PozTalkAuthor

I had mainly 3 life phases: one where monogamy was considered "a must", "the way society wants me to be", and the result was I dated one guy who was drugged and another who was a serial cheater and this relationship gave me HIV. No, I don't think I was the cause of it all; if one prefers a different kind of life there's nothing I can do about it! Worst thing you can do in a love affair, is to have the "mission" of changing your partner's behaviour. The frog remains a frog, and the scorpion... stings!!! Second phase where I said "open, or nothing". My latest ex who made me think he loved me but then he used me, well, no, in the end we used each other. Cheating? I don't consider it such, when one watches Twitter with a particular fetish, without my consent. Virtual is not cheat IMHO. And third phase, current one, I'm happily monogamous with my current partner. In summer we tried to involve one close friend sexually but we both simply felt uncomfortable so, we have taken a step backwards: if and when it happens, it happens. Nothing forced. I admit, I feel opening the couple might make our sex more adventurous, but it's not an urge. And we always confront on this subject whenever we read stories here. Yes, we watch porn and read sexual stories, together with listening to podcasts of interests. We're not that classical family "watch a sitcom then to bed"!

It was not a "hookup" meant as me browsing some sites, apps or physical places where we found each other; my ex introduced him to me as one of his fuckbuddies, they both wanted me to become such too. He was kinda sexy, so I gladly accepted some fun. Being undetectable I didn't discuss status, I instinctively knew he could be that kind of guys who are good fucks and nothing else. And, before getting naked, he told my ex: "I hope your guy is 'CLEAN', as I don't want to sleep with poz, even undetectable" - treating me like I was an object to use just for filling his hole, like I had no senses and feelings ... and status. Let me say I got angry as a beast then, and he deserved a wild, rough fuck with a "enjoy undetectable seed in you" after I gladly bred his sore ass. I told about details somewhere else, but that one has been the beginning of the end for the relationship with my ex! What about if someone would tie me or going extreme? I'd be even angrier! Not to talk about extremely dirty hole or worse, wanting to play with body discards. Second? I got angry with my ex when he brought a fuckbuddy home "to surprise me" while I assumed we were celebrating an intimate special event alone.

I had missed this one! These are stories I love: where the neg (naive) guy becomes -biologically- bonded with an experienced gifter. Well, they have much more than a ring: a golden wearable jewel can be stolen but not what your man shares with you through sex and resides in your blood cells forever.

I remember a guy here who met a married older poz couple and he got pozzed by them in 2021... He told all his story here. Now I forgot his nickname. Yes, I have lurked here since a long time before joining with this profile

I suppose it was the final part, how could it continue?

Looking for it too, maybe I missed it!

Versatile? Well, if I must label my sexuality I'd call it "side-verse". Having had experiences both with males and females, I've learnt to use my whole body both actively and passively. Tongue and fingers come much before penis and anus stimulation, my value in sexuality is to explore my partner's sensations and limits, together with mine. I'm honestly annoyed about a sexual relationship where body contact is considered just an introduction to achieve the penetration event. Penetration is _one_. Then, we are all to explore! Ear play, nipple play, armpit or foot play... God or whoever created us, gave us a body. Let's use it! I want to be honest with myself and you: all kinds of body explorations have been something I've learnt after I got HIV. Fear to transmit, forced me to explore something different. What my ex (the abuser) did, was introducing me to know "rimming world" better. Nationality? More than the country, the kind of education is important; how difficult it was to convince my partner about rimming, and fingering a man's ass -mine-. He said "ladies do not want fingers to go too deep"... Culture and education do the most of the job.

My psycho-therapist I attended when I had to deal both with long-term relationship breakup and with HIV, told me I could not think to love others, if I didn't start loving and accepting myself. HIV included. Damn if he was right, he was so fucking right! It only took years and years for me to embrace what "accept your HIV" really meant! I've managed to really feel what love means, when together with my virus I accepted my sex fantasies and stopped feeling wrong with them! So, I have started to dare a little, love means trust. And for now, I've been lucky.

