Self respect and humanity

[gaypigbb]

I was reading through Gangbangsuperstars topic about being "worthless trash" and started thinking. [ Original thread ] Since I didn't wanna be a party pooper to the rather horny atmosphere over there (myself included), I felt these thoughts fit better here as it's own topic. I'm not trying to kinkshame anyone,  please read the whole post ☺️. And I'm curious how these thoughts resonate with this community here on BZ!

 

The question was "does it ever bother you that the men who fuck (and the men who watch you get used) you think you are worthless trash?"

If we think of the term "worthless trash" in its literal sense: "having no value and could be thrown away (eliminated) without being missed", then honestly yes it would bother me, and I think it should bother to any bottom. If we really put the true meaning into this term, and feel okay with people feeling like it, or thinking about others that way - it should never be accepted. In my opinion I would interpret it as either loneliness on one side or psychopathy on the other. In both cases a really fucked up and wrong idea about humanity and the inherent value of all human beings. I really hope we help and support each other to feel respected, valued and love true meaningful lives with healthy human relationships.

 

That said, I can really understand the idea of humiliation, getting used and being there only for the tops pleasure. I've been there many times myself, and have no plan to stop. I got rock hard and heroes off while reading the replies to the discussion mentioned above. But this power play is about something else, it's about consent, power, submission, trust, risk, surprise...

 

So when I use language like "use me as your fuckhole, like a fucking whore! Do whatever you want with me sir!" it's part of the dynamic between me and my top. It's two sided, and it's part of the kinky sexual play. But I always try to keep my self respect intact. Even with a random top at a sex club, I let the power play be a part of my deliberate play with power. To let go is all about power. So it's true that being submissive is a way to experience power. In a way, being submissive can even build healthy confidence and self respect. 

 

The problem I see sometimes is that we can push this fetish too far. In my opinion we should never fetishize truly cruel and destructive things. But it's a fine and difficult line between amazing kink and just sad stories. Here on BZ there are a lot of great kinks and community with few limits, we need placed like this. I'm in no position to start moralizing about what is a healthy and what is a too extreme kink, I've done a lot of fucked up stuff I both do and do not regret, and my fantasies sometimes includes both pozchasing and getting drugged senseless to mention the perhaps most extreme. So I'm really not trying to be any kind of kink judge. I just truly believe that all humans are valuable , and deserve respect from themselves and from others. And sex is in my experience always better that way.

 

So I hope that we through all the excitement and piggy kinks can remember that for sexuality to be part of our human experience, we need to help each other be humans. 

Edited August 12, 2023 by gaypigbb

[NordicBtm]

My mind game when I get fucked doesn’t quantify me as “worthless trash” at all. It’s all about getting in direct touch with the physical urge to breed / get seeded. And when you do that you are not thinking about being worthless or if someone you fuck is worthless. IMO men need to get physical and release cum, receive cum. This physical desire is way more primal than some mind game we spin on top of that. 🐽

Edited August 12, 2023 by NordicBtm

[Cumming4u]

I think for a lot of guy’s, it’s more fetish than an actual mindset. I’m sure there are some guys out there who truly do have that mindset, but more often than not, I think guys have a kink for the *thought of* being just a worthless slut who is there to get fucked by any and all guys. It turns them on thinking that they can be so uninhibited and just let go and be uninhibited.

I’m more a top than a bottom and a few guys I’ve fucked had a bit of this kink. One is a regular of mine. He loves it when I’m verbal with him and call him trash. He likes when I fuck him with no mercy. He likes getting slapped, spanked, pissed on/in, spit on, etc. Just basically treated like a body used for my pleasure, whatever it will be. 
 

Outside the bedroom though, it’s like Jekyll and Hyde with him. If you met him on the street you would never think he would be into that in bed. He’s a high functioning, well put together man with high self esteem. When I smack him around (lightly, not to inflict real pain), spit on him and call him trash, it’s pure fantasy- more for him than me since he’s more into it. I respect him as a human being and a person. Im basically just acting a role and going along with it.

[ErosWired]

I don’t consider myself trash and I am far from worthless as a human being. Nothing a Top ever does to me is going to change that, and I’ve been treated by men in way that are both physically and mentally demeaning and degrading, including sexual assault. There have been men who have treated my body with little to no respect, and even those who openly expressed their contempt for me as they despoiled me. None of it caused any loss in my self-esteem. I am a human being of worth, dignity, and considerable accomplishment in ways that have nothing to do with this.

At the same time, I fully accept that my body is a sexual utility to be used by men without consideration. I do not expect them to think of me in equal human terms; I am a flesh object. I take this view as it applies only to me and do not consider it true of anyone else, and some might interpret this as poor self-esteem. But in fact, I take pride in the role that I find is mine. I am proud to be a cunt that another man sinks into and is transported to bliss, and if in his mind I am never anything more than a sleeve of warm, wet, delicious fuck, then I am fulfilled. My duty as a piece of ass is a part of what makes me human, a part of my purpose, and one part of my contribution to the world. 

