Ever gone full blown AIDS?

[ErosWired]

On 1/7/2018 at 1:37 AM, punaman said:

How are you all going to cope and deal with dying? Shitting yourself as you can't get up, can't eat, drink, walk, talk etc.  Was it worth it? So come on guys that have actual full blown AIDS , tell it like it is and when going two or three months with AIDS and you're about to die, was it worth it?

You asked this, so I’m going to answer.

The first indication I had that I was infected with HIV was a line of six doctors standing by my hospital bed. They had just come in and woke me up where I was recovering from having nearly died from fungal meningitis and related stroke two days earlier.

”You have AIDS,” they said.

Boom. Just like that. No easing into it, no hand-holding, no sugar-coating.

”Are you telling me I have HIV?” I asked.

”No, AIDS,” one of them said. I don’t remember any of the conversation after that.

I had tested and tested - all negative. False negatives, as it turned out. What I had to learn and learn fast is that the doomsday scenario of wasting away and dying a hideous death is now something I can prevent, but it means changing the way I think and live. It means ART meds for the rest if my life (or until there’s a cure), without fail, because if I slack off, the virus will evolve so the meds will do no good.

Let’s get one thing crystal clear - the HIV virus is The Enemy. It will kill you if it can. It is constantly upping its game, its hides where we cannot find it, it turns our own defenses against us, and so far, we cannot stop it. We can only slow it down.

There are guys here - way too many guys - who have the mistaken idea that getting HIV means you can now fuck bare without worry. Wrong-o.

Getting HIV doesn’t mean you’re free - you can still get infected with a different/worse/treatment-resistant strain you didn’t have to start with and be ten times worse off. Plus, getting pozzed (let alone living with AIDS) puts you at far greater risk of getting other diseases that wouldn’t kill a neg guy, but they might kill you. And I guaran-damn-tee you that when you’re lying in a hospital bed with pneumonia or meningitis, you won’t be on the fence about whether you want to have AIDS.

I’ve made this point elsewhere in this part of the forum, but I’ll do it again here: This is the HIV Health area, not the chaser/gifter area, so this may be the only place on this entire bareback fucking site where it’s appropriate to say that romanticization or sexualization of disease is inappropriate.

Get it straight: No man who is compos mentis chooses a debilitating lifelong illness. No man with any goddamn sense looks at wasting, weakness, incontinence and death and says, “Yeah, I’m down for that!”

And no man who has ever watched a loved one, a partner, or a brother-in-spirit decay and die before his helpless eyes as the Enemy Virus did its work would ever suggest that it was sexy.

I don’t judge men for having chaser or gifter fantasies, because I frankly don’t get where they’re coming from. I’m living their fucking fantasy, and it sucks ass in the worst possible way. Whatever. But anyone who actually intentionally infects another person? Anyone who chooses not to accept treatment but instead allows The Enemy to use his body as an incubator and then goes out a-fucking bare? Those men are making conscious choices to give aid and comfort to the enemy, and they are wrong.

I have AIDS. I publicly announce my status before I put my ass in service, every time. I don’t play unless undetectable (yes, last check yesterday in fact) and I do not miss my meds. I am grateful to every single Top who does me the honor of breeding me, and it is my duty to ensure that I never put any of them at risk.

Remember that there was once a time when there was no such thing as HIV, or AIDS, when bareback sex wasn’t potentially deadly, when men took for granted what we now debate and fantasize about. The fact that we can do it at all now is only because science has given us a measure of control over the Enemy. Our ability to continue fucking in the way that we choose in the future means we can’t begin to glorify the disease to the point that we give it a stronger foothold - or any more of our lives. It’s had enough already.

[6811283]

On 1/31/2018 at 10:59 AM, htsends said:

I think you misunderstand, most chasers are attracted to the taboo of the whole thing. They want dirty loads because its nasty, dangerous, uninhibited. If they get infected then they feel liberated and part of something - but meds have always been the safety net. Very few, if any at all want AIDs because theres nothing fun about it. 

 

Meds are the safety net NOW... but we're taking a lot for granted. HIV is a wily critter... we have the upper hand now, but there are no guarantees.

It costs tens of thousands of dollars a year to treat a single patient. In the US, insurance companies are currently required to cover treatment, and the uninsured are covered under the Ryan White Care Act. But it is a politically precarious time.

A worst-case scenario to consider:  in Venezuela, people who have been healthy undetectable for years now are dying of AIDS for lack of medication.

Think hard about how much you're willing to pay for a hot fantasy.

