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This is the worst, when one partner is not fulfilling the other's sexual needs and is effectively blocking the person from getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere. It is irrational, selfish, and mean — quite inconsistent with love. I hope you continue to have the sex you want, and either that you succeed in keeping it hidden (under the circumstances), or that your wife surprisingly accepts your needs (if she ever finds out).

Exciting, and keep us posted! Cock is good for you! 😏

Your post made an impression on me. I don't know if you've seen Woody Allen's Crimes and Misdemeanors, but one of the most interesting perspectives offered in the film is that of a rabbi who advocates what we'd today call radical honesty. The protagonist, a wealthy eye doctor with a doting wife, has been having an affair. The rabbi, his patient and friend, advocates telling her, and says that it will be difficult but could result in an even better relationship between them. I don't know anything about your situation but I hope that you will find a way to have the sex you want and the marriage you want, too.

Daddy knows best! 😏

Disagreeable boyfriends, partners, husbands, etc. should realize that, while they are home moping, other guys are eagerly breeding, seeding, and providing relief.

@AlwaysOpen, you make a good observation about human behavior. I think it's similar to what I was saying: equality means we're realizing that gay people are just like everyone else, (occasional) meanness included. I wonder, though, whether putting other people down to make ourselves feel better is an inherent human trait (and possibly even an inherent animal trait, though in animals, the pecking order is established unconsciously: the alpha wolf dominates the pack, the bird with the prettiest feathers wins the mate, etc.). Either way, there is a lot we could do reduce this behavior. Teaching people that social group interactions are not a zero-sum game would help. Why on earth do some attractive people assume that considering other people attractive, too, will somehow diminish their own status? Have you seen the cartoon violence episode of the Simpsons? (The official episode title was "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge".) Due to Marge's complaint, the kids' cartoon show is rewritten so that the cat and mouse are best friends for a week. They drink homemade lemonade on the porch, sit in the rocking chair, waltz to Big Band tunes, and read each other bedtime stories. The only problem is that the children stop watching, because they prefer to see the cat and mouse being mean to each other.

Isn't it nice when it's about the person, not about their status? (And today, in the era of PrEP, an HIV-negative guy could take those loads without any worry at all, which is nothing short of a miracle.)

For me as a top, the idea of cumming inside someone to impregnate them is instinctive. Mpreg is a rather natural fetish, I would say. You could start a support forum for expectant gay men. 😏 Tops would want to join, too, to nurture the guys we'd knocked up, and possibly to meet new guys. Would you be open to getting fucked by other guys while you are pregnant, or only by the dad at that point? The idea of groups that meet at the public library came into my mind. I once happened to visit a San Francisco Public Library branch at the time of a weekly meeting of new moms and their babies. Sadly, I noticed a lot of competition for status among the new moms: who had the biggest stroller and the best gear? I can imagine that the new moms were exhausted, and that some were being neglected by the dads, making the group a vital social outlet. It occurs to me that crafty straight guys into MILFs would do well to check the library events calendar. 😂

So well said. As a top, I appreciate you! 🙂

R.I.P. TWA. Those were the days! I agree with this perspective, and I also appreciate the candid information you are giving, about Florida and about Palm Springs.

This is an excellent point! I'd never thought of that benefit of wearing gear, even though, in day-to-day life, I wear unusual glasses that have the effect you describe. First and foremost, I like them, but they also end up serving as an ice-breaker. Many an interesting conversation has resulted.

Truly a case of "what the husband and the boyfriend don't know, can't hurt 'em". @justsexnowatl, I suspect that with a boyfriend like you, instead of the moody one described at the beginning of the story, our narrator wouldn't have had to step out. Or, maybe he could openly take random loads, so you could enjoy pre-bred hole. 🙂

You said it!

I've always equally enjoyed giving and receiving blowjobs, but for fucking I am all top. The first few times I was with men, in my 20s, I did bottom, and I would bottom perhaps once a year after that. As @hntnhole says, there had to be some special connection for me to want to. Eventually, I took stock and realized that I get physical pleasure from topping, whereas my pleasure in bottoming was more psychological than physical. It was vicarious pleasure, from seeing the top let go and enjoy himself. (None of this is to say that habitual bottoms don't experience physical pleasure; I'm very glad that they do!)

