rawTOP

It's about time the big HIV/AIDS organizations start changing their tune on HIV prevention. Their message has been so out of touch for so long that it's probably caused quite a few infections as they continue to push unrealistic approaches that are based on fear and stigma. Where I differ with Staley is in the push towards Treatment As Prevention where guys get pushed into treatment quickly after diagnosis. While I'm all for getting guys tested, I think they shouldn't feel pressured to go into treatment immediately unless they want to. His approach, once again, puts the onus on poz guys for reducing infection rates. And when that fails it becomes their fault. IMHO, neg guys should shoulder the responsibility for staying neg. It's their body, their health.

This is just factually wrong. If he was undetectable, then there were no bullets in his gun. If you want to talk about risk talk about neg guys who aren't on PrEP. Recently I saw someone say that 85% of infections are caused by people like that. I need to verify the number, but it seems about right. HIV is predominately spread by people who think they're neg. And this is your last warning. I don't tolerate factually incorrect statements that are used to vilify people. Say it again and I'll ban you. Ditto for anyone else who repeats false statements in this thread. On a more personal note - from 1991 to early 1995 (before ARVs, back when HIV actually killed you), I lived with a guy who strongly implied he was neg when he was actually poz - and had been poz for years. Long story, but I stayed with him after I found out and while he was sick just before he died. In retrospect he wasn't being honest with himself either. He knew he was poz but he just couldn't come to terms with it. It wasn't just me he was lying to. So I've gone through being lied to back in a time when it could have killed me, and I'm sorry - it's not as simple as just blaming the poz guy. They have the right to be human as well and you don't really know what's going on in their head. HIV Criminalization is a huge problem - it is not the solution. HIV criminalization leads to fear, stigma, fewer guys getting tested, and hence more infections. Especially now that's there's PrEP - the responsibility for staying neg belongs to the neg guy, not the poz guy.

No one is to blame. Nothing happened. The OP is still neg. The risk isn't just "lower", it's zero - and that makes a huge difference. Find me one person who's been infected by someone who's consistently undetectable and has no other STDs (which is included in the "I'm clean" statement). The scientists and public health folks can't find anyone who's been infected. And this is 18 years after the advent of ARVs. If such cases existed, we'd know about them. Since there was zero risk, how exactly was the guy mislead about the risk? The poz guy's only moral obligation is to not infect someone who is making a concerted effort to stay neg. If there's no chance of infection, then there's no moral obligation. To say that discrimination against poz guys is OK because people are ignorant is wrong-headed. Arrogance is thinking it's OK that someone suffers because of your ignorance.

It's not HIV that's dictating your life right now - it's fear. You have total control over fear - just choose not to be afraid. You have all the facts. You know you'll be OK - so just reject the fear. It really is a mind over matter thing. Fear can be healthy, but this isn't one of those times.

IMHO, it's completely accurate to say "clean" when one is poz with an undetectable viral load. They're some of the safest people you can have sex with. So if he simply said he was clean, he didn't lie.

The data I've seen says the failure rate when used properly is about 5%, when used "normally" (e.g. not carefully) is about 10%.

Well, I for one LOVE young poz Asian guys. My bf is Asian and he's pretty uptight about sex sometimes. Honestly, there are times when I wish he were poz - he'd probably let his guard down and be more fun sexually. Realize you've got probably two years or more before your immune system requires meds. Until then you're fine without them. Yes, some people like to start them immediately, but the impact on the patient is pretty much marginal if you take a long-term perspective. However, there is a point where you'll need them - so it's good to have a doctor regularly monitor your t-cell count. The US got rid of the law that prevented poz folks from entering the country. Even while it was on the books people just didn't declare their condition - they'd mail their meds to their hotel in advance so a search of their bags wouldn't reveal that they were poz. It doesn't need to. Yes, at some point there will be one or more pills you have to take, and certain illnesses may take longer to get rid of or require more aggressive treatment, but if you see your doctor regularly that will probably be about it. You'll probably cause more harm by worrying about it. On the plus side, if you've ever fantasized about being a slut - well, now you can. The worst has happened - so make the most of it. There are some great bathhouses in Montréal - you can now be ass up taking loads at them for hours now without worrying about getting pozzed. In other words, relax and enjoy yourself. There's tons of fun to be had - your life isn't any more over than it was before you became poz.

