tallslenderguy

Your story could come right out of my diary (if i had one lol). i actually was going in to test so i could get on PrEP when i learned i am poz. Similar to you, i never chased... even engaged occasionally in casual sero sorting (butt was never a serious sero sorter, if a Man needed to breed, i was his lusty receptor). The Guy Who pozzed me gave me syphilis too. i don't think i ever asked, but He claimed to be neg and disease free. i don't know if He knew or not? And, it doesn't really matter to me. He was an awesome Top and a regular FB for a few months when i lived briefly in Roanoke VA. i had long sense come to terms with my need for unimpeded (read: "no condom") connection with a Man during sex. To me, if He does not leave a part of Himself inside of me, as well, if His relief/release/orgasm do not happen inside of me, we have not had sex (not making a universal rule, this is how i experience it). With very rare exception, i'd go without sex before knowingly getting fucked without the completeness of His seed/piss/orgasm inside of me. And i have only had a condom in me less than 5x out of a few thousand, and that was early on. Life is full of risks that we all take without a second thought. Gay sex is, even still, highly stigmatized. FUCK THAT with a condom. The cost of being with a Man sans condom is much steeper than that of risking infection... which we all risk every time we step outside our door (though getting cock in the ass is much more fun than getting a banana at the grocery store)

At this point, the only reason i would move is to be around more gay people. i live in a city of about 60K, and while it's gay friendly for the most part, it doesn't have much of a gay population. i visit places like Ft Lauderdale or Palm Springs, and it feels better as a gay guy, But there are other considerations to living. Cost of living is a big factor, and jobs as well. i make twice as much as a critical care nurse in Oregon as i would pretty much anywhere else like Florida. Many nurses from the south and mid west are moving to OR and WA because we have laws that protect nurses and set nurse to patient ratios that are more doable. We also have unions that ensure a more fair wage than places that do not. California has just gotten too expensive, and that is largely government related, high taxes everywhere you turn. A lot of food is grown in the west, but the cost is way higher than places where the food has been shipped 3000 miles? Gas, utilities, real estate. All among the highest in the nation. Both WA and OR still have places to live, real estate wise, taxes are about the middle ground for the country. It would cost me the same amount to buy a place in Ft Lauderdale as where i live. But real estate is less than Portland Oregon, and Ft Lauderdale is way more gay. Insurance is higher in FL, no state income taxes. BUT, that tax savings does not make up the wage difference for my profession. No where near. So, i am torn, i do want to be around more gay guys... i long for real interaction vs all internet. But that would come at a high price for me financially.

Daniel Craig

i've gotten to the place where i'd only freak if He did. Any more, i am so tuned and into the Man breeding me that i naturally respond to Him. Truth be told, even though i am not into scat on general principle, i relish the idea of a Man Who doesn't care what He encounters because such concerns can impede spontaneous penetration. i want to be available to a Man 24/7, and would happily receive a Man whenever His need/desire arises, but it has to work, be good for Him for it to work, be good for me. i'm not being generous or altruistic, i'm just very responsive that way... i connect to His lust/need and equally despise anything that impedes or dampens that for Him,.

i have no evidence to back this up, so it's conjecture on my part. i still feel my pause button pushed. Our sex drive is a natural appetite. We never consider habits like eating as addiction, but as naturally feeding a need. Our selection of food may be based on appetite, but we are still looking to sate hunger. As i see it, You fast for a week before 'eating.' i've experienced what feels like bonding to a Man Who breeds me repeatedly. The evidence is base on hetero study, but there is evidence that absorbed semen effects the brain in a bonding way. Idk, but i can easily speculate that a Top could have an instinctual awareness of the ability of His semen to bond a bottom to Him... we sure seem to discuss it a lot in round about ways lol. i guess i just grouse at the negative connotation that "addiction" implies. i don't see feeding a natural appetite, hunger, as addictive behavior?