[NWUSHorny]

Maybe it is a lack of imagination on my part, but I can't say that I understand the worthless trash fetish at all, but the same is true of most fetishes. I see sexual fetishes as a means of enhancing the sexual act, they don't extend beyond that, and even so I'm uncomfortable with any fetish that is intentionally self destructive even if it is entirely fantasy.

[gaypigbb]

I agree with you all. I've just seen in a few friends that they cannot manage to put the fetish away, shd it gradually take over their self respect. And that isn't healthy. But to have a conscious relationship with your own kinks and fantasies helps keep the fetishes fetishes. Know your body, and know your mind, then you should be good! 

[MuscledHorse]

I don't find it humiliating at all. I am very proud of how loose nd how promiscuous i am and I live for group use settings. Guys who want to view my real need for extreme size sodomy and a constant parade of partners as being "worthless trash" are the kind of guys who are deep down jealous that i can indulge my sexual appetites on that level without shame or guilt. I regard that attitude as an extension of the slut shaming i experienced as a teen when I was expected to do the gay equivalent of a hetero relationship/ marriage. 25 partners in my young life and friends were lecturing me on how bad it was to be promiscuous and how guys didn't want a loose bottom to fuck. I felt that deep down they were jealous of me and my experiences with that kind of attitude have all led to that same conclusion: on some level the person is still struggling with massive amounts of suppressed guilt and shame and this is the toxic manifestation. As I said to a guy once who used a "worthless trash" type line in me: you're just jealous i'm getting more sex pleasure than you." And that's the truth.

[hntnhole]

16 hours ago, gaypigbb said:

it should never be accepted. In my opinion I would interpret it as either loneliness on one side or psychopathy on the other. In both cases a really fucked up and wrong idea about humanity and the inherent value of all human beings. I really hope we help and support each other to feel respected, valued and love true meaningful lives with healthy human relationships.

I hope some of us read, re-read, and re-re-read gaypigbb's thoughts on the issue.  He gets it.  

Thanks, gaypigbb.  

[BlindRawFucker1]

When I read some of the “worthless trash” and “I loved being abused as a child” talk, I want to cry.

 

The thing that sometimes keeps me from doing so, is clinging onto that fine thread of hope that the person is only using it as a part of his kink, and doesn’t truly have those thoughts occupying his mind.

 

Sometimes, I can’t find that slender thread, and do cry.

[BBBxCumDumpster]

8 hours ago, hntnhole said:

I hope some of us read, re-read, and re-re-read gaypigbb's thoughts on the issue.  He gets it.  

Thanks, gaypigbb.  

I'm with you on this one. Gaypigbb's thoughts are sound, eye-opening and so eloquently stated. Bravo Gaypigbb.

[PigBoyDallas]

As a Latino I can tell you objectification and being called trash is a regular occurrence. Guys are disappointed I don't have an accept (fifth generation Texan, sorry) and will say it to my face, which, seriously, WTF am I supposed to say? Guys want/hope/expect me to act street, thuggy, gang, or whatever. Nope...sorry, I'm a dorky techy nerdy guy. I don't have tattoos, don't have gold teeth, not a gang-banger, or whatever ridiculous stereotype you want. I've had guys want me to do some really debasing and crude roleplaying and I'm ashamed to admit I've done it. And it takes two to tango. I like trashy white boys and am disappointed when they don't sound like a redneck, live in a trailer, have ink, smoke cigarettes, and so on. But I'll be as "Mexican" as guys want if it gets me what I want. I'll do the "Speedy Gonzalez" BS or whatever they expect. It doesn't mean I don't respect myself or genuinely think I am trash, or have low self esteem. I worked through all that crap society put on me years ago. I do it for what I want now.

[Junlee]

I'm in the middle of working through this and it's interesting.

My arousal is so tied to wanting to be treated like an object, however the moment i don't feel respected as a human something clicks and i turn off again.

This initially makes me (desperately) look to "give my power away", especially when im 'in the mood'. Feeling like i want to be treated like trash, used, etc. When it happens, it's a lot harder than i thought it would be and it makes it difficult to enjoy it.

So i appreciate the posting of the bottom & top actual being on equal footing. Where this play is a powerdynamic and trust and consent are important. Learning from it is a step to actually put it in practice and becoming a better person to myself too.

[PozTalkAuthor]

I agree with the original poster's thoughts. Totally. I know posts you're talking about, and instinctively I'm quite sad for people with no self-respect because I'm aware it's the result of a world where homosexuality is treated as something disgusting - and yes, there are also many hetero men getting excited by degrading and women who enjoy being degraded. 

What I think about it, I always compare it to sweets or non-healthy food. 

