Sfmike64

WHORE.

I'll go halvsies with fisting that amazing cunt. One hand each!

Check out this guy's Twitter feed. He's sexy as fuck and clearly very flexible. [think before following links] https://x.com/hole_next_door [think before following links] https://x.com/hole_next_door/status/1824941876677603373

Don't worry. Everyone's taking loads here. 🙂

This of course was my point. Do people have compulsive sex? Absolutely. Does it interfere with their life? Absolutely. Is it a physical addiction like Crystal or heroin or even cigarettes. No it’s not. co-opting the language of addiction seems a little bit problematic to me. But, if it helps, you get control over the compulsions in your life then I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

4. Jumping over the edge Once Adam came up for air, he looked me in the eyes and grinned at me. “Fuck Dad, you are so hot. I can’t believe that I met you here. How much of me in the sling did you see?” “I saw that thick hairy jock boy fuck your pussy and then some hot daddy dumped a load in you, too.” Adam laughed and said “Oh yeah, the jock boy is Ben. He’s sort of my boyfriend. We like coming here together cause we can both be pigs. He loves watching me get railed in the sling.” I gave him a little pouty look and said “What? You weren’t going to introduce your hot boyfriend to your hot Dad?” He laughed and said “It’s a brand new thing, Dad. That’s why I said 'sort of boyfriend.’ We’ve only been seeing each other for a couple months. I didn’t wanna jinx it.” I tousled his curly hair and laughed. “It’s fine, son. I just want you to be happy. Well that and I wanna watch you take those 20 loads you were talking about when you were in the sling. I think I know how I can help you with that.” “Oh? What do you mean, Dad?” I went to the locker in the room and pulled out my stash. I had some more loaded points that I’d made earlier in the evening. I took one out and held it up. “Do you know what this is?” “Dad! You are a naughty, naughty man. Yeah, I know what it is but I’ve never done it before. Ben has and told me he wanted me to try it sometime too, but the timing hasn’t been right when I’d have some recovery time, what with school and everything.” “Well, it’s summer vacation, now isn't it, son? And who better to give you your first slam than your dear old Dad?” I grinned at him and he started at the orange capped syringe in my hand. “You wanna do it now, Dad? Really?” “Well that depends, boy. You gonna let Daddy inside that pretty cunt of yours and feel all those loads from strangers lubing my cock up? Huh?” He grabbed me behind the head and pulled my mouth to his. I kissed him hard on the mouth. He pulled away and quietly said “fuck yeah, old man. You wanna put the cock that made me in my boy cunt? Is that what you want? It’s all loose and sloppy and full of cum from complete strangers. Is that what you want? You WANT your son to be a dirty faggot cumdump taking loads in a sleazy bathhouse?” He grinned. I moaned and said “Fuck yes, son. That sloppy cunt is MINE. I’m gonna breed it and slide my cock in where every man has gone before.” We both laughed and I pulled out the alcohol wipes and strap so I could slam Adam up for the first time. I told him what to expect. That it would feel like too much, and then he might cough. I knew he was going to cough. He just nodded and said “you’re my Dad. I trust you. Corrupt me with drugs and cock and I’ll be one happy little faggot.” We both grinned again and then I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to find Justin standing there with Ben. “Look who I found,” Justin said. Ben was tall and handsome with a thickly built athletic body like he played hockey or rugby (I later found out it was both). He was standing there in a jockstrap with a backwards ball cap on and his towel slung over his shoulder. I waved them in and Justin shut the door. “I thought you might be getting the boy ready for those 20 loads he was fantasizing about in the sling. This hot pig says he’s your son’s boyfriend. He’s also a great cocksucker.” Ben just blushed and then noticed the syringe in my hand. “Sir..…Are you gonna….?” It seemed silly to shake Ben’s hand, so I said “yes, I am. You want one too? I’m Mike. Adam’s Dad. But you probably knew that already.” Then I set the syringe down on the bed, stood up, grabbed Ben behind his head and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Justin and Adam both said “FUUUUUUUUCK.” We kissed for a long time, then I whispered in his ear “I’m jealous that you got to teach my son how to be a whore.” “Don’t worry, sir. He taught me more than I taught him. He’s the instigator whenever we get nasty.” I pulled away from him and grinned again. “Must be genetic. Sit down on the bed. I’ve got enough for everyone. Justin, you want a slam too?” “Fuck yeah, Mike. I’m weird, it makes my cock harder, not softer. I can fuck for hours when I’m slammed up and spun.” I pulled out four points and we were ready for a long night. I handed them to Justin and Ben, who seemed to know how to slam themselves. I always had extra bands and alcohol pads. Justin and Ben quickly slammed themselves and Ben immediately dropped to his knees and took Justin’s fat uncut tool in his mouth, slobbering all over it, digging deep under Justin’s foreskin. I turned back to Adam and said “you ready to blast off, son?” Adam was in a trance and just nodded. “Tell me what you want, boy. Use your words.” “Please Dad? I’ve wanted to touch your cock and feel it inside me ever since I knew what cocks were for and how much I needed them. The slam is just the icing on the cake. Do it. I wanna know what Ben is feeling. Look at him suck that cock! FUCK that’s hot!!” Ben came up for air, moaned and reached over to bury his mouth in Adam’s crotch. I told him to shove his tongue all the way inside with Adam’s cock in his mouth and stop. Then I quickly wrapped the strap around Adam’s arm, and told him to pump his fist. A nice plump vein popped up right away. “Bullseye,” I said. I quickly slid the needle in his arm, slowly pushed the plunger down and pulled the needle out, covering the tiny wound with another alcohol pad. “You ready son? Justin, when I give the signal, undo the strap on his arm, OK?” Justin could see where this was going. I felt like I was directing a dance, and my son was the star. Then I grabbed Adam behind his head and kissed him as hard as I could while pushing Ben hard to eat Justin’s cunt. I gave Justin the signal and he unsnapped the strap while my tongue was deep in Adam’s mouth. I could feel him start to cough so I backed off a little to give him air, also letting Ben breathe with his mouth full of trans boy cunt and the loads that had already been deposited in my son’s pussy. Ben continued to eat Adam’s pussy while Adam coughed hard. Maybe I should’ve adjusted the amount for his smaller body, but I could never have guessed I’d be slamming my own son at the baths. I pulled Ben’s mouth up off Adam’s crotch and he was breathing heavily, his trim beard covered in the cum of random men who had used my son as their cumdump whore tonight. I pushed him up toward Adam’s face to let them make out while I entered Adam’s pussy. I pulled myself up so my face was level with theirs and slid my huge Daddy cock inside my son’s front hole. Ben moaned while he shared the loads he’d just sucked out of Adam’s hole. Adam pulled away and looked me right in the eye. “Fuck me Daddy. Use my filthy cunt as hard as you want. And when you’re done, I want you to fuck me again.” I focused on how my fat uncut daddy cock feel inside my son’s front hole and it felt amazing. He was so sloppy with a combination of juices and the cum all those men shot inside his hole. Just then, Justin reached over and grabbed Ben, pulling him over to suck his cock. Ben slobbered over Justin’s cock for a minute and then looked up and said “please, sir? Will you breed my cunt, too?”

