Rules when cheating on your partner?

[Marlin]

I have a fuckbud who i play with a few times a month. He's married to an older guy, but I have no idea what their relationship is like. i suspect it may be a sexless relatioship. I don't know if there is an understanding or whether he is actually deceiving and cheating. That being said it does not affect how passionate our hookups are. Lots of kissing, verbal, eating each other's asses and him taking my cum in his ass and me swallowing his load. A major turn on for me is sending him home to his husband with my load deep inside him.

[tallslenderguy]

my story is all over BZ. The short version is i used to be married to a woman. i was religiously conditioned from an early age that being gay is "sick and sinful," and actually believed it was a choice.  i spent a large portion of my life trying not to be gay.  It didn't work. Ever.  One of the worst results is, while married and trying not to be gay, i started cheating... having sex with guys on the  DL.  For me, it was a tortured existence. i hated myself for lying and cheating. my former wife actually knew i am attracted to guys prior to our marriage, but we were both very deluded and ignorant because of our beliefs, and neither of us really knew what that meant.  For me, sex became like a drug fix, it was my only form of affirmation since i was making every effort to not be gay.  

i wouldn't call them "rules," but i did end up being scrupulously honest and open in all sorts of other ways, trying to compensate i think.  

Rules for cheating seems a contradiction of terms.  Cheating is breaking the rules?  

To me, what you have created is an illusion. i do not think you have the connection with your husband that you think you have because he does not know you. There is a sizable part of you, a need/desire, that he does not know about.  You project an image vs your true self, and he has a relationship with that image vs the real you.  To me, it seems a sort of stage play for you, where you are an actor... and he doesn't know that. He thinks you are the real thing.  Which, i'm sure you are in some ways, but you are aware based on what and how you write, that he'd be deeply hurt if he knew the real you.  

You seem fragmented to me, a part of you loves him, a part of you does not. 

 

[hntnhole]

On 7/2/2024 at 6:34 PM, PozBearWI said:

The point of this was ?????

...... anybody's guess ..... 

[leakyhole]

I am just cheating when I'm in the mood to do so, trying to stay uncovered 🙂 

[Cuteguy69]

My only rule is bareback

[hntnhole]

23 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

To me, what you have created is an illusion

Well said, tallslenderguy.  

 

23 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

he does not know you

I'm no arbiter of how other guys order their lives, but to me, ^ obviates any real "connection".  I don't see how the kind of connection we're discussing can exist, when lies, untruths, deceptions are part of the mix.  To me, it's like trying to mix oil & water.  Never the less, I wish both guys the best .  

[onlyraw]

And also remember that even if you “fart out the cum” before you get home …. There are other stds out there you might be exposing your lover to

i can remember onetime in my younger days tricking with this guy who turned out to have a partner he was living with… and the day after I noticed a bit of itching and discovered I had scabies …. 
of course I sent an email to the guy to let him know…, 

so careful as we may have been ( I think we even used a condom) …. He still had to have a difficult conversation with his partner 

Edited July 7 by onlyraw

[hntnhole]

To the OP directly though, the title of the thread is a bit of an oxymoron. 

Using the word "cheating" in the title implies dishonesty between the two partners, and from the get-go. Hardly a sound foundation for any relationship.

The solution would be an agreed-upon prior arrangement that each guy can get outside sex whenever he wants/needs/has the chance to get it.  The details of each "outside" fuck either could be shared or not, depending on the agreement.  

That would, obviously, remove the dishonesty aspect, and neither guy could feel "cheated" on when the clearly inevitable happens.  At the very least, if one guy doesn't want outside sex to happen, he'll know going in that the other guy does (and almost certainly will) "cheat".

One "rule", laid down with both guys agreeing to it.  Pretty simple.  

[BlindRawFucker1]

Rules 1 through 10,

 

DON’T CHEAT!!!

 

Or, don’t be in a relationship.

[blackrobe]

54 minutes ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

Rules 1 through 10,

DON’T CHEAT!!!

Or, don’t be in a relationship.

Ethical Non-Monogamy is a valid option as well, let's not ignore it.

Open relationships = No cheating.

