VersatileBreeder

Last week, I met a really cool guy on Grindr. We have gone out a couple of times and we connect really well. I definitely see relationship material with him but, here we go, there is just that one issue at hand- I am poz. Last night we were hanging out at my place. He was telling me how much he really likes me. Something in me was telling me to tell him at that point that I am poz but I didn't do it. We haven't done anything physical yet, except kissed. So my question is- when is the best time to tell a guy like this that I am poz? And how should I deliver that news? I know I am making assumptions here, but I am going under the assumption that he is neg. I really have no idea how he will take it and that is the part that scares me. He might be really cool about it or he might freak out and run away. So from your relationship experience, have you found it is better to tell them right in the beginning or wait until you get to know them a little better before dropping that news?

Yep, been there. Most memorably, I met up with a 28 year old Latino dude who had a decent body and a great cock, but his face was tough to look at. However, once the lights went out and we were flip fucking, his big fat uncut cock breeding my hole was amazing and his smooth silky hole wrapped around my cock was equally amazing. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY. I'm pretty open minded with different types of guys, but like most everyone else, I have my limits too. Those limits are: - Anyone old enough to be my grandfather, so around 70 is my cut off age. - Dirty, grimey or smelly guys (bad body odor and bad breath are total gross outs for me). - Extremely overweight (obese) to the point where I have to play hide and seek to find his cock and/or hole. - If I'm bottoming, a guy whose cock is so small that he can barely get it in my hole, or not even get it in at all (yes, this has actually once happened). - Guys who are standoffish, seem uninterested, have a bad personality, or are mentally spaced out. Other than that, I'm good to go!

I'm finding it interesting that you guys have had luck with finding guys at the odd times of Monday/Tuesday afternoons. I have hooked up with the married guys who were on lunch from work and need to drop a load also. But what I am trying to plan is an actual gangbang where guys respond to a BBRT party listing. I feel like a lot of the working guys might not be responsive to the time if they see it from a week away since they figure they are going to be at work. The guys who I've had luck with seemed to just be at work that morning with a load to drop and were cruising around craigslist. I'm looking to host a more formal, unrushed gangbang that guys will plan ahead of time to come to, not just have a few guys rushing in to drop a quick load and leave to get back to work. Not that I'd say no to that either...

That's interesting, I wouldn't have expected Saturday afternoon to be a popular time for a gangbang. Reason being that Saturday afternoon seems like the time most people take to recover from whatever fun they had Friday night... Before going out and doing it again Saturday night. But hey, who knows? I am thinking about doing either as Friday or Saturday night arrangement.

HA- tallbtm, before I even read your reply, Aladdin was the first one that came to my mind too... If I remember correctly, he had a pretty sexy voice also.

This might be kind of a moot question, and there may or may not be a correct answer, but just wanted to hear some opinions based on experiences... In your opinion and from your experience, what seems to be the best day of the week to host a gangbang? As in, which day/time of the week seems like the best time to get the most hits and guys to show up? I ask this because some time next month, I want to host a gangbang either in northern NJ or in NYC at a hotel and I want to know which day would likely bring in the most guys. Obviously, weekdays would be horrible because guys are at work. But it's possible that week nights might be good with guys getting out of work and wanting to unload. Maybe Friday or Saturday nights are good with guys going out and wanting to have a good time, also maybe Sunday. So, for guys who have had experience hosting gangbangs at different times of the week, when do you find to be the most attractive time for guys to want to come load your hole up?

Based on what my doctor told me, Stribild needs to be adhered to at least 90% of the time to have the best strength against forming resistance. That being the case, that would mean that a person should not miss more than 3 days per month. Granted, doctors usually err on the side of caution and chances are the real world number might only be something lower like, say, 70% before resistance starts becoming a real issue. Still though, I would say missing 1-2 doses a week is not a good thing. I have been on Stribild for about 15 months now and I have not missed a single day since I have been on it. The only slip I ever had was I once forgot to take it in the morning before work, so I took it in the late afternoon when I got home. Other than that, I have had 100% adherence and remain undetectable. What your friend needs to do is incorporate taking his pill into one of his daily routines, like take it first thing in the morning (that's what I do as soon as I wake up), or take it when he brushes his teeth or with dinner, etc. It's really not hard to do. But constantly slipping up may down the line lead to resistance and that won't be fun for your friend. He will have to switch meds and his new meds might not be as easy on him as Stribild is, as in, it might give him one or two side effects he didn't have before.

