A question on etiquette: rejecting someone on Grindr

[bluedragon]

Say 'hey' back then if he proposes a meet you could either say 'sorry, not my type' or 'not looking just now man'. I tend to go for the latter. Usually they get the hint.

[tighthole64]

I look at profile first.  If like 1000 miles, I just delete message.  No use wasting my time.  If starts with "hello handsome " dont even look at profile!

[Guest]

52 minutes ago, tighthole64 said:

I look at profile first.  If like 1000 miles, I just delete message.  No use wasting my time.  If starts with "hello handsome " dont even look at profile!

Hello handsome. 

[JamesL100]

Not wanting to go completely off topic but there's also what happens with delayed replies for whatever reason?
Sometimes it's been like 2 mins and the guys has already got a faster response.
Sometimes it's a few hours cos I've been working. Or even after a weekend away LOL
Many profiles have disappeared, presumably done their job reeling in a hook up.
Sometimes guys have forgotten what they typed!

[myDNA4u]

I have a standard line for this. "I appreciate the interest,  but I don't think we're a match." 

[topblkmale]

Grindr is the new gay bathhouse/gay sauna especially for the younger generation. I can't imagine giving every guy I am not interested in at a bathhouse a detailed friendly reply as to why I am not interested.

 

When guys insist on a 'denial letter' I usually make up some feature I like that they are not.

 

Example, if its a muscle guy, I tell them I am into chubby guys - & vice-versa.

[partying.hard]

I’m respectful.  I never ghost.

”hey, I’m going to pass. Good luck tonight”

 

[polyglutton]

2 hours ago, topblkmale said:

Grindr is the new gay bathhouse/gay sauna especially for the younger generation. I can't imagine giving every guy I am not interested in at a bathhouse a detailed friendly reply as to why I am not interested.

 

 

I think you make a great point here. The vast majority of under 50 year olds haven't really experienced bathhouses and never learnt this etiquette. I feel super lucky to have lived near Steamworks for a few years in the age of PrEP. 

Edited August 30, 2022 by polyglutton

[alwaysready]

if you have not spoken to this guy, you do not owe him a reply. it is not rude not to reply under those circumstances.

[gangbangsuperstar]

I wouldn’t know. I let ANYONE fuck me.

[ellentonboy]

22 hours ago, hntnhole said:

LOL .... no, you were reading (and replying, thank you) to a question from a guy who hasn't used any of these apps for at least 15 years.  Who also desperately needs to get his ass out to some store and buy a new damn phone (the current one is about to give up the ghost).  I've never cared how all these things work, and so I never learned either.  It seems that every ambulatory guy within 100 miles of here uses Grinder, so I was curious about it.  When cruising, etc comes up in chats with neighbors (and everyone always wants to know who's fucking who in the 'hood), and I mention that I don't use the apps, they look at me like I were a Martian, freshly landed on Earth.  Last evening walking the dog it happened again.

At least no one on BZ can actually laugh to my face - only to my fingers ..... and thanks for the response.

I still wouldn't feel bad or be embarrassed because you didn't know all the "in's and out's" of Grindr.  Everyone was new at some point on that app, they probably had questions like you did (i.e.how to turn the damn buzzing sound off).  It's not as if it comes with some nifty training manual where you can sit down in your office chair and learn all about the bells and whistles (literally).  You download the damn thing, get some kind of picture uploaded (should you desire, highly recommended) and make sure that picture does not violate any of the rules and regulations of the app.  If you have never used it before it is like the Wild, Wild West.  Yes, it can be embarrassing if it goes off at  an inopportune (sp?)  time (like waiting it line at Publix) but generally what I have found is the only people who recognize those sounds are those that are already on the app.   So what if some guy smirks at you, it's probably happened to him at some point.  I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.......

 

[tallslenderguy]

Reading through the responses here, find it interesting how the net and online experience is different than 'IRL'.  Lol, even that acronym: "IRL" and many others, have come out of online culture. Is online not "real life?"  i digress.

i find it noteworthy that some ignore, or do not respond with even a few words or polite reply, because it would somehow be a gross waste of their time to acknowledge another human being who has reached out to them, Of course, they do not put it that way, nor do they likely think of it that way... i doubt the same people who do this would respond similarly IRL.  

i think the  online experience promotes a sort of detached, drive thru experience where we have been conditioned to have it our way, have it now, or not at all. The person on the other end has become a commodity, or a service, and if they do no meet our criteria, we ignore or delete them as, not a person, but a disqualified product. 

Edited August 30, 2022 by tallslenderguy

[Guest]

I would probably say I just don't think we're not a match right now. or just how you would like to have somebody tell you that they're not going to chat with you or whatever. I think just blocking somebody just makes it worse at times with the right some people get all agitated

[VersatileBreeder]

7 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Reading through the responses here, find it interesting how the net and online experience is different than 'IRL'.  Lol, even that acronym: "IRL" and many others, have come out of online culture. Is online not "real life?"  i digress.

i find it noteworthy that some ignore, or do not respond with even a few words or polite reply, because it would somehow be a gross waste of their time to acknowledge another human being who has reached out to them, Of course, they do not put it that way, nor do they likely think of it that way... i doubt the same people who do this would respond similarly IRL.  

i think the  online experience promotes a sort of detached, drive thru experience where we have been conditioned to have it our way, have it now, or not at all. The person on the other end has become a commodity, or a service, and if they do no meet our criteria, we ignore or delete them as, not a person, but a disqualified product. 

I agree about the “IRL” vs online aspect of it. But the way I see it is it works two ways- both from the person being approached and the person doing the approach.

In real life, let’s say in a bathhouse, you see a guy you may be interested in so you have a certain approach. It takes balls to approach a guy because you don’t know if he’s going to be into you or reject you. You convey a certain type of body language- smile at him, give a genuine greeting, etc.

Often times online, guys are much more lazy in their approach. I for one, understand that this is primarily about hooking up, but I’d still like to be treated like a human during the interaction. I have it stated in my profile that if you approach me with just “hey” or “sup” or “head?” and can’t communicate in sentences greater than one word, we are not a match. And yet, I still get TONS of these lazy messages every single day. I’ve learned that guys who are lazy with their approach are usually terrible in bed and that is IF the hook up actually happens. Most of the guys who communicate in this lazy sort of manner I have found are never actually serious about meeting up. So to them I don’t respond.

If a guy sends me a more thought out message that’s clear about what he wants and is into, and actually interacts like a human would in real life, I’ll respond even if I have a feeling he’s not my type.

 

[hntnhole]

8 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

not a person, but a disqualified product

I don't think that all that many guys perceive someone on the other end of the app or whatever as *real* until they actually hook up.  It's easy for some guys to behave coarsely to some entity out there in the ether - as though it's not real from word one. 

To those who use these apps, realize that it's not a box of soap flakes you're interacting with - it's another guy just like you.  Where's the harm in showing a bit of respect to others?