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/no-hope-left-venezuela-those-hiv-advocates-say-n795866

 

[FFun2BB]

On 07/01/2018 at 7:37 AM, punaman said:

would love to hear the stories of you poz guys going full blown AIDS. What it's like, what your going through, will you survive? decide to finally get on meds?  Most of the talk here is the joy of fucking while poz but not the end result of the agony and pain of having full blown AIDS. My husband says its the worst pain he's ever been in and now has neuropathy, memory loss, wasting effect etc, and he's glad he finally went on meds. How are you all going to cope and deal with dying? Shitting yourself as you can't get up, can't eat, drink, walk, talk etc.  Was it worth it? So come on guys that have actual full blown AIDS , tell it like it is and when going two or three months with AIDS and you're about to die, was it worth it?  For me, I'm still undecided

 

#Punaman  ... you open the Pandora-box with this question ... if it was worth it ... 

You are right ... a lot of guys chase the danger, the thrill... and love it when they are horny to have Poz talk ... to know that they have sex with a Poz-top ...

In my experience most POZ-Tops are on medication nowadays and talking with them often reveals that at one point they fell so sick, that they ended up in hospital - close to death ... and that the doctors put them on meds and that they then re-evaluate their prospect - LIFE or DEATH ... and choose LIFE ... 

that is why most men with HIV nowadays are on meds ... and talking with a health-worker in the Aids-clinic recently I was told that only very few cases are full blown Aids nowadays... as medicine has improved so much, that HIV/Aids is no longer a death sentence, like  it was in the last century ... 

 

On 15/02/2018 at 8:26 AM, HangryStarfish said:

I can't decide if this is a legitimate request for perspective and knowledge or if it's bait to start what would very easily descend into a very heated argument over stigma and semantics. "Was it worth it?" Was what worth it? Are you asking about the initial transmission of HIV or are you asking if not seeking treatment and allowing HIV to progress unhindered to the point where an AIDS diagnosis is given? Either way, I know I personally wasn't gambling the pleasure of a particular situation against the risk of contracting HIV, and my decision to stop taking antiretroviral therapy was a conscious one made after much deliberation and with full understanding that AIDS was an inevitability if I continued to abstain from meds. 

It was three-and-a-half months after my 18th birthday that I started dating the man who, as I came to discover much later, intentionally gave me the virus without my knowledge. In the spring of 1993, having enlisted in the US Navy and tested into the nuclear program, I received a call back to MEPC to speak with the Chief Medical Officer, who relayed to me that my tests had come back positive for the HIV virus, and as such, my oath and enlistment were revoked. He told me I wasn't eligible to serve because active military personnel must be able to donate blood to other soldiers or to civilians in times of war. By the time I tracked down my (by then) ex-boyfriend, he had infected 11 other young men and had committed suicide rather than endure the pain of a slow death from AIDS complications.  

I was surreptitiously infected with HIV so long ago that I have lived more years with the virus than I'd lived without it. All of the important little psychological finishing touches that happen as adolescent males become mature into fully grown adults were shaped by the stigma and shame surrounding my diagnosis. Fast forward 25 years, past two failed suicide attempts and the deaths of most of the friends and acquaintances I'd known from back then. Perhaps you can understand the state of mind I was in when I decided one day to stop taking HIV meds and just let the virus do what it would until the end finally came. An end, I might mention, that I'd been anticipating for most of those 25 years, coming to terms time and time again with the eventual reality of a death much like the agonizing, humiliating one you describe in your post. When you've had that long to ponder such an end, even trying twice to beat Death to the punch, the concept of dying becomes much less frightening.  

Last January (2017), I had been off of all HIV medications for 4 years. An unfortunate run in with the flu motivated me to visit an Urgent Care, where they discovered my CD4 count was down to only 30. Soon thereafter I developed a case of thrush, which led to another visit with a doctor for the necessary prescription. Thiat time I walked out with an AIDS diagnosis on my medical record and a lengthy scolding from a particularly insightful Infectious Diseases specialist. I wasn't in any pain. I led a normal, active life and had no issues with mobility or cognition. I fed myself maybe too well and never had trouble drinking. Looking at me, no one would have considered it even possible that I had AIDS. But I did.

It was in May of last year that I decided I wasn't ready anymore to let the virus have me. I wasn't done with life. There were things I still wanted to do. So I got back on meds and started to rebuild my immune system. It took me being vigilant in taking my medicine every single day for over 7 months to finally get my CD4 count back above the 200 cell threshold, even though the viral load immediately went undetectable. 

