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Part 1 - The Early Years There are two things in life I found I liked from a young age, reading and keeping a journal. Books were my everything at a young age since they kept me out of harms way and blissfully ignorant to everything that went on around me. Was I a sensitive child, pretty much so but also very impressionable with an erratic behavioural pattern that surfaced when least expected. Secondly my journal, I discovered I had a flair for writing growing up. It was a way of expressing my thoughts and frustrations, but also secrets. Some were not my own to hold but I became the keeper of them without any one knowing. So the impressionable part of me very much shaped my upbringing, sometimes life can cause things to happen that you never thought possible or needed until they presented themselves. My life was complicated from a very young age, some would say in a bad way, others would say it was destiny and things happened for a reason. I also had two people who played a very instrumental part in my life, one from a young age who would be by my side as we grew up then leave and come back in to my life when you believe there is no hope of finding a true path to happiness. The other person trusted his intuition about me and helped me become the confident assured person I am today. When you stand at a fork in the path and can't decide weather to go left or right, you simply go down the middle and to hell with it. Yes it will upset some people but it will force them to show their true colours and love you no matter what, hopefully that is. So who am I you may ask, you have probably seen me but never knew what lay behind the page or billboard since I keep my life very private. It doesn't matter how famous you become, the one thing you learn is never trust anyone on face value as information is power and the last thing you need is someone having power over you. That way you keep control of your life and protect those you love and hold dear to you. But I will tell you this, my name is Tom and that is what I prefer, annoyingly my mother still insists on calling me Thomas when she is mad at me and Tommy when she is doting me. I am a 24 year old rustic blond so I have been told by photographers. At five feet nine inches tall or short depending how tall you are, I have what was described to me as the most finely sculpted face and body. Now I don't assume myself to be attractive by any means, after all I just see Tom in the mirror who is an ordinary Texan lad. But all of that will reveal itself. So I will tell you the secrets about me that my journal holds but in a way for you to understand me better and how I ended up here. The problem with me is that I lived through my journal and held things in there that could have destroyed lives and nearly did as you can never predict how a person would react. That happened when I was 20 but it changed my life in a way I never thought possible. Should I have been more careful to hide identities instead of blatantly writing them down to be discovered? Yes, but then what? Wouldn't I be living a life full of lies or where I am now. I will start were things really began to shape my life in a way I had no control over and that was when I turned 8 years old, it started when my parents finally split up. I cried and screamed as my mother dragged me out of the house and placed me in the car with our belongings, at such a young age I had no idea why this was happening and being taken away from my father. I knew they argued and understood that their marriage was in ruins and she had to break free, but I never realised it would involve taking me with her. It's not your fault Tommy she would always tell me, but my father had put up with enough of her hard work ethic leaving him to look after me albeit I was a little out of control. I loved my father but also liked to play him up as much as possible by throwing tantrums usually when mother was out of town on business and father had his bit on the side over, he never suspected that I knew what was going on. I was an only child desperate for a sibling but that was not going to happen now. We must have drove some 50 miles to the large town where my mother worked, little did I know then that she was also seeing another man and that had become serious. Seth as it turned out was a few years older than my mother, at 30 he had dirty blond hair and stood an impressive six feet and still retained a muscular jock build from his school days, he was pretty successful with his small company and lived quite well in a sprawling ranch house in the countryside. Gradually I was introduced to him over several weekends, I didn't care much for him after all he wasn't my father. Seth was divorced and had a son who was 10 years old. At the time I paid little attention until the day my mother sat me down and explained that we were moving in to Seth's house in the country. Not only was I contending with a new school but now I was to be uprooted again to a different place to live, strangely I had calmed down a little by this time and was studying diligently at school, I showed a love for some sport especially wrestling, you could say I had become a model child. Maybe my father was the cause of my bad tantrums and his lack of love to my mother and me. At the start of summer holidays Seth arrived and began helping my mother to move whilst I sat in my bedroom head in a book as usual. I had packed my clothes, books and Xbox as that was all I needed in life to keep me happy. Seth was unlike my father he actually showed an interest in me from what I liked reading to what sports I did at school, I was torn between my loyalties and slowly I put up a barrier between Seth and me to prevent any closeness developing, but he was persistent and told me how I would really get along with his own son Brad who was 2 years older than me. Personally I couldn't see how on earth we would connect and it is what scared me the most, as much as I yearned for a sibling I never bargained on getting an older one. I carried my book out to his black BMW X5 which towered above me, for a eight year old I was fit and healthy albeit just five foot five inches with hopefully more growing to do, it still seemed like a big climb as I heaved myself in to the back seat and settled down. I was also trendy for my age with the latest haircut of buzzed sides and longer on top that was neatly combed, I took pride in my appearance as I knew it would help me get the right girls as school. Being gay or even thinking about it never crossed my mind but life has a way of turning your hand over before your eyes so I found out. My mother said goodbye and I panicked looking at her but she smiled and said she was following on in her car as there was no room for me to sit in there. I opened my book and stuck my head firmly in to it, I had never been alone with Seth and it was going to be 40 minute drive out of town. Briefly I looked up with what must have been eyes full of fear as Seth sat in the drivers seat and he glanced at me through the rear view mirror switching the engine on. Seth backed the car out of the short drive "It will be okay Tom" he said pulling away from my home. I watched out of the window as we moved away from my familiar surroundings "Really?" I replied. "You and Brad will get on just fine and he is excited to meet you" Seth said glancing in the mirror. I looked over at the mirror to see his eyes looking at me "Right" I said and faced back to the window. "You said you like wrestling at school Tom?" Seth asked me trying to engage me in conversation. "Yes" I replied without moving my head as a tear rolled down my cheek in sadness leaving things behind again. Seth smiled "Brad does wrestling and likes to work out so you have something in common" his eyes watching me. "Great" I replied emotionless wiping the tear from my cheek, the rest of the journey was silent. The car stopped "This is Medina Ranch" Seth said coming round to the boot of the car and opening it. "You have to be fucking kidding me, where the fuck are we?" I said kicking the gravel hard on the driveway. Seth didn't even look at me "Use those words again and you sleep in the barn" he said smirking. My mother pulled up in her car "Tommy what's wrong?" She asked walking towards me. I looked at her "How could you bring me here?" I angrily asked waving my hand at the expanse of greenery. She stopped at looked around "It's beautiful here Tommy you will love it" she said trying to calm me down. Seth watched me walking off "Leave him, let him get it out of his system" he replied shrugging it off. Julia turned to Seth "I really thought he would embrace this new life" she said. Seth pulled a box out of the car "He will come around Julia". Okay so underneath I wasn't quite the model child Seth had expected but little did I know my anger and frustration was born out of who I would eventually become as I grew older and understood myself better. In the meantime I found a quiet spot nearly half a mile from the house under some large trees where I sat down and cried my heart out, the thought of spending six long weeks with no signs of life or friends ripped through me in boiling anger. Seth took all my belongings and put them in the garage telling my mother that I needed to learn and will have to move my own belongings and grow up. My mother felt ashamed of my behaviour but Seth casually waved it off saying he had been through that with Brad. Guessing I must have been out for nearly three hours before realising that no one was coming out to look for me, hungry and thirsty I stood up and walked back towards the house, I got even more wound up and annoyed as I had got dirt on my book and frantically tried to clean it as best I could. In my tantrum I hadn't even looked at the house which stood imposingly on the plot, part single and two story sprawling ranch style it was definitely bigger than any house I had lived in, I stood looking at it with dread as it was to be my prison until I could move away, well that was how I saw it since nothing else seemed to be living around here. Walking up to the doors I opened the left one and let myself in and stood in the large entrance hall, I could hear my mother and Seth talking and walked towards the voices finding myself in the large kitchen and dining area. "There you are Thomas" my mother said reverting to my proper name, I knew she was angry. I looked at them both "I've ruined my book" putting it down in front of my mother. Seth turned the book around "I have a copy of that in the library you can read" he said looking at me. I sat down opposite them "Thanks" I replied with a genuine tone for the first time. My mother retrieved a plate from the refrigerator "You must be hungry Tommy" she said placing a sandwich by my side. "I am, thanks mum" I said already devouring it as she brought me a fruit juice as well. "When you finished I will show you where you will be sleeping" Seth told me with a smile on his face. Seth and my mother escorted me along a wing of the ranch house in to another lounge area