Steve, thanks for your advice. You seem to have a lot of experience in the gym. I'm a little confused by what you mean when you said "so you're a big guy and that changes everything." What exactly do you mean that changes? I completely agree with you that some things are just plain old genetics and some people are genetically blessed while others just aren't. I have a student who is 16 years old and jacked as hell. Sure he lifts but plenty of kids his age are lifting just as much and are nowhere near as built up. You might have gotten the wrong idea by what I meant when I said I want to get a "gym body." I am not looking to get to a bodybuilder level; that's not what I'm striving for. In fact, I'm not attracted at all to that type of guy who is just hugely muscular. What I'm looking for is to get leaner and pack on a little bit more muscle. In a nutshell- I want the kind of body that, when I'm in my mid-thirties, all my friends who went and got married, had kids and let themselves go (which I'm starting to see happen to a few of them already), they can envy lol. I know I don't have that genetic gift of an hourglass figure that packs on muscle easily and gets that Greek God look. I'm not a born athlete or bodybuilder... But I don't think I'm a hardgainer either. I acknowledge the fact that I just never applied myself at the gym the way I have been recently. Basically, my body type is large-framed, with a large bone structure. I have broad shoulders and a wide torso, which is why I think that I can start looking better and better as more weight comes off. I will definitely keep you posted as I make more progress. Thanks again.

Hey atlfukbud, thanks for the encouragement! I know the feeling of cutting out the things we love as a sacrifice to get in shape. I do like sweets, but it's the fast food that kills me. In the last month I have only eaten it once, but that's my big sacrifice. I keep telling myself that the Taco Bell around the corner from my house is an evil institution and I have no business going there . I have been just trying to increase my activity in general and it seems to work out for me. One mental game I play with myself is I tell myself that on my workout days, I'm not allowed to play PS4 until I've worked out. (Firing up the PS4 in my "man cave" is like my way of unwinding at the end of the day). And then I also say I can't play for more time than I've worked out. So if I worked out for an hour today, I've earned an hour of PS4 time later. That mental game seems to work. We'll see how the rest of the progress goes. Hey buddy, long time! Glad to hear from your expert knowledge that Stribild has little to no known interference with working out and getting in shape. Very true too, I have seen some poz guys that are in amazing shape. So I am hoping I can get there too. I'm definitely going to keep the workout routine going and I'll fill you in on progress later down the line. Any trips back up to NJ coming up? Let me know, I'd love to meet up again!

Hey negparis, thanks for your response. I am working on the lifestyle change part of it. Not looking to be one of those people that just goes on a diet and workout plan, loses weight, gets in a bit of shape and then goes back to their regular old ways and ends up back where they started. Seen too many people do that. I'm also trying to make myself enjoy working out, because quite frankly, I don't. In fact I hate working out, but I push myself to do it almost everyday. I know a girl who LIVES for running and basically gets a high off of doing it. She has been pushing herself to run harder, better, faster, stronger for years and she loves it. That's the kind of mentality I want to adapt. If I can do that, it's all gravy afterward.

Question for guys on meds who workout/train regularly... Here's my situation. Since college I've put on some extra weight that I'm not all that pleased with, but never hit the gym hard enough to take it off and get in the shape that I want to be in. I'm 31, 6'2" and 240 lbs. About a month and half ago, something inside me finally snapped and said, no more. I want to get in shape. Not just "lose a few pounds," I'm talking about IN SHAPE. Gym body. I know that takes a long time and a lot of sweat and commitment, but I had to start somewhere. So I started hitting the gym 5-6 days a week, training hard, eating lean, taking supplements and I've started seeing results. I'm down 8 lbs from when I started at 248. I'm persistent to keep going till I get the body I want. Problem is now I'm starting to plateau in my results. The past couple of weeks, nothing. No weight loss, no change in muscle mass it seems. A buddy of mine who I work out with (who is in awesome shape) told me that that's very common to happen to people... And that I just have to readjust my workout regiment and diet a bit to get over that hump. Where my question about meds comes in is this- I have been poz for about a year and a half now and been on Stribild for most of that period. I, thankfully have not suffered any side effects. One of my biggest fears of side effects was lipodystrophy, where fat shifts around the body, but that hasn't happened. What I'm wondering is: can the meds inhibit your body from attaining the results you want at the gym? Has this happened to anyone, where no matter how hard you work out, the meds just block results? Is this common? Also, if anyone on meds has conversely had no adverse effects and has been able to get lean and build muscle, I'd like to hear about that too. I just get paranoid that being poz/on meds is going to stop my body from changing the way I want it to. And I definitely don't want to be putting all this hard work in to get no end result. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Just something I was wondering. Today I was out at a store and the guy behind the counter helping me had a red biohazard tatt on his right arm just a couple of inches above his elbow. I saw it right away and it made me wonder if he got it because he was poz. I have seen plenty of biohazard tatts on guys before, but they are usually in places that you wouldn't see in public (back, abdomen, etc). This guy had his sleeves rolled up and it was clearly visible. He had a bunch of other tatts too. I know that theoretically, anyone (neg or poz) can get a biohazard tattoo, but I was wondering if it is the type of tattoo that guys would get pretty much only if they are poz. So I guess another way to word my question is... Is the biohazard tatt pretty much exclusively only done by poz gay guys, or are there other meanings to it that people could get it for otherwise? I don't know much about tattoo culture and what different tatts mean.

