Has the Meaning of Sex Changed for you lately?

[LetsPOZBreed]

10 hours ago, cannero said:

A caveat to add though, is that if you are younger and hornier and lost a couple of years of slutty behaviour in your pime because of covid, I wouldn't expect those guys to have my world view at all. Good luck to them and bend over as much as you like or plow whatever is in front of you. I often wonder though, as a gay man of the AIDS generation who was unscathed, whether the lack of a large older generation above me who were sadly decimated, meant I was denied more role models of out guys aging comfortably and perhaps having a view similar to that posted above.

I'll agree to this point.  A big part of my current attitudes are because I've really sampled the buffet over the last quarter-century.  I've done the boyfriend thing, hookup thing, fuckbuddy thing, group thing, anon thing, and so forth.  My vision of what I want is formulated upon what I know my more memorable encounters of the past all have in common - that connection; that organic beauty of building lust.  

So, I won't expect younger guys than me to maybe understand.  In fact, I'd openly encourage younger guys to experiment as much as possible, as this is what got me to where I am at my age.  

To your last point, though, this is a good one to raise.  I came of gay-age in the mid-90's, and there was a noticeable gap of gay men that were in their 40's on upwards.  Not a completely empty void, of course, but it did mean that it was touch to find those role models for me as well.  Not impossible, though, as I enjoyed the fruits of "older men" (which at 18 was any guy in this 30's) and realised just how much I enjoyed those experiences - great sex, yes, but also an appreciation for their experience and someone to look up to.  Really wish there were more of them.

[LetsPOZBreed]

5 hours ago, Pozguyinchi said:

It may be a new phase I have entered or it may be that men have changed how they serve their needs. Either way it seems like a natural evolution. 

Personally, I think you are experiencing a bit of both.  There's a sense amongst some of us that we want something different, and have somewhat found a new brotherhood of cohorts (though I'm still on the lookout for my regular playmates).  So, yes, you've entered a new phase, but so have some of us along side you.

[LetsPOZBreed]

9 minutes ago, curiousneg1 said:

You have to make the conscious choice to learn to be sexual love yourself and know how to love others responsibly. It can happen...you gotta want it...we can't make it happen for you.

Thank you for sharing your post - certainly appreciate it.

This last part here is something I may continue in another post as well.  The long-and-short of it is that I realised that the meaningless sex part of it for me (even going back to my late teens) was not being had for the right reasons - or even the healthiest (more mentally, but some physically).  Even when it comes to relationships, I've learned to stop trying to describe why I want a relationship, or similarly what I want out of one, based on what I see in other's relationships - at least the superficial aspects of it.  Any relationship I plan on having - platonic, sexual, romantic, etc. - I'd prefer we define that based on what works for "us", not some social or arbitrary construct.

[LetsPOZBreed]

4 hours ago, hntnhole said:

Congratulations, LetsPOZBreed.  I'm very pleased that you've discovered that there can be a lot more to Breeding than just fucking. Not that "just" fucking isn't fun - it is - I love doing it.  But, on those occasions when a *real connection* happens, it's awesome.  

It doesn't happen every time - or even close to every time we fuck.  But, it does happen enough times to make the so-so Breeding worth the while.  I can have a great time rutting in Holes in the fuckjoints, and not "connecting" with another man's mind, heart, soul - just with his Hole.  That's reason enough for me to hit the fuckjoints/backrooms.  But there's little of emotional, spiritual, brotherhood, human-focused value - it's just plain old Lust - and there's nothing wrong with exercising that too.  A plain old fuck is like ordering a burger & fries at some restaurant.  But being a part of that magical "connection" is like receiving a plate of ambrosia instead; a lovely surprise.  

Congrats - you "get it" !!!

Many thanks for your compliment.

Yeah, it's really not easy to tell if you'll have that spark with someone in play - at least not until things start happening and you start getting into the moment.  I'll admit there have been occasions at the fuckjoints where I've gotten with a guy and things just clicked - the kind of thing where you want to just find a private corner somewhere and forget everyone and everything else in the place and just express your mutual energies to one another.  But there's also a sense of freedom to be had when doing that in the privacy of one's own abode.

