Need to bareback - neg scared of becoming poz but can't get it out of my head

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, pluto said:

The Judge of Fantasies speaks. 

This is the HIV/AIDS & Sexual Health > Making the Decision to Bareback forum, not the Backroom > HIV Fetish - Bugchasers, Gift Givers, etc. forum, so I think it is reasonable to point out when someone is about to actually switch from fantasy to a potentially self-destructive act. 

[Guest]

20 hours ago, pluto said:

I don't *want* to be Poz but I do feel hooked, drawn to, turned on by, the idea of barebacking completely unprotected, obsessed with it. 

Peole say 'just go for it' but I can't quite. Other people say that once I've passed this point there's no way back and I just need to accept that I'm drawn to barebacking. A lot of people must have gone through this. How do I move on from here? (and yes I do get hard at the thought of getting fucked 100% unprotected). London UK looking for advice and understanding tops.

Have you thought becoming PreP? It may help you break the ice, or just chose the right person to do it for ya.

[Guest]

I wish prep had been an option for me during my early years of exploring “no loads refused” breeding sessions.  I was definitely nervous about getting knocked up, but my ass and cock’s desire to get bred overruled my brain’s logic.  I remember the first real time of just letting go and took lots of random bare cocks. I was on biz trip in SF. Posted ad on Craigslist saying I was hosting and offering up anon ass for breeding. Made it 100% clear I was only take bareback loads and no loads refused.  It was a hot time. Stayed at an easy access hotel and timed it great for weather. Lots of horny tops came by and bred me. Definitely was cum drunk by the end of the night, woke up next day with a worry of what the fuck did I just do…but continued on and kept setting up such hot fuck sessions wherever I traveled for work. Turned me into a real cumslut and felt sort of free…figured I must have converted. Surprisingly I didn’t . That didn’t happen for about another 8 years. 

[PozBearWI]

22 hours ago, pluto said:

I don't *want* to be Poz but I do feel hooked, drawn to, turned on by, the idea of barebacking completely unprotected, obsessed with it. 

Peole say 'just go for it' but I can't quite. Other people say that once I've passed this point there's no way back and I just need to accept that I'm drawn to barebacking. A lot of people must have gone through this. How do I move on from here? (and yes I do get hard at the thought of getting fucked 100% unprotected). London UK looking for advice and understanding tops.

Indeed there are a number of risk mitigation strategies one might employ.  In my world the number of neg or undet represent the majority of local available playmates.  So with our without PrEP my risk is quite low to begin with.  After that it seems for me to be a cost/benefit situation; including cost to me and cost to society.  I love poz talk and if it turned out that one of my play buds was poz and passed it to me; it would be "just another thing to manage".  PrEP seems to pour a shit ton of money into pharma industry

[hntnhole]

On 3/17/2023 at 7:37 PM, pluto said:

Peole say 'just go for it'

Yes, some guys do say that.  Other guys say get on PReP, get tested frequently, get all the vaccines for the various bugs you can, and get your ass into the pigpen with the rest of us happy barebackers.  Protect your health first, then get your ass busy 😉

[baldwin]

Honeybunns1980 post speaks to exactly how I feel. I couldn't have said it better.

 

I have zero desire for nor interest in being “converted”or whatever, but, I’ve found it difficult the last few years to get BB’ing out of my head, too. That’s around the time I decided to really start to go for it. And, now that I’m immersing myself into the sissy hypno rabbit hole, I’m finding that there really is at least some truth to the there’s-no-turning-back warnings. 
Again, I’m not a chaser, but, I can’t remember the last time I got fucked by someone wearing a condom. I’m of the mindset now that I’m going to make myself available however the top wants it. They want it bare. And, I’ve learned that the unspoken rule for bottoms is: if you’re getting fucked bare, you’re accepting that you will have a load of cum in your ass when it’s over, unless the top decides otherwise. 

 

[Guest]

I'd like to thank everybody who had shared their views and non judgmentally spoken about seeing the consequences clearly, and considering the lines between fantasy and reality. I also think it's important to recognise that making myself / my hole available for use which I definitely do want to do (and I believe *should* do) doesn't mean that I can't take other precautions such as prep.

[Guest]

Bearing that in mind, I understand its essential to get tested for both hiv and hep b before starting prep. Even for demand based/ situational prep which is what I'm thinking of. Really dont like giving blood samples are any if the quick saliva or small fingerprint tests suitable for this purpose? 

[BootmanLA]

6 hours ago, pluto said:

Bearing that in mind, I understand its essential to get tested for both hiv and hep b before starting prep. Even for demand based/ situational prep which is what I'm thinking of. Really dont like giving blood samples are any if the quick saliva or small fingerprint tests suitable for this purpose? 

I can't say for sure - it would almost certainly depend on where you're located, for one thing, and you don't include that in your profile.

The general rule, though, is that a blood test (more specifically, particular kinds of blood tests) are the only way to be absolutely sure of one's status. I can't say "suck it up" and go through the blood test, but it's not that bad.