that was clearly used by his son and then in to a large bedroom suite with two double beds, to be fair the room was almost as large as the apartment we had just left. It had an en-suite bathroom and wet room and overlooked the back of the house, the room angled around the pool area and my heart lifted seeing the large pool. Having never had a pool before I had not learnt to swim but the thought of being able to sit in it and paddle around made me smile. When they told me I would be sharing this area with Brad I argued to the point I upset myself realising it was a futile argument. Seth told me I would get along just fine with Brad and they turned to leave me with Seth pointing out my things are in the garage and to move them. I sat there alone putting my head in my hands cursing at my new life, I knew my mother was going away tomorrow for a couple of days with work which hastened the moving in. Residing to my fate I decided to make the best of a bad thing, I mean how much worse can it get. Eventually I found the garage and started moving my things in to the room, I was getting hot and sticky with all the walking and unpacking, I stripped off down to my shorts as I began unpacking my clothes and putting them in the walk in closet on the side that was empty. Outside and unknown to me Brad had returned on his quad bike and parked it in the garage, for a 10 year old he could easily pass at being 15 or 16 due to his tall broad build that he got from his father. Inheriting the dirty blond hair and striking blue eyes he was pretty well muscled up and had a very solid build for a kid his age. He carried it off well, even the seniors at the school daren't get on his bad side, he had a wonderful relationship with his father unlike me with mine. Brad walked in to the house and headed to the kitchen in his polite and mesmerising manner he sat and chatted with my mother until Seth said for him to go and meet me as they were going out to dinner and the housekeeper would prepare our dinner. Brad walked along the wing to his pad as he called it and saw the lounge area remained as when he left it that morning. He waited watching for his father and my mother to leave before he walked towards the bedroom, it was quiet apart from the clanging of coat hangers coming from closet. He looked at the bed seeing a few books strewn across it, he had never shown any inclination or interest in reading books unless he had to for school. He turned and walked towards the closet, standing at the doorway, I was unaware of Brad's presence or that he was scrutinising me from behind. "You like being in the closet" Brad asked making me jump that I missed the rail to hang a shirt on. I quickly turned frightened "Fuck don't creep up on me like that" were the first words out of my mouth. Brad's eyes looked at me trying to figure me out "Didn't mean to scare you" he said I could see the muscles in his arms and thought twice about hitting back "I'm Tom" I said shyly. "I'm not stupid I know who you are" he turned and left me in the closet. I walked in to the bedroom "I never asked to be here, so don't take it out on me" I said picking my books up. Brad was taking his t-shirt off "Yeah well were both stuck with this". I guess I must have been staring at him before I asked "How did you get so big?" then blushing at my upfront nature. Brad looked at me with his head to one side sizing me up "Working out and a muscle building compound". I nodded and went back to my unpacking, he ignored me listening to the music on his phone. Finally I finished after checking the clothes were hanging in an order that I liked and wiped my brow from the humidity. I had a quick shower to cool down and decided to look outside since Brad showed no sign of wanting to show me around. All I wanted to see really was the pool and I wasn't disappointed as it was large and plenty of shallow water at one end, I did a quick look around and took my reefs off and paddled in the shallow end for a few minutes enjoying the cool water over my submerged feet. "You can go in if you want" Brad said standing at the French doors watching me. I felt a little shame "No it's okay" I replied without looking at him. "Can you not swim?" he asked me walking out and joining me as I paddled. I hesitated "No" I said quietly not wanting to embarrass myself "I want to but never had a pool where I lived". Brad sat down on the edge of the pool dangling his feet in "I can teach you if you want". I looked at him but he was staring at the water "Really, you would?" I asked him surprised. Brad looked over at me "Yeah, well we got all summer vacation and there isn't much to do around here". I walked over and sat beside him "Thanks, and will you help me get muscle like yours?" I nervously asked. Brad laughed "If you want but it's hard work" he said nudging me "What are you going to do for me?" he asked. I chuckled "I have nothing to offer, I like reading and playing on my Xbox" I said to him. Brad smiled at me "You can read to me" he replied "you know the books I have to read for school, you can read them to me". That was the moment that we became friends, not quite step-brothers just then, but friends was a good place to start. The first few days I had terrible stomach ache as my body adjusted to the high protein muscle building compound, I think Brad got quite a lot of enjoyment seeing me running to the toilet. He told me not to worry and it will settle down in a few days, he introduced me to the gym by the pool house and got me lifting weights for half an hour in the morning and evening. True to his words he began to teach me to swim and by the end of the summer vacation I was at least no longer afraid of deep water and could happily manage a couple of lengths of the pool without loosing my breath. A week into our new found friendship Brad invited me to go for a ride on his quad bike, he packed some fruit and water along with a book in to his rucksack and gave it to me to put on my back. I was a little scared as I had never been on this type of bike but he drove slowly with me clasping him tightly in case I fell off we drove for about 20 minutes, passing fields and wooded areas until we hit an open expanse where I could see a line to trees and bushes stretching as far as the eye could see. Coming to a stop we walked a few meters in to the clearing by a shallow river the flowed gently meandering out of sight. "This is the Medina river" he said taking the rucksack off my back. I looked around "It's really pretty here" I said taking it all in. Brad smiled sitting down on the edge of the stream "My favourite little hideaway, the ranch is named after it". "Ah right" I replied sitting next to him. He pulled the book out of the rucksack and handed it to me "Your end of the bargain now" he chuckled. I took the book and laid on my stomach "Okay" I replied. I have to admit I started to find it intoxicating being here, the gentle sound coming from the water in the river flowing over the pebbles, the sun beating down and reading aloud was my idea of paradise, I even left my hair messed up from wearing the baseball cap. I kept looking at Brad when turning the page of the book, his eyes were closed hand clasped behind his head, whenever I stopped reading he would open one eye to check on me causing me to giggle several times. There was no doubt about him as rough and tough as he was on the outside he was a very different person underneath. I must have read nearly a hundred pages before he put his hand on the book to stop me reading and handed me some fruit and water. We walked in the stream hardly saying anything to each other until we returned back to our spot where he handed me the book again, I read a further 3 chapters before I put the book down and laid on my back looking up at the dappled sunlight coming through the trees. The rustling in the trees signified a change coming, Brad only to aware jumped up and packed the rucksack telling me there was a storm coming in, something that was quite usual for this time of day when the heat rose sharply like it had during the afternoon. Sure enough just a few hundred meters from the ranch house the heavens opened as the wind picked up in velocity driving the rain in to our faces. The storm lasted for an hour before the sun appeared again. We stood in the garage soaking wet and just laughed as puddles began forming at our feet, from that day we found our sense of humour to be very similar. A few days later at lunchtime we were heading out to the Medina River again, today the sun was already blazing hot in the sky so I sat down right the waters edge so I could dangle my feet in the water to cool them down as I read aloud to Brad, he sat a little further up so I could only see his legs, after an hour I turned on to my stomach and laid down resting on my elbows continuing to read. He did make me laugh seeing him chilled out chewing on a long stem grass, his eyes closed hands clasped behind his head. We walked a mile down the stream and back again before heading home, this afternoon was different as we chatted a little more finding our feet with each other. As the days passed we spent more and more time together bonding and enjoying working out then spending afternoons at the Medina river. By the time the vacation ended I was ready to return to school, it was my first day as this new school, as nervous as I was there was nothing to worry about as I fitted in straight away, Brad looked after me since we had become inseparable over the summer vacation. Those long summer days turned me in to a somewhat confident swimmer, I was beginning to show some muscle tone which I loved and many kids in my class commented over. Never would I realise how much of a catch I was to the girls and was never short of attention from them in my year and even some of the senior girls flirting with me. One thing I was probably more dumbstruck by was hearing them remark how attractive I was. It got worse as I aged, well I thought so anyway, it seemed almost all the school wanted to hang out with Brad and I, himself turning in to quite the muscle jock now having hit puberty. I felt a little overawed by all the friends and attention but there was something missing and that something was slowly beginning to show it's hand the older I got. It did take a couple of summers before Brad actually referred to me as his step-brother, after our parents married he began referring to me as his brother and it was this milestone that I articulated in my journal. I would usually write my journal sitting by the stream I found it gave me more flair when transferring my thoughts to paper. Brad would often sit there watching as I wrote, he knew I kept a journal and read it once when I fell asleep but he got bored as it contained nothing of interest at that point. It was from them I began hiding it and only writing when something needed to be downloaded out of my head, it had become my secret keeper. My reading to Brad had got him interested in books and studying and he did rather to well in his final years and won a place at a university some 300 miles away. Our