It's obvious that, generally, fried stuff and/or sweets, chocolate and so on, taste so good. But a life in this way means self harm! 

Sexually, I always say it's matter of understanding the huge difference between fantasy and desire. Fantasy is made of exaggeration, transgression, to break boundaries. But real life is other thing! 

I heard many men getting excited to have their tops spit in their face as a degradation sign, well, I would never allow someone to do that, I'd never allow a stranger to call me slut as, currently, I do not look for that kind of experience! Then with my long-term partner I do and say whatever but it's another background. 

The author also said about being "psycho", well, I don't think so. 

When you come from a background where you feel refused even by your family, it's very hard to feel self-respect unless you find the reason to, yourself! 

I personally fell in the arms of an abuser because I had no self-esteem, because the world (even gays in my area) made me believe that "gay men are in this way, accept it!" and "this way" means "love is an illusion, be promiscuous and proud of it" 

It's a matter of models we choose, I think. We shouldn't refer to "models" as every person has their own life and background, but it's really hard to feel self-respect in these days, where the world wants us to be more perfect and less humans. In general. 

Yes, we must help ourselves to be human, with everything it means. Including kinks (even extreme ones) and desires. They're ours, and we must make peace with everything.

[hntnhole]

59 minutes ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

Sexually, I always say it's matter of understanding the huge difference between fantasy and desire.

Agreed.  Another way to put it might be: casual sex is transactional - each guy gets out of it what he puts into it.  As long as each respects the other's needs, it's all good.  Some guys enjoy, perhaps even need to be treated like "trash".  I don't know or understand anything about that inclination, but I don't have to either.  All I need to do is respect it.  

1 hour ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

I would never allow someone to do that

Congrats.  I don't think all that many Tops are interested in that kind of behavior anyway, but again, a scene between two guys is essentially a brief "contract", and "special effects" should always be mentioned before the scene, if only to inform the other guy what's desired/expected.  For example, I wouldn't consider performing some of the debasing acts that may be desired by a bottom, and both he and I would excuse ourselves with a smile and a "good luck, bud".  

1 hour ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

it's very hard to feel self-respect unless you find the reason to, yourself!

Exactly.  All of us need to reflect on who we are, what do we need/want from our sex partners, Find out who we are.  Do the intellectual work.  Root out the cultural bullshit, and figure out how to be whole, emotionally healthy men that fuck each other without any barriers to our fulfillment.  

1 hour ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

I personally fell in the arms of an abuser because I had no self-esteem, because the world (even gays in my area) made me believe that "gay men are in this way, accept it!" and "this way" means "love is an illusion, be promiscuous and proud of it"

I'm sorry this was your experience, and I hope you've recovered as fully as possible from it.  Again, this particular ethic is entirely situational.  It's absolutely possible to share your life with a man who you deeply love, and who returns that love - all they while being as promiscuous as your Lusts will allow.  I know this because I enjoyed exactly this kind of relationship for just over 30 years.  While he and I performed all kinds of outrageous sexually acts, we did so together, we did so singly, and we loved each other until the moment he passed.  Love is definitely not an illusion, but it can be hard to find.  I know I was more fortunate in this regard than many, but I also know that it's a real possibility.  Neither of us were "ashamed" of any sexual exploits, we enjoyed our sexuality completely, just like every other less ... "thrilliing?" aspects of our lives.  

1 hour ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

Yes, we must help ourselves to be human, with everything it means. Including kinks (even extreme ones) and desires. They're ours, and we must make peace with everything.

So when are you going to add the appropriate title to your screen name?  Maybe you could consider "PozTalkAuthorPhilosopher" ???

🤍

[PozTalkAuthor]

Oh, LOL!!! I'm not a philosopher at all! 🤣

Sorry for your loss, unfortunately death is something we never consider, till it knocks our door! If only it could take assholes away from earth! 

Well, to people saying "love is an illusion" I just reply "talk for yourself" now but those became my feelings when so-called "mr. right" gave me HIV by cheating on me continuously. 

In that background I lost all my self-esteem and it took years to get it back! Now I've changed my prospect and give higher priority to myself. I'm partnered (happily partnered) and do not ask myself too many questions. At almost 50 years old, it's time I live life as it is without chasing ideals. 

Is my guy the love of life, will it last just some time? We don't know the future, and with this way of thinking we're going to celebrate our first year together. 

I understood what "self respect" was, as soon as I found myself in my current man's arms and felt safe, loved, as I haven't felt for long. Not by the man who lived into my house and that I called "boyfriend" before. Well, to make it short, I kicked my abusive ex out and changed the door lock, one week after! And admitted to myself I could have done it just after covid lockdown emergency. 

Self esteem and respect have not an expiry date. Yes, true, the sooner you find them the sooner you enjoy life. But I can say it aloud, Breeding Zone community has contributed to help me in many ways - even without me asking for advices every second.