There's nothing better than the taste and smell of a sweaty hole and taint....and balls. And foreskin. 🙂 OINK.

I dunno. Maybe they're going to go to church. ROFL! I haven't started writing part 4 yet (the next few days are a little crazy for me) but it's in my head.

There's an entire Pansy Division song about this called.....Sidewalk Sale. I always thought the boy on this album cover (I think it was called Wish I'd Taken Pictures) was incredibly sexy. If I recall correctly he was the drummer at this point. When I saw them perform live in about 1998, in SF, he played the whole set naked. [think before following links] https://pansydivision.bandcamp.com/track/sidewalk-sale

3. Surprise, faggot. It’s Daddy! The man who was fucking me reached his arm out to help me up off the fuck bench and I followed him to the sling room. He introduced himself and said “I’m Justin.” We chatted a little as we walked to the large public sling room. Once my eyes adjusted to the low light, I saw HIM, in one of the slings, taking the cock of a hot, hairy muscle jock of about 25. My older son. FUCK. Adam came out as trans pretty young and his Moms and I were supportive, of course. When he started taking testosterone at 16, it was obvious that this was the right thing for his body. He blossomed into a muscular, confident young man, and hair started growing all over his body, just as I had done when I was his age. He joined the school gymnastics team, and excelled. He was short, strong, muscled and very flexible. I had no idea he was a pig, though. I was about to find out just how much of a pig. There he was, all 5’3” of him, thick furry chest breathing deeply, moaning and begging for the guy inside him to fuck his cunt harder. The guy reached down to play with Adam’s fat furry ass which just made him moan louder. Nothing better than two holes to play with. The guy continued to fuck Adam’s front hole while spewing filth about how his cunt was the best he’d ever fucked, which just made my boy put on even more of a show. The hot jock who was fucking him reached down to kiss Adam and my cock was instantly hard, despite the slam coursing through my veins. I’d never seen something so hot before. Justin looked at me and said “told you this kid was a pig.” I was so turned on that I hardly heard him. He touched my shoulder and I snapped out of the trance of watching my son take a huge cock in his cunt. I laughed and said “fuck yeah. One of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.” Justin then cocked his head to the side and said “do you know him or something?” “Or something.” He gave me another funny look and we both went back to watching the hot furry jock boy breed my son. His huge uncut cock kept pumping in and out of Adam’s pussy while Adam goaded him on in a low voice. “Come on bro, use my cunt. I know you wanna dump a load in me. Gotta cum inside. Don’t fucking pull that beautiful cock out of me. Shoot INSIDE MY FUCKING CUNT!” The jock laughed and said “dude, I already shot one load in your hole. You want another one, don’t you?” Adam laughed as well and moaned “fuuuuuuck yeah, dude. Give it to me. Knock me up and lube my cunt up so it can take cock all night. I need more loads in my cunt.” The guy sped up and said “you ready for it faggot? You ready to take another load in your cunt? Tell me what you need, pig.” Adam moaned and said “breed me, man. Shoot your load in me. I need it. I’ve taken 6 loads in this sling. Your second load will be seven. I want 20 tonight! Breed me fucker! Come on, give me your load!” The jock laughed again and reached down to kiss Adam while he pounded him hard. Then he moaned and said “here it comes, faggot. Take. MY. FUCKING. LOAD!” He stopped and his legs shook while I saw his nuts draw up into his body and pulse. He was breeding my son with another load of cum. He pulled out, reached over, kissed Adam again and whispered in his ear. Adam laughed and whispered back and furry jock boy