I did go through the fuck flu and it sucked, though wasn't as bad as some of the stories I have heard from people. Mine, start to finish, went like this: - Started with a low fever (100.3 degrees fahrenheit). - Went to bed that first night with extreme shaking chills, never had them that bad in my life. - Fever increased over the next few days, peaking at 102.6 F. - Felt miserably fatigued over those few days and did not want to do anything but lay in bed. - Fever tapered off after about five days. - After the fever was gone, I had diarrhea like a motherfucker for the next three or so days. I would say from start to finish, it was about 10 days before I started feeling normal again. What alarmed me at the time was that in the past, I have never gotten a fever for no apparent reason. I had always gotten it along with things like strep throat or a sinus infection, things like that. What you have doesn't sound like fuck flu, especially if you don't have a fever.

Great thread. All of the status options have always made sense to me, but I really wonder, what is "Neg + Other" mean? Or what about just "Other?" Does anyone know?

Hey man sorry to hear you're worrying yourself so bad about this. First thing I'm going to say is you are worrying about something unknown right now. You aren't sure of your status and you need to get tested before putting anymore stress on yourself about this. You may very well be negative and if you are, all of this worrying is over nothing. You mentioned you would be deported if you were found to have HIV. May I ask what country you live in? Reason I am curious is because as an avid traveler (who is positive), I have read up a lot about where I can travel to and where I may run into a problem. Thankfully most of the countries in the world allow HIV+ travelers in and the countries that do not are countries I probably wouldn't or couldn't have gone to anyway (like I'm gonna go vacation in Iraq...). To my knowledge, there are 31 countries in the world (mostly in the Middle East and Asia) that deport foreigners or bar entry to HIV+ travelers. But I have never heard of a country deporting its own citizens if they are discovered to have HIV. In fact, that would make no sense at all for a government to implement that because it would drive fear so deep into people about getting tested that nobody would do it, nobody would get treated and then it would spread like wildfire. So I'm just curious about where you are from and what source you got that information from. On my next point, I can say that becoming poz (should you walk down that road), is not the end of the world. I thought it was 7 months ago when I found out, but I've come a long way in realizing my life is far from over. HIV nothing worth killing yourself over, I've even been down that path. Sure the stigma sucks, but the meds are great and will only get better. Also, we very possibly, even probably, will see a cure in our lifetime. So that's just some food for thought IN CASE that's the road you go down. Hope all works out. Relax and take a deep breath. Everything will be fine regardless of what happens.

For me it really depends on the situation and the circumstances I'm under. I'm 30, still in my primal years, so physically, my body CAN deliver multiple loads in a day. As far as the situation, it usually depends on the guy and how turned on I am by him. If I find him extremely hot, or he has a great hole, I will probably be inclined to want to shoot multiple times in him. But if not, usually one and done. As for the circumstances, it depends on a few things. 1) when is the last time I came? If it's been a couple days, I will usually be good for two or three loads. If it was that morning, I might be one and done. 2) how tired or wired am I? Tired usually equals one load, then sleep. There are a few other trivial things. My record was with an Australian guy I met in NYC last year. I shot 4 loads in him in the span of two hours. Even the fourth time, I was just as rock hard as I was the first time. I guess all the cards fell in the right place that night... Been a couple days since I shot before that, he majorly turned me on (the Aussie accent especially gets me every time), I wasn't tired, the scene was hot (was at his hotel and I love hotel sex for some reason). So yeah multiple loads I guess are possible if all the circumstances are right for the guy.