BZ wouldn't let me give You 100 hearts

my story is all over BZ. The short version is i used to be married to a woman. i was religiously conditioned from an early age that being gay is "sick and sinful," and actually believed it was a choice. i spent a large portion of my life trying not to be gay. It didn't work. Ever. One of the worst results is, while married and trying not to be gay, i started cheating... having sex with guys on the DL. For me, it was a tortured existence. i hated myself for lying and cheating. my former wife actually knew i am attracted to guys prior to our marriage, but we were both very deluded and ignorant because of our beliefs, and neither of us really knew what that meant. For me, sex became like a drug fix, it was my only form of affirmation since i was making every effort to not be gay. i wouldn't call them "rules," but i did end up being scrupulously honest and open in all sorts of other ways, trying to compensate i think. Rules for cheating seems a contradiction of terms. Cheating is breaking the rules? To me, what you have created is an illusion. i do not think you have the connection with your husband that you think you have because he does not know you. There is a sizable part of you, a need/desire, that he does not know about. You project an image vs your true self, and he has a relationship with that image vs the real you. To me, it seems a sort of stage play for you, where you are an actor... and he doesn't know that. He thinks you are the real thing. Which, i'm sure you are in some ways, but you are aware based on what and how you write, that he'd be deeply hurt if he knew the real you. You seem fragmented to me, a part of you loves him, a part of you does not.

Speculating, i don't think it's addiction, but dependence (and there is a difference, at least in the healthcare profession). i suspect what you need is to come to a place of self acceptance and start living honestly with who and how you are. When one is conflicted about being attracted to the same sex, not fully accepting, it can lead to what seems an addictive cycle where you try not to have sex with guys until you give in to your need/desire and have sex with guys. That sex can be a sort of temporary fix, an affirmation of who and how you are, then you are ashamed, etc., go back to fighting your self. i'd advocate for professional counseling. The lying and cheating are going to end up hurting all involved, i don't think it's a good or acceptable way to go.

i, generally, despise "chat rooms." To me, more often than not, it's an endless stream of drivel. Frankly, BZ is the only gay site i know of where Men actually engage in lengthy communication and exchange. "...generally." There is the rare occasion where i get into a pm exchange in a chat room, and it can be great, but that's rare. my experience is that messaging has changed communication. Many guys seem either incapable or unaware of how to engage using writing. i have found that many guys even treat email like it's text messaging, writing and responding in short, three word sentences. To be fair, a lot of guys go online to find a hook up and "are interested in actual sex" vs "verbal/videochat about kinky stuff, share stories, ideas, experiences etc." Those guys will often put something like: "no endless emails" in their profile lol. Which i sorta get, testosterone is not known for its patience. On the other hand, there are guys online purportedly looking for connection online, "something more, etc., " and i find myself frustrated by their lack of communication to facilitate that goal. i have come up with all sorts of reasons: 1) Ignorance. Some guys have simply never learned how to communicate in writing. They do not realize they are only as visible as what and how they write. 2) laziness. Some guys want the other guy to do all the work. In a sense, we are just porn they are watching vs a connection or exchange they are having with another person. 3) Fear. A lot of conflicted guys are online... it's a "safe" place and they are there because they are afraid/conflicted of/about who and how they are. Gay sites are full of this kind of guy, empty profiles, no response when someone reaches out. 4) immaturity/self absorption. This one sort of overlaps with all of the other reasons. Some people do not mature or develop beyond a state where it's all about them, they only want to get, not give. 5) They are altered. It may be alcohol or some mind altering drug, something that renders them incapable of actual mutual exchange, more of the one sided stuff. As a critical care nurse who frequently has patients who've blown out their brain or heart using meth, i don't think it's a great choice of substance. To me, the only substance altered guys i've ever experienced who are engaging are guys using marijuana. i'd much rather be with someone stoned on marijuana than alcohol or other drugs.

Absolutely. Especially when He is consciously opening that "hole", it's like a door into a room within a room (womb within a womb?). For me, there is physical fuck and mind fuck. and connection is effected by both. i've had Guys pound my second hole who didn't seem aware of what they were doing or where they were. Then there have been Those Who obviously know when they reach that place and purposely/knowingly open and enter it. Conscious breeding always connects me deeper to The Breeder. For me, "breeding" is more than His Seed or Piss, it's also His penetration and opening of me. From a physical standpoint, once He has planted His Cum or Piss past that place, i'm going to retain Him and absorb Him and it's made possible because i can use that same curve to help hold and keep Him inside of me.

sorry, i'm a nurse, so i have a switch. my desire is to level the ground between a guys hole and a woman's.

