What is with some people

[tallslenderguy]

i think it's near impossible to truly know "what is it with some people."  We cannot honestly substantiate a 'ghost.'

i think we can learn more about our self than we can "some people," when we have the kind of encounters that we all seem to experience online.  

There are all sorts of theories that have been bandied about on BZ for years (do a BZ search, this is about the bazillionth thread on this topic lol).

Some of the theories:

1) The other guy chickened out or decided you weren't what he wanted last minute

2) The other guy never had any intention of hooking in the first place

3) The other guy got so excited that he jerked off a bit beyond his edge and came, entering a refractory period that you became a victim of

4) A combination of any of the above

5) ________________________________

While any one of those is speculative since we cannot get into another persons head to find out the real reason/s (and even when they tell us, we cannot be certain they are not altering the truth).  i think it can tell us something about our self when we consider the reason we attribute to them ghosting us.  

 

[BB4fking]

These examples of hook ups that are set up then ghosted are so depressingly familiar. They drive me off the apps for a time, although I always go back. I’ve enjoyed reading these posts as these always leaves me wondering about the motivations (and vowing to be less gullible). Since we are unlikely to hear directly from these losers (or not believe them), perhaps some buddy of a serial time-wasting ghoster will reveal what’s going on some day!

[austin_submale]

I've run into a lot of flaky people on sites including sniffies who say they will show up then don't.  I've even had some where they gave me the address and then when I got there they wouldn't give me the appt number, they just disappeared and/or blocked me.  I think some of these people find it funny to string people along and then leave them hanging.

On the other hand, I've also run into the hyper impatient that are mad when I can't immediately drop everything and show up right away.  I sometimes will contact people for possible hookups later, not necessarily just because I'm looking right at this moment.  For one thing, people don't always respond right away anyway.  It's even more annoying when people contact me and then are mad that I can't get away right now.  I mean I can understand a little disappointment, sure, that's natural, but to be so mad you yell at someone and/or block them, that's a little extreme.

There are a lot of things that are annoying about those sites and apps.  All the condom nazis, "sides", oral only, tops that only want to bottom, people who are super judgemental about whatever...  But it mostly is what it is.  I try not to take it all too seriously.  When things work out, great, if not, that's life.  Just keep trying.

I always try to respond to people, even if it is only to say "no thanks" or "not now" and I always try to treat people decently.  I wish that everyone showed the kind of courtesy that used to be common but apparently now isn't so much.

And all the people who think that intentionally leading people on and then ghosting them is funny, well, they can go F themselves.  Probably what they're doing.  Jerking over how they wasted someone else's time.

 

[hntnhole]

I've never lived in a place (after leaving the town I grew up in) where there was a dearth of men who fucked each other.  I did use the apps for a while, but it was always easier to just get in the car, drive a little, and hit the fuckjoints.  And, I met a handful of guys on the apps that became good buddies, both fuckbuds and guys who I became actual friends with as well as fuckbuds.  I guess I've always liked living close to the action - and was able to do that to this day.  

Reading about all the disappointments that seem to go hand-in-glove with using the apps is a sorrow - and I wish all of us could live in places where we could fuck each other without any hindrances. 

I suppose that would also be called Heaven.  

[PozBearWI]

9 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

I've never lived in a place (after leaving the town I grew up in) where there was a dearth of men who fucked each other.  I did use the apps for a while, but it was always easier to just get in the car, drive a little, and hit the fuckjoints.  And, I met a handful of guys on the apps that became good buddies, both fuckbuds and guys who I became actual friends with as well as fuckbuds.  I guess I've always liked living close to the action - and was able to do that to this day.  

Reading about all the disappointments that seem to go hand-in-glove with using the apps is a sorrow - and I wish all of us could live in places where we could fuck each other without any hindrances. 

I suppose that would also be called Heaven.  