[fuzzybttm]

12 hours ago, Pozguyinchi said:

I find most very interesting and it has made the sex more connected. It may be a new phase I have entered or it may be that men have changed how they serve their needs. Either way it seems like a natural evolution. 

I feel the same.  In my heavy bathhouse days, wasn't really a feature.  With more hanging around before/after, coupled with repeat tops, you get to know one another and it makes the sex better in my opinion.

Though I still love anon.

[ellentonboy]

If a random hook up occurs that is great, but I don't sit next to my laptop or phone, as I did even five years ago.    I have enough guys listed in my contacts that I can call and arrange something.  I saw read  something  somewhere "familiarity breeds contempt".  Did I get that right?????  I don't agree, sometimes, the guy walking through your door, who you have played with dozens of times is such a welcome site as opposed to a stranger who may or may not turn out to be worth your time.

[onlyraw]

Thank you @LetsPOZBreed for bringing this up - (and @PozTalkAuthor for thoughts as well) it is reassuring to know that younger guys are dealing with some of the same issues as we enter this post COVID Mpox world.

I had been through a bit of a dry spell before Covid- and then was part of a very cautious social bubble during Covid- so did nothing- and then just as I was getting ready to start playing again Mpox came along and up here in Boston -they really messed up the vaccine- roll out - so now that I finally have that - I realize that it has now been well over 4 years since have done anything (aside from a few visits to my massage therapist- and he doesn’t count as he gives legit massage) 

And, while @PozTalkAuthor sees the the number 50 looming up - 2025 will be my 70th   (Which is really freaking me out - ah - if only I was only turning 50 again)

@LetsPOZBreed while you got through the shut down with porn, I got through with phone sex (there is a free one I call - and thank goodness it is free or I would have been bankrupt by 2020) but like a lot of porn - most phone sex tends to be toward kink.

But now as I think about hooking up again with a three dimensional guy (and not just on the phone) I am no longer sure who or what I am looking for …do I really want heavy kink? (Does my leather still fit?) or Do I just want a more old fashioned kissing and fucking?

It also doesn’t help that Boston doesn’t have a bathhouse- so if I want to try tgat - Providence is a an hour drive - a long drive for maybe finding no one interesting - and like a few others - even before the shutdown I had been loosing interest in just big random fucks

I want some sort of emotional spark in addition to a physical one (as I have found in the past that the physical is amplified by the emotional)

thanks for starting this thread and to all the guys who have posted on it - oddly a comfort to know I am not the only one going through this -(it is the same nervousness I had as a young man just coming out in the 70s and trying to build up the courage to go to those first gay bars….will I know what to do? Will anyone find me attractive? Will I find any of tge guys there interesting?)

so maybe I need to go reactive my Daddyhunt profile and put my toe back in the water

All this really makes me miss the bars - online seems so transactional- in the days of the bars you went out and even if you didn’t hook up - you got out of the house- had a drink- enjoyed tge music, hopefully chatted with a few bar buddies, and still had a nice evening. online- if you don’t hook up you just wasted a couple hours alone at home ….( But that is a rant for a different thread)

[PozTalkAuthor]

@onlyraw if you want a coming out from me... Never been to a bathhouse and think I'd never go; and I just laugh at the idea of _me_ in those places! Maybe it's because I'm a computer worker, I stay most of time with the same people so, when I go out with friend and meet others, sex and drinking -alcohol, I mean-, is the very last subject I think about. I want to talk, play, sing, have fun in other ways. Yes I'm one guy who rejects even smoking, smell of cigarettes drives me mad nervous. 

A comedian some days ago said "I'm the transgressive guy; I don't have any tattoos, I don't smoke, at parties I drink water"... 