years together were for the most part idyllic and every summer we shut ourselves away at Medina doing our own things. Our bodies changed but we both retained our looks and I grew from strength to strength with Brad's help. On his 16th birthday Seth allowed Brad to get a tribal tattoo down his arm. I sat with him and Seth as the artist worked for nearly 3 hours until finished. Sitting there I realised how much Brad was growing up and beginning to show independence, I knew our summers were going to come to an end soon enough. At 17 Brad was a real crowd pleaser and was now more often out than at home, I had heard rumours at school that he was bedding girls like there was no tomorrow, when he was home we would still go to the Medina river for some peace and quiet escaping life. I relished those days as I missed him like hell and was only too happy to read to him. At 15 I had a growth spurt and stood at my now five feet nine inches, I was pretty happy with my height, but it also caused my looks to intensify and muscle definition to proportionise itself to my body. It was several months after my birthday that I wrote down one of the most revealing feelings about me 'I feel my body has changed, I have hair appearing in places not much but enough, my voice is slightly deeper and I am beginning to feel like the boy in me is forever being lost. I like guys. Don't aske me how or why, I just do. I like their bodies, I like the masculinity of a guy who is very close to me. I never really thought I would write this down but somehow I need to express me and who I have become. I just don't seem to have any interest in girls and yes I know what this means but I am not ready for it. I need to come to accept it first and be happy about why my body and soul has gone this way. As much as I rack my brains trying to think why, there is no answer. No significance, no turning point, it has always been there waiting for the right time'. I put my pen down and watched Brad sleeping in his bed, discreetly hiding my journal as I knew that it was more important than ever to keep it hidden. I never wrote a lot down or did it on a daily basis, it was one of things I kept as a reminder of important things or situations now. I wondered if it showed on the outside that I was gay, I only questioned it as I saw less and less of Brad during that last summer before he headed off to university. It seemed his new friend residing in his pants was busy around and he started dating the head cheerleader from the school, Melinda. It was to put it bluntly my year of turmoil, I felt like my gut had been wrenched out the day he finally left. I knew he wanted to break free and be his own person. He left me fighting my demons, I was literally destroying myself inside out and it was after my 16th birthday I sat down for dinner, I plucked up the courage to discuss it with my mother and Seth since they had noticed I was becoming more introverted during this time but they put it down to Brad leaving home. Opening up to them about my feelings seemed to lift a massive burden off my shoulders, my mother was sceptical saying it wss just a phase where Seth appeared to have more control over the matter and I still remember his words to this day 'Don't hide or run from it, just let you discover you and who you are'. I kept my secret hidden at school and concentrated on getting my education over before deciding weather I wanted to go to college or university, rumours did surface occasionally as I had plenty of friends that were girls but never date or kissed any of them, I never acted gay or gave any one cause to question my sexuality. Not one for wanting to be away from Medina ranch I choose college and long distance studying, the benefit of which meant I could take my laptop out with me to the Medina river and study there where I didn't have to go in to college for assignments, tests and exams. So it wasn't all that bad coming out to my mother and Seth, they just let me get on with it. I was surprised that Seth would without fail every week sit down and chat with me about how I was feeling, I looked on him as more of a father than my blood father who I hadn't seen since the break up. Seth was reasonable and considerate, never judging me but always supporting and being there if I needed help. The year dragged by and Brad returned home for the summer vacation, he entered the house like a whirlwind and swooped me up in his arms hugging me. "God I missed you Tom" Brad said putting me down. I hugged him back "It's so lonely without you here" I replied. "Well I am here for several weeks book worm" he said using his nick name for me. It didn't take long for our routine to slip in to place, only now it just felt awkward as I was hiding the real me from him. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him, I didn't really know why at the time but I thought it would be best to keep that part of me in the shadows. All to soon his few weeks at home had come to an end and that last evening I heard Seth and Brad having a very stern discussion in the library. It was pretty fiery so I made my way back to our room and listened to some music reading a book. When Brad turned up he seemed his cheery self and said nothing about the argument going on, he showered and changed then headed out to meet his latest girl. A few days later when I asked how Brad was doing just out of normal conversation I got a strange look from Seth. He would not talk much about Brad just that he was doing okay, I knew he had gone to university several times to talk to him, and I overheard him and my mother talking about Brad's disciplinary hearing but nothing was ever said directly to me. I had no idea what was going on or what trouble he had gotten himself into. I had just celebrated my 18th birthday and was studying on the pool terrace late one morning when I heard Seth in the kitchen cursing to himself and grabbing his keys, I heard him talking to my mother on the phone to say he was having to drive up to the university. By the time I got to the kitchen he had already stormed out leaving the letter from the universities disciplinary committee on the counter top. My mistake or maybe it wasn't, I picked up the letter and read it. I couldn't believe the words of the last paragraph 'As such situations arise when a student is in possession of any form of drug the course of action is to expel them from the campus and forfeit their position. Whilst the committee have noted that no further action is being taken by the relevant law enforcement agencies we are in no doubt of possession and intended use or distribution and as such the student has been expelled. The committees decision is final and will not entertain any appeal to review'. It was almost like a standard letter but I felt really sorry how his life had spiralled out of control in this manner. Seth returned later that evening tired and upset, I listened at the door as he told my mother that Brad refused to see him point blank. I walked in to the lounge and they both stopped talking. "Are you going to tell me what is going on with Brad?" I asked standing my ground. Seth shrugged his shoulder "There is no point Tom, he won't see or speak to anyone" he replied. I sat down next to Seth "How bad is it?" I asked him. Seth looked at my mother "He has been expelled, he needs help but he can't see that or accept it". That evening was one of the longer entries in to my journey as I was troubled all night, when I woke early that Saturday morning I sneaked down to Seth's BMW and turned the key and looked at the SatNav which gave me a location near enough to where Brad was staying. I got my keys and sped down the ranch driveway and headed to Dallas, I almost stopped several times wondering if I was doing the right thing but I kept going on the 5 hour drive. I knew I was in the right place but I had no idea which building he was in, I stopped a student wandering by just on the off chance and asked if they knew Brad Felshaw, he laughed and said yeah building 2c Room 235. I rushed over not knowing what I was going to say to him as I reached the door, I knocked three times but waited to hear if there was any movement when another student walked past and smiled 'good luck getting him to answer' they said carrying on down the corridor glancing back at me, I now banged on the door louder this time. "Go away" he shouted through the door. "Brad" I waited for a moment "Brad it's Tom, let me in please" I pleaded through the door. Eventually I heard the lock clicking and he opened the door "What do you want?" he asked. "I came to see you" I said through the crack in the opening "are you going to let me in?". Brad was reluctant "Did my father send you here?" he asked. "No, he doesn't know I have driven here" I replied, he hesitated then opened the door inviting me in. He looked dishevelled and not the Brad I knew "What the fuck has happened to you?" I asked closing the door. Brad sat on the bed head in his hands "I lost control and fucked up really bad this time". I sat down next to him "Everyone is worried about you Brad. It hurts to see you like this". "Like what?" he asked in an angry tone. "This is not you, not the Brad I grew up with" I replied looking at him. He stared at me "Your not the Tom I grew up with are you?" he stated in a matter of fact way. I looked down "It hasn't change me Brad, I haven't come to terms with it myself" I said shyly. "Is that so?" Brad replied somewhat confused. I took a deep breath "Come home with me, I will sneak you in and look after you". He looked at me "I can't deal with my father he is so angry with me" he said looking sad. I put my arm around him "He is not angry Brad, just upset and very concerned" I assured him. Brad stood and paced around "Are you sure you want to do this Tom?" he asked. I looked at him "Are you an addict?" I asked. He shot me a look "No, I only did it 4 or 5 times" he paused "but I am getting drawn to it". I don't know how I did it but he agreed to come home with me after I promised not to let anyone know until he was ready to face them. He slept for most of the journey back home, I could have sworn he cried a little or at least his eyes watered seeing Medina Ranch at the end of the access road. He slid down in his seat to avoid being seen as I drove in the garage. I checked the house to make sure the coast was clear and walked with brad down the wing to our end of the house. Telling him to shower and as he did I quickly rifled through his bag to make sure there was nothing hiding in there and also the clothes he had worn home. I kind of felt guilty and didn't really know what I was doing, his hand grabbed my arm tightly 'there is nothing there' he said letting me go again, he certainly hadn't lost any of his muscle or strength. Something inside me caused me to stand up and face him, I was speechless and I couldn't work out if I got a kick out of him touching me aggressively like that. He backed off in obvious concern at what he did. At 20 Brad was a walking sex machine and it was hard to keep my gaze from looking at his body, I had still yet to