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Spot-on! That part of my post was partly tongue-in-cheek. 😂 You probably also guessed that I had added "officially" to "monogamous relationship" for extra effect, but missed changing "a" to "an".

There's no need to insult people... ...some who have mapped the trail and others who have also already walked it, but all of whom sought tips (whether to be given in public posts or private messages, to protect the secret) about which segments were active for cruising. Have fun in your San José cruising adventures! The fact that anonymous sex doesn't require much courtesy or social skill doubtlessly works in your favor.

Immortal words. 🙂 Do I have your permission to put this quote in my Grindr profile? My purpose wouldn't be to avoid bottoms with tight holes, but to avoid bottoms who are tight with reciprocally sharing information (age, photos, distance, test date, etc.).

So true. As if his ass can tell whether it's getting fucked by single or partnered dick (or vice versa), anyway! Well said! As for my own ethical limits, I'm staying friends-only with a bisexual neighbor whose wife I also know. The other night someone I'd met long ago through volunteer work popped up on Grindr. He left the organization where I volunteer a few years ago, and he's fucking hot — professional by day but by night, "cholo" with tattoos, piercings and attitude. It's the apparent tension between those elements of his nature that turns me on. I decided to say hi as it didn't seem like an ethical breach after several years. (He didn't reply.) I avoid a friend I care for a lot and have had sex with in the past, because he has revealed deep-seated neediness that I can't fulfill. He believes that having a husband on his arm will enhance his career (his peers bring spouses to the receptions and dinners that are frequent in his field of work) and resolve all of his problems. I'm in an open relationship, enjoyed sex with this friend (fucker has a huge dick, speaks in southern drawl, and we're both dominant tops who like edgy scenarios, so finding a submissive bottom to use together would be incredibly hot), but I can never be the husband he thinks he needs. I want him to go out and meet other guys rather than fall back on something that is familiar but will fall short of his wishes. I'll resume playing with him the moment he lets me know he's found a boyfriend. Friends' partners are fun to fuck and I have no qualms about that, even if the partner believes he's in a monogamous relationship. (Hint: Virtually all gay men fuck around, but now that heteronormative gay relationships are valued by naïve gay men and by well-meaning straight people, pretending to be monogamous may be necessary for snagging a husband who is perceived to be of good quality. Couples who are actually monogamous and who are that way as a matter of free choice are great; I'm not talking about them.) I went for a walk with a local couple one evening. They are so devoted to each other, but somehow, my hand was down the bottom's pants, feeling up his bare ass several times during our walk. Hubby was a few paces ahead so he couldn't see. Somehow, the bottom arrived at work late the next morning, my load deep inside his cheating ass after he'd stopped by my place on the way to the office. The following Sunday, I visited their place, and somehow the bottom got another load of mine in the living room. We kept quiet to make sure that hubby, who was sleeping in, would get his rest. When an ethical dilemma like whether to fuck a guy who is in a officially monogamous relationship presents itself, better it be me than some completely random stranger, because I am a reliable PrEP user and get STI tests every month, sharply reducing (but of course not eliminating) risk.

Both are nice in different situations. As an uncut top I can usually find just the right combination of spit, precum, and pressure to enter a very tight hole, but honestly... slipping smoothly into a loose hole with nothing but the last top's cum for lube is one of the reasons to be alive!

