and then made me taste my juice hole. recently I had a dominant female tell me her fantsasy would be to see a submissive bottom being fucked by two males. while she watched or was having her pussy licked. i admit it would be erotic and exciting, being submissive, shy and even timid i feel shame with a woman watching me getting fucked by another male but yet its so erotic getting fucked with an audiance.

If anything there is a lack of imagination when it comes to sex, as tops tend to focus on his cock, and penetration of a hole and squirting his cum inside that hole and sex is over for him. but the truth sex never started for the other as they never achieved their orgasm, the only issue is that the one with a hole as a mission and purpose to pleasure and please the top and keep him satisfied and never challenges him to go on further, so he seeks other tops to fuck him as well, Same story goes for women!

As a sub bottom I’ve experienced the need to just get fucked and move on to the next one whether I came or not… it was all about servicing cock and taking the load. Yet with my first Daddy, I would feel a disconnect with him after he came which would cause an anxiety… should I leave? Was it not good? Is this the last time? I would take his spent cock and clean it wanting a reaction. Sometimes I would finger my cum filled cunt as he sat back and basically ignored me while all I wanted was to continue.  After a while, he would begin to “take notice of me” and silently let me know what he wanted such as feeding me poppers and forcing me down on his cock/feeding me his piss or taking a few hits off the pipe which signaled he was ready to continue. This was the way it was during our “enhanced” sessions but outside of that, we had a more normal relationship… although, he was surprisingly more into the relationship aspect that I was. 

[ErosWired]

On 6/28/2022 at 3:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Is there more ED issues than there was in the past? Are the ED issues related to increased drug use? Is it purely psychological?

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

You’re asking why a subgroup of the male population is displaying a preference for bottoming, i.e. a receptive sexual role, vis-a-vis other men. We need to determine whether we’re talking from a common set of assumptions. For instance, is there a fundamental factor that makes a gay man a homosexual? Is this a choice or not? Then, is the role he assumes, whether Top, bottom or vers, purely a matter of choice, or is it wired into him by nature, nurture, or both? If we can agree that orientation is not a matter of choice (and we damn well ought to be able to) then it doesn’t seem like much of a step to me to accept that one’s general sense of one’s sexual role or position could also be hard-wired.

Gay men are attracted to men, arguably, for the same reasons that women are attracted to men: Men display distinctly masculine attributes, particularly secondary sexual characteristics that signal reproductive readiness, fertility, and the ability to protect and provide for potential offspring. Don’t bother saying that these things are irrelevant to gay attraction - they aren’t. Humans have been sexually hard-wired by 50,000 years of natural selection that succeeded exactly because we learned how to automatically sniff out a good fuck without having to think it through.

This is the important point. Gay men are attracted to men, by and large, because they are attracted to masculine attributes and male secondary sexual characteristics, all of which are designed, in the amalgam, to point to ability to penetrate and inseminate. Let that sink in for a second - gay men, like women, are at base level attracted to an ability to penetrate.

It makes perfect sense, in a binary reproductive system, that women would be thus attracted. Every hole is looking for its peg. In the case of gay men, however, the model makes no sense unless the general reason men are attracted sexually to other men tends to be because they are attracted to an ability to penetrate. That is, something about them must inherently be drawn to penetration in a fashion akin to women, or there would be no sexual attraction to penetrators - thus a tendency toward bottoming.

Now, obviously, this is a highly generalized hypothesis that does not attempt to account for the vast divergence of attractions and tastes in the homosexual community, nor does it presume to speak to any individual motivation or psychology. But based on a species-level, natural-history based approach, it suggests one possible factor to explain why the gay population has always been bottom-heavy.

I’m a total bottom. I’ve penetrated three, maybe four men total. It simply doesn’t work with me. You ask what could inspire me to be more versatile - nothing would. There is no ‘Top’ in me. At all. You can’t get blood from a turnip.

Interestingly, I’m actually a bisexual, was married for quite a few years, and enjoyed sex with my wife, but there was never a sense of ‘Topping’ my spouse. That was something quite, quite different. Relative position doesn’t enter the equation at that level of intimacy. But trying to equate the sex one experiences in a relationship of deep love with the fucking one does in a bathhouse is like comparing a glass of fine wine to a dixie cup full of Kool-Aid. The comparison is pointless.

[hungry_hole]

On 6/28/2022 at 10:46 PM, KylerIsTrash said:

I cum fast and I am 1-and-done when I cum.