walked away. A tall daddy type with salt and pepper fur all over his chest stepped up and immediately slid his cock balls deep into my son’s pussy. FUCK. I was watching another random stranger breed my son. My cock was bursting and had never been harder. The daddy didn’t last long. Clearly Adam’s hole was sloppy, just the way I like ‘em. He quickly dumped load #8 in Adam’s cunt, roaring as he shot what was clearly a huge load. Justin reached over and wrapped his hand around my fat uncut dick while we watched the Daddy dump his load inside Adam’s hole. I moaned as he pulled his cock out and cum oozed from my son, covering his cock head. Justin squeezed my cock again and leaned over to whisper in my ear “you gonna take a turn? Cause I’m gonna fuck that hot little furry thing. He’s sexy as fuck.” I laughed and just said “you first buddy. You dumped a load in me, do him next.” Justin laughed and walked over to the sling. Adam still hadn’t seen me, he was far too focused on getting the strange men in the room to breed him. Justin didn’t wait, he walked right up to Adam and pinched his nipples hard. Adam moaned and said “fuck me, mister. Either hole. Your choice.” Justin laughed and said “how many loads in each hole?” Adam just moaned when he saw Justin’s fat cock and said “five front, two back.” Justin just pulled his foreskin back and slid his cock inside my son. “Then I’ll be number eight, boy.” I moaned and watched this big black stud fuck my boy. Before tonight I had no idea what he was into sexually, now I knew he was a filthy cumdump begging for cock in a sleazy bathhouse’s public sling. Justin pumped Adam and played with the head of his cock while he pounded Adam hard, just the way he’d pounded me. I didn’t dare touch my rock hard cock while I watched Justin fuck my son. “Fuck boy, your cunt is so fucking sloppy. Grab onto my dick as hard as you can,” he said. Adam just laughed and said “how’s that stud? How’s your cock feel in my lubed up pussy?” Justin moaned again and said “that’s it, boy, that’s what I want. Keep doing that.” Adam clearly did his Kegels. He slammed his cock into Adam’s hole over and over again while my son moaned like a filthy whore. Pretty soon, Justin moaned loudly and he dumped another load into Adam’s hole. Justin pinched Adam’s nipples again, kissed him and slid his cock out of my son. “Next? You wanna fuck the kid, Mike?” For the first time, Adam lifted his head up so he could see who Justin was talking to. He got a horrified look on his face, and tried to pull himself up out of the sling. I quickly walked over to his head and gently pushed him back into the sling. “Shhhh…..Baby boy.…..don’t say anything.” Justin was still standing at the back of the sling and said “so you guys DO know each other, huh?” I laughed and said “apparently I’m not the only pig in this family.” Justin got a startled look on his face and said “Wait. WHAT? DUUUUDE. He’s your SON? Holy shit! That’s SO fucking hot. I loaded both of your cunts. Lucky me.” Justin and I laughed, while Adam was still dumbfounded. I turned to him and said “let’s get you out of this sling so you and I can go have a chat. OK, son?” Adam didn’t say a word but let Justin help him out of the sling. He was a little unsteady on his feet for a second. I wrapped my arm around him and turned his face to mine. “Don’t worry, baby boy. We’re gonna have a really good time tonight.” He smiled back at me and said “fuck Dad, I’ve been wanting this for a long time. He reached back and touched the plug in my ass. “Dirty faggot.” We both laughed and I told Justin that we were gonna take a break and told him my room number. “Come by my room in a half hour or so.” Justin smiled really big and said “can I bring a friend?” I laughed and said “I’ll be pissed off if you don’t!” Adam and I quickly made our way back to my room, shut the door sat down on the bed. I kissed him hard on the lips and he moaned loudly. He was ready to become Daddy’s whore.