@1stimebare, I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulty. Have you considered going to a community clinic, possibly GLBT-focused? I'm sure you can find one in Raleigh or in Durham. Working with one's regular medical provider is ideal, but if the regular provider is slow to act, or lacks specific experience, a focused clinic might be a better setting. Of course, it would be vital that the clinic receive information about your complicated medical history. Right now no clinician in the US who doesn't also work in research has experience with Apretude (2-month cabotegravir injection for HIV prevention) because it is brand-new. Clinicians who serve sufficient numbers of HIV-positive patients should by now have some experience with Cabenuva (1- or 2-month cabotegravir + rilpivirine injections for HIV treatment), which has been available a little longer. Both products have the same sorts of implementation challenges: limited networks of pharmacy suppliers; need for an office visit for administration; questions about whether they are covered as prescription drugs or in other categories; etc. As for cost, as long as your health insurance is not a grandfathered plan (which is not subject to the preventive care mandate) and is not Medicaid in a state that hasn't expanded Medicaid, and especially given that your medical professional has determined that you cannot use Truvada or Descovy, the PrEP injectable should be covered with no out-of-pocket costs, just like the two more typical, oral PrEP options. If you have a grandfathered plan, the drug manufacturer has a patient assistance program that will help to cover copayments, coinsurance, and deductibles. If you have no insurance, the manufacturer has a separate patient assistance program. Although your particular medical situation might make liver testing necessary, one of the advantages of Apretude over Truvada or Descovy for HIV PrEP in general is that less monitoring is recommended. According to Page 51 of the updated (2021) US CDC guidelines, "TESTING NOT INDICATED ROUTINELY FOR CAB PREP PATIENTS Based on the results of the CAB clinical trials, the following laboratory tests are NOT indicated before starting CAB injection or for monitoring patients during its use: creatinine, eCrCl, hepatitis B serology, lipid panels, liver function tests." [think before following links] https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pdf/risk/prep/cdc-hiv-prep-guidelines-2021.pdf This is of course not medical advice, just a reference to the CDC guidelines, whose interpretation is a job for a medical professional. Sadly, the long delay that you've experienced in starting any form of HIV PrEP is an example of the extra risk to GLBT people's health from living outside GLBT population centers. Here in San Francisco, many public health system patients and private patients are already on Cabenuva injections for HIV treatment, and in my volunteer work I've sat in on several planning meetings over the past few months in which local providers have been preparing to offer Apretude injection for HIV PrEP. Good luck, and please continue to share your experiences. This dialogue may help lots of other people who are not yet aware of injectable PrEP.

For me it is one of the hottest things. I already like deep kissing, so when a bottom I'm fucking is also willing to take my spit in their mouth, it's a sign of acceptance and connection / absence of barriers. I have no problem taking some of their spit, as well. It goes without saying that consent is required. In my experience, consent for spit play — other than if it's a scene, and I'll be spitting intentionally on someone's face — usually happens spontaneously, as kissing deepens and we discover we're into swapping more spit.

Congratulations on starting Descovy for HIV PrEP, @Squiggly8! Please continue to share your experiences here. Most people have mild or no side effects upon starting oral PrEP. As others have said, some people feel less anxious about sex. You are correct that intermittent dosing with Descovy has not yet been studied (whereas it has been studied, and found to be effective, with Truvada). - - - For others who will read this in the future, once again, Descovy for HIV PrEP is daily, and Truvada (or generic) for HIV PrEP is either daily or intermittent. Someone who takes Truvada daily will never take 2 pills in 1 day. I'd also like to clear up an error that was made describing intermittent Truvada dosing. "2-1-1" does not imply a fixed 4-pill, 3-day cycle. Instead, the numbers are minima. The regimen is: • 2 Truvada pills, 24 to 2 hours before sex • 1 Truvada pill per day thereafter, up to and including 2 days after the final sexual encounter For example, if a person using intermittent Truvada has sex on 2 consecutive days, the person doesn't repeat the 2-pill loading dose. The pattern becomes 2-1-1-1 in this case, for a total of 5 pills over 4 days. But this was the big error: a person using intermittent Truvada will never take 8 pills in a week from repeating the 2-pill loading dose. If fewer than 7 days pass between the last pill and a new encounter, the person resumes taking 1 pill per day, rather than taking another 2-pill loading dose. As always, the person then continues taking 1 pill a day up to and including 2 days after the final sexual encounter. Page 56 of the updated (2021) US CDC PrEP guidelines explains: "• If sex occurs on the consecutive day after completing the 2-1-1 doses, take 1 pill per day until 48 hours after the last sexual event. • If a gap of <7 days occurs between the last pill and the next sexual event, resume 1 pill daily. • If a gap of ≥7 days occurs between the last pill and next sexual event, start again with 2 pills." [think before following links] https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pdf/risk/prep/cdc-hiv-prep-guidelines-2021.pdf The choice of daily versus intermittent Truvada for HIV PrEP isn't about minimizing the average number of pills taken. It's about factors such as patient preference, the frequency of dry spells, the possibility of planning, and the willingness to follow a variable regimen.

Wonderful to read these accounts from brave people who have approached straight men and, now and then, succeeded in sucking their cocks! Today I remembered an incident from my undergraduate years. Eventually I developed a tenuous friendship with a straight boy I'd been in love with since I'd first seen his picture in the "face book" (an actual paper booklet sent to us before orientation, containing our classmates' yearbook photos, names and home cities). Before graduating, I asked if he'd like a blowjob. It didn't go well. We never spoke again. Our university had a lopsided male-female ratio, and given its technical emphasis, the few women present were masculine, assertive, decidedly not sexual. Think female JROTC drill captains, or even female spiders who eat their male counterparts after mating! Straight guys not in fraternities spilled a lot of semen in their tighty-whities rather than in the warm, wet holes where it belonged. My classmate, for his part, was always worrying that his girlfriend might have gotten pregnant from his visits home, or that she was cheating on him between his visits. I could have made him forget all these frustrations, five minutes at a time, whenever he needed. Today, he is married (to a rather masculine woman), lives in the suburbs, and has a child. He is still intelligent, but he has gone from being dashingly handsome as a young man to quite unattractive in middle age. Oh well, I can't spend too much time worrying about the plight of straight men! (The description of my female classmates is not intended to be misogynistic. In a male-dominated environment, assertiveness must have been a survival skill for women.)