I always preferred "the fuck joints".  Sadly here in Wisconsin the conservative christians prevailed and they aren't around.  I've heard rumors of one 'in my area" but on examination it just isn't the same...

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

Sniffies is a hit-and-mainly-miss app in this area. Mostly bottoms that hit you up out of desperation despite what your profile says, or bottoms pretending to be tops to lure you in. And sadly a lot of the few "tops" like to talk then flake. Every once in a while though you hook up with one that makes the hunt worthwhile, at least for that evening.

[yoursinmine]

The 90-10 flakes to genuine ratio seems optimistic. I'll keep trying because that else an I going to do, but shit feels bad 

[hntnhole]

This may be a dumb idea, but here goes:

1.  Start with a fuckbuddy - or maybe two.  Plan a smallish "group" event, and each "member" (you, and the other 1 or 2) invite one more guy.  Assuming that works .....

2.  ... you'll have 5 or 6 guys in the group.  Then, have another fuck-event with the same 5/6 guys - which will allow each guy to get to know the others a little better.  Add another fuckevent, and ask each guy to get 1 new guy.  The more dedicated a guy is, the more he'll get new guys.  

3.  Take it easy on the numbers -and don't give this group a name  - yet.  Keep it small at first, and let word of sex .... I mean ... word of mouth do a little bit of the work.  It could be split off into several separate "groups", yet in communication with each other.  By this time, there may be a need for a "board" or handful of leaders.  Keep it focused on the group-sex, and don't be shy about telling your friend/fuckbuds about it.  

4.  Solicit new ideas from within the group, and thus widen the appeal for new guys.  And above all, toss any shred of judgementalism in the garbage.  Might as well try it, right?  

Finally, keep it smallish until some natural (and proven) leaders surface.  It might be months, maybe a year.  I think this model could work almost anywhere.  

 

Edited Sunday at 08:02 PM by hntnhole
phrasing

[BreederDaddy99]

I’ve always found younger guys ‘flaky’ and more than 50% of meets don’t happen - mostly by being ghosted. 
 

But recently I’ve had two mature adults (30+) who I’d hope would have better manners and a conscious have ghosted me - both at short notice.
 

It’s becoming the norm and is sooo frustrating and destroys the fun of arranging a meet. 
 

(One of them has since contacted me and apologised- I now will be breeding his arse (and much more) next weekend.  He is a very sleazy fucker so qqqwell worth forgiving. Let’s see if he bails again…..)

[BreederDaddy99]

On 3/7/2025 at 8:10 PM, austin_submale said:

I've run into a lot of flaky people on sites including sniffies who say they will show up then don't.  I've even had some where they gave me the address and then when I got there they wouldn't give me the appt number, they just disappeared and/or blocked me.  I think some of these people find it funny to string people along and then leave them hanging.

On the other hand, I've also run into the hyper impatient that are mad when I can't immediately drop everything and show up right away.  I sometimes will contact people for possible hookups later, not necessarily just because I'm looking right at this moment.  For one thing, people don't always respond right away anyway.  It's even more annoying when people contact me and then are mad that I can't get away right now.  I mean I can understand a little disappointment, sure, that's natural, but to be so mad you yell at someone and/or block them, that's a little extreme.

There are a lot of things that are annoying about those sites and apps.  All the condom nazis, "sides", oral only, tops that only want to bottom, people who are super judgemental about whatever...  But it mostly is what it is.  I try not to take it all too seriously.  When things work out, great, if not, that's life.  Just keep trying.

I always try to respond to people, even if it is only to say "no thanks" or "not now" and I always try to treat people decently.  I wish that everyone showed the kind of courtesy that used to be common but apparently now isn't so much.

And all the people who think that intentionally leading people on and then ghosting them is funny, well, they can go F themselves.  Probably what they're doing.  Jerking over how they wasted someone else's time.

 

I always try to reply with - ‘sorry, you’re not the man for me. x’

I think that’s the nice way of saying no thanks. Behind all this sleaze I am a polite man!