This is also a problem online. I find Sniffies (at least here in NOLA) is like this. Instead of responding to someone you're attracted to but not enormously into, people just ignore that person (a sure thing) in favor of a cock/ass to be found later. And then they never find that mystical perfect cock/ass.

Part 2—Gettin Piggy With It There was some murmuring from the guys in the room, and my whole body was rushing from the slam I’d given myself a few minutes before. My hole was deeply hungry and desperately needed cock inside it. I reached around and pulled the plug out of my cunt and dropped it on the fuck bench next to me. I pulled my big hairy cheeks apart to show off that my hole was open for business. I heard a voice from the assembled pigs say “FUCK that’s a nice cunt.” I have no idea who said it, but the next thing I knew a tall, young, muscled guy with shoulder length blonde hair and a fat cock walked up behind me and I heard him spit into his hand. I had already lubed up my hole before leaving the house so I knew it was nice and slick inside. The blonde guy pulled my cheeks apart and quickly slid his entire cock up my hole. His cock was like him, long and thick. He moaned loudly as his cock bottomed out in my hole. The slam had awakened the whore in me and I moaned even more loudly which made him laugh. “Just a dirty little faggot, huh Daddy?” The combination of the T and the huge cock buried inside me meant I couldn’t make my brain talk to my mouth. I just moaned louder and croaked “harder. Harder.” Blondie laughed again and started to pump his cock in and out of my hole hard and fast. He clearly wanted to dump his load in me quickly and after four or five minutes of plowing my hole while the loud techno music thrummed around us he said “tell me where you want it Fag Daddy. Come on….tell your boy where you want it….” “In my fucking cunt, boy. Fuck Daddy’s cunt and load me up!” “You got it Daddy-o.” He pumped my hole a few more times and then shoved it in so far I thought it was going to come out of my mouth. He held his fat cock inside me while I felt his nuts contract and a huge load of cum burst out of his cock into my hungry cunt. I moaned again and he collapsed onto my hairy back. He whispered in my ear “I’ll be back to rape that hole again, Daddy. You better be loaded up good. Next time I won’t be so easy on your pussy.” Then he abruptly pulled his cock out of me, slapped my ass and was gone, leaving me in a sweaty mess. Another guy that I couldn’t see stepped in and took his place, sliding his cock inside me without saying a word. Meantime, another person sat above my head on the fuck bench and pulled my head up so that I was face to face with his beautiful uncut black dick. I looked up and saw his handsome face, bearded and with an intense look in his eyes, so I knew he was partying too. “Come on faggot, open up, gotta get me hard so I can have my turn at your cunt.” I moaned again and opened my mouth so that he could slide his thick uncut snake into my throat. He continued to fuck me while the person behind me rammed his fat cock into me with one thrust. It’s a good thing my mouth was full of black cock or I would’ve yelled at the intrusion in my hole. The guy behind me was obviously very turned on. I could feel his cock throbbing inside me as he unloaded his spunk in my hold. This was going to be a good night. I didn’t usually get this lucky so quickly. The guy behind me pulled out and walked away and the black dude said “fuck that was hot. My turn, Daddy.” All I could do was moan “fuck yeah, give me that beautiful dick.” He did not disappoint. He was tall, beefy with a sexy smile and a beautiful uncut cock that was as big around as a beer can. “This might hurt, faggot. Hit your poppers.” Then he laughed and said “this fag doesn’t need poppers, look how his pussy is gaping open! Fucking whore. Give em to him anyway.” Someone who was watching held a bottle of poppers under my nose and I took two enormous hits, holding them as long as I could. When I let the second hit out of my lungs, the man behind he slowly slid his entire cock into my cunt and I arched my back and pushed back onto his dick. “Fuck yeah, faggot. Take my whole fucking cock. How’s that feel?” I just moaned “FUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEEE” and raised my head to try to find another cock to go down my throat. I lewdly opened my mouth and moaned again. The guy who gave me the poppers laughed and said to the man fucking me “damn, this daddy is a fucking PIG.” They both laughed and he shoved his long thin cock down my throat, while taking hits off the popper bottle himself. He tasted like piss and ass. In other words two of my favorite things. The man behind me fucked me for a few minutes then pulled out and said “let’s take a break fag. I hear there’s a hot trans boy in one of the sling rooms taking loads.” He shoved the plug back in my cunt to keep the loads inside. Now it was time for the surprise.