Was what worth it? Considering the fact that I'm no better or worse off today than that naive 19-year-old boy was back in 1993 when he was first diagnosed, I'm having trouble framing the context of your question. Has the stigma beat the shit out of my confidence and self-esteem over the past two-and-a-half decades? You bet your ass it has, at every turn and from every direction. Has the virus won? Not yet, that motherfucker hasn't. I control the virus now, not the other way around. And I'm past the point where ignorance and fear in other folks' reactions can bruise or batter my sense of self-worth. Those ugly flaws are now reflections of their value, not mine. I'm happy to educate and always forthcoming about my status with every potential sex partner I meet. I can't even pass up an oddly worded post in an online discussion forum without taking the time to address the topic of HIV/AIDS. ;-P

 

#Hangrystarfish - THANK YOU for such a detailed account !!!  and that you share YOUR STORY with us... 

I love your honest words and one read so much in your text, which you write between the lines!!! 

WELL DONE !

 

[BrazilianWandering]

On 3/11/2018 at 3:20 PM, 6811283 said:

A worst-case scenario to consider:  in Venezuela, people who have been healthy undetectable for years now are dying of AIDS for lack of medication.

Think hard about how much you're willing to pay for a hot fantasy.

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/no-hope-left-venezuela-those-hiv-advocates-say-n795866

I read a similar article in Portuguese and it's insane. The pictures, the horror, the suffering... I feel for these guys. So young and completely out of options. Those who had money enough left for here or other neighboring countries, those who didn't are left to die in a way no one should be dying anymore. Venezuela's situation makes my heart ache.

Edited April 1, 2018 by BrazilianWandering

[richmondass]

It is funny, this question. Did I chase, ya I guess I did. When I was first diagnosed I was in the hospital with double pneumonia.  Sick as a dog and did not know what was happening. But the thrill of the chase was always hot to me. Taking anon loads not knowing what was in that load. Was always so damn hot to me.

Do I get off still thinking about those loads, looking at those wasted bods, biohazard tats. Fuck yes I do. Do I want to be that sick again, not really but the idea of taking some sick fucks load, yep I love it. Am I a bit perverted craving toxic loads? Big questions I have no answers for. But it does make me hard and it does not bother me being poz.

[1111bb2222]

After becoming hiv positive I would never want to give to another person or progres to full blown AIDS willingly. HIV makes you feel like shit and going off meds is crazy. 

[Guest GoneFishing]

On 2/15/2018 at 2:21 PM, bbjockload said:

Yup.  All pigs get tagged unless they’re on prep.   Meds make huge difference.   No going back 

DITT☣️❗️

[Pozlover1]

AIDS is just a “syndrome” caused by the HIV virus. The definition always was “CD4 <200 or two or more Opportunistic Infections. 

It’s only the Viral Load that makes a person more likely to give it to you. 

My paperwork now reads “HIV symptomatic” and as far as I know no medical people still use the term “AIDS”.

[Kayne]

On 12/8/2018 at 1:53 PM, Pozlover1 said:

AIDS is just a “syndrome” caused by the HIV virus. The definition always was “CD4 <200 or two or more Opportunistic Infections. 

It’s only the Viral Load that makes a person more likely to give it to you. 

My paperwork now reads “HIV symptomatic” and as far as I know no medical people still use the term “AIDS”.

Here to tell you, doctors still do. my doctor does.

[Kayne]

I was infected 17 years ago in a hospital

False negatives and bad medical record keeping kept my bare breeding ass ignorant of the fact until 2 months ago.  A full Blown diagnosis, 84 TCells later and a 250-300k VL gave me no chance to revel in the new possibilities my new knowledge gave me. 

Does thinking about it get my hot? yes. do I have regrets yes and no.  I've had a fucked up life. So I try to live without regrets. my only true regret is that this truth hurts the most important person in my world. My mother, who lost her closest friends and a lover to the early days. 

Nothing is worth that, yet its reality. and one man's story 

[PupLucca]

I was full blown when my diagnosis was confirmed back in August. VL of 57400 and CD4 of 65. I went on meds immediately I didn't want to die. Originally diagnosed December 4th 2017. Waited to confirm it, and yeah I was full blown when I did

[Pozlover1]

3 hours ago, POZVersBttm said:

I was full blown when my diagnosis was confirmed back in August. VL of 57400 and CD4 of 65. I went on meds immediately I didn't want to die. Originally diagnosed December 4th 2017. Waited to confirm it, and yeah I was full blown when I did

Yes I had a CD4 of 56 and VL of 90K in 2001 and my papers said “AIDS”. They also said “normal activity as tolerated” and everything since has said “HIV-Symptomatic”. 

[Guest]

full blown in hospital staph phenmoia  cd4 of 2  vl  off the charts   pulled thru tho on meds and 2 years later cd4 finally  up to 180 and vl undectable  long f ing road tho

[Guest GoneFishing]

I was knock knocked up on heavens door.  Doc said I was borderlines. Almost aids by 2 T cells. Darn it ! ☣️

[Hairypiglet]

I am currently.