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Ever gone full blown AIDS?


punaman
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would love to hear the stories of you poz guys going full blown AIDS. What it's like, what your going through, will you survive? decide to finally get on meds?  Most of the talk here is the joy of fucking while poz but not the end result of the agony and pain of having full blown AIDS. My husband says its the worst pain he's ever been in and now has neuropathy, memory loss, wasting effect etc, and he's glad he finally went on meds. How are you all going to cope and deal with dying? Shitting yourself as you can't get up, can't eat, drink, walk, talk etc.  Was it worth it? So come on guys that have actual full blown AIDS , tell it like it is and when going two or three months with AIDS and you're about to die, was it worth it?  For me, I'm still undecided

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On 07/01/2018 at 7:37 AM, punaman said:

would love to hear the stories of you poz guys going full blown AIDS. What it's like, what your going through, will you survive? decide to finally get on meds?  Most of the talk here is the joy of fucking while poz but not the end result of the agony and pain of having full blown AIDS. My husband says its the worst pain he's ever been in and now has neuropathy, memory loss, wasting effect etc, and he's glad he finally went on meds. How are you all going to cope and deal with dying? Shitting yourself as you can't get up, can't eat, drink, walk, talk etc.  Was it worth it? So come on guys that have actual full blown AIDS , tell it like it is and when going two or three months with AIDS and you're about to die, was it worth it?  For me, I'm still undecided

I think you misunderstand, most chasers are attracted to the taboo of the whole thing. They want dirty loads because its nasty, dangerous, uninhibited. If they get infected then they feel liberated and part of something - but meds have always been the safety net. Very few, if any at all want AIDs because theres nothing fun about it. 

 

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Guest descartes70817

I had full blown AIDS diagnosed at the end of last February, so I was probably FBA for a year or so before then. Not going to recommend it as the random opportunistic infections were no fun, while AIDS related PCP pneumonia was almost fatal. I was tested negative in September 2013 so whatever strain I had was very fast acting. I wasn't chasing but I full accepted the risk of only fucking bottoms bareback. I just expected a little more time between infection and nearly dying.

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On ‎1‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 2:37 AM, punaman said:

would love to hear the stories of you poz guys going full blown AIDS. What it's like, what your going through, will you survive? decide to finally get on meds?  Most of the talk here is the joy of fucking while poz but not the end result of the agony and pain of having full blown AIDS. My husband says its the worst pain he's ever been in and now has neuropathy, memory loss, wasting effect etc, and he's glad he finally went on meds. How are you all going to cope and deal with dying? Shitting yourself as you can't get up, can't eat, drink, walk, talk etc.  Was it worth it? So come on guys that have actual full blown AIDS , tell it like it is and when going two or three months with AIDS and you're about to die, was it worth it?  For me, I'm still undecided

In this day & age I think anyone who gets to the point of a AIDS diagnosis should have their head examined 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am personally on no meds at the moment in way it is my way to embrace being poz.  For now I see my dingoes as being taboo allowing me to be a true sexual pig.  At some point I know I will go on meds and I no I don't want Aids or to die like that but I also know that how I came about contracting HIV and accepting that I would contract it when I was playing would have been reckless.  Why contract something only to begin treating it, if I do that I should have gone on Prep.  I don't know but I have seen someone I know laying in that bed dying from Aids and it truly is a horrible death.          

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When I was diagnosed in 2011 I had full blown AIDS. My VL was 187,000 and my CD4 was 104. I didn't really consider myself a chaser, but I only got fucked bareback. So sooner or later it was bound to catch up with me...and it did. I had be full blown for a while before I was diagnosed. Once I was, I went on Atripla and in 90 days my VL dropped to 75 and my CD4 came up to 225. Now in 2018 I am undetectable and my CD4 is over 500. I'm still a bareback pig...that will never change. But I'm glad I'm healthy and doing well.

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On 1/6/2018 at 11:37 PM, punaman said:

"How are you all going to cope and deal with dying? Shitting yourself as you can't get up, can't eat, drink, walk, talk etc.  Was it worth it? So come on guys that have actual full blown AIDS , tell it like it is and when going two or three months with AIDS and you're about to die, was it worth it?  For me, I'm still undecided"

I can't decide if this is a legitimate request for perspective and knowledge or if it's bait to start what would very easily descend into a very heated argument over stigma and semantics. "Was it worth it?" Was what worth it? Are you asking about the initial transmission of HIV or are you asking if not seeking treatment and allowing HIV to progress unhindered to the point where an AIDS diagnosis is given? Either way, I know I personally wasn't gambling the pleasure of a particular situation against the risk of contracting HIV, and my decision to stop taking antiretroviral therapy was a conscious one made after much deliberation and with full understanding that AIDS was an inevitability if I continued to abstain from meds. 