Hey boy... Where are you located? What are your stats? I could use a slave and like where your mind is at. FetLife is one of the more active BDSM sites - try there.

Try StockyDudes.com - the guy running it is quite competent and sweet. He might be able to set something up for you.

Google doesn't like duplicate content (the same thing at two addresses). So I have to pick just one and run with it.

Do you know their viral loads?

OMG! You guys gotta watch "Stranger By The Lake" ("L'inconnu Du Lac"). It's on streaming and pretty much 2 hours of gay sex. Well, not quite, but pretty much constant frontal nudity, there's a full-on cum shot at one point, a close-up of a blowjob at another, a rimming scene, plus tons of sex (including fucking) where you don't see full details. And the plot is decent as well.

Add HPV to the list of vaccines you should get if you don't already have HPV (many gay men have it). I got Hep B back in the early 90s when I was avidly safe sex. I remember a friend telling me I looked a bit yellow, but I didn't think anything of it. Years later they gave me a Hep B vaccine and I had a reaction to it. The doctor looked more closely and said I had cleared it previously and was now immune.

There's a whole thread here on that one... https://breeding.zone/threads/20410-FYI-The-New-quot-Chaser-quot-Film-Is-NOT-Bug-Chaser-Sympathetic

When that happens try to turn it around on them. "I'm sorry your sex life sucks." or "You only go around once. I plan on making the most of it." And 10,000 other possible retorts. Just straighten your back and be proud of who you are. Sluts have more fun - own it and be proud of it.

Are you in a state that legally requires disclosure? If not, and you're on meds, then just don't disclose unless they bring it up. If you're ever challenged tell them to fuck off - that there isn't one documented case of an undetectable guy infecting someone - you're the safest thing they can have sex with and their ignorance is what's putting them at risk, not your HIV status. Another alternative is to have sex in anonymous venues where status isn't typically discussed - parks, bathhouses, bookstores, etc. I hate to say this, but you may need to restructure your life and move to a bigger city (or metropolitan area) where guys aren't poz-hostile. I know you don't want to hear that, but guys in major cities just don't have these problems.

If you want to quote three people in your response, use Multi-Quote for the first two and Reply With Quote for the last one and you'll get the text of all three in the reply box instead of just one. Multi-Quote works across pages and I believe even across threads.

Then they're not really your friends. Move on and be done with them. So people are hitting you up for sex but you're not having sex? I'm confused. If people are hitting you up for sex - have sex with them - it's a great way to meet gay guys - even if you don't ask their name until after they've cum in your ass It's summer. Get out to cruisy parks. Do outdoor stuff that doesn't trigger your agoraphobia. Go to the gym (one with small or no crowds). Go bike riding through gay neighborhoods. Find a gay beach (I know you're in Missouri - so one on a river or a lake). There are tons of things you can do - especially this time of year. Basically I'm hearing excuses that don't hold water. Get out there and DO SOMETHING! [sorry for the "tough love" - but it sounds like you need it.]

Relationships happen when you least expect them. I met my husband 16+ years ago in a bathhouse - not really a place your mother would tell you to go meet a husband, but people drop their guard when they're having sex and you see the real person. There was just a spark about him that attracted me (it wasn't the sex - we're actually not all that sexually compatible). The important thing is to be "present" in all situations so you recognize when someone special comes along. You really never know when you'll met "the one". I love that statement. You actually sound like a lot of fun. Don't try to change who you are and be someone else. Who knows, that willingness to give of yourself may be what someone really finds attractive. And likewise, don't get with someone who wants to change you or doesn't want you to give of yourself to other people. I forget who it was, but I heard this interview with this really successful person the other day and one of the comments he made was that he's failed more times than he can count. In other words, you have to put yourself out there and try in order to succeed. If you fear failure you'll probably fail. So just keep plugging along - you never know when it'll all work out for you.