explore my sexuality but I knew he definitely aroused me. I tried to keep a close reign on my preference for the male body whilst living in small town Texas, the last thing I wanted was to be out and branded like the cattle in this state. He looked at me "I'm sorry if I hurt you" Brad said drying his hair. "Promise me you have none of it here?" I asked watching him look me in the eye nodding. Brad slipped in to his bed "Promise me you won't let on?" he asked resting his head on the pillow. I looked at the sight of him staring at the ceiling "You have my word Brad" I replied picking up a book, I knew I would have to keep a very close eye on him. Sitting on the bed next to him he smiled for the first time "You going to read to me?". I nodded "Yes that's if you don't mind me sitting on the bed next to you?" I replied. Brad smiled "Of course I don't" he said getting comfortable. It took me by surprise and at first I wasn't sure if it was him accepting what he knew about me or just the brotherly part coming through. I read to him for an hour until he was sound asleep, it was only 8pm so I crept out and had dinner with Seth and my mother, it didn't take long for the conversation got around to where I had been all day and I told them at the Medina river and also headed in to town to see a friend. As far as I know they hadn't suspected a thing and after dinner I grabbed some fruit and went back to the bedroom to find Brad still sound asleep. I kept the curtains closed that overlooked the terrace and the French doors locked. I can't recall what time it was but I was woken by the sound of Brad, I could make out that he was sitting on the edge of his bed shaking and panting. Thankfully I had done some research on the internet after I returned to my room and believed this to be his body reacting to a lack of whatever drug he had taken. I turned on the bed side lamp and could see he was also sweating. I walked over and asked him what I could do to help but he looked at me like a helpless child tears streaming down his face. Trust me I said helping him stand up and took him in to the wet room and turned on the cold water, I sat next to him in the shower letting the cold water cascade over the both of us until his shaking ceased. I helped dry him and took him back in to the bedroom to my bed and laid next to him, so much of me wanted to cuddle him in this fragile state, he looked at me and quietly said thank you and falling back to sleep. I watched him as long as I could until my body surrendered and my eyes closed. I had one of the best night sleeps that I could remember, waking up I found my body was being held and my eyes snapped open. His arms were wrapped around me and he was cuddled up very close, to close for comfort was my initial diagnoses. Escaping was the first thing in my head, then the awkwardness of this as me moving would certainly wake him up and he may freak out. I laid there silently for several minutes until Brad shuffled and turned over releasing me from his arms. Silently I crept out of bed and let him sleep, picking up my journal I wrote a few words 'Woke feeling like I had a perfect sleep. Shaken I found my step-brothers arms wrapped around me, his body touching mine. Disturbing to say the least but somehow I find myself turned on as my whole body seemed to be in a state of flux'. I hid the journal and showered, when I came back in to the room Brad was awake and just acted normally. I came to the conclusion that he probably didn't even know, for the most part Brad seemed to be returning and the next few days I studied and didn't leave his side except to fetch food. Keeping him hidden seemed pretty easy and his withdrawal symptoms vanished which confirmed my suspicion that he had probably told me the truth. I guess I got to cocky at this hiding Brad game and he slid down in the seat of the car as I backed out of the garage and drove us to the Medina river again. I sat down on the banks and started reading, Brad laid on his stomach his head inches from the water resting on his hands watching the water flowing by. He wore only shorts taking his t-shirt off as we arrived since it was another scorching day. It was very distracting, I just wanted to touch and hold the body laying there, it was so perfect and the temptation to tickle his bare feet his toes wriggling in the sun crossed my mind. Refocusing I continued reading for an hour then we waded in the river and walked for a couple of hours. On the walk back to our spot Brad put his arm around my shoulder, something he hadn't done since we were younger. I felt like our bond was stronger than ever having faltered when he found out what his cock was for and put it to use. I rummaged in the rucksack and gave Brad some fruit and a bottle of water, if people saw us now they would think we were a perfect couple. I grabbed the book and sat down on the waters edge, before I could even get it open he had sat down behind me, his legs either side of my body and his arms wrapped around my body with his chin resting on my shoulders. It was one thing accidentally cuddling me in bed but this felt strangely weird but I carried on and opened the book to the page where we had got to the previous evening, he watched me leafing through to the pages but my mind was elsewhere as my body tingled by his touch. "Can't believe how much you have grown up and changed Tom" Brad said as he watched me turning the pages. I smiled but didn't look at him "We have both grown up Brad". Brad rubbed his chin on my shoulder "Yeah but at least you didn't screw up like me" he sighed. I looked up at the sky "I am just as screwed up if not more but in other ways". Brad stopped and looked at me "You are far from screwed up Tom, your confronting things head on" he said. "Well it's my turn to return the favour, you looked after me growing up" I said reminding him. Brad chuckled and waved it off "Was it hard, you know growing up feeling the way you do?" he asked me. "What way?" I asked oblivious to what he meant. Brad rubbed his chin on my shoulder again "You being gay" he said, I was slightly taken back. I turned and looked at him "It still is, I try to work out why but I end up even more confused" I said looking at the book. Brad ruffled my hair "Your still Tom to me. It is what is in here that defines you" he said tapping my heart. I sighed "I'm so lucky having you as a brother, as fucked up as you are" I laughed more out of nerves than anything. His hands hugged me tighter "You have helped me so much Tom. And now?" he whispered "Have you a boyfriend?". I stared at the words on the pages "No" I replied "How come you haven't got a girl?". "Don't know" Brad said "Melinda was mediocre for sex but she was getting to needy and I got nothing out of it". Brad lifted his head "Stop changing the subject. Why haven't you got a boyfriend?" he asked. I sighed "I am not ready to explore yet" I replied, it was the truth as I had no courage or even knew where to start. Brad hugged me tighter "Who ever get's you will be one lucky person. Come on then read to me" he said. I wondered if I was becoming a bit of a shady pervert as I settled back in to his arms reading the book. It is a strange feeling when your step-brother is the closet another man has ever got to you, sitting here time just seemed to get away from us. We hadn't realised how late it got and headed back home, no further mention was made by either of us about that afternoon, assuming it was just us rekindling our brotherly love for each other. I checked the coast was clear and we wandered down the east wing of the ranch house in our lounge and found Seth sat there waiting for us. Brad stopped dead in his tracks and Seth stood up and walked towards Brad, I didn't know what to expect, I stood ready to defend him. Seth looked at his son and hugged him, Brad kept apologising for screwing everything up, he told Brad he was just happy to his son back. Seth looked at me "Thank you Tom" he said. I put the rucksack down "I'm sorry for going behind everyone's back". Seth walked over and hugged me "You had us worried behaving weirdly at first". "You knew?" I asked Seth who nodded. "They described you and your car as taking Brad away from campus" Seth said to me as I stood looking ashamed. It was obvious Seth was pleased that I managed to get through to Brad when no one else could. As Brad slept I retrieved my journal from the hiding place and wrote things in there again that should never have been down on paper... 'A strange yet weirdly happy day as we went to the river only this time I felt like I was sat there with a lover. His hands around my waist and head resting on my shoulders. I know this is my step-brother but sometimes feelings are stronger than actions and he wakens me in a very extraordinary way'. I looked debating weather I should have written this but my journal was holding the true me, quickly I hid it away again. Brad was left alone in my company for a week partaking in meals with the family in the evening for as long as he could tolerate it. At night I would read to him and we often fell asleep in the same bed, it was as if we were 8 and 10 again. Brad got his life together and started working for his father whilst finishing his education. So that was me growing up and how I helped my step-brother through his problem, oh, and fell in love with him. The table would turn in a few years time but that was something I could never have seen coming, especially when your so blinded by what you think is love but in reality was the opposite. I became the closest friend to Brad as well, we would tell each other everything and before you ask, no I didn't write those in my journal. I knew they were things best kept between us. Part of me was broken but happy when Brad started seeing Melinda again in this on off story of theirs, so much so that it became probably the most serious relationship for the time being. As if you hadn't guessed by now, Brad was the first instrumental person in my life, he shaped me as the person as we grew up together in a very unshakable way. We stuck to each other like glue and did everything together. My life really took shape and turned upside down a week before my 19th birthday celebrating a belated 18th birthday present, and this is where my story really begins to unfold...
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So I'm hitting that stage now where I'm wanting to get into a long term relationship and build something up rather than dodging love in favour of work and quick sex. The issue is that I'd want it to be an open relationship with my partner actively whoring me out and us throwing breeding parties. Not really polyamory in the love sense, just us having sex with lots of outer people. For those in the community that have these kind of relationships, are they rare? How do they work? Are there problems with jealousy or such? I just wonder if it's better to try and meet someone and go into a relationship fully knowing what you want rather than being purely monogamous and opening up to the cumdump stuff later. I'd love to hear your takes on this.