I don't feel it as a transgression, I just do what I'm comfortable with. Only thing, because of some stories here, I'm thinking to buy and wear a pendant on my neck, with the biohazard sign. Nothing else. Even because tattoos... I'm the only poz who's afraid of needles, maybe! I go for blood tests but every time I must enter the exam room, I tremble a bit. My guy says I'm similar to a human-shaped vibrator

[tallslenderguy]

i have had a similar analogy as hntnhole for several years, i.e., i find random hook up sex to be like fast-food.  I.e., it's quick, easy, fills the void, and full of fat, sugar and other additives lol.   it's never been my ideal, but i think "ideal" may be an illusion?  

i'm the annoying guy on hook-up sites with the too long profile. i'm the one who tries to engage in what has been often termed "endless messages."  i understand many who do that are not looking to ever get together, just jack off... but some of us (waves hand) have a purpose."Endless messages"  are my attempts at communication and "connection."  i will have fast food sex if that's all i can get, or if just don't want to do the work of preparing a seven course meal... But, i want connection a lot more than i want quick and easy. And that requires some unpacking, because i don't think most of us "connect" in the standard heteronormative ways.

i have to get ready for work, so more later... but thanks for starting this thread LetsPozBreed. I think it's a great topic, and i appreciate all the thoughtful responses. 

[LetsPOZBreed]

5 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

i'm the annoying guy on hook-up sites with the too long profile. i'm the one who tries to engage in what has been often termed "endless messages."  

Add me to this club, too (although I have seen longer profiles than mine).  I've actually been told that some of my profiles don't get to the point (no not that poinT) and it's hard for some to determine what I'm specifically after.  I actually don't think that's the case at all, as my profiles are sometimes written to invite messages that inquire further (my Recon profile, for example).  

I find (rightly or wrongly) that if a guy rushes to convince me to meet, that he'll be equally quick in the sack - or simply just not that good at it.  That being said, there is a sense of "overchatting", where you try and determine compatibility by going into far more detail and specifics about interests - only to go into a session with too many expectations, and you end up unfulfilled (even if you get filled).

There's a balance.  I once had a guy ask me if I'd be interested in a role play session, where he outlined explicitly what he wanted to do.  Sounded interesting, so I agreed - he came over and it was AMAZING...better than I expected it to be.  But that's a rarity; role play on a first meet has been wildly inconsistent for me.  Either it's worked wonders, or falls completely flat.  So, I'd rather exchange a few messages and suggest to meet for a coffee or drink somewhere to determine face-to-face compatibility - then go from there.  I've certainly dodged a few bullets by practicing this, let me tell ya.  

[hntnhole]

11 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

"ideal" may be an illusion?

For some, it may well be an illusion.  That said, there are exceptions, where every aspect comes together - a magnificent fusion of life-experiences, life-long introspection, intellectual exercise, self-realization, all those cerebral "connections" that can - one day - be made flesh - minds, bodies, spiritual depth, emotional depth, as well as physical magnetism.  

For the fortunate however, it can be completely real, concrete, and exquisitely beautiful.  

[NLbear]

For me Covid was the turning point. Before it started I had a large circle of fuckbuds. A very large circle.... I was still 59 then. I hit my 60th birthday in 2020 in the midst of the pandemic. Although I still had sex with a few fuckbuds it was a lot less. But most of my regulars disappeared never to surface again. Even now, when it's relatively safe again, I don't hear back from them.

I have a few younger guys who hit me up for my 'Daddy ass', but after a while they seem to have found someone else. Actually going through a dry spell at the moment! Something that would have never happened before Covid. Sex parties are fun but the last one was a while ago.

Do I mind? One the one hand yes, I love sex. Before Covid I could never have enough. On the other hand no. I realized (a long time ago) I'm not the 20yo bubble butt guy craving for daily fucks anymore and Covid made me realize to stop acting like one. I got through the pandemic OK with a lot less sex, only now and then (and mostly on vacations). And I was fine with that. There are advantages to not having to clean out practically every day LOL! 

Doesn't mean I don't want sex again. But I would prefer sex with regular fuckbuds who I have a connection with. I know what they like and they know what I like.

[barecubtop]

I'll echo others and say that I appreciate this post.  I skimmed most of the responses, but some things that stood out...

* no longer being as interested in the cumdumps that already have loads in them

* feeling like the weight I put on makes me less attractive and that's why I'm not getting any action

* wanting more connection

* getting older (milestone birthday today, actually) and re-evaluating what's important

Nothing much more to add that other people haven't already said.  Good luck finding what you want/need everyone!