I agree completely with your thoughts, @AirmaxUK. As for why gay men, still facing some oppression from outsiders, "find it so easy to turn on each other", I chalk it up to rising levels of equality. Gay men are just like everyone else, and we are now free to behave just like everyone else, including being mean to one another. In truth, there has always been an effort to exclude people on the fringes of the community: effeminate men, fetishists, trans people, and other non-conformists. A knee-jerk justification was that conformity was necessary for the gay community to appear respectable and to gain recognition from outsiders. You see this in the film Der Kreis, about an early European gay men's organization. Trans people, and gay men who resist monogamy and gay marriage in favor of continuing to openly fuck lots of random men, seem to be today's main targets for exclusion. The targets change over time; there will always be a new "other" to put down. As for difficulty finding gear for all body types and sizes, what a shame. Gear manufacturers, and fashion companies in general, are missing out on lots of potential revenue. (I was going to write, "missing out on a large market", but I wanted to avoid the trap of double entendre. 🙂) The odd time that I see a porn actor with a regular body, or an ad featuring a heavier person, I am always happy. Until more people wake up and realize that beauty comes in all sizes, don your tailored gear and have fun!

@ellentonboy, @TheSRQDude, @ejaculaTe, my mom grew up in Philadelphia so I visited the city every summer as a kid. I'm so glad I got to see Wanamaker's more or less as it was. The train around the toy department was still there, but no longer working, and in the later years, the upper floors of the store had already been converted to offices. I loved the eagle. Aside: Wanamaker's in Philadelphia makes me think of Horne's Department Store in Pittsburgh, which was my favorite when I lived in that city. My grandmother took us to the Reading Terminal Market in Philadelphia, both before and after it was fixed up. (That might explain my later fascination with Grand Central Market in Los Angeles.) Some of you allude to Philadelphia's city wage tax. I remember Pittsburgh's city wage tax, and apparently, something similar applies in New York. I'd say it's a necessary consequence of the flight to the suburbs, whereby commuters, not just those of us who are (or in my case, were) city residents, depend on city-funded services. Here in the San Francisco Bay Area, in California, we have a few regional revenue transfer mechanisms with a similar effect, though they require no filing effort on the part of individuals. The City and County of San Francisco used to impose an employer-paid payroll tax on large employers, and now imposes a gross receipts tax on large businesses, instead. It makes so much more sense to collect a tax once, from each employer, rather than many times, from each individual employee. Bridge tolls are also used here to fund services in the urban core, like public transit. Interestingly, our bridge tolls are less than half what people pay in New York City, we have excellent ferry and bus alternatives for most of our bridge corridors, and we have an adequate train alternative for the largest bridge corridor, yet folks still complain about the bridge tolls.

This is a good point. Some employers have model employment agreements only for certain states. I want to add one other suggestion, because I myself, my boyfriend, and some friends have recently negotiated employment agreements. Although the urban parts of California are pricey (see my earlier post for a way to minimize rental housing costs in the long-term, while still staying in an urban area), California has excellent worker protections. Just like health insurance and quality health care, this point might not seem important at first glance, but it matters a great deal to your economic future. • High state minimum wage, and higher local minimum wages in some cities (ripple effect on wages for workers at all levels — even for salaried workers, given that California pegs the salary threshold for exemption from hourly wage rules to double the state minimum wage) • Paydays at least twice a month • Paid vacation (if offered) as a vested benefit, meaning that the employer must pay you cash for accrued but unused vacation when your employment ends • Right to designate your personal doctor for workers' compensation evaluations, rather than being forced to use the company doctor (but you must designate before something happens, and your doctor must agree) • Ownership of intellectual property that you create, when it is not related to work, is made after working hours, and is made without using the employer's resources (an important right if you write, make art, program computers, etc.) • Most non-compete and non-solicitation agreements invalid (as long as you stay in California, you can work for whoever you like after you quit your job) • No mandatory arbitration for state labor law issues (you can no longer be forced, as a condition of employment, to sign an agreement requiring arbitration of California Labor Code issues; you are free to get help from state agencies that enforce the Labor Code) • No mandatory transfer of jurisdiction (you can no longer be forced, as a condition of employment, to sign an agreement that removes California's jurisdiction over your work; many employers rely on the lax labor laws of other states; in California, you can only give up California jurisdiction if you are represented by attorney, who can presumably balance your interests when negotiating an employment agreement) • Right to be paid in full the same day that your employment ends (always, if the employer terminates you or, if you resign, then as long as you've given 72 hours' notice) • State registration required for mass layoffs, with some advance notice (a flimsy protection as companies can get around it, for example, by declaring bankruptcy, but better than nothing) I'm not a lawyer in this is not legal advice, just a prompt for your research. For any new job or change in employment terms — especially if remote work is involved — I encourage everyone to check with an attorney. Local bar associations usually have a referral service, with a low, fixed price for an initial consultation with an attorney.