It was three-and-a-half months after my 18th birthday that I started dating the man who, as I came to discover much later, intentionally gave me the virus without my knowledge. In the spring of 1993, having enlisted in the US Navy and tested into the nuclear program, I received a call back to MEPC to speak with the Chief Medical Officer, who relayed to me that my tests had come back positive for the HIV virus, and as such, my oath and enlistment were revoked. He told me I wasn't eligible to serve because active military personnel must be able to donate blood to other soldiers or to civilians in times of war. By the time I tracked down my (by then) ex-boyfriend, he had infected 11 other young men and had committed suicide rather than endure the pain of a slow death from AIDS complications.  

I was surreptitiously infected with HIV so long ago that I have lived more years with the virus than I'd lived without it. All of the important little psychological finishing touches that happen as adolescent males become mature into fully grown adults were shaped by the stigma and shame surrounding my diagnosis. Fast forward 25 years, past two failed suicide attempts and the deaths of most of the friends and acquaintances I'd known from back then. Perhaps you can understand the state of mind I was in when I decided one day to stop taking HIV meds and just let the virus do what it would until the end finally came. An end, I might mention, that I'd been anticipating for most of those 25 years, coming to terms time and time again with the eventual reality of a death much like the agonizing, humiliating one you describe in your post. When you've had that long to ponder such an end, even trying twice to beat Death to the punch, the concept of dying becomes much less frightening.  

Last January (2017), I had been off of all HIV medications for 4 years. An unfortunate run in with the flu motivated me to visit an Urgent Care, where they discovered my CD4 count was down to only 30. Soon thereafter I developed a case of thrush, which led to another visit with a doctor for the necessary prescription. Thiat time I walked out with an AIDS diagnosis on my medical record and a lengthy scolding from a particularly insightful Infectious Diseases specialist. I wasn't in any pain. I led a normal, active life and had no issues with mobility or cognition. I fed myself maybe too well and never had trouble drinking. Looking at me, no one would have considered it even possible that I had AIDS. But I did.

It was in May of last year that I decided I wasn't ready anymore to let the virus have me. I wasn't done with life. There were things I still wanted to do. So I got back on meds and started to rebuild my immune system. It took me being vigilant in taking my medicine every single day for over 7 months to finally get my CD4 count back above the 200 cell threshold, even though the viral load immediately went undetectable. 

Was what worth it? Considering the fact that I'm no better or worse off today than that naive 19-year-old boy was back in 1993 when he was first diagnosed, I'm having trouble framing the context of your question. Has the stigma beat the shit out of my confidence and self-esteem over the past two-and-a-half decades? You bet your ass it has, at every turn and from every direction. Has the virus won? Not yet, that motherfucker hasn't. I control the virus now, not the other way around. And I'm past the point where ignorance and fear in other folks' reactions can bruise or batter my sense of self-worth. Those ugly flaws are now reflections of their value, not mine. I'm happy to educate and always forthcoming about my status with every potential sex partner I meet. I can't even pass up an oddly worded post in an online discussion forum without taking the time to address the topic of HIV/AIDS. ;-P

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On 2/11/2018 at 10:32 AM, bottomBBboi said:

When I was diagnosed in 2011 I had full blown AIDS. My VL was 187,000 and my CD4 was 104. I didn't really consider myself a chaser, but I only got fucked bareback. So sooner or later it was bound to catch up with me...and it did. I had be full blown for a while before I was diagnosed. Once I was, I went on Atripla and in 90 days my VL dropped to 75 and my CD4 came up to 225. Now in 2018 I am undetectable and my CD4 is over 500. I'm still a bareback pig...that will never change. But I'm glad I'm healthy and doing well.

Yup.  All pigs get tagged unless they’re on prep.   Meds make huge difference.   No going back 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am HIV neg. Now that my status is out of the way, I can say for certain, right or wrong, that there is a growing number of guys that are willing and ready to just stay off meds. This isn't a fantasy or story but real life. Need to have their head examined? That's not up to me. I'm not about to judge anyone. It's their choice. 

I am in the middle. What's the point of being pozzed if you go on meds right away? May as well have been on prep. 

However, for anyone who ends up with AIDS through no fault of your own, then in real life that's not cool. 

For the chasers and gifters and for those who "don't care," however then enjoy being poz! Otherwise, use a (gulp) condom or BE sure of your partner's status.

