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TigerMilner

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Everything posted by TigerMilner

  1. I used to be like you. I tried everything I could think of not to be gay. But I started sucking cock at 18 and getting fucked soon after. Same background. There is a 12 step program called Sex Addicts Anonymous and if you think it will help you, I say go for it. Or....you could realize that there is nothing wrong with you or your desires. The beautiful thing about it is that we are specifically made this way because there are men who were specifically made to fuck another man. They need us like we need them. Sure society has taught us it is wrong, immoral or whatever, but that is just ignornance. To offer your well prepped hole up to another man to breed takes a certain amount of enlightenment. And a great deal of self acceptance. Realizing we are part of the natural order of things helps us get there, and frees us from that guilt you feel after each binge, much like a drug addict. I am also at this point a middle aged professional. But I know that I am a bottom and that I am at my highest and best the second before a man lets his nut go inside me. Not to belittle myself in any way, or to denegrate any of my other traits and abilities, but at that moment is when I feel the most spiritual. Totally connected to the Universe. The only time close to that for me is when I am creating art. Sometimes that can be the same. Sometimes. Now, the disease issue is completely separate. When we take anonymous raw cocks, we take a risk. Fortunately now there is Prep (Truvada). If I were you I'd do that immediately. At least then you won't have to worry about HIV. There are other infections that are just part of the risk, but they are curable and/or treatable. You have to decide how much risk is comfortable for you. You can take raw cock without being a bath house whore (which by the way is a great thing to be from time to time-no judgement intended). You can develop a "stable" of regulars who will be happy to have an outlet for their own needs. That is what I do mostly. I do binge when I travel and I do that every 2-3 months, but now I am finding I am curbing my over indulgence out of respect and concern for those regulars. I do not want to pass anything on to them that I pick up during a binge. So far I have not. But as for the risk, you have to keep it in perspective. You risk being killed every time you drive your car. Does that fact keep you from driving? Planes crash on occasion. Does that keep you from flying? Let the tops you know be aware that you are there for them. And savor it when you earn their validation in the form of their seed inside you.
  2. It is very uncool to have a phone in a backroom or dark room setting. The light is more intrusive than the noise. If you don't mind being an ass, take it with you. Better idea if you want to have fun, lock it in your car. People steal. It also won't hurt you to unplug. I do it when I'm at the gym and when I'm in a sex club. Those times I do not want to be bothered. I am busy. I am unplugged. The problem with phones in dark/back room settings is the light, but you will empty the room if anyone feels you are videotaping or taking pictures. Why are you going? to get fucked, or to get pics? Or to get texts? Oh, and people steal.
  3. You can usually get away with taking a phone into a bath house, just leave it in your locker or your room. Even in a room, I'd hide it under the mattress. People steal. They always offer a safe deposit box for your valuables at no charge. Use it. People steal. Take only enough money for a drink later and put that under the mattress. People steal. Make sure you get your poppers back too. In the heat of the moment, some guy with no poppers will walk off with yours if you give them the chance. People steal. All you need on you at a bath house is lube, poppers, and your key. That is all. And don't take anything at all into Slammers unless you are getting a locker. People steal. A lot.
  4. You definitely need to open up to him and share this. Til death do us part can be a really long fucking time. And you will cheat on him. It's in men's nature. When I was a young pretty twink I wanted to settle down with Mr. Right and live the hetero dream only with a man. Then I learned that it is not realistic. Very few couples are 100% monogamous. I mean truthfully monogamous. Lots of couples claim monogamy, but most are like you. One at least sneaks out and has his private fantasy. Let's face it, it is a thrill. And lets also face that sex with one man only forever gets very boring. We need that charge of the newness, fresh meat, the hunt. It's in our nature. Add in the thrill of possibly of getting caught and the accompanying adrenaline rush and you have something more intoxicating than the sex itself. I believe any committed relationship between two men should include acknowledging these traits of human nature. You and he need to accept this in each other and accept the fact that seeking outside sexual releases does not diminish your relationship or the love and commitment you have for each other. If anything, it affirms it. I've met many couples who do accept this and acknowledge each others needs in this way and they seem to have more fun and less resentments against each other and the relationship. This is what I hope for. I've had three relationships (committed, live-together type) that all ended badly. I hope for one with a man who will enjoy the fact that I am open with my sexuality and will get off on seeing me act these things out. He can be a part of it or just want to hear about it when I get home. Or read about it on my blog. He might even become my camera man. If you are serious about marrying him, talk to him. Otherwise, you are dooming it from the beginning. And if he reacts badly and walks away, you just saved yourself, and him, a great deal of heartache, worry and pain. If he is the one for you, he will get on board. Your openess and honesty should show him how much you want to make this work for the long term. Good luck. I have to add I am a bit excited for you. You have in front of you the opportunity to get every thing you ever dreamed of. And way more.