My guess would be that a saliva test would not be guaranteed accurate enough to serve as an indication of suitability for PrEP.

[Guest]

For me, the answer was quite simple, both when I got pozzed and later when I decided to drop the meds years later:

 

Option number 1:

You don't let this self-destructive kink consume you. You go to a therapist and try to let him or her talk you out of it. Because you don't want to have a chronic infection for life. It's a choice, and a reasonable one that will spare you major complications.

 

Option number 2:

You embrace this kink. You don't pathologize self-destructive behaviour. You understand and appreciate the fact that living a long life has not always been the ultimate criteria during the history of mankind and that engaging in harmful practices has always been part of human cultures. So you go for it and accept that you will have to medicate yourself for life and/or have a somehow shorter life. 

 

Both options are legit. 

I chose option number 2.

[austin_submale]

On 3/17/2023 at 6:37 PM, pluto said:

I don't *want* to be Poz but I do feel hooked, drawn to, turned on by, the idea of barebacking completely unprotected, obsessed with it. 

Peole say 'just go for it' but I can't quite. Other people say that once I've passed this point there's no way back and I just need to accept that I'm drawn to barebacking. A lot of people must have gone through this. How do I move on from here? (and yes I do get hard at the thought of getting fucked 100% unprotected). London UK looking for advice and understanding tops.

I totally understand the "thrill of the risk".  It does become an obsession almost...

FWIW, I have been taking random anonymous loads for a few years now...

 

[ErosWired]

On 3/18/2023 at 1:22 PM, NWUSHorny said:

Another ethical question is for cumdump bottoms, what is their obligation even if they themselves are neg on PREP or undetectable? I'm almost certain I caught it from fucking cumdump bottoms at sex clubs and parties. I take full responsibility for my own irresponsible actions (I sought out bottoms that I had just watched get bred), but definitely warn someone who I don't think is experienced if they are about to stick their dick in me and I have cum in my hole. In fact unless it is a regular who is about to fuck me, I always disclose in advance if they are about to get sloppy seconds. 

I’m not sure I follow the logic. You’re quite right that if a guy is ass-up, his Undetectable status is only relevant to the health of the Top until after he takes his first raw load - then he can guarantee no safety from HIV any more than he can guarantee safety from gono. But at the same time - at that point, his Undetectable status is no longer relevant to the health of the Top. The Top is going to be exposed to risk no matter what he does if he penetrated, so what is served by revealing status at that point, and why is the Top even bothering to ask?

Personally, I always try to broadcast my status in advance of hooking up, so I seldom get faced with the question in the moment. I’m a big advocate for revealing status, if for no other reason than the more routine it gets, the less stigma we’re going to have to deal with. But from a practical perspective, revealing your status does little more than tell the Top you’re looking after yourself. He’s still taking a chance, and telling him you’re Undetectable - i.e. safe - may actually be giving him a false sense of security.

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

He’s still taking a chance, and telling him you’re Undetectable - i.e. safe - may actually be giving him a false sense of security.

I'm not telling them that I'm undetectable at that point, I'm informing a guy that may not know how big of a slut I am,  that there is already cum in my hole, with the implication that I don't know the status of that cum. Which may be assuming too much. On the other hand 95% of my fucking takes place in sex clubs so if they are barebacking in a sex club they are already taking significant risk.

[ErosWired]

15 hours ago, pluto said:

Bearing that in mind, I understand its essential to get tested for both hiv and hep b before starting prep. Even for demand based/ situational prep which is what I'm thinking of. Really dont like giving blood samples are any if the quick saliva or small fingerprint tests suitable for this purpose? 

HIV testing by oral fluid is for antibody only and is the least reliable method. Antibody/Antigen may be possible with a needle stick.

Hepatitis panels are a blood test.

Don’t be a weenie. Go get the damn test.

[Orlbttmntraining]

On 3/17/2023 at 11:43 PM, ErosWired said:

This isn’t complicated. You want something that has a risk attached, but you want it with no risk. Your distress comes from the fact that you can’t have what you want, and you’re too afraid to get it any other way.

No amount of fretting is going to change it. If you want bare, you accept some risk. Period. If you absolutely cannot tolerate the thought of coping with what would happen if you got HIV, then put going bare out of your mind. Make the decision and quit worrying about it. There are lots of things in life we have to choose not to do, and we live with the choices.

On the other hand, there are ways to approach it by drastically reducing the risk - PrEP - being the biggest factor.

Ignore these people telling you to find friends who are givers/chasers. If you don’t want to become positive, they’re going to give you lousy advice, and conceivably try to harm you - avoid like plague.

Even if you mitigate your risk of HIV to the max, the more you fuck bare, the more certain it is that you’ll ultimately pick up an STD. Again, if you can’t deal with it, no bare for you. It’s something you have to accept.

There’s nothing anyone here can do to get you over your fear of the water. We can give you information. We can tell you what we’ve done. But making the decision to swim is all you. We can’t push you into the pool.

Its advice like this I love seeing!