No, thoroughly analytical me thinks. Thanks for grabbing hold and further opening and dissecting this can of... snakes. What stands out to me with Project 2025 is how brazen, open, those who would pull the strings are with this. They plainly state that this is about way more than trump or the 2024 election. This is about changing the infrastructure of our country that guards against having a king. Get that kind of control and it won't be the president who controls things but the ones who pull his strings. It's appalling to me how evil these people are and what makes it really scary is i am intimately familiar with the emotional mind set of those who believe they know what "God" wants. They are delusional, truly believing they know God, so their only conscience or moral guard is what they have convinced their self is "God." And "God" can do no wrong. Keep in mind, these people follow a "God" who's gonna send all of us to hell to burn in eternal flames and torture. So, how could anything they do to infidels be worse? If you think i'm exaggerating, check out the list of Project 2025 advisory board members, then start googling them. How about "Liberty University." Pat Robertson and the 700 club. That show gives me the chills. Pats university still gives out counseling degrees in fun stuff like 'reparative therapy." Here's the list of the Project 2025 advisory board members: The 60 groups that make up the Advisory Board include: 1792 Exchange  Alabama Policy Institute  Alliance Defending Freedom  America First Legal  American Accountability Foundation  American Center for Law and Justice  American Compass  American Cornerstone Institute  American Council of Trustees and Alumni  American Family Association American Family Project American Legislative Exchange Council  American Juris Link American Moment  American Principles Project  Center for Equal Opportunity  Center for Family and Human Rights  Center for Immigration Studies  Center for Renewing America  Claremont Institute  Coalition for a Prosperous America Competitive Enterprise Institute  Concerned Women for America  Conservative Partnership Institute  Defense of Freedom Institute  Ethics and Public Policy Center  Family Policy Alliance  Family Research Council  First Liberty Institute  Forge Leadership Network  Foundation for Defense of Democracies  Foundation for Government Accountability  FreedomWorks  Heritage Foundation  Hillsdale College  Honest Elections Project Independent Women’s Forum  Institute for Education Reform Institute for Energy Research  Institute for the American Worker  Institute for Women’s Health  Intercollegiate Studies Institute  James Madison Institute   Keystone Policy  Liberty University  Mississippi Center for Public Policy National Association of Scholars  National Center for Public Policy Research  Pacific Research Institute  Patrick Henry College  Personnel Policy Operations  Public Interest Legal Foundation Recovery for America Now Foundation  Susan B. Anthony Pro-Life America  Teneo Network  Texas Public Policy Foundation  The American Conservative  The American Main Street Initiative   The Leadership Institute  Young America’s Foundation  [think before following links] https://www.heritage.org/press/project-2025-continues-grow-60-partners-preparing-next-presidential-administration

Conversely, and on the positive side (at least for me). That same second hold/sigmoid curve is a sweet spot for breeding/being bred. When a Top gets His seed or piss in that part of a bottoms gut, it can be more easily retained and absorbed. i've slept all night with a Mans piss in me and ended up absorbing most of it, and the next morning when i pee, i can smell His piss mixed in my pee and know He's impregnated me. That drives me wild.

