TheNaturalWay

Male

Netherlands

Gay, No limits for fantasies, minimal limits in real life. Asians turn me on a lot, but that information is not a selection criterium but a pattern I see.

Poz, On Meds

Versatile

I already had bareback sex many times before I did get sexual education. So by the time all my classmates were made scared of AIDS by the teacher, I concluded that I probably had it already anyway, and I was enjoying barebacking, cum and piss... and that does not really work well with "proper" condom use (with proper I mean according to the textbook). And condoms did break frequently, so even if I would decide to play safe, I concluded I would get HIV sooner or later anyway. So I basically accepted it as a fact. My strategy for risk reduction was not the torture of using condoms, but after running into a couple STDs I decided it would be good to reduce exposure by limiting the number of different people to have sex with, and outside that number consider using condumbs.

When I was 25 or so a fuckbuddy of mine called me that he had tested positive. I fucked bare with him and had even been doing so the weekend before he called me. I had never been tested for HIV up to that time (didn't want to hear the confirmation) and was already blaming myself that I had probably infected him. That message was reason for me to get tested... and I tested negative to my surprise.

You might have expected that that test result should have lead to a decision to play safe... and it did... for about 15 minutes... I was very very fond of the guy that now was poz, and caught myself fantasizing more and more that given the "fact" that I would get it sooner or later anyway, I would prefer if I would get it from HIM. I fantasized about how nice it would be to have HIS HIV inside me... he would be inside me always, and I would think of him every time I had to take medication... My reluctance towards aids had changed into a bugchasing fantasy towards him personally.

In reality my strategy towards safe sex did not change, and when after a while he told me he was on medication and was now undetectable, I knew my fantasy would be just that.

My reluctance was back, my fantasies did not lead to any changes in my sexual behavior. Ok, the thought "I probably already got it" was gone, I now got tested for HIV regularly... but the "I will run into it sooner or later" part remained, eventhough I had decided that later would be better than sooner. Because by now I had heard a lot from that friend of mine that it wasnt all that easy, medicine was having lots of side effects, the fact of being positive was a dark secret that he had to hide and it was emotionally very hard for him. I am his trustee, one of the 3 people (until now!) in his social circle that know he has it.

So this bugchaser did a lot of fantasizing, but did not actually chase the bug. I ran into it beginning of 2014. I got stealthed.

Given my dark fantasies and my history, it was pretty easy for me to accept that "sooner or later" had come. And man did it turn me on that I could now enjoy POZ cum without too much consequences. Even better: that forbidden, highly attractive toxic POZ cum was in production in my own balls!!! It felt like puberty all over again. Back then I was happy that I could now shoot cum, which I was so addicted to. And now, 25-30 years later, I was happy with my own cum again... Every single drop of cum I played with. Not a single drop ended up in a towel or a tissue anymore.

My sexlife got a huge boost, I exchanged most of my fuckbuddies from neg guys to POZ guys (no guys, not in THAT way... well... except for one and that had already happened before I knew I had it) and I am exploring and enjoying a lot of new ways to enjoy sex.

And thanks to my friend that got poz 15 years ago, I already knew how I would handle my "secret" of being POZ. I would NOT let HIV put me back into the closet, where I had come out of at age 21. Within 15 minutes after I heard the news from the doctor, I had already informed the most important people that needed to know (including that friend) and I promised to myself that I would disclose to everybody as soon as it becomes relevant, so that they can make an informed decision if they want to play safe, bare or not at all. And I must say, that isn't as though as I expected it to be. So far everybody appreciates my honesty and I have not had any hysterical responses.

Only private

I am here mainly for exchanging experiences and fantasies. I do not expect hookups, but am willing to be surprised.
During hookups I want bare sex, preferably some kinky stuff added to the regular. I am versatile, not really convincing as a dominant. The only kink I found so far that is not for me is shit.