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Part 1 This is the story about the time I went to Sacramento, California for a work meeting, and had the time of my life! My name is Ricky, I am from Washington (State) and was working for a major healthcare provider, 24 years old, 5’10, 160 pounds, fit build, 6.5 uncut and just thankful and happy to have a secure stable job in high demand. I had also been parTying on occasion since I was 22 and loved it, but kept it discreet and rare. So in June, I was told I needed to fly down to Sacramento for a 3-day training. I was excited to go! I had never been to California and was looking forward to it! While I made my travel arrangements, I had the thought I should take a few extra days off and stay there. Explore and see what kinda trouble I could get into. The company allowed us to take extra time, I’ll I’d need to do was pay for the room for a few days, the flight was all paid for by them! With that I made my flight arrangements, and paid for the extra nights in the hotel at a discounted rate! I needed a break from my boyfriend, taking care of my younger siblings (our mom passed away suddenly when I was 22 and I became instaparent) and just all the stress that living in Washington brings. I got my A4A, and BBRT account set up and was on the hunt to set up some encounters while I was there. That’s when I came across a profile on A4A which practically made me drop to the floor with lust! His name was Scott, he was 38, POZ, and parTyed! I shot him a message and asked if he’d be interested in meeting up. He replied immediately with “fuck yeah boy! I wanna breed that ass!” 🤤🤤 That sent a chill throughout my body and I swear I was in love! He was everything I never knew I always wanted! He had the most beautiful blue eyes, 6’2”, 200 pounds, dark blond hair, 9” cut cock and a muscular build! I replied back with “fuck yeah, I’ll do anything you want!” So we set up a time and place to meet. My work meeting was Monday morning through Wednesday afternoon so we agreed to meet at the Arden Mall Wednesday evening, just to make sure we liked each other in person. Everything was set and I was excited, but I also was feeling a slight hesitation. I am a very bad boyfriend when it comes to being faithful sexually. I had already cheated on my boyfriend so many times I lost count, and secretly parTyed. That was hard to do because he used to parTy before we met so he could identify it easily. For two years I had been able to keep it from him 😈 I had taken so many POZ and unknown loads before, mainly at Steamworks and Club Z in Seattle while spun but they were all undetectable (so they claimed), Scott was POZ and unmedicated. That turned me on so much, because low key I wanted to be part of the brotherhood but still had never converted. I quickly pushed the hesitation out of my mind and decided that I wanted Scott to be the one, to be my daddy! For the next few weeks we exchanged several messages a day, discussing what we were into, what we wanted to do together, and before I knew it I found myself catching feelings for him. my boyfriend and I only fucked a couple times a month, so to cover my tracks I seduced him on Sunday afternoon and we fucked (with a condom 🤮). Poor guy was uncomfortable fucking BB (did he know I was a cheating slut?) and insisted on wearing one. Once that was over I packed my bags and he took me to SeaTac for my evening flight. We get to the departure zone, and before I get out of the car he kisses me and tells me he loves me. I kiss him back and instinctively tell him I love him too. He’s a good guy, but so vanilla… A good, wholesome daytime boyfriend you could introduce your family, friends, and coworkers to. Little did he know I had a dark, sexually thirsty dark side I needed to explore and fulfill. I walk into the airport, check in at the Alaska Airlines counter, and go through security. As I go through the line, I catch the eye of the TSA agent who gives me this subtle grin. Maybe he saw the poppers in my bag as it went through screening. This man was probably about 30, 6’ a solid 220, deep blue eyes and jet black hair (my FAVORITE combination)… I hand him my ID and ticket, he looks it over and smiles at me. my heart melted! He hands them back to me along with a piece of paper. I quickly stuff them in my pocket, get through security and hop on the train to the D gates. Once I’m there I pull the piece of paper out of my pocket. On it there was his name, Martin, his phone number, and “You down for a pump n dump before your flight? Text me!” I am always down for a pump n dump! Before leaving home I had prepped myself just in case! I quickly texted him “fuck yeah where can we meet?!?!?!?” He replied with “Boy turn around, I saw the poppers when scanning your bag and I followed you hoping you’d message me! There’s a discreet handicapped bathroom with a locking door around the corner, meet me there” Sure enough, I turned around and there he was! We locked eyes and he gave a slight head motion to the right, turned around, and started to walk towards the handicapped bathroom. I felt like the vampires in twilight when it comes to their speed and quickly rushed to follow him! Around the discreet corner I met him. He grabbed my hand, led pulled me into the bathroom, and after we entered he put a sign on the door that said “out of order” and locked it behind us. Once inside he grabs my hands, pushes me up against the wall, and kisses me so deeply, so passionately! He said “boy, the moment I saw you in my line I got hard knowing I wanted to breed you, gift you with my seed… my POZ seed!” I almost melted and said “fuck yeah daddy, I want you to load me up and breed me!” As we’re passionately kissing, we pull each others clothes off and standing there, each wearing NP jocks. His was black, mine was red. Just above his throbbing 8” cock was the tattoo I had come to love, the biohazard symbol! I ruffle through my bad and pull out my poppers. He turns me around so I’m facing the wall, he gets down and eats my ass, practically tongue fucking my hungry, hairy hole. I take about 8 hits of poppers, 4 in each nostril and am begging him to breed me! He stands up, spits on his cock, and pushes it against my hole. “You want daddy’s POZ cock don’t you boy” he whispers into my ear. “Fuck yeah daddy, breed my NEG hole” I whisper back. “You on PrEP boy?” he asks? “No daddy, I want to join the brotherhood” I say. I take a few more hits of poppers and push back on his throbbing BB cock and he pushing forward into me. Suddenly I feel him slide in. My hole was already pre lubed with the hope I’d get fucked soon. He slides his 8” fat python cock into me balls deep. He holds it there for a moment and whispers into my ear “that’s daddy’s good boy, a nice lubed up slut ready to take my BB load!” His cock had just the right curve to where he was pushing up against my prostate and I start to drip PC like crazy! His right hand grabs me by the throat, his left hand pushing my back into the wall, he pulls almost all the way out, then rams his cock back in! I let out an indescribable moan of pleasure, and he starts fucking me. “Ohhhhhh fuck, fuck me, harder daddy, yeah, use that NEG hole to satisfy you!” “Fuck yeah boy, this ass is MINE! Fuck, it feels so good! That’s it, push back hard on daddy’s dick! Milk that POZ cum out of me” He then starts piston fucking me for about 15 minutes then releases his right hand from my throat, grabs me by the hair and forced the side of my face info the wall while still using his left hand to push my upper body into the wall. He is ramming my HARD and I start to feel him tense up and growl as I push back hard on his dick. Finally I felt him start to shoot his load in me. As he’s doing so, my semi hard cock shoots a fat load right onto the bathroom wall. That caused my hole to tense up and clench around Martins dick, milking it as hard as I could, which only made him shoot more POZ seed into my thirsty hole! By now, we’re both panting like animals and he keeps his dick in me, his sweaty chest on my sweat back. He pulls my head around with his right hand and kisses me. “Fuck that was so good, this is the first time I’ve ever shot hands free” I say. He looks over and sees the waterfall of cum I shot into the wall. He scoops some up into his mouth, swashes it around in his mouth, swallows it, then kisses me. By then I feel his getting soft and ready to pull out of my hole. I clench as tight as I can when he finally pulls out, milling every last drop out of him as possible. When he finally does, he turns me around, grabs my hands and holds them over my head while he kisses me. My body is practically shaking, I’ve never felt so satisfied in my life! He whispers into my ear “Now you’re mine boy, always and forever. When you come back, I’ll be waiting. Your new life with me begins next week. I will allow you to keep your job, stay in contact with your family, and let you provide for those who depend on you. At the end of the day though, you’ll come home to me, your new daddy. I’m POZ but not currently medicated. I’ve waited years to convert the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that’s you!” All I could do was look him in the eye and say “yes daddy, I hope you were successful in knocking me up!” He said “good boy, now get dressed and while you’re in Sacramento, take as many loads as you can. When you come back we’ll go to the Poly clinic in downtown Seattle and have a special test run to see if the DNA from POZ load I gave you matches mine. If it does, I’m your daddy, if not, I’m your step daddy. Either way, you’re mine. I know where you live, where you work, and everything else about you.” With that, he gave me a passionate kiss, got dressed and left. Told me to wait a few minutes before I walked out too. And, that his load was to stay in me. I happily agreed and said no load I take ever leaves me. He gave me this evil grin and walked out. I got dressed and walked outa few minutes later. Then waited in line to board my flight.
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Life can be lonely at times, sex can be hard to come by, and cuddles/chat after sex are lovely. Anyone else feel the same way? Would really love to settle down with a sleazy, chavvy, masc, almost-no-limits top guy in his mid-20s to mid-30s (though age range can be flexible if we really click). Love tatts and a chain on a man 😈. Bb (obviously), hnh, and intimate/verbal play are my personal favourites. I'm a good-in-the-streets depraved-in-the-sheets early/mid-20s bottom: bit posh, tan, hairy, masc, and chunky (mostly muscle + a bit of fat I'm working on shifting). Bit of an oddball, but motivated with good prospects, and need someone who wants a partner-in-crime (figuratively) to bounce off of and build a good life with. Down for monogamy or open.
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Hi hi 🙋♂️ ) I’m new here and it’s my first post . I hope 🤞 to find good friends here ) I have a boyfriend but he is negative, but I’m poz and not on medicine, so, it’s why I’m here. I don’t know what I should text here , but I will be happy to find how I can spend my time with good people and beautiful experience) hugs 🤗
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[think before following links] https://imagetwist.com/fq20lcnvayyt/srgergweafweafd.jpg -
My normal everyday personal is this silly, jovial, dorky guy. I'm one of those guys who if you didn't know my sex life, you would never imagine how much of a pig I can be. I'd like to preface this by saying I don't have multi-personality disorder... or at least I dont think I do. But I just feel like i have two different people inside me. One guy is sweet, loving, romantic... A guy that wants to make love, and cuddle, and give sweet kisses and go on dates, long walks on the beach, etc etc. However, the other side of me is a pig vers/top that loves to fuck and breed a sweet ass of any age, anywhere, anyhow. Torturing a guys nipples, spanking him, pulling and slapping his balls to show dominance, leather play, watersports, etc etc. Just was wondering if anyone else ever feels inner conflict between both sides of personality... The need for love and affection versus the need for hot raunchy sex. Or if you have been able to incorporate both successfully.