Nature has a sense of humor, it made every sex organ with the dual function of waste removal, they just don't all have the culturally conditioned stigma that feces has. A woman's vagina has what amounts to a week long ... movement, every 21 days or so (i.e., a "period") where their body sloughs the wall of the uterus and blood and tissue are ejected by the body as 'waste.' Most people are not grossed out by their own shit, just another's. The fabled (and often revered in the gay community) "second hole" is really the sigmoid, a curve that separates the rectum from the colon. The colon is approximately 4 feet long, and feces can be anywhere along that long tube. It has an ascending portion, transverse and descending portion before it becomes the sigmoid and then the rectum. Again about 4 feet of convoluted, almost accordion like, tubing. The whole human intestinal tract is about 27 feet long including the small intestine. i can pretty much guarantee that none of us is cleaning out that entire tract when we douche. Oh, and it's in constant motion with peristalsis. i'm a critical care nurse, and when we are prepping someone for a colonoscopy, we give them a gallon of this stuff called "Go litely" (obviously the maker has a sadistic sense of humor) and preparation starts 24 hours prior to the procedure. Even one gallon of laxative and 24 hours later, many are still not 'cleaned out' and have to go even longer... though most lower GI doctors are not grossed out by what they encounter, and yeah, it happens all the time. Where most of us bottoms run into challenges is really that "second hole," or the sigmoid curve. i've been totally lucky and never had a shit accident, but i've definitely had trapped water up there from douching.

John Oliver does a great job of deconstructing project 2025, and we get to laugh simultaneously.

Wow, OP was nine years ago, kinda cool to revisit the discussion. First off, i thoroughly agree that "judgements are not the solution." i think such judgements are often based on unsubstantiated bias. Life is so damned complex, we know so very little. i've had a few thousand cocks inside of me so far in this life (i cannot account for former lives lol), and i can count on one hand the number of times a condom was involved. i watched my oldest brother die a horrible death from AID's during the 80's, and it didn't really even pause my pursuit of Men or Their desire and need to cock me. i also, cannot account for my own need/desire to connect or bond fully with a Man where He leaves some physical part of Himself inside of me, but i do not see that as that much different than "chasing." Yeah, it does have the added element of acknowledging a virus, but i don't really see it as all that different from receiving any Man into me Who expresses need or desire to penetrate and seed me? To me, it's a pretty narrow distinction, and seems to have a lot of similar driving components behind it. When i first started this post, i was neg. With @tallbtm encouragement, i went to get prep and discovered i was poz when getting tested for it. i immediately went on meds and have been undetectable since. i still advocate for PrEP, but feel no judgment for those who opt out. i do think it's the better way to go, but i also like prime rib and eat it even though i know it'll give me vascular disease. And, i think all of us can identify similar choices, so who is really in the superior position to judge?

Turns out the backers of Tump have a plan: "Project 2025. ill put the link at the bottom to the actual document, i think it's about 900 pages. Here's an excerpt from an Advocate article on the conservative plan of action if trump gets elected. "It calls for barring transgender people from the military and to stop what it considers the “toxic normalization of transgenderism” across the government and American society. It seeks to abolish the president’s Gender Policy Council, “which it views as promoting abortion and the ‘new woke gender ideology,’” Accountable.US notes. The next Health and Human Services secretary, Project 2025 recommends, should reverse what it calls a focus on “‘LGBTQ+ equity,’ subsidizing single-motherhood, disincentivizing work, and penalizing marriage, replacing such policies with those encouraging marriage, work, motherhood, fatherhood, and nuclear families.”" [think before following links] https://www.advocate.com/politics/project-2025-anti-lgbtq [think before following links] https://www.project2025.org/policy/

Ha, your take on their age gave me pause, so i went looking for their ages, all i found was a reaction on youtube. The blond guys name was "Dallas Quick" and stated his age as 28, the guy with the long dreds was "Rank Ramon" and said he was 24. i'd guess most of them to be in their 20's, maybe a few in their 30's? idk. These are the only two i found.

This was cool to watch, see and hear the responses, as soon as i saw it i wanted to share it with you guys and read your responses.