I got the co-pay card in the mail today. Funny thing is, it came in a plain white envelope with only a Phoenix, AZ return address AND it happened to be that I was home to get the mail anyway... So I guess that settles that. I swear I worry about the dumbest crap sometimes. While we're on this thread... I understand that this co-pay card is good for 12 months. Does anyone know if Gilead extends that 12 months once they're up or if the card is renewable? It is good to save money for a year, but it's kind of a tease. Would be nice to know I have that saving indefinitely.

I have been to both cities. I can't really speak for Toronto because when I was there, I was visiting family and family friends for a few days, so hooking up wasn't really on the agenda. Chicago, I can speak volumes for. When I was there just two months ago, I was getting hit up on BBRT left and right with guys who seemed serious about hooking up. I did hook up a few times there. Chicago dudes, on top of being all around nice guys, also are a lot of fun to mess around with. If you go to Chicago, you definitely should have no problem getting action. A lot of it in fact. Toronto seems like it has a large gay population and a very active scene, so judging by that, it's probably not a bad call. Then again, New York has a huge scene, but from my experience (NY being my home territory), NY guys seem impossible to hook up with spur of the moment. My verdict: Chicago is a sure shot. Can't speak from experience for Toronto. Have fun wherever you go.

This is kind of a trivial issue, but I figure if I can get any advice on this anywhere, it would be here. After three months of being on Stribild, I finally decided to apply online for the Gilead co-pay card yesterday. My co-pay for Stribild is only $40 a month. It's not a real hindrance on my finances, but I am trying to save money in any way that I can, so I figure if I save $40 a month, that adds up to $480 a year, so why not save it? Here's my issue... The co-pay card will be coming in the mail in the next 7-10 business days. My roommate, who is also a good friend of mine, usually is home when the mail comes and he usually gets to it before I do. He brings the mail in and he sees what envelopes are mine and which are his. He doesn't know I am poz and I want to keep it that way for a variety of reasons, but mainly because he is extremely hypochondriacal (driven mostly by anxiety and OCD issues he has). He would freak out if he knew he was living with someone who is HIV+, even though he is at absolutely zero risk of getting it. He knows I am bi and he knows I mess around with guys and he is cool with it, but he always urges me to use condoms, safe sex, etc. I don't want this envelope from Gilead to trigger him knowing that I am poz. If he sees an envelope from Gilead, it may go one of a few ways. Either.... 1) He sees it but doesn't think anything of it and just puts it into a pile with my other mail (that would be best case scenario). 2) He sees it and asks me, "hey what's Gilead?" (Sometimes when he sees some of my other mail, he'll say things like, "oh looks like Chase and Citicard are never gonna give up on trying to get you to sign up for a credit card...") 3) He sees it, doesn't know what it is, but out of curiosity googles Gilead and sees that they are a pharmaceutical company that specializes in anti-viral drugs (like HIV drugs) and wonders why I am getting mail from them. So, from your perspective, I am wondering... 1) For those of you guys who have gotten the co-pay card from Gilead... Do you remember if the card came in a plain unmarked envelope, or did it say Gilead on it? 2) If he does ask me what Gilead is, how should I play it? I know some of you guys may advise to just tell him straight up what it is, but that is not an option here. I am following the advice my ID doc gave me when I asked him who I should tell I am poz. His advice was "keep it to yourself. Only tell those who need to know like sexual partners or those you feel you really want to tell. But if you are not comfortable telling someone, keep it to yourself."

It should go without saying that a guy that's bottoming SHOULD know to be cleaned out and ready to get fucked but we all know this isn't always the case. There was a guy I met up with twice and the first time I fucked him it was a little dirty and the second time, it was VERY dirty. When he called me up to meet a third time, I asked him if he can be sure that he cleans out good this time and he took such offense to me asking that he actually called off the meeting up entirely. I was like "dude, you got shit on my dick twice already, you're lucky I was even gonna give you a third shot." To avoid offending a bottom or turning him off by asking, I've found that good way to tactfully put this is to say something to the effect of, "why don't we meet up in an hour or so? That will give me time to get ready and that will give you time to clean out without rushing." In case he didn't already know, it casually gives him the expectation to be cleaned up without actually needing to ask him. And if the guy can't take the hint, well, I guess you just can't fix stupid.

