Turning down “Sides”

[PozTalkAuthor]

Personal experience doesn't make statistic; is it difficult to understand? 

Saying "not engaging in anal sex is a lie" or "if you find the right person you'll do everything" is like saying "being gay? You are such because you didn't find the right woman" 

Makes no sense. 

[hntnhole]

Welllllllll ..... at least I'm not the only guy that's remained unfamiliar with the descriptor.  Thanks for all the replies, guys.  I know a little bit more today than I did before ....

I guess I'll be sticking to the "restaurant" definition though.  

[BootmanLA]

16 hours ago, BlackDude said:

There another term for ignoring your experiences refusing to acknowledge what you’ve seen in the world: delusion.

I would never suggest someone ignore his experiences or refuse to acknowledge what he's seen in the world.

I only caution people against thinking that such experiences must be universal, ESPECIALLY when there's discussion ongoing about how people are experiencing something VERY DIFFERENT.

[PozTalkAuthor]

3 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I would never suggest someone ignore his experiences or refuse to acknowledge what he's seen in the world.

I only caution people against thinking that such experiences must be universal, ESPECIALLY when there's discussion ongoing about how people are experiencing something VERY DIFFERENT.

 

This habit to consider personal experiences as global ones, should stop now! Especially talking about a sensitive topic as sex is. 

Everyone of us has their own life and this must be considered! Treating something personal as it was general or vice-versa has never led so far away! 

 

There's a world outside, let's explore it all and become more curious.

[fieldofbeing]

Thinking about this, I remembered that one of my favourite regular tops in a city I lived a few years ago claimed to be a btm on his profile. Go figure! Likewise, I've had plenty of 'side' guys message asking if they can fuck me. And I don't like to say no 😎😈 I'm comfortable with a fair degree of fluidity... Words and actions don't always line up neatly.

[atlfukbud]

I’m constantly hit up by “sides” on Sniffies — I’m cool if people just want to cuddle, but they don’t belong on hookup sites — that is for SEX. I expect they’d do better on dating apps? I’m personally here to breed!

[ktopper]

This term used in this way is new to me. I have been at this gay sex thing, off and on, since the 1970s. I have used the term "side piece" often, usually in reference to women other than my wife. Guys that I meet briefly and have sex with are "pick ups." Guys who I meet on an ongoing if sporadic basis are "regulars" or "fuck buddies." Some guys over the years that I have met on a fairly steady basis I sometimes refer to as "side pieces" and they sometimes refer to themselves as such, I think it is an ego boost for some bottoms and I know it certainly is for me because the better we get to know each other the more fantastic the sex is and I enjoy them thinking I am hot enough to be worth going all out for sexually. And I really like knowing that they are enjoying me as much as I enjoy fucking them.

I have been with guys who are "sides" in the sense it is used here, i.e. no fucking. I never had a term for them although I have known several bottoms who did have terms for them, not usually flattering, they detested them. But yeah, I have hooked up with guys who were sides, not expecting it until it happened, and usually just go with the flow and engage in a jack-off session with them and when I'm about to get a nut ask them if they want me to cum on them somewhere. Sometimes they do, one guy I remember wanted me to cum on his cock so I did and he used it for lube until he nutted. It's slightly fun but frustrating for a man like me who lives to fuck. I don't go back for a repeat. I am not condemning them for it but we are really playing two different games. And I can understand why bottoms would want nothing to do with them since bottoms are all about loads (which is why I get so turned on by them).

[HoneyBuns1980]

On 11/5/2023 at 4:03 AM, WiltsCumDump said:

On Grindr my profile clearly states “Bottom only” “BB”. I’ve turned down guys, who approached me, who have “Side” as their position and just wanted to cuddle, kiss and wank.  They got pretty insulting and took offence when I said that I am bottom and love getting fucked and bred not just kissing and wanking. 

anyone have similar issues… how did you handle It? 