This is encouraging: "There was even a bit of good news emerging from the debacle. A senior Biden campaign official said the operation raised $14 million on debate day and the morning after “in a sign of strength of our grassroots support.” The post-debate hour proved to be “the single best hour of fundraising” since the campaign’s launch more than a year ago, the official said." [think before following links] https://www.yahoo.com/news/biden-allies-rush-reassure-anxious-010007867.html?.tsrc=daily_mail&segment_id=DY_VTO&ncid=crm_19908-1202929-20240629-0&bt_user_id=voQPmy27IilYxvj2u%2BW3UK7BE5iUdjn9%2B0WBU4%2FDniOlm9416vXiVFJOmXS%2F08jT&bt_ts=1719672282440 i appreciate both @BootmanLA and @hntnhole had to say, i'd echo them both. We currently only have one choice for president as far as i'm concerned. At the very worst, the American people have something to vote against. Summed up, we are voting for an administration, not just one person. One of the bigger problems with trump is he is such a control freak, he wants to be king, not just the boss of an organization.

i too know how to touch type, but the method i learned uses two hands........

i agree, whole heartedly! i got HIV and syphilis from a FB who claimed to be disease free. i do not blame Him or feel badly about getting either infection from Him. He was an awesome fucker and i would receive Him and His cock happily again. Except in the case of rape, i believe anytime i have sex the risk of disease is there and it is a risk i choose, not something i can make or hold anyone else responsible for. i hate that certain cultures have succeeded in stigmatizing sex, and worse, that many of those who partake continue to promote the stigma, often unconsciously. All of life is risky, yet sex has been turned into a morality play. fuck that.

Replace keys on their computer because they've been eaten away by lube? lol, i'm pretty sure this questions never been asked on BZ, but i've had to replace both the "n" and "m" keys and realized they were eaten away because of lube on my fingers when typing. i clean my keys routinely with alcohol wipes, and that does a fair job, but i thought it a funny observation. i'm a total bottom and don't use lube often, usually only to edge, so i can imagine this might be even more of an issue for someone who uses their computer to purposely cum on a regular basis. 🙂

i have no desire to break anyones resolve. Really, i think you were just nurturing His resolve and overcoming His hesitation, and ignorance really. A funny sort of teaching moment. The actual evidence is, U=U, so while you are poz, since you are on meds, if you are undetectable, you cannot transmit HIV. Of course, "clean" doesn't just mean HIV. This guy is fucking at an Arcade. If He does enough fucking at an arcade, without a condom, His odds of getting an STD go way up. It's sort of like going into a hospital and going from room to room kissing random patients. If He ends up kissing without a mask, His risks of catching something go way up. One doesn't need a medical degree to understand the odds. To me, the real issue is the social stigma we place on having sex. i do not see it as a question of unprotected sex... to me, sex is all about connecting. We never hear the above scenario of people kissing with masks on for fear of catching something, most would deem that ridiculous. I.e., if one is to afraid of catching something when kissing, they are going to forego kissing. Guys who go to an Arcade, or other sex venue, and try to make everyone else responsible for their health concerns are way out in left field. The responsibility is on them, not the guys they are having sex with. Yet still, he tried to abrogate his responsibility twice by asking you if you are "clean." Going back to my above analogy, that's sort of like going to a hospital and going from room to room asking patients if they are "clean." They may indeed be there for another reason and not infected or contagious, but most people do not know when they have a pathogen that they can pass along. Knowingly having a contagion and not disclosing it is another matter. If i know i have an STD, i don't have sex till i'm no longer contagious. i get tested every 4 months, but the in between time it's a risk for all parties concerned.

Okay, wow, i've never really considered this before, but out of the thousands of times i've been fucked, i've only cum twice while being fucked, and both of those times were 'hands free' and a sort of shock (didn't see it cumming lol). Each time it was a OMG moment and two of the most possessed and totally out of control moments of my life, and no, i had no need or desire to stop. Otherwise, i never have cum while getting fucked. In more recent years i have discovered (or evolved into?) that the only orgasm i want is the One another Man has while inside of me. i've found if i am getting another Mans orgasm inside of me often enough, i do not want... or need, one of my own. If that isn't happening, and i go too long without one, i'll start edging and can go a week or so doing that. For me, edging is about building a preserving my desire/need for a Top's pleasure and orgasm inside of me. i do reach a point though, if i don't get fucked, where i'll jack off and cum. It's a sort of substitute for me though, and while it feels good physically and there is a sort of release, it's always a disappointment for me, not what i need or want. It's really a wonder to me that i have discovered i don't need or want an orgasm from stimulating my own penis, that i am most fulfilled sexually from the orgasm a Man has inside of me.