Come on pig, beg for it. 😈

Good. I wanna see that in person. 😝

Thanks guys. I'm working on the next section.

I posted the first part of this story a minute ago. It's called Finding Daddy's Boy at the Baths. I hope you like it.

This is the story I was talking about in my other post. It will have a trans guy or two in it later on. But this is the setup. If you don't want to read about trans guys, maybe move along. PART I It was Friday night and I’d had a terrible week. I wanted to just let loose, get high as fuck and spend the night at the baths. Who knows, if things worked well, it might be all weekend. I’m Mike, a 45 year old pig. I’m covered in salt and pepper hair, and have a nice fat uncut dick for fucking pig boys holes, and a huge hairy ass for taking those pig boys’ loads when my holes gets hungry. I’m a short, hairy, piggy switch with a filthy mind and mouth. Anyway, I slipped my supplies into a small zippered pouch. I cleaned out my hole, smoked a few hits and parked behind the baths, psyched that the parking lot was already 3/4 full at 10PM. Hopefully it was going to be a good night. I was walking to the door when I noticed something strange. A unique car. Sitting in the parking lot behind the bathhouse was my 20 year old son’s car. He drives an old British Mini, which is an unusual thing in America. Besides it has a huge Union Jack on the roof. You can’t miss it. I even helped him work on it, it was one way we bonded as dad and son. I wasn’t entirely surprised. I’m pretty sure Adam doesn’t know his old man is a filthy pig faggot, but I had definitely clocked him that way. He looked like a slightly shorter version of his very short Dad. I’m only 5’5” tall, but have wide shoulders, thick tree trunk legs from playing rugby and a face covered in thick blonde facial hair, all the time. Sometimes I have a beard, sometimes it’s just thick stubble. Adam is only 5’3” but did gymnastics in school, so he’s got big chest and shoulder muscles and has the same pelt of blonde fur that I have, but not quite as thick. Yet. I get a lot of attention from women and men of all ages but only fuck men. My sons are from being a sperm donor to two lesbian friends I’ve known since high school. They did most of the parental duties but I was around a good amount since we lived in the same city, and was involved in my boys’ lives. I went in the door and my buddy Brad was working behind the counter. “Hey Mikey, what’s going on?” “Hey Brad! Shitty week. Wanna get freaky and piggy this weekend. Think you can help?” Brad just smiled and said “OINK.” I paid for 8 hours in a room. He slid the key through the slot and buzzed me through. I looked at the key and noticed that he had upgraded me to the sling room for the normal tiny room price. Pays to know the staff at the baths, and occasionally let them use your cunt and share your drugs. I wandered to my room the long way around so I could get the lay of the land and see what was happening. The place was already hopping. There were men everywhere, in the locker room, walking the hallways, chatting and laughing in the hot tub and showers and moaning in the darkroom. I bumped into my buddy Tom and he grinned and said “I think you’re going to be in for a nice surprise tonight.” I just smiled and said, “yeah, I know. I saw the car in the parking lot. This is going to be fun.” He laughed and told me which room he was in. I found my room, shut the door, quickly got undressed, and locked my stuff up in the locker in the room. I took a Cialis, took my water bottle out of my backpack and pulled out my stash. The other advantage of knowing the staff at the baths (and occasionally letting them know my holes) was that they never checked my backpack for contraband. I pulled out my toys and laid them out on the table next to the bed. Then I grabbed the pouch which contained prepared points. I was planning to get really nasty tonight and had made them nice and strong. I got the other supplies ready, finally able to relax. I realized my hole was desperate for some cock, so I reached over and grabbed my medium sized butt plug and lube and slid it up my cunt. MUCH better. I pulled one of the points out, tapped it to make sure there were no air bubbles, tied off my arm with a strap and slid the point into the vein in the crook of my arm. I took a deep breath, let the air out, and pulled the plunger back. A flash of red went into the barrel of the point and I slowly pushed all of the liquid back into my vein. I took another deep breath, laid down on the bed, put my arm in the air and and unclipped the strap. SHOWTIME! FUCK YES. I pulled the needle out, unsteadily capped it and put it back in the little box with my other stuff. I laid back, coughing hard. Once I caught my breath, my body was on fire, and my hole was ravenous. I quickly left the room and made my way to the public sex area with just a sexy jock and ball cap on, towel slung over my shoulder, showing off my big, fat, furry ass. Luckily there were lots of guys in the dimly lit darkroom. I went to the empty fuck bench and bent over it, letting anyone touch my thickly hairy body which was on fire from the slam. I turned around and said, in a low voice, “who’s gonna breed me?” It was time to get piggy. The surprise could wait.