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Should I Stay Or Should I Go ** Please remember to ‘like’ the story if you enjoyed it. Feel free to comment or to contact me via mail. Thx. ** Sometimes we meet a person and we know – this is the one. Do you know what I mean? You look at someone and your heart stops missing a beat. Your whole body tingles. You hear the blood rushing in your ears. The world is spinning around you. This happened to me 92 days ago. 92 days with butterflies in my body. 92 days with friends rolling their eyes, because I had only one subject. 92 days full of romance and not one fight. It is strange – in my earlier relationships I was always insecure and jealous. After a short while I was suspicious but this time everything was different. From the moment I met Scorpion I had only eyes for him. And I saw his eyes were only resting on me. It is a great feeling, if you love each other with all of your heart. And tonight I am sitting alone at home and staring into the candle light. I am not sure how long Scorpion is gone. We talked very much and we cried a lot and then he left. The evening started romantically. We bought some stuff to make dinner. We enjoy cooking together. Mostly I do the cooking and he caresses my neck and steals a kiss from my lips. Don’t get me wrong. He is all the man I need. He is quite a macho in our regular life, but also protecting and caring. I do not feel like his possession but I know also, that I belong to him. All the things have changed now. The first time we made love, I was a bit uneasy. Curious but also a bit scared. I was used to get my foreplay. I was used to get sucked and often my lovers licked my ass. With Scorpion it was like changing from day to night. He told me to undress and get on my knees. Then he opened his jeans and ordered me to suck his dick. I wanted to use my hands but he told me to keep my hands down and open my mouth widely. He grabbed my ears and started face fucking me. Although I choked, he didn’t seem to care. After a while I started drooling spit all over my chest. There was so much spit. I thought it would be disgusting, but Scorpion didn’t stop. He simply used my mouth and before shooting his load he withdrew his thick cock from my mouth and ejaculated on my face. I was breathless. At first I thought, this was way too rough, but then I realized this was exactly what I was looking for. I needed a guy who would protect me during the day and use me like a slut at night. Then he fucked me for the first time. He wanted to go bareback, but I was not comfortable with it. And so he agreed after a while to fuck me with a condom. I could see in his expression, that he wasn’t too happy about it. Our foreplay was easy and fast. I received a few slaps to my face and undressed rapidly. He ripped my underpants from my body and threw a jock strap onto the bed. “Wear these…. I don’t want to see your dick” he ordered. Then he shoved me down on my back and told me to spread my legs. He used some lube on his cock and after holding my legs up (they rested next to my chest), he fucked me hard and fast. It was almost like he tried to rip my ass apart. I have never felt so much pain and was never so much satisfied. Scorpion showed me my place and when I tried to jerk off he told me I should take my fucking hands away from my cock. At first I was offended but he explained to me later on, that it was my duty to concentrate myself on satisfying his needs. I should not distract myself by rubbing my clit. He allowed me to jerk off later, while being on the loo. Every time I returned from the bath room he was still awake and grinned cheekily and I would cuddle myself into his arms and only then he told me, how much he loved and needed me. During the act he called me names like slut and bitch. But he never said he loved me during his ejaculation. Somehow I valued that very much. It means more, if you hear those words during the day or before falling asleep. So after a while I’ve learnt, that my submissive vein was not a deficit. Don’t get me wrong. I am not feminine, but at night I am on the receiving end – and I enjoy feeling a real man within me. Several times did Scorpion try to convince me, to forget about the condom. He even promised me, to pull out before shooting his load. And last night we made love in the purest form. Skin on skin and I enjoyed it so much, knowing there was nothing between us anymore. Did I ask him about his status? No. Why? He looks great. I was sure everything would be fine and I didn’t want to make him uneasy. Maybe it was a mistake. In our time nothing can be taken for granted. So he fucked me so hard. he banged me harder than he ever did before. I was used, that he wouldn’t lick my ass. He always told me, that wouldn’t be his job. But this time he denied me any kind of lube. Still I was willing to take the pain, because I knew it would create pleasure for him. He looked me deep into the eyes, when he told me he was about to cum. I reminded him softly to pull out and with a curse he withdrew his cock and shot his load on my stomach and splattered more cum over my chest. For a moment I thought, I did something wrong. He seemed to be upset, that I asked him to keep his promise. But when I came back from the bathroom he was cute as always and he held me in his arms even while I slept. And today he opened up to me finally. He told me, while we ate our dinner, that he loved me and he wanted to be with me. I smiled at him, because it was exactly what I felt in my heart. Then he continued with a serious expression on his face, that he had to tell me something. I was concerned, because of the way his eyes looked at me. I could see a deep sadness, I had never seen before. Scorpion told me, that he was sick and he apologized for risking infecting me also. I heard the words and even though he did not say the letters, I knew he talked about HIV. At first I was furious. He fucked me bareback. Who knows if he really pulled out in time? How could he endanger my health that way? I don’t remember it clearly, but I think I threw my glass after him. I screamed at him, that I hated him and that I cursed the day I ever laid eyes on him. My whole mind was upside down. I didn’t know what to do and so I told him to piss off. Scorpion was not aggressive. He tried to touch me and he actually held me for a while and we both cried, but after a while I pushed him away and told him to leave my flat. He got up and told me, he hoped I would be okay and repeated that he was sorry. For a week I was not able to do the easiest thing. I called in sick on my work, but I didn’t go to see a doctor. All I could do was crying and after a while I asked myself, if I cried because of me or because the lost love. And then I realized, I didn’t want to miss Scorpion in my life. He was sick… okay. There are more serious diseases than HIV. Then another week passed and I received a text message, if I was okay and if he could visit me for a short while to get his stuff. The night I threw him out, he had no chance to take any of his stuff. There was his tooth brush. He left his aftershave in my bathroom. There was his shirt he slept in lately. And I had to admit I had sniffed at it lately. There were of course other clothes in the desks and cupboards. Music CD’s and DVD’s. Scorpion was almost living with me already. I had to ask myself, should I stay or should I go? A few hours after his text, I messaged him back and told him he could come to my apartment in the evening. When he arrived he had two bags with him. He greeted me and dared stepping up to me. He just hesitated for a second, but then he pulled me into his arms and told me he was really sorry and he hoped I would be ok. I couldn’t help it, but I started crying again. Scorpion rubbed my back and then smiled at me. “Everything will be fine. I promise. I took good care of you, even if I put you under danger, I am sure you will be okay…” he promised. Then he went into the bathroom and collected his stuff. After a while he went into the bedroom and opened the drawers to collect his clothes. For a while I was not able to move. I have said so many mean things. But I had to react and so I followed him into the bedroom and stood at the door frame. “Don’t go… “ I whispered. Scorpion stood with his back to me. I could not see his face, but he stopped in his movement. “Please… don’t leave me.” I added. He turned around and looked at me with his beautiful dark eyes. “It is not so easy you know that.” he replied. “Why? I see you with my heart Scorpion. You are the love of my life. There won’t be another. I may meet another guy one day, but I will never love that way again.” I sniffed. He stepped up to me and kissed my forehead. “I thought about you and me for the last two weeks. And you are right, I was mad at you at first, but things have changed. I am not scared, if you are by my side. Healthy or not – as long as you are with me, nothing can harm me.” I told Scorpion and looked deeply into his eyes. Then I went down to my knees and started opening his jeans. “No….” he said. “Yes….” I insisted. In this night we made love, the way he taught me to. “Fuck me hard and cum in me” I begged him and although he was hesitant at first, after a while he banged my ass so hard and brutal. I yelped with every stroke he did and tried my best to massage him with my slit. He slapped me twice before ejaculating and asked me again if I wanted his toxic cum. “Yes – give me your poison.” I screamed. I got lost in his eyes, when he started to moan and felt every splash of cum in my body. “Do you want to go to the loo and clean yourself up and jerk off?” he asked. “No – I would rather stay with you and I want to keep your sperm in me” I answered. He nodded and cuddled up to me. “Stay with me… forever” I whispered. “I have never met someone like you. I will never leave you” he said softly. I turned my head and kissed him on his mouth. Then I felt his cockhead swelling again and this time he fucked me from behind. I believe his promises to stay with me. Will I get and see a doctor? No. Sooner or later I will get the fuck flu – then I will know I am closer to him than ever before. There is no need to be afraid, as long as he allows me to be with him. I made my decision to stay with him.