I avoid them, too. Same goes for anyone claiming to be “versatile”. They typically turn out to be bottoms, or, at the very least, WANT to bottom. Can’t get anywhere with someone who wants the same thing that I do. 

[fuckyouraw777]

Them: "Hi, I'm not what you want!"

Me: "You're not want I want!"

Them: "Now I'm offended..."

I never get, in the sense of "understand", that; now if I'm in the right mood I can be chatty and sometimes people on hookup apps or sites really are just lonely and might want to chat.

But if I said to some profile, "Are you into bb sex?" when they have "condomsonly", then get annoyed because they say they're not interested...honestly, what answer was I expecting?

That said, I could list the winning lottery numbers or give the ingredients and recipe for the elixir of eternal life in my hookup profiles and noone would be immortal, and the lottery would still jackpot.

[BootmanLA]

12 hours ago, ktopper said:

This term used in this way is new to me.

It's new in general, not just to you. It's only been around for the last few years, if that.

[BootmanLA]

14 hours ago, atlfukbud said:

I’m constantly hit up by “sides” on Sniffies — I’m cool if people just want to cuddle, but they don’t belong on hookup sites — that is for SEX. I expect they’d do better on dating apps? I’m personally here to breed!

So the only people who can cuddle are dating couples?

I hate to break it to you, but this is hooking up - as these people understand it. Some people think "hooking up" has to involve fucking and look down on anyone hooking up "only" for oral. If you can expand your mind to include oral as a form of hooking up, you should be able to expand it to include other forms of casual intimacy.

[tallslenderguy]

On 11/16/2023 at 6:39 PM, atlfukbud said:

I’m constantly hit up by “sides” on Sniffies — I’m cool if people just want to cuddle, but they don’t belong on hookup sites — that is for SEX. I expect they’d do better on dating apps? I’m personally here to breed!

idk. Reading through this thread, i begin to wonder if "side" is yet another piece to the sexual culture evolution puzzle?  There's nothing like a new term to evoke our staid feelings of what is (or what should be?).  

For those old enough to remember, imagine the responses before transpeople became more visible?  

i have to agree (though i think we can do without the moral superiority) that we need to treat each individual with respect, even if they are not what we want or need.  To me, as society becomes more and more digital, hookup sites are the gay bars of yesterday.  It doesn't feel right to me to hang a sign on the door that says: "we don't serve your kind here?"  To me, "side" is yet another descriptor to add to the list along with Top, bottom, versatile. Why not?  i don't approach other bottoms (no matter how much i may love them) because we  do not want the same thing. If someone identifies as "side" and i don't wanna cuddle, but wanna get fucked, i simply won't approach them. 

[hntnhole]

19 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

we need to treat each individual with respect, even if they are not what we want or need.

Perfectly said.  It's universal, it's humane, it's the definition of decency, it's singular, it's personal, it's intimate, all at the same time.  

Is there any way you could pull Mr. Johnson aside for a moment, and share your insights with him ??? Pleeeeease ???  I'll restrain him (have gear, will travel) long enough for you to talk some decency into his head - if that's still possible.  

 

[blackrobe]

Side was coined for men who have sex with men that don't have or want anal sex. I support the use of the term and them in that choice. 

People have already started confusing and diluting what side means. I see lots of profiles with "Top/Side" or some other union of buttfucker and non-buttfucker. Any profile with side on it (in any combination) I don't approach. 

I've had some conversation with "Top/side" guys who are annoyed at my passing on them because they are sides. When I point out that top means you do anal, and side means you don't, things seem to go downhill fast from there.  It's an oxymoron like "carnivore vegetarian" and "religious atheist".  

I am vehemently in favor of respecting what people want for themselves. It's not a good sign when some of them don't understand what that is or can't express it coherently.

When it's ambiguous or confused, I'm politely uninterested.

[NLbear]

There are plenty of gay guys who are not into anal sex. Since I am a cock hungry bottom they are not for me but I respect their choice. I can't imagine going through life just sucking cock and not getting a cock in my ass but hey! If that's what you're into go for it.