Just the tip works so well because it appeals to mutual pleasure. Top and bottom both enjoy the feeling of bare cock. Nobody (well, almost nobody) wants condoms.

Thanks for this amazing story, @1981virginia! Keep it coming... Most of my straight male friends just pull out during casual encounters. Women don't want them to use condoms. Here in CA, thankfully it's still easy to get it taken care of if a girl does happen to get knocked up. I know I'd be tempted to push the envelope and pull out later and later.

Unfortunately for them, many straight men are used to finishing themselves off with a hand and cumming outside of the holes where loads really belong. If a guy's wife won't suck, she probably won't take cum on her face, either, so the opportunity to cum on a guy's face rather than into a tissue is a welcome change for the straight guy.

A post up above overemphasizes an age cutoff for HPV vaccination. Several years ago, the guidelines were changed, in recognition of the fact that the vaccine is effective against many strains, and will still protect people against strains that they have not yet encountered. Here is the salient part of the CDC recommendation on the linked page: "...some adults age 27 through 45 years who are not already vaccinated may decide to get the HPV vaccine after speaking with their healthcare provider about their risk for new HPV infections and the possible benefits of vaccination. HPV vaccination in this age range provides less benefit. Most sexually active adults have already been exposed to HPV, although not necessarily all of the HPV types targeted by vaccination." Gay men are among the people for whom HPV vaccination is recommended, even after age 26. Before the age limit was removed, doctors experienced in serving gay men had already begun prescribing the HPV vaccine on an off-label basis (as is allowed with prescription medications), including for patients receiving treatment or monitoring for anal HPV lesions.

I'm a non-smoker and have asthma. If the wind is not favorable, I will notice the effect of second-hand smoke on my breathing, outdoors, about a quarter of a block away from a smoker. That said, I've dated two men who smoked, and my walking buddy is a smoker. Smoking outside — but paying attention to the wind direction — makes a big difference. I love to kiss, and have noticed big differences depending on the brand of cigarette that someone uses. I would always kiss one of the smokers I dated. The aroma of his tobacco was pleasant. On the other hand, I once had to make an excuse to leave when I hooked up with a smoker. My mouth felt dry the moment I tried to kiss him. Whatever tobacco he used, it had an acrid, bitter aroma and a mouth-puckering effect. 🤮 My biggest worry, if I were again in a close relationship with a smoker, would be for their long-term health. Smoking is a matter of personal choice, so I would never interfere. It's also habit-forming, so stopping is not easy, even if someone decides that they would like to stop. In the context of a long-term relationship, the health consequences affect two people. The smoker is, statistically speaking, likely to die earlier than they would naturally, and is more likely than the average person to suffer from chronic lung problems and from cancer. I would do my best to see a loved one through those stages of life, but I would of course be sad for their diminished quality of life at the end, and for our loss of time together. Reading people's responses and thinking about the original question transports me back to the 1990s. In the days of newspaper personal ads backed by voice mail, I remember one of the prompts: "Would you meet a smoker? If you'd like to meet a smoker, press 1. If not, press 0." Had I pressed 0, I would have missed out on meeting some wonderful people. On a separate note — you cigar-smoking guys have the sexiest profile pics! 🤤

Hey, porn stars get lonely sometimes, too! 🤣 Production schedules must be so tight that they don't have time to cuddle after finishing a scene.

It's shame, but you are right that putting "cuddling" in a gay sex profile is a red flag. Sometimes it is nice just to cuddle with a stranger. I wish this were common and easy to offer or to ask for. (At one time there was an app — Cuddlr, I think — but apparently people found it creepy.) People don't need to get married to cuddle! The trouble starts as soon as a headless, chiseled, muscular torso wants to cuddle. A highly sexualized photo is inconsistent with platonic intent (or vice versa). A person so physically attractive should be able to get pretty much anyone to talk to him in real life, with little need for an app. Research shows that we are drawn to attractive people. When someone with no photo at all wants to cuddle, run!

It's wonderful to hear about straight people using PrEP! I wish my own straight friends would try it. It shouldn't be thought of as only for gay men. All three PrEP options approved in the US are available to cisgender men, including heterosexual men: Truvada (or generic), Descovy, and Apretude (the new 2-month injectable). An old post in the thread mentions women. Today, Truvada and Apretude are also available to cisgender women, including heterosexual women. (Intermittent or "2-1-1" Truvada for PrEP is not available as it has not been studied in cisgender women. Also, women using daily Truvada for PrEP need to wait 20 days to achieve protection for vaginal sex, according to the US CDC PrEP guidelines.) Much work remains to be done to inform cisgender women about PrEP. Combinations of PrEP and birth control, including long-acting implants, are actively being studied.