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I hit the baths Monday night and things were really dead. I counted a mere eight cars in the lot. I had the good fortune to find an old compadre lying in the Sling. He's POZ. In fact, he has full blown AIDS. What with the cost of Meds and the precariousness of his health, he only ventures out maybe once a month when he feels at his peak. He's extremely wasted and effeminate—a real mincing queen, but very gentle. I once observed him comfort a drunken boy who'd just been dumped by his Boyfriend. I watched as they embraced and he wiped his tears away. At that time I still didn't know his name, for all the years I'd seen him around. I guess that's true of many of my casual acquaintances. Most of the guys avoided him like the plague. They bitched and moaned about him almost to his face. Yet I never heard him rebuke any of those Screaming Queens. I know I wouldn't have been so kind. He climbed in the Sling—his Cock and lumpy Ass on display and up for grabs. I pictured myself kneeling down to lick his Hole, my Dick sliding in his Cunt. Yeah, I had a secret passion for the guy. How gladly would I have drunk his piss and eaten his shit to fuck his bony Ass. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. But not just yet. I didn't want an audience in case the guys freaked out (as I was pretty sure they would) and ostracized me as well a him. It was cowardice on my part, simply put. How I despised my wimpishness. I was drowning in my own timidity. Reluctantly acknowledging there was no white knight in shining armor cuming to ride his haggard Ass, he knotted his ragged towel about his meager waist and smiled at me and everyone as he pranced past. I decide to fraternize with the boys and listen to them bitch and moan about the dude. Cowed by my cravenness, I didn't say a word in his defense . Still I was beguiled by his she-male thing, the AIDS thing, the hole ball of wax. It made him seem so vulnerable and impotent—though impotent was hardly the proper term. But the character assassination never ceased, and it was not my part to remonstrate. Before checking out, I searched the Maze for him. He was lying on a leather bench. I wasn't sure if he were asleep or waiting for his paladin. I couldn't deny I admired the man. It took guts to cum here and put up with all the crap. I stopped and listened. I could hear the sibilant sing-song of his wizened nasal passages. Otherwise, it was deathly silent in the Maze. We were alone. What could it hurt? Why not? Despite the harangue, we were still two human beings in need. Before I knew it I was beside him on the bench. I ran my hand over his thin body, down his scrawny back, over his bony Ass, and onto his emaciated thighs and twiggy legs. His skin felt more infantile than masculine. In the darkened room. He squinted, "Hi." "I'm John." "I know. I'm James. I was getting vibes from you before." "Good or bad?" "The best." He drew up to kiss me. I pinned him down and frenched his teeth and gums—a warm, deep-throated, passionate exchange presaging things to cum. Our souls bared, our raw pent-up emotions boiled over. I went on auto pilot, as my years as a Top ensured. No, I was not ashamed I craved his disease-ridden, effeminate Gay Ass. We kissed. I tweaked his Nips. I sucked his spongy Dick till it grew tall and proud. I licked his hairy Balls, savoring even the random, cloying strays I extracted off my tongue. My hormones raged. I nudged him over so I could rim his Ass. I smelled the remnants of a recent bout of diarrhea and plunged on in. The Queer began to whimper which only served to whet my appetite. I rimmed him deeper, straining to please and compensate for all the undeserved ill-will. "I'd love to fuck you." "I'm full blown POZ." "I think I know what POZ is all about." It was then or never. "Might be better in my room. More privacy" I squeezed his knobby hand and pulled him to his feet. Fleetingly we kissed again before I led him up the stairs and down the hall, past the TV Room where the guys were prone to congregate. But, like I say, it was a quiet Monday night, and the TV set was off. No witness saw us traverse the halls, which was just as well—for I wasn't yet prepared to deal with the ostracism about to come my way. The vicious catcalls already reverberated in my ears. You that hard up? You have to fuck that Sicko Queen? I never once released his hand. It was like I was emboldened by his unassuming feminine mystique. I felt the certitude of one who's finally met his match, the paramour who was destined to become my live-in mate for the few years we had left. -
I dont get to talk about it because it is frowned upon but I love to share my first experiences when i was a little boy. I know it is not for everyone but I personally never felt more loved and cared for than when i was a young boy and sometimes girl hehe, starting out.
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This story will not be a crazy wild sex story, yes there's sex but it's about the connection we felt. I just had to tell someone and I just think it's crazy how the cards fall into place! This happened the last few house I had just posted the other day about getting tested and being hiv+. Well tonight has been one of the best nights of my life's! And I didn't expect this to ever happen in a million years. I had posted an ad on craigslist. The usually lol. Needing a hung top to Fuck me good! I always say to leave a phone number. Just way faster to get things going. I've gotten off work checked my email and had a few emails but only one got my attention. He is One year younger then me. 5'11", 150#, 8" mix Mexican Black Puerto Rican. And left his number. I couldn't resist. And I texted him. We started texting I had not started my drive. So I can text him easier and safer! We exhanged pictures and talking about him fucking my ass! I asked where it was at and he told me a town that was 45 mins away. It's 1130 at night and I worked a full shit. Now I was decdinh what to do. I started driving home cause I work in a different town then where I live. From my home town he's only 28 mins away. Not bad. So on my way home we texted even more. He was asking me questions like if I smoke or did chop! I had no idea what that was funny to find out its coke. I asked if he had condoms. And he did. I ask him "if he wanted to use one" and he said "up to me." Fuck! I love bareback sex just as much as the next cum slut. But I told "him well it's up to you. You are the top you get to decide where you want to shoot your load." But he said again! "No up to you" I said "we can start with a condom And see where it goes" I was getting into his town and getting to his place. Found the house. Called him and he meet me out side. We walked around to his room. He had a side door to his room. Entered his room. And his picture did not do him justice. He was fucking hot! We said our hellos and started talking. Getting to each other. When he said if I wanted to do a line. Noticing 2 lines of cock and a bowl of weed next to it. I said "he'll yeah" I picked up the dollar Bill and did my line and Then he did his. I haven't done coke since high school and I've been out of high school for 6 years lol. But I love drugs. I'm always down. Then he asked me "if I wanted to smoke the weed." And I said "nah safe it for after" We both got on the best him laying down in basketball shorts and a tank top. Fuck he's one sexy as man! Then he look at me and said "what's up" with that look in his eyes like it's not gonna suck its self. So I start touching him and playing with him through his shorts. Mmmh He started getting hard and Damn! He just grew and grew. A very nice big dick! My favorite. I took him out his shorts and started to suck him up. Slow at first. Up and down. Slowing going further and further to the back of my throat. I like to do this to help open my throat up. And I worked up to deep throating that big 8" cock of his. It took some work but I took it till his balls hit my chin. Kept up a good rhythm. Looking up into his eyes and he's staring right back at me with his dick in my throat! After a while he asked to Fuck. I saw the condom on the dresser when I walked in. So I told him "if he had a condom." He said "yes, but I want my cum inside you" By this time I was feeling the coke! High as a kite. And as soon as he said that there was no turning back. Grabbed the lube and lubed us up. And I got on top of him to ride him. I start to push in but stop. I was teasing him. Touch his cock with my hole. Poking back and forth. I felt my hole loosening up and I just went for it and say on his cock. Not a lot of pain and it felt so fucking amazing! I just joined up and down. Kissing every now and then. Looking into each other's eyes as his deep inside me. Kept this for a while. Then we stitched positions. Missionary my favorite. I love when I have me legs just wide open with his hands hold my feet and he is pound away. After a while he said "I'm gonna cum" I wasn't done yet "so I told him slow down don't cum yet we have all night." We slowed down a little and then we switch postions again to doggie. Another favorite. By this time I'm moaning enjoy his dick. Taking every inch. Yes pull almost all that way out just leaving the top in then he would slam it back in. Mmmh I just couldn't get enough. We switched positions again back to me riding him. This time after a few mins he said "I'm gonna cum" and I said "cum inside me" He start to pound me lifting me up light so he could do that would and I could feel him grow and then I felt it. Shot after shot of cum filing my hole up. It turns me on when I can feel each pulse and that warm cum feeling. After that I had shot all over my chest. It felt so incredible and I shot a huge load. Which I never do I'm a normal load type of guy. And I'm not a shooter. But it reach almost to my neck. After that we cleaned up. Got some water for ourselfs. We got dressed and the tv program was over so he started flipping through the channels. While we start to smoke the weed. We started to chit chat ask more questions about each other. There was no akwardness were talking like we were best friends. It was fun. I had asked him a question "what type of movies he likes" he said "he is a fan of horror" to my shock i told him "no way that that is my favorite." I told him " no one likes horror" and he laugh and said " I know" I'm it's true a lot of people don't like horror movies. I don't I don't know many people. And that question alone set us both off on this while conversation about scary movies. Talking about every scary movie. All our favorites and so on. We spent at least an hour talking about horror movies. We just connected. I never felt like this. He made me feel so good on the inside After we finished the third bowl I was leaving I told him "I hard to I ride and I'd go home." said our goodbyes and I heading home. On the way home the guilt started to hit me. I didn't know what to do. I could have given this guy hiv. I was kinda freaking out. I got home parked and texted him I'm home. As he had text me asking if I made it home safe. We kept texting for awhile It took so much out of me but I text him this long as text saying I had just gotten tested and that I am not clean. I was scared. I didn't know what was fun a happen. He asked if I was joking and I said no. Told him he should get tested and that I was sorry cause I felt so horrible!!!! Especially to the fact that we connected on another level. I can tell he was feeling the connection to. It felt like he was my roommate! And I'm pretty sure he felt it to. So that fact alone is the reason I told him. I told him all this. The way I felt about him and so on. To my surprise he was taking this day better then I expected. He was start I g to freak out but he calmed down and while I was freaking out about all this. He was telling me the things I would have never expect. He said it was ok. That I'm a good person for telling him he even said his down to kick it whenever I wanted. Although he said we would need to use condoms from now on. And I told him that's fine. He had one condition tho, that I stop using CL. I told him if I get to see more of him I'll stop using CL. I think it's weird to say that. Like he wants me to stop hooking up. I told him I'll stop hook up if I get to see him more. And to his response he said of course we will see each other! I feel like this is all a dream. The connection we felt. The day he took all this. I was freaking out about to cry while he was so nonchalant about it. He was making me so much better. We said our good nights and I asked if he wanted me to text him tomorrow and he said yes. Could this be the start of something new? I feel like me and him could be a amazing couple. I've never meet a guy that was into horror and that's the truth. I'm telling guys! The vibe was off the charts. He's Going to get tested soon and to be honest I hope he is clean. And to be honest I hope this guy is my soul mate. I don't think if ever felt like this about a guy. Its so fucking crazy. And just the way he took the news like he didn't even care. He just wants me to himself. And I'm going for it! I hope this blossoms to a living relationship. This is the one guys! Thanks for reading if you have read this far. I'm a hopeless romantic. And I hope this is love. Although it's gonna be my last load...bummer. But I'm fine with that guys. I'll just have to swallow his load ;-) Although if he ends up poz I'm sure we will go back to breeding my hole. Goodnight.
