Recon's "Safe Sex" catagory in your profile

[onlyraw]

Hi Guys - this is for those of  who  also have a profile on Recon.

For a long time it has bothered me that in our Profiles on Recon along with height, and age a how "active" one is (there way to code for TOP or bottom) etc they have a section for "Safe Sex"  which I have always treated as if it were asking "condom use"...... except as it is labeled "Safe Sex" I have always felt uncomfortable listing "Never"  (where as if they had it listed as "condom use" I would certainly list "never"

anyway - I finally got around to writing customer service a letter about it (although I must say you really have to hunt around for how to do that)...... the letter I sent them is below..... if you would like to join my campaign to get  Recon to change their ways.....  I hope you will write them too.... and feel free to crib as much of my letter as you would loike

 

Dear recon

Some time ago you announced you were looking into making some changes to the site and I wanted to propose one key change you need to make.

Currently in the  “profile” section one of your categories is “Safe Sex”

And the drop down menu offers the following options

Always

Needs discussion

Never

I’d Rather Not Say

Sometimes

 

I am writing to express my concern about this category.

As “poz play” much less “poz conversion” sex are not in your list of fetish communities that members can identify with-  I think that the wording of this category is no longer up to date with current science.

Research shows that U=U (or, if a person with HIV is compliant with their meds and so is “undetectable” than their virus is untransmitable - even if they fuck bareback)

Because of U=U and then the advent of PrEP, guys - even those with HIV - can fuck bareback with safety

Because of this, I find your continued use of “Safe Sex” as a category to be AIDS phobic

I don’t think I am alone in using the “Safe Sex” category as a stand in for “Condom Use” - as thanks to U=U and PrEP more and more guys are fucking without condoms (at least “Sometimes” or after the have had a “Discussion”

My proposal is that you make this clear by changing the name of this category from “Safe Sex” to “Condom Use” - and you could still use the same drop down menu.

Because I am undetectable I no longer use condoms- but feel uncomfortable saying that I “Never” practice “Safe Sex” - I like to think that as I am “U” that even when fucking a bottom bareback I am "Always" practicing "Safe Sex" - even if I never use condoms.  If you would change this I think you would make things clearer for everyone.

I was impressed several years ago with the serious look you took at racism in our communities- I urge you now to take the same look at the AIDS phobia in our community.

I urge you to change the wording of this category as soon as possible.

Thank you.

Dotdomtop

 

[viking8x6]

You might want to say "HIV phobia" or "poz phobia" rather than "AIDS phobia". Most poz men (at least in the US) don't actually have AIDS at this point.

Also, don't forget that "safe sex" is not just about HIV - there are a heap of other STDs in various flavors of preventability, treatability, and permanence. Of course, condoms aren't a guarantee against some of those, either.

Gosh, you'd think people would benefit from actually having a conversation about this, wouldn't you? 😉

But just this morning the (married, to a woman) guy who was plowing my ass raw said, "I hope you're clean."  Bit late to be hoping that...

[EricX]

I checked the “Needs discussion” option, since I don’t fit neatly into the other options. 

[BootmanLA]

20 minutes ago, EricX said:

I checked the “Needs discussion” option, since I don’t fit neatly into the other options. 

I think this is the best option for just about everyone other than (a) those who use condoms 100% of the time, bottoming or topping, or (b) those who do not take any precautions (PrEP, condoms, or whatever), or (c) those who have sex in situations where there's really no opportunity for discussion.

I think discussing these things helps remove the stigma attached to HIV, as well as encouraging people to learn what options there are. There are undoubtedly men having sex with men who don't even know PrEP is an option, or that it's covered (by law) by virtually all insurance, or that U=U; discussion can help educate those people.

[LetsPOZBreed]

I have mine as "Needs Discussion".  I used to have it as "Never" under the guise that I equated it to condom usage - or lack thereof.  But, honestly, I'd rather talk through it with a guy; even if it is just to state that I would like to go raw.  

I also have the U=U thing in my profile either and invite anyone who doesn't know what that means to ask.  

[onlyraw]

Well I heard back 

clearly a badly worded letter as he thought I was proposing adding “hiv conversion” to their list of fetishes

i wrote back assuring him that I wasn’t- but that in this world of U=U and PrEP, and condoms that their broadly named category and then their narrow list on their drop down menu choices didn’t mesh

and that if their mission was to keep transmission low - I suggested that may they follow Daddyhunt’s lead and have a section Headed “Safer sex practices” and then have a drop down menu of options like “only condoms, staying undetectable, PrEP and condoms, etc”

He said they would look at the issue 

like you guys I normally have it at “needs discussion” - as yes it is a topic that needs to be discussed between partners 

But if they are going to have it a sortable field- it would be nice if everyone had the same understanding of what the sortable categories mean 

I guess time will tell 

 

[rawTOP]

Yes, that list was developed before PrEP and is 10 years out of date.

[408curious]

Is it really that hard to say "needs discussion", "I'd rather not say" OR "never"?

If you are BB only why is it so hard to say "never" to "safe sex" i.e. condom use?

[onlyraw]

15 hours ago, 408curious said:

Is it really that hard to say "needs discussion", "I'd rather not say" OR "never"?

If you are BB only why is it so hard to say "never" to "safe sex" i.e. condom use?

I have no trouble saying BB only- but the problem is that is not what the category is, it is “safe sex” - - so if you are undetectable or on PrEP - you could “never” use condoms but “always” have “safe sex”

 So I am hoping they will clear up the wording and choices so that they can keep up with the  science 

if other members of Recon agree I hope that they will also Recon know that they need to change and keep up with science (although it is really hard to find the link to connect with customer service)

thanks