Try drinking more water. If that doesn't help, please talk with a licensed medical doctor. There is no evidence that any supplement sold in the US increases ejaculation volume. Whereas drug manufacturers must demonstrate that their products are safe and effective by conducting rigorous studies, supplement manufacturers need not and do not. No entity verifies that the ingredients do anything, nor that the ingredients are even present. US law forbids supplement manufacturers from making medical claims, but enforcement action is extremely rare. The only empirical evidence we have when it comes to supplements is that they are 100% effective at making money for supplement manufacturers and vendors.

Nice! I noticed that Detroit still has a high African American population, but I didn't list it because I wasn't sure whether it had much of a gay scene. The original poster might be interested in some of the relevant venues, parties, etc., if you know about them.

I've already mentioned a few reasons above. Some people prefer not having to keep, carry, or travel with pills that identify them as HIV-positive. Remember that many countries, including the US, denied entry to HIV-positive non-citizens; some still hassle people found to be carrying HIV medications. Some people prefer having a regular monthly (and now, bimonthly) injection to having to remember to take one or more pills every day. There is a potential for higher adherence in general. Don't assume that the out-of-pocket cost of injectables will be higher. In the US, Affordable Care Act regulations, state regulations, and the drug manufacturer's patient assistance programs, mean that this will generally not be the case. Also, it will never be the case when a medical professional prescribes an injectable because a patient has demonstrated poor adherence to a daily pill regimen. We are lucky to have a wide variety of HIV treatment (and also prevention — Apretude, a 2-month, cabotegravir-only injectable is now approved for PrEP in the US) options. We know from work done in the field of birth control that giving patients more choices means higher uptake and greater success. Choice is a big motivator for patients! In this case, participants in clinical trials of cabotegravir + rilpivirine injections (Cabenuva) for HIV treatment generally preferred the injectable, despite soreness at the injection site, which was a common side effect. A 1- or 2-month visit interval is short for HIV patients, who would normally come in for tests every 6 months or every 3 months, in the US. That said, Cabenuva is the first step, not the last. In time, we are likely to see other HIV drugs offered in injectable form, with longer intervals between injections, possibly smaller liquid volumes and/or other injection sites, which might even make patient self-injection possible someday. (For prevention, coming in for an Apretude injection every 2 months is not a big change from coming in for tests every 3 months, per US CDC PrEP guidelines.)

That's the spirit!

This is excellent news, @120DaysofSodom! Good luck, and please let people know how it turns out when you do switch to the two-month schedule.

I have to thank you both, @viking8x6 and @ErosWired, because we live in a time when misinformation is rampant and can have life-changing consequences.

The 2008 paper's HIV transmission estimates were refuted less than a decade later by PARTNER 1 and 2, which, furthermore, were empirical studies (involving real human beings), not a mathematical modeling exercise as in 2008. WHO should watermark the 2008 paper because, if referenced by itself today, it could support medical misinformation. PARTNER 1 and 2 refute even the lowest of the lower bounds in Table 2 at the top left corner of the fourth page (labeled p. 317 in the journal volume). The detection threshold at the time was 200 HIV virus copies per millilitre of blood, PARTNER 1 found 0 linked HIV transmission in 58,000 sex acts by almost 900 sero-discordant straight and gay couples who did not use condoms, and PARTNER 2 found 0 linked transmissions in 77,000 sex acts by almost 800 gay couples. Even though no linked transmission occurred in these large, rigorous studies, upper bounds of risk were calculated just in case some transmission might be expected in even larger or even longer studies. "The new results from PARTNER2 are able to reduce the upper 95% CI [confidence interval] to 0.23/100 CYFU [couple-years of followup] for overall risk in gay couples: equivalent to a worst case when a couple would need to have sex for 400 years". HIV transmission did occur in PARTNER 1 and 2, but never from HIV-positive, virally-suppressed study participants. Instead, genotyping demonstrated that transmission occurred when HIV-negative participants had sex with people other than their own virally-suppressed partners. The quote is from i-base, a UK-based clearinghouse that provides HIV treatment information to health professionals and the public. The quote is still more technical than I would have liked, but interested readers will find all sorts of technical and non-technical information about PARTNER 1 and 2, the studies that proved that U=U. [think before following links] https://i-base.info/htb/34604