Most guys once they cum they are done. When I'm at a bathhouse and there is a bottom who takes over a public sling for a long time and I want a chance, I work hard to make the bottom cum. Once they cum they get off the sling and give a chance to others.

I'm sometimes surprised by the lack of self-awareness men have, including bottoms. I've read here threads of men explaining how after shooting they are done, thinking that is has to do with them. Amazing!

In French "La Petite Mort" is a way of describing the male orgasm:

Quote

La petite mort is an expression that means "the brief loss or weakening of consciousness" and in modern usage refers specifically to "the sensation of post orgasm as likened to death."

Bottoms, with a complete lack of self-awareness, think that they like to bottom because "it's in their DNA" or a "they are wired". When in fact by bottoming and not shooting the load allows a guy to be in a heightened state of arousal for hours.

I was at a sauna a couple of weeks ago.  I walked into the darkroom where there was a guy waiting to get fucked. I noticed he had a hard-on so I made him touch my hole that had already been loaded. I guess feeling the cum in my hole made him horny so he fucked me and bred me in a matter of a minute. He immediately left and I saw him leaving the bathhouse minutes later.

 

[NWUSHorny]

5 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

Most guys once they cum they are done. When I'm at a bathhouse and there is a bottom who takes over a public sling for a long time and I want a chance, I work hard to make the bottom cum. Once they cum they get off the sling and give a chance to others.

I'm sometimes surprised by the lack of self-awareness men have, including bottoms. I've read here threads of men explaining how after shooting they are done, thinking that is has to do with them. Amazing!

In French "La Petite Mort" is a way of describing the male orgasm:

Bottoms, with a complete lack of self-awareness, think that they like to bottom because "it's in their DNA" or a "they are wired". When in fact by bottoming and not shooting the load allows a guy to be in a heightened state of arousal for hours.

I was at a sauna a couple of weeks ago.  I walked into the darkroom where there was a guy waiting to get fucked. I noticed he had a hard-on so I made him touch my hole that had already been loaded. I guess feeling the cum in my hole made him horny so he fucked me and bred me in a matter of a minute. He immediately left and I saw him leaving the bathhouse minutes later.

 

That wouldn't work with me, if there is action happening at the sex club I can cum multiple times.

Maybe it is selfish, but when I am getting ready to leave a sex club I seek out another verse guy, start fucking him, and offer to breed him if he will return the favor, if it is an active orgy I keep moving on until I find someone who agrees.

[NWUSHorny]

@tallslenderguyand @ErosWiredi have definitely observed the strong tendency of bi married guys to be total bottoms when it comes to gay sex. This is especially true or at least much more obvious when they do 3 ways with their wife and another guy. I have hooked up with quite a few couples over the years, but on only 3 occasions did I get the husband to do anything but bottom, and in all 3 of those cases the guy was under 25.

I was never lucky enough to be in a relationship with a woman who as open to us hooking up with another guy, but I'm pretty sure I would be the exception to the rule on this as well.

[leatherpunk16]

I started bottoming because I could never last very long as a top. Guys wanted it drawn out over a long period, and while some staying power is good, some nights one just wants to unload and find the next hole. Taking too long implies that you have trouble climaxing. Ending too soon says you have no control. Gotta find the middle ground, and for many guys, that's actually a common thing. Porn sets an unrealistic expectation: the scene plays for up to 30 minutes. That doesn't mean the sex lasts for 30 minutes! This is why it can take all day to film a 30 minute scene. The top has to stop, calm his boner, control his flood, and that's when the camera goes off. Rest, recuperate, and start again. And it repeats as much as necessary until a good film (or even a bad one) materializes.

And life just doesn't work that way! Our bodies don't work that way. We were meant to breed as quickly as possible. Another reason that some bottoms go full slut at the bathhouse for an all-nighter. Naturally short inseminations allows for a greater number of deposits. If it took an hour each time, would you really be impressed by a guy who got only four or five loads? Good on him, but it's not 20, and we've been taught to expect 20, perhaps for a couple generations.

Also, it's easier to be a bottom in such situations. Hats off to the men who can actually seed 20 bottoms in one night! That's asking a lot, and many men can do the trick only once. Blessed is he who has the gift of shooting multiple loads in such a short space. That's too rare, and too hard to maintain, and if you don't have the skill, you never will. So it's just easier to be a bottom, and open oneself to the possibilities that come with it. Also, one can grow and train as a bottom. Tops don't often have such flexibility.