  5. I consider one after the other as good as or better than a group scene. Tops can be shy and less inhibited than in a group. Though I do love a "hot dog" type who is a true exhibitionist that gets off on fucking me in front of other guys. That is HOT!
  6. Testing him behind his back is wrong. But then again he seems to have issues. He could have been infected before you were together and it is not a matter of trust. However, you obviously don't trust him. The two of you need to see a counselor because your issues are deeper than whether or not he will get tested. Or you just need to move on.
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  9. In my experience I've seen a few professional productions and it really is not as hot as you would think. The finished product is much hotter than the live action.
  10. I wouldn't recommend the OraQuick. But if you do go that route, have someone with you. I wouldn't want to be alone when that test comes up positive. Bad plan. That is what I have against home tests. Plus the doctor or clinic will test you for all STI's, which often come in a package deal. With OraQuick you could have gonnoreah or syphillis or Hep C or chlymidia and it will continue to go untreated. Syphillis can kill you if you let it go and it has no symptoms past the initial infection phase. You might have it and think something cleared itself up. Go to a clinic.
  11. You scare me. Everyone I ever slept with was HIV- too, including the man who pozzed me. He didn't know. Neither do you. GO GET TESTED. What are you afraid of?
  12. Often men are infected by someone who does not know they are positive. Status should probably be more accurately described as "Unknown" if you have had unprotected sex even once since your last test.
  13. You can get Anusol suppositories prescription strength. Those things are great after a six hour binge. AndyO is right though, sometimes getting fucked again when your hole is sore is amazing. It's very sensitive and maybe even swollen a bit. Kegles are really for pussies, not assholes. And they won't help you after, it's an excercise you do to build up the sphincter muscle. Witch hazel is very soothing after a gangbang as well. Those are my tips.
  14. Way hot! I have a pair of shorts I've opened the seam in and I wear them with a shirt tail out covering the opening. Guys love finding my ass crack so accessible. It's hot.
  15. I have to say 5,6,& 7. I usually always bb and sometimes I like it with fuck buddies, I do have several regulars, but I also get in the mood for anonymous sex with numerous men. I also like gang bang style sex with men I do know as well as stranger, or a mix of the two if it takes it to get a group going.
  16. Leather, ok. But used sex toys? Seriously? Somehow it seems like using someone else's toothbrush. No thanks.
  17. Check out the Blue Bookstore on 8th ave between 20th and 21st if you like gloryhole action. Lot of hustlers tho.
  18. I went over 20 years barebacking and staying negative. And I'm a slut. lol. Seriously, you can stay negative...up until you get pozzed. If I were you, I'd go on PreP.
  19. I definitely think an uncut cock feels best, but I love cut ones too. I wish I was never circumcised. I bet it feels better too.
  20. I go along with you. I believe very strongly that we should take responsibility for our choices. Blame is such a turn off to me. I'm poz because I like raw cock. It's no one's fault but my own. And then I'm very greatful that we have meds today that keep it from killing us.
  21. Man you are really a lot like me it seems. I got syphillis two years ago right after starting meds. It is not a big deal to diagnose and the treatment is a cure. I would not say the shots are painless, I don't like needles. And my butt was sore as hell for days after the shots. But then that is all. If I were you I'd go to the clinic rather than your regular doctor unless you can get in with your ID specialist. Mine is awesome. No judgement and no attitude. I did go to an "AIDS" activist clinic who were basically condom pushers. The director asked me why was I seeing an expensive Immunologist when they were free? I told him straight up that the immunologist made me feel like I was going to be OK while his agency made me feel like a dirty whore. He had no come back. Point is, if you get attitude or bad information, find another doctor.
  22. I couldn't wait to take mine. I wanted this shit dead. You probably won't even notice any side effects. They are mild and take a while for most of them to build up or be noticed. I never got diareaha or any of those. The only problem I had was that I was taking too much medication.
  23. You can't base trust on a hook up site or any other social media. One is no more trust worthy than the other. They are all ways for men to meet to fuck. BBRT is geared towards men who don't use condoms, so you are likely to meet men who are poz for HIV or any other STI. It's not morality, or trend. If you are ok with the risk, go have a blast. If not, don't use that site as you are not ready for bareback sex. If it happens to you, it's your responsibility, no one elses. To expound on what Poptronic said about being with a guy who lied, I was infected by a guy who said he was negative. He didn't lie, he just didn't know yet. His viral load was through the roof and one fuck is all it took. Newly infected guys are the most infectious ones out there. If he's poz and on meds with an undetectable viral load, you have very little risk. If he is recently infected he may not yet know. This is another reason regular testing is so important.
  24. Your date sounds incredibly hot dude! I think I like this guy. lol. I love when a guy specifically says "I want to cum inside you". That is so hot. I agree totally with RT. Now you just need to get over that hump. Tell him ASAP. If he is not interested or is upset, dump him. You probably have nothing to worry about in terms of infecting him. He should know that. If not, maybe you get a chance to educate him. Good luck.
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