OMG! That video is clearly done by condom nazis. It hits on just about every stereotype you can imagine: The top was just "poz", not "poz and not on meds" - implying that all poz guys are dangerous when most aren't dangerous at all. The guy who pozzed him also drugged him and date raped him - as if that's typical of how most guys become poz. The bottom got pozzed the first time he had sex - the likelihood of that is incredibly low, but it perpetuates the "they prey on the weak and vulnerable" stereotype. The guy before him in line also tested poz - implying that getting tested = being told that you're poz, which would make testing seem scary and something people wouldn't want to do. They withdrew an enormous amount of blood with a huge needle - again making testing seem scary when most of the time they just prick your finger and it's not scary at all. There's no discussion of rapid HIV testing or special tests for early detection. In fact there's no counseling that went along with the HIV test. (How long does it take to get the results of an early detection test?) "HIV is not the death sentence it used to be" to a person who's scared out of his mind is completely the wrong thing to say - there are far less scary ways that give the person hope, not fear. People who were just infected and not on meds are never undetectable - that's just factually wrong. In fact it's just the opposite their viral loads are incredibly high. The top's reaction when confronted is just weird. I mean there may be deranged psychos out there, but they're hardly common. All in all that movie was pretty horrible. It perpetuated false stereotypes and fear.

Plenty of bottoms like to put on a blindfold and put their ass up in a bathhouse or take loads in dark rooms where they have no clue who's fucking them and cumming in their ass. No difference really.

Just wondering - to what degree does losing weight result in better sexual performance? I know fit/muscular guys probably get more sex because they're "more desirable", but to what degree does being fit result in better sex? I can imagine that guys who do aerobic activity regularly don't wear out as quickly when they're having sex (especially strenuous sex). I know my favorite position is with the bottom on his belly - which means I'm having to support all my weight suspended in air above him - it's work. If I lost weight, it would mean less to support. If I were more muscular it would be easier to support the weight, etc. Those are all pretty obvious side effects of better health, but does it extend to things like better erections? Do fit guys have better blood flow and hence better erections? What are the not-so-obvious side effects of better fitness? What are your personal experiences? Have you lost a bunch of weight and seen a difference? Have you seen a difference in a fuckbuddy who lost weight? Please don't take this in the direction of "jocks are better at sex than bears" - that's not what I'm looking for. A lot of jocks are so stuck on their appearance (and the appearance of the guys they're having sex with) that they're bad lays. I'm looking more for individual stories than aggregate stereotypes. And if you're wondering, this is prompted by the fact that I've finally gone back to the gym. Started this past weekend. I've had guys tell me "no, stay how you are - I like bears", but I'm happier when I'm not carrying so much weight, and I'm thinking losing weight can help partially counteract some of the age-related sexual issues I've encountered the past few years. And one more thing - just because you're thin doesn't mean you're "in-shape" in the way I'm talking about. You may look good, but if you don't do aerobic exercise and work on muscle strength then you could actually be in pretty bad shape (low stamina, weak, etc.)

I used to live really close to that park. A lot of sex goes on there, but when you live so close you can't make the most of it because your neighbors might see you going in and figure out what you're doing. And I spent a lot of time at the dog run - with my dogs... So know that well too. But the area by the dog run is only sexually active after dark (which is pretty late in the summer). Over by the parkway was better most of the time - at least a few years ago.

Sketchy Sex is one of the sponsors of my sites. In fact it's the hottest site for me right now, sales-wise. I strongly suggest people check it out. (Please follow the links on here so I get credit for any sales). And checkout the scene from Sketchy Sex where a gangbang bottom is reading my blog while guys are fucking him! It's pretty hot. Bascially Sketchy Sex is the site that best captures the #BBBH lifestyle of constant, bareback sex with complete strangers. It's a great site.

Not sure how many of you New Yorkers have been to Folsom Street East. It's not as crazy and sexual as the one in San Francisco, but it's fun. Last year they had to cancel it because of all the construction on the north side of the block. This year, they're having it a block south of where it was previously. FSE will be in three weeks - on Sunday the 22nd. For those of you who like leather/fetish/etc., you should come out and enjoy the festivities. For those of you who really like leather/fetish, think about volunteering. They're currently looking for people to help out. I'm doing one of the morning shifts. Don't really know anyone else who's volunteering, but I figure it's good way to meet some people in the leather/fetish community. I used to be in GMSMA and liked it, but haven't done much of anything for years now. A two hour stint of volunteering seems pretty painless.