Oh fuck, it was long time I didn't go to church!!! LOL! I was waiting for the appointment and here it was, double reward! Anyway, there's Will who thinks he hadn't converted anyone on his own, but his brother (Jay) is still keeping the secret!

The fairy tale idea of "soulmates", "our half", "mr. right" and so on, have ruined our approach to relationship in general, this is what I think! My first ex for instance, he's been a drug addict for years and he recovered, finding me and being my very first sexual partner made him feel in heaven, then 11th September 2001 came, Twin Towers attack and all that stuff... Many matters linked to points of view about this tragedy, led him to feel excluded at work and among friends, he had just me but I could do nothing as he started chems again. Drugs have destroyed our relationship but, know what, we are still very good friends, now he's sober again. The others, one died and the last I don't want even to see his photo around... And this one? What you said about trust, communication, knowing (and loving) ourselves, started much before I even suspected we could ever become a couple. He has been, and is, the person I can trust most. The first man to know I am HIV positive, for example; before my biological family. If I think the former drug-addict guy is my very first love? Yes, I do. If I still love him? Yes, I do, not in the couple/romance way though. When I was with my ex (the abuser), he never liked him and I didn't listen as I thought about him being somehow jealous. No, he was in "former drug addict mode" and attempted to warn me that the person in question was an abuser, an alcoholic, but I was caught by the, let's call it, blindness of love and "I'll save your life, I'll make you change". Oh gosh, you, 31 years with a female hiding your real sexuality... It could have been not so easy for you! I had a short flirt with a girl when I was a teen but I didn't really manage to make it last, my heart brought me elsewhere. To MUSIC, and GUYS! These were times of full AIDS emergency so music was my only love then.

Personal experience makes no statistics, but I can share mine. I've had 3 long term stories with guys in those 27 years, the fourth is the current one and we just celebrated our first year but... Despite being a fanatic computer geek and professional, I've never used (and liked) dating apps! Maybe it's a prejudice but I have always considered them as OK for sexual adventures but not for something more important - a friendship or more. Then, I met one of my boyfriends into a forum about books, I found my best friend searching for information on TV shows and encountered her blog, the guy who gave me HIV was introduced by my first ex who insisted on "if you fall from the horse, jump on it again". My last and worst ex, it was a random meeting you know one friend meets another and another more! My current love... He's been my co-worker and friend for 12 years! And our affair started after a very long confidence - I'm convinced he has loved me for long but always denied his real sexual desires, marrying a woman and betraying her with other girls day after day. To be honest, after I got HIV from the serial cheater, I fell in that phylosophy about "gay men are like this. Promiscuous. Forget monogamy and get laid with whoever, love but get sex freedom as a value". With that I met my abuser who I was in open relationship with, but he's used me in many ways! Romantic relationship with the current guy, was completely unexpected and... Unexpressed! He's continued for months saying "we're doing something wrong, I shouldn't"... I shouldn't, nothing! Now it's going ahead. No projects of living together at moment, we have our own spaces but we're currently monogamous as we feel it's the condition making us more comfortable with ourselves. Well, I'd be stupid saying "love comes when you do not even expect", it's a pre-built sentence as "gays are promiscuous, accept it and give up with love"... Only thing I can tell you is that everyone has their way of living. If I believe in love found via apps... To be honest, no, as in the apps you can be anyone. If this can help you, I came here with just the writing and fun purpose. And found both good sexting buddies, and even some guys I confront myself in serious topic. Not calling it friendship but nothing can be excluded in life! I just say don't give up and don't listen to people suggesting you to. Hugs. Here for confront if needed.

I love it too, waiting for more! I bet he wakes up with fuck flu...

may I say I hate incels... Those are worthless trash and deserve to be used as dolls by real alpha (poz) men!