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when i got my test back i had staph phnemona my viral load was thru the roof cd4 was 2 was put in hospital in icu for 8 days  then reg room 7 days cd4 only got up to 27 but let me go home  to this day cd4 is low under 200  but viral load is now undectable

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On 2/15/2018 at 3:26 AM, HangryStarfish said:

I can't decide if this is a legitimate request for perspective and knowledge or if it's bait to start what would very easily descend into a very heated argument over stigma and semantics. "Was it worth it?" Was what worth it? Are you asking about the initial transmission of HIV or are you asking if not seeking treatment and allowing HIV to progress unhindered to the point where an AIDS diagnosis is given? Either way, I know I personally wasn't gambling the pleasure of a particular situation against the risk of contracting HIV, and my decision to stop taking antiretroviral therapy was a conscious one made after much deliberation and with full understanding that AIDS was an inevitability if I continued to abstain from meds. 

It was three-and-a-half months after my 18th birthday that I started dating the man who, as I came to discover much later, intentionally gave me the virus without my knowledge. In the spring of 1993, having enlisted in the US Navy and tested into the nuclear program, I received a call back to MEPC to speak with the Chief Medical Officer, who relayed to me that my tests had come back positive for the HIV virus, and as such, my oath and enlistment were revoked. He told me I wasn't eligible to serve because active military personnel must be able to donate blood to other soldiers or to civilians in times of war. By the time I tracked down my (by then) ex-boyfriend, he had infected 11 other young men and had committed suicide rather than endure the pain of a slow death from AIDS complications.  

I was surreptitiously infected with HIV so long ago that I have lived more years with the virus than I'd lived without it. All of the important little psychological finishing touches that happen as adolescent males become mature into fully grown adults were shaped by the stigma and shame surrounding my diagnosis. Fast forward 25 years, past two failed suicide attempts and the deaths of most of the friends and acquaintances I'd known from back then. Perhaps you can understand the state of mind I was in when I decided one day to stop taking HIV meds and just let the virus do what it would until the end finally came. An end, I might mention, that I'd been anticipating for most of those 25 years, coming to terms time and time again with the eventual reality of a death much like the agonizing, humiliating one you describe in your post. When you've had that long to ponder such an end, even trying twice to beat Death to the punch, the concept of dying becomes much less frightening.  

Last January (2017), I had been off of all HIV medications for 4 years. An unfortunate run in with the flu motivated me to visit an Urgent Care, where they discovered my CD4 count was down to only 30. Soon thereafter I developed a case of thrush, which led to another visit with a doctor for the necessary prescription. Thiat time I walked out with an AIDS diagnosis on my medical record and a lengthy scolding from a particularly insightful Infectious Diseases specialist. I wasn't in any pain. I led a normal, active life and had no issues with mobility or cognition. I fed myself maybe too well and never had trouble drinking. Looking at me, no one would have considered it even possible that I had AIDS. But I did.

It was in May of last year that I decided I wasn't ready anymore to let the virus have me. I wasn't done with life. There were things I still wanted to do. So I got back on meds and started to rebuild my immune system. It took me being vigilant in taking my medicine every single day for over 7 months to finally get my CD4 count back above the 200 cell threshold, even though the viral load immediately went undetectable. 

Was what worth it? Considering the fact that I'm no better or worse off today than that naive 19-year-old boy was back in 1993 when he was first diagnosed, I'm having trouble framing the context of your question. Has the stigma beat the shit out of my confidence and self-esteem over the past two-and-a-half decades? You bet your ass it has, at every turn and from every direction. Has the virus won? Not yet, that motherfucker hasn't. I control the virus now, not the other way around. And I'm past the point where ignorance and fear in other folks' reactions can bruise or batter my sense of self-worth. Those ugly flaws are now reflections of their value, not mine. I'm happy to educate and always forthcoming about my status with every potential sex partner I meet. I can't even pass up an oddly worded post in an online discussion forum without taking the time to address the topic of HIV/AIDS. ;-P

Everything you said read as a fucking epic ode to life. Kudos, man. This is raw, powerful, intense, and beautiful.

 

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HangryStarfish, thanks for sharing Your story. I truly appreciate it.  I consider myself a discriminate chaser (I have my reasons).  I have many poz friends who tell me I'm nuts.... enjoy the fantasy but don't actually convert, they say.  I get that, and it's nice to see some realism on a site pretty much focused on infection.  I still think the whole pozzing thing is hot as fuck in many ways, but it's because of the danger, etc  We're not supposed to want it, so it's risky, it's bad...  Stepping back to analyze our thoughts when our dicks are hard is tough to do.  being able to hear real stories from men like yourself is refreshing.  Hasn't changed my lust for toxic seed, but it definitely will be part of my knowledge set for decision making when it comes time.  You have my respect, man.

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