That's not legal. There have to be candidates for both offices.

Aww. Thanks pig. OK, I started last night. I'm not sure how I'm going to structure this one, I dont' want to repeat the tropes I've used before, but I hope I'll have something soon.

Some people I know were leaving Miami after a long weekend partying at some circuit party. The TSA agent was an older black woman and she asked to look in their duffle bag full of sex toys. They looked at each other and smirked. She unzipped the bag and said "OOOOH! You boys had a GOOD TIME. We'll just call these 'children's toys.'" She zipped the bag back up and they boarded their flight.

I know someone who had this happen. The thing about Syph is that you very often don't notice the primary infection (not everyone gets the classic sore). My friend had to be hospitalized because he had been allergic to penicillin when he was a kid. They discovered that he was no longer allergic (this is not uncommon) and had to wear an antibiotic pump for several weeks to clear the infection.

Hooked up with this sexy boy I met on AssPig. He's a 30ish cubby guy with a sexy little belly and a big furry ass (I love a big ass). His cunt is GREEDY and he's into daddy/boy stuff which really turns me on. We got undressed and made out a bit, then got down to business. He was wearing a sexy nasty pig jock and quickly got on his hands and knees and presented his amazing furry hole to me. We had a great time. His ass opened up quickly. He's a width and not depth person and I really enjoyed opening him up. I have pretty small hands so I was able to get inside his cunt really quickly. He just sucked my hands in and I was able to open him up pretty wide, so his hole was gaping when I pulled my hand out to switch to the other one. We played for about an hour and I was almost able to get both hands in him at the same time. I also had fun fucking him. Amazing how his loose hole felt. He decided he needed a break, so I wiped off my hands and gave him my load. A really fun playmate. Nice boy, great hole.

Hey guys, would you be into a story about a PNP pig trans guy? Since it's me, it's probably going to involve incest stuff. Yes, no? Trans guys, how do you feel about a cis guy writing this? Love to hear your feedback.

Justaholeff is right. You gotta read the room (good advice in most areas of life). But most of the time, I find laughing during sex to be deeply sexy and increases the connection to the other people. Sex is rather absurd, and being able to laugh at yourself is important. Keeps me sane in this ridiculous world we live in. It's often why so much porn is SO bad. Because no one is having any fun. A blowjob shouldn't look like work.

I once knew a man who was allergic to semen on his skin. The first time we hooked up I shot a load and some of it got on his leg. He jumped up went to the bathroom and came back with a washcloth. The semen had left a red welt on his leg. I've never seen this before or since. It was the mid 80s and everyone was practicing safer sex, so I don't know what happened if that cum went up his ass.