Not trying to be judgmental on the other guy here but I would find it hard to believe that he wasn't fucking guys other than you too. This would make him a hypocrite. But of course, because might be a cocky arrogant top, he believes that you are to be judged for the number of guys who fuck you and he should not be. Similar situation I had a few months back: when I found out I was poz and disclosed it to a younger top fuckbud of mine, he freaked out and called me all sorts of names like "dirty bottom whore," and a "fucking slut," etc. When I rebutted his comments by trying to tell him that he isn't so pure himself, he tried to make it sound like he only fucked me and no one else. Yeah, with his BBRT that is online all the time with over 10,000 views and nearly everyday Craigslist ads posted from him, I am sure that it is because he was "only fucking me." So, if he tries to accuse you of being a slut for being a cumdump, throw it back at him and ask how many guys he's fucked in the last three months. He probably lost count. Fuck him (I say that figuratively not literally). You don't owe him anything.

naughtycute82, I almost laughed out loud when I read this. Not at you, but at the thought of what sex education is like in American schools nowadays. If you had the <insert sarcasm here> *luxury* of going to Catholic school like me, you would find that health class curriculum when it comes to STD's gets taught all in basically one class period. Almost as though they don't want to teach it, but they have to, so they try to get it over with as soon as possible. And it basically says that if you have unprotected sex, you will surely get a girl pregnant, catch chlamydia, gono, herpes, syph, HIV (or all of the above) and die. And to boot, you're a sinner for having sex before marriage, so you're also a horrible person who is going to hell. If it's a public school like what I teach at now, it's a bit more down to earth, but the real education still is totally not there. They teach nothing about how HIV is actually spread. Nothing about HIV meds. It's basically all scare tactics to use condoms. The message is- use a condom and you won't get AIDS. Don't use a condom and you will get AIDS. Now here, everyone take some condoms... I actually had a casual conversation with the health teacher in the school I teach at earlier this year. Without telling her about my sexual practices, I probed a bit about what they are teaching kids these days as far as STD's. She responded that it's basically all the same bullshit we learnt when we were in high school 10, 20, 30 years ago. I asked her if she knew about how much things have changed with HIV due to advance medicine since then, and if so, why are we still relaying messages from 1988 to our students. Her only response is that she would like to keep her job as a teacher. Point taken.

Thank you Cam. You stated my point even better than I did. Anyone who thinks "it's his life," should put this in perspective... Suppose you were walking across a bridge one day and saw a friend who has been through hard times standing in the middle of it, ready to jump off. Would you just say, "it's his life. If he wants to jump, let him jump."? Or would you try to talk him off? I know this scenario is a bit extreme compared to the one I am dealing with now, but if you think about it, they're not all that different. The only difference is one is ready to kill himself immediately and the other is letting himself die very slowly. We all have people in this world that we care about, among them are our friends. When we see their lives in a crisis state, it's natural to want to help them, even if they don't realize they are in a crisis. Great example is a good friend of mine, a girl, who is trying to help her best friend. Her best friend is in a very bad relationship with an emotionally abusive and controlling guy who has already sent her life into a downward spiral in so many ways. This girl doesn't see it because she is convinced she is in love with the guy. Likewise, I am trying to help my friend who lacks the education, as well, has become disillusioned with a very real problem that he has.

seaguy, to be honest, I really don't know if educating him is going to help him at this point. I am hoping it will, but I am not sure if he's made up his mind for good on this one. The other night we talked about this for about 40 minutes. I told him literally everything I know about HIV- what it is, how it progresses, how meds suppress it, why it's not the big bad scary monster of a disease it once was anymore, etc. I also gave him my experience with it- how it scared the ever living shit out of me when I found out I had it and how I progressed to not being scared of it because of my being proactive about it. Some points I made seemed to resonate with him, but most of what I said seemed to just bounce off him like he didn't want to hear it. The conversation I had with him felt a lot like the convo I had with a friend a couple years ago who started getting into meth. When I saw the downward spiral he was on, I tried to help him, but he didn't want to hear it, just kept telling me that he wasn't going to get addicted to it. Now he's homeless in Brooklyn, and I get calls from him time to time asking for money or a ride to get somewhere. I just tell him that I told him this would happen and I will not enable him. Then he tells me I'm a bad friend. Whatever. I guess we can only try to help people so much right?

GoodExercise, I'm not trying to tell him what to do, I'm trying to educate him so that he sees what path he is headed down. I see him as someone who needs help, not just with his health but also mentally. He is delusional about HIV and what it will do to him. If he was able to look me in the eyes and say, "yes, I know I have HIV. I know what it is and what it can do to he body if left untreated. And I am okay with that. I don't want to go on meds. I am prepared for the consequences and death that will follow," I wouldn't be concerned about him. But that is not the case. He is scared. Scared to the point that he doesn't want to talk about or think about it as a mechanism of dealing with his fear. He doesn't realize that what he is doing to play down his fears now is what is ultimately going to destroy him in the end.