[norefusal]

my #1 rule is "avoid any discussion of it" 😜

until fairly recently, i've been able to ridiculously boast "i've never cheated on anyone". it's not cheating if you never officially agreed to be exclusive. it's BS i know but as george costanza says " it's not a lie if you believe it" 😜

this continued thru the times i tried to cheat on my husband and the hook up just didn't happen, or didn't continue until "completion". i'd convince myself it wasn't cheating if no one came. that worked until the day i took a load and could no longer lie to even myself. 

i know other cheaters have specific rules. the guy who became my sole FB during lockdown wouldn't fuck me. that was the rule he set for himself. it seems silly to me to think the daily loads i swallowed weren't technically "cheating" but hey, his rules worked for him, who am i to say they're silly. 

[KindaBasic]

On 7/2/2024 at 5:46 PM, AlB said:

Since I would never cheat on anyone much less my husband I am unqualified to contribute further on the topic.  Tangentially I will add that on the rare occasions I or my husband play separately the “guest star’s” cum and sweat on or in whichever of us played is a HUGE attraction for the one left out.  

I guess it seems odd for this sight, but I am the monogamous type when I am in a relationship - though an extremely randy person when single. But rules only make sense to me when partners agree to permit extra curricular activities. When you are fucking behind your partner’s back, and no judgement intended, it seems more like taking steps to not get caught or maybe self-imposed limits one might put on his self in hopes of protecting an unwitting partner. Again, no judgement intended towards anyone cheating on a spouse or partner - I have no problem taking their loads. 

[atlfukbud]

Hubby and I were Mono for 8 years. We started opening up during and after sex about men we'd enjoy bringing in for a 3-way, etc. -- eventually the fantasy became reality and we have been fully open for many years -- secrets can be fun (we do some temporary ones for that reason still) but its awesome to share too -- he loves to fuck me using stranger cum when I get to bed and it's fun as fuck to hear about the bots he enjoys at the gym, etc.... we had tons of rules in the beginning (e.g., only fuck when traveling, only fuck as a couple originally, always be safe (we NEVER were), never fuck the same guy more than once, no fucking friends, no fucking in our bed -- and so forth) -- all of which have been joyfully broken since then. Best O Luck!

[BootmanLA]

18 hours ago, atlfukbud said:

Hubby and I were Mono for 8 years. We started opening up during and after sex about men we'd enjoy bringing in for a 3-way, etc. -- eventually the fantasy became reality and we have been fully open for many years -- secrets can be fun (we do some temporary ones for that reason still) but its awesome to share too -- he loves to fuck me using stranger cum when I get to bed and it's fun as fuck to hear about the bots he enjoys at the gym, etc.... we had tons of rules in the beginning (e.g., only fuck when traveling, only fuck as a couple originally, always be safe (we NEVER were), never fuck the same guy more than once, no fucking friends, no fucking in our bed -- and so forth) -- all of which have been joyfully broken since then. Best O Luck!

I would note (AGAIN) that rules for an open relationship are not the same as "rules when cheating". If the relationship is open and you're following the rules, you aren't cheating. Cheating is, literally, breaking the rules. That doesn't mean breaking the rules is a permanent violation on your record; sometimes people break the rules and then realize the rule was silly to have in the first place. 

It's also fine to renegotiate the rules periodically if things aren't working under the rules. Sometimes that means loosening the rules (it's okay to start playing locally) and sometimes that means tightening the rules because something you were allowed to do, initially, is proving to be a problem.

But again, those are open relationship rules. I'm still of the opinion the OP meant "rules to help you not get caught" or "rules to make yourself feel better about cheating". 

[IrishBoi]

On 7/8/2024 at 6:53 PM, BlindRawFucker1 said:

Rules 1 through 10,

 

DON’T CHEAT!!!

 

Or, don’t be in a relationship.

I have cheated in every relationship I have been in, mostly cos it turned me on and also because it's my body and I can do what I like with it...... do I regret it....no......do I feel bad about it......no it got me what I needed but I only slept with guys once before I moved on to someone else......if that makes me selfish or whatever then I guess I am but whether im in a relationship or not wont keep my ass in my pants I guess

The way I see it if someone cheats on you......ask yourself why........Guess that could be controversial to say though.....I cheated cos I wasnt enjoying my sex life with them as well as it turning me on.