Losing Undetectable Status

[calgary84]

The quick version:

 

Long term boyfriend is Poz undetectable, I was negative as of testing last fall, we've always played bare. Not a bug catcher, want to stay negative as long as I can, but also not willing to give up bare sex  to keep it that way. Basically I accept the associated risks involved with our behavior.

 

Recently his viral count came back as too high to be considered undetectable and it's really done a number on his libido and self esteem. He's missed his Meds frequently the past few months due to exhaustion and stress messing with his body chemistry. He's also weary of penetrating me now, which is very frustrating as I don't allow condoms. How can I get his groove back and show him his status is not something that I define him by, but not come across as a chaser either?

 

(First real post too btw, love the forums here. Keep up the outstanding work gents!)

(It's friday, have a big cock)

[BearOKC69_Poz]

You have the answer in your post...get him back on his meds NOW...be a mother hen and make sure he takes each and every dose...my doc told me that is crucial to staying undetectable

[NLbear]

Good advice from BearOKC69_Poz.

 

@calgary84. The guy in that pic......absolutely massive dick! Love the pic, he must be popular ;-)

[fillmyholeftl]

You have the answer in your post...get him back on his meds NOW...be a mother hen and make sure he takes each and every dose...my doc told me that is crucial to staying undetectable

In addition, you may want to consider PrEP for some extra protection.  This also will ease his mind for the possible future "blips" in his VL.

[VersatileBreeder]

Hey man, sorry to hear that you're having this issue. Being undetectable myself, I pray every time I go for my quarterly doctor appointment that I'm still undetectable. One of my biggest fears is seeing that my viral load increased because that's telling me that something is wrong.

In your boyfriend's case, I think a good question to start with is why did his viral load increase? Is it just recently that he has been inconsistent with taking his meds?

I hope that this isn't the case, but if he has been really inconsistent with his meds, it is possible that he could have become resistant to them. His doctor would need to test him by genotyping the virus to see if that is the case. If it is, the doctor is going to need to switch his meds to get him back on track.

Ultimately, if he cares about his health, he needs to take his meds. Medication is not something we can choose to take only when it's convenient for us and HIV meds are no exception. He has to take it seriously.

As for how do you show him that he's not defined by his status... That's easy... Just tell him. Have a long conversation with him about it if need be. But that might not change his mind about having unprotected sex with you because quite simply, just the thought alone that he could now possibly transmit the virus to you may be too much for him to handle. Ultimately, he is trying to protect YOU.

For right now, I would say do your best to get him back on track with meds so he can be undetectable again. This is really not an issue that can be fixed otherwise.

[drscorpio]

You didn't tell us where his VL has gotten to, but there is a big gap between Undetectable (usually less than 20 - 50) and Infectious (over 1000). Reassure him about that. 

[calgary84]

Thanks for all the advice and giving me your thoughts guys.  As someone still relatively new to the BB scene (about a  year, or just over), ir's comforting to know that there's places like this that exist where you can go with questions and leave with answers, not shame or embarrassment.

 

To elaborate on some of my original post's subject, his VL was just a tad over.  He actually debated even calling and mentioning it, but felt it was the right choice (and I agree) since he knew of our relationship and my status.  I think the increase is honestly just stress, or at least stemming from it.  We're in the process of renoing his house for sale, so it's been a pretty tense past couple months, which is also why he has missed some doses.  I don't want to give the impression that he doesn't cqre abput his health or that he missed his doses, quite the contrary, but his mind hs been elsewhere as of late, so I can understand.  We've also been partying a lot more frequently (partially to stay up later to get more work done), so that's the other contributing factor.

 

At the very least, this has got the conversation started between us, which is progress in of itself.  I think I may need to go without him breeding me for the next bit, and I will use condoms if he insists.  But i'll make sure its known that I don't approve of this blasphemy lol.

As far as PreEP  goes, it's not an option for me at the moment.  I'll admit I haven't been following this subject all that closely the past couple years, but when I first found out about it people were looking at massive payments here in Canada since it was not covered.  The one guy I knew that was on them was paying about $875/month, which was outrageous.  This was also in Ontario, however, and I am in Alberta now.  Alberta has HIV meds paid for in full, while Ontario does not, so there might be a bit of a regional loophole worth investigating...

[BBNudistBoyWhore]

I havent been on meds ever since I was pozzed and as long as you dont take them the 1st time, your body will do just fine

[hungry_hole]

You didn't tell us where his VL has gotten to, but there is a big gap between Undetectable (usually less than 20 - 50) and Infectious (over 1000). Reassure him about that. 

 

A poz friend of mine who's on Meds told me that in his last visit to the doctor his VL was zero (0). According to his doctor a VL of zero is not common.

[bearbandit]

A few comments:

 

To the original poster: seriously consider PrEP. If it's too expensive where you are, would something like this help http://www.iwantprepnow.co.uk/

 

As for being the "pill monitor", it's a job I've done for partners in the past and you have no idea how much I'd like someone else to take care of my medication! Taking it isn't a problem for me as the pain from neuropathy prompts me, but sorting out my pillbox every week... Before I had the prompt of pain relief to take my meds, I'd often skip several days without actually taking them: it's easily done, and a "pill monitor" can help enormously.

 

BBNudistBoyWhore: there is no science behind what you're saying and you can only speak for your own experience. For the vast majority of people with HIV, the drugs are vital if they want to remain healthy. HIV has a long latency period between fuck flu (if indeed you ever have it: some don't) and illness becoming apparent. For myself it was nine years between seroconversion illness and the appearance of HIV related symptoms. The START trial demonstrated that people who start ARVs immediately on diagnosis have better outcomes than those who wait till a pre-determined CD4 count.

 

hungry_hole: you're right about the rarity of a zero viral load. It's something I've managed twice in the past five years (I'm more closely monitored than most because I'm on salvage therapy). However, as you know, it simply means that no HIV particles were seen in that sample, and that HIV is still hiding... 

[BBNudistBoyWhore]

to bearbandit,

 

 

I don't do any meds, but I have always do natural treatments and the all do work, from the feb test I had done a lot for the 8 years and I was rehabbing a house and dint care to do much with natural herbs and such, so I just wanted to live without the BS of it and I somewhat burnt the candle at both ends a few months ago, and I was having fevers every stinkin night. As of this month April 2016 I'm becoming stabilized even without still any meds. I found out that it's is more in the intestines then anything else. as like this body temp in ass would be at night roughly 101.5 -102.5 but as I check oral it's 98.6 and armpit would be 1degree lower the heat of the 102 is more central of intestines. so I got a 7 day 200  billion probotics and shy of 2 days left on it and I'm doing a lot better no fevers and stabilized, I'm going to get another test done in may 2016 and I will post it here and on profile.