Perhaps across the pond to New Orleans or Atlanta, as examples of gay-friendly cities with substantial African American populations? I would have said Oakland, California at one time, as it was an African American population center within the gay-friendly San Francisco Bay Area, but gentrification and rising housing costs are rapidly displacing Oakland's African American population. I trust that you celebrate Black men for who they are, not just for their skin colo(u)r and ostensibly large penises. 😉

@valldelxeno, one thing to consider is the three-stage HIV "continuum of care" or "care cascade": 1. testing/diagnosis, 2. linkage to treatment/retention in treatment, and 3. sustained viral suppression. The worldwide goal is to reach 90% of the eligible population at each successive stage. Ideally, 90% of HIV-positive people would know their status, 90% of those who know they are positive would be taking medication, and 90% of those taking medication would have an undetectable viral load. Western, high-income countries fail miserably, and the results vary widely within the same country. The percentages of low-income earners, people of color, immigrants, young people, and also trans people, with unsuppressed HIV are higher than for the general population. Someone in a disadvantaged group (less access to HIV prevention information, testing, PrEP, and PEP), especially if the person has sex with other members of a disadvantaged group (higher prevalence of unsuppressed HIV), is at a much higher risk of getting HIV, even with a small partner count.

Straight guys are used to having to do this to prevent pregnancy, at various stages of their lives. It can be necessary with a fiancée, before marriage, with bar sluts or other random girls, and with a mistress. It's a good compromise for a straight guy: less worry, more sensation at the end, and an opportunity to believe that he is degrading or dominating his partner (if either of those psychological dimensions comes into play). Women foster more condom use than necessary, by not always defaulting to non-barrier contraception. There are so many alternatives available today, free in the US, highly reliable, and with minimal side effects. If straight men knew they could trust female partners, they wouldn't develop a condom habit in the first place. Similarly, straight men could be much better about regular STI testing, to give women more confidence. The ideal is to convince a straight man to fuck you bare. He's missing out on full enjoyment of your body until he does. In the meantime, having him remove the condom to nut in your mouth, or saving the condom so that you can eat his load, sound like enjoyable compromises for you, too. P.S.: Don't forget those of us bi or gay tops who use PrEP or TasP and get STI tests regularly. We are glad to fuck you bare from start to finish. 😏

Well said. They are coping with their own fears, with strong social programming, and, in the case of an ongoing friendship like the one you describe (amazing post, by the way!), with uncertainty about their feelings for you and your feelings for them. That sex sometimes happens in spite of these constraints is remarkable, and makes it all the more exciting. (Incidentally, I don't mean to make excuses for straight-identified guys, but to acknowledge some of the psychological struggles they face. This is a descriptive exercise. If I wanted to take a normative tack, I'd say that they need to get over their mental hangups and start putting their dicks in whatever holes make them feel good, already! Of course, a normative approach usually fails, for being a simple solution to a complex problem.) An agreement is good as far as it goes, but people continuously discover new things about themselves and about others, especially when it comes to sexuality.

This is a good observation — and it also applies to the other traits that people might boast about in the text of their online profiles. Show me, don't tell me! Now, here's another question: Have people observed any correlation between "good pussy", "First Class Hole" (love your subtle yet substantial choice to capitalize, @hntnhole), etc. and a bottom's relationship status?

I agree, the hangups of men who identify (or who are identified) as straight but whose sexual behavior (or desire) is broader can be tiresome. I block the blank, one-word, and DL profiles on Grindr like Whack-a-Mole. As for women who refuse to give proper blowjobs (and then get angry when their men go elsewhere), I should have been careful not to place implicit blame on them. They are bound by a set of social norms. It's impossible to be the virgin bride, and later, the doting mother, while simultaneously being the skilled, eager, sperm-guzzling slut. A possible motive, beyond the fetish value, for gay men to seek out sex with men who identify as straight, would be altruism. For all the problems it can cause, that 5-minute blowjob at the back of the parking lot can make the world of difference to a straight man whose wife hasn't so much as looked at his cock in a month.

@TheSRQDude, I couldn't have said it better myself. Beyond the rationalizations for the 'I like kissing, just not with you' scenarios that you list, you raise a very good point about the prospect of other hangups, in people who don't like to kiss at all. Thanks for your clear and insightful post.

People would test more often if this were part of the standard protocol at health clinics! 😈