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have you ever developed feelings for a casual meet? I met a guy a while ago for some sleazy action, and it was really good (the guy is a complete whore) and we've met up a few times since, but recently I keep thinking about him. is this normal? Im not really a 'love' kind of person.
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I was fat since my college days, the result of stuffing myself whenever I could between classes, homework and my part time job. I had taken my work vacation in December that year so I did a Santa gig at a mall for extra money when I was 28 but never went back after that year. The only good thing was wearing hip-waders under the pants of the Santa outfit because some of the snot-noses had accidents. The next gig was a couple of years later at a competing mall. This was a much better setup because the kids stood beside the throne instead of sitting in the Santa's lap when they told us what they wanted, the worst part being the ones who pulled the beard. My elf that year was a highschool girl who was competant at her job. The best part was the bonus I got at the end of the gig. My boss Cleland was fatter than me and had worked the gig himself years before and had set up the procedures there. Cle was also a bi Top who could still score ass as well as mouth. I had seen him cornholing some fairy in the mens' dressing room toward the end of that first gig. He smiled at me while still humping away once he saw that I was turned on. Not only that but after the poof sucked his dick clean he offered me seconds in the asshole which I gladly accepted. It was a great fuck in my manly boss' cum so I blew a really great feeling load in it. After the fella sucked my dick clean my big old boss and I hugged and french kissed each other. Cle wasnt anything near Hollywood handsome even when he was my age but his raw masculinity more than made up for it. He was a healthy sixty years old but could fuck like he was three or four decades younger. The second year Cle asked me back, adding that I'd get a male elf. I joked about if the elf was a cute blond. He said Danny had auditioned for the part and passed it the way the others did but that Danny cinched the job by sucking him off, swallowing his cum and kissing his cock. That second year at his mall was better than the first thanks to Cle hiring Danny. Danny worked well with me so we hit it off well. He was a thin petite blond who could have played Peter Pan and was sometimes mistaken for a titless woman. Most men had long hair in 1980 with Danny being no exception. I was fucking all kinds of men and fairies ranging from poofs like Danny to butch biker types and truckers who liked having a man's load up their asses to lubricate their insides on the long hauls. The first night of the gig with Danny was great. We had stripped in the dressing room and hung up our costumes. "Nice ass Danny." I'd said. "Thanks. Want some of it?" he replied. I lowered my shorts and showed him my hardening dick under my belly. He dropped to his knees and sucked it to full hardness. Although I tipped the scales at 280 on my 6' frame I sported just over 7" of cut meat. I would have liked to be uncut but the circumcision craze had swamped the country decades before. My only consolation was being able to pound ass harder without much chance of hurting my glans. After sucking my dick to hardness and kissing it Danny stripped off his shorts, bent-over and grabbed his ankles while I added some lube to his spit on my dick. I spat on his asshole, stood behind him, lined up my shot and shoved it right in. It was obvious that Danny's nineteen year old hole was no virgin. He hardly flinched as I slid right in and hilted myself. I flexed my love muscle inside him and made love to him him, my good sized nailbitten hands gripping his hips to keep us steady. I felt really good, a big fat masculine man conquering a masculinity-lacking little fairy. I soon was piston-thrusting in him and could tell he was enjoying it just as much as I was. My dick felt really good in that queen as I made love to him, my pelvis occasionally slapping his ass, my fat jiggling and rippling depending on how fast I was thrusting in him. Ten quick minutes later I was getting close, working up a sweat and breathing hard. I gripped his hips a bit tighter as I increased my pace in him. "Give it to me daddy! Pump your love into me!" he gushed. Just then I felt his hole tighten up a little around my dick and heard what sounded like cum hitting the concrete floor. I was fucking him good, my dick feeling its pre-climax. My balls began to draw up and I could feel my dick swell. I thrust faster and then shot my love deep inside him, holding him to me with my dick buried deep inside him, my pubes and his ass hairs mingling together in sweaty extacy as my dick spurted into his twat. I thrust a few more times to pump the rest into him and add to my pleasure. "Leave it in stud!." he gushed like a biker chick in heat. I held my position, my dick finishing throbbing in his ass. Just then I heard keys unlocking the door and yanked out of the asshole. It was a false alarm, as Cle came in grinning. "Suck his dick clean and then I'm having a piece." he told Danny who obliged. My dick felt good as the poof sucked it clean and swallowed the filth he'd left on it when I pulled out of him. He sucked off of my dick leaving it clean and dry and kissed it and my scrotum while we men hugged and french kissed. Danny then turned to Cle who had his shirt off and his pants down. Danny sucked the six-decade old man's cock hard and left it wet as he had mine, then turned around and bent-over for the man who shoved his meat up his ass and began making love to him. I watched in fascination as the masculine fat mature stud made love to the young androgenous piece of hole. He pumped that hole for about fifteen minutes before adding his load to mine. We men french kissed while he held the punk's hips to his crotch and thrust a bit to pump the rest of his mature love into the hot cunt of an ass. A couple of minutes later we men disengaged and he pulled out of Danny who then turned around and sucked his dick clean before kissing it and his balls. Cle then told Danny to suck his dick again. Cle grinned as Danny's adams apple began bobbing up and down. It was obvious that Danny was not only a piece of cunt but a urinal. Cle was one helluva stud. After Danny sucked off of Cle's dick again and kissed it I put my dick in his mouth and took one of the most enjoyable pisses in recent years. Danny then kissed my dick and we all got dressed and punched out. The next night I was happy knowing I had a piece of cunt available when our shift started or ended. The only exception to what became a nightly piece of Danny was when one of the closet bi fathers of one of the kids wanted to swing on my meat. I had screwed a couple of them up the ass and one sucked me off the previous year, the only problem being that one of the ones I butt-fucked didnt suck my dick clean which meant I needed to wash my dick off in the shower. Fortunately there was a two-stall shower in each employee restroom off each of the dressing rooms. This year with Danny not only did I fuck a couple of fathers, a grandfather and an uncle up the ass but three men also shared Danny's ass or mouth with me. One was an older man who also wanted to hug and kiss me while Danny sucked each of us men off. That man's man to man affection added to my enjoyment of the fucks and sucks. Not only did I share Danny's holes with these men but Ed the old mall janitor also availed himself of a piece a few times. I was glad that Danny gave in to my demands to service the man who was what most called ugly as well as skinny. Ed and I had become friends the previous year when we first met after my first night as Santa. After a few sessions shooting the shit while I changed back into my civvies we found out each other liked to fuck men. We jacked off together that night and went out to a sex club the next night where we fucked a twenty-something twink type whom I also made suck our dicks clean. Ugly old Ed was more a man than the assholes who dissed him. I was very glad he began fucking Danny my second December at that mall job. Seeing the old man prove his manhood and get what he's entitled to and what lesser men owe more masculine men by making love to Danny up the ass as well as in the mouth made me feel good. I had Danny for myself most nights after work but Cle or Ed came in once or twice a week for a piece. I was turned on sharing his ass with fellow masculine men. Those nights sometimes I went first, other times Cle or Ed went first. I liked it both ways because taking seconds after someone I liked always added to my enjoyment of the piece of ass as well as watching someone fuck in my cum. By sharing Danny's holes with these studs and other men it helped build up their egos and sense of self-worth as well as provided a male bonding experience for all of us men. Ed seemed happier and to keep himself up better as the season progressed. Cle was always on top of the world but even more so when he made love to someone's ass or mouth, got rimmed or when someone orally serviced his often sweaty feet. Cle also introduced Ed and myself to the pleasures of getting off on someone licking and sucking our feet. Oral foot fetish is great foreplay, usually getting my dick hard for boning ass. We fucked Danny a few times after Christmas was over. He got to like older men and chubbys and ended up prefering servicing men like us over guys his age. Of course guys his age who lacked masculinity were fair game for his dick but he also let a couple of old aunties suck him off. Danny was available the next year as well so I pumped love up his ass and sometimes his mouth two years in a row. Ed still worked at the mall so we had some great times together fucking Danny, as did Cle and I. A few months later Danny moved to the west coast to work in the entertianment industry with a friend he'd met at a sex club. As with women in the trade, he slept his way up the ladder taking countless loads of love from numerous men in the industry. Danny had returned on vacation and bragged about his position. I made love to him and noticed how looser he was than when I'd last shagged him. I almost had to finish in his mouth.The human ass was made bot for shitting and for getting fucked or rimmed. Fuck wisely and safely.
