bearbandit

Condoms are a security blanket. Think about it: it's over thirty years since the message of using condoms first started. In that time an entire generation of gay men has come out and they've learned that it's the "norm", the "right" thing to do to use condoms for fucking. How many of us can remember sex before aids? So for many gay men around today, leaving the condoms out of sex feels wrong. They can't quite believe that that little blue pill can possibly remove the threat of HIV from their lives. Add slutshaming into the mix: it's a standby of gay humour to attack someone's promiscuity - "I wouldn't say he's been around, but fucking him was like throwing a sausage down Oxford Street"... Outside of here I know very few guys who'd refer to themselves as a slut and be proud of the fact. The word truvadawhore came about as a reaction against slutshaming "only whores and sluts need to take that stuff", reclaiming the word "whore" the same way many of us reclaim words like faggot and queer. There's also been an increasing drive towards monogamy, which I'd swear is the reason so many straights are behind the idea of gay marriage, expecting that "forsaking all others" will be part of every married gay couple's vows. Sorry, but I know too many married gay couples who celebrated their wedding night with an orgy or a threesome for that one to stick! But for many the idea of gay marriage includes monogamy - equally I know a number of gay men who became monogamous as a result of fear of getting HIV. Truvada allows neg men to go out and fuck with near impunity - near, because there's always the risk of other STIs and the rare possibility of side effects from truvada, which thankfully are even rarer amongst neg men than they are amongst poz men. So after the security blanket of something tangible (the condom), the rest has to be fear that truvada won't work and envy of those who do well with it. What the frightened ones don't realise is that the one of the commonest scenarios (in the UK at least) for getting HIV is one partner straying from a monogamous relationship and bringing it home with them. If the poz guys stuck to their meds and the neg guys were all on truvada (and similar in other populations), HIV would die away for lack of anywhere to go. The whole damn war would be over! /soapbox

The problem isn't with health tips and so on, it's with the fact that some herbal things interact badly with ARVs, which is why I advise anyone on ARVs to double check with a doctor or pharmacist first. In fact the HIV drug interactions site http://www.hiv-druginteractions.org/ has started adding herbal things into its database. Sorry you've received negative feedback from people, but for some of us (guys like me who are at the end of the present ARV choices and are thus taking less than optimum medication) it's necessary to weigh the benefits of something herbal against the efficacy of the ARVs. The classic example is St John's wort, a long used remedy for depression, which reacts badly with a number of ARVs sufficiently so that in British HIV clinics you'll see posters asking people to check with their doctors about taking St John's wort. I, for one, would love to see your list - would you PM it to me, please?

Since you're on meds, for fuck's sake talk to a pharmacist about anything you intend taking: some herbal stuff can seriously mess with ARVs...

It's four weeks since we've heard from you: how are things going? Remember: the only stupid question is the one you didn't ask!

It's at a tipping point: a damn good story which could be the opening chapter of a series. The story stands perfectly by itself, especially with that final twist, but extending it into a series to keep the pace up might be more work than you're prepared for. Why not set it aside for a while, write a couple more stories and then decide if you want to explore this one further? I'm definitely watching out for the next thing you post, whether it's a continuation of this or an independent story...

You can go to a GUM clinic and just give them a false name. In the eighties I ended up having to keep a list of guys who'd "borrowed" my name and address to have the test and which hospitals they'd used. Not such quite a problem testing these days, and a GUM clinic is a good idea because they're bound by the Venereal Diseases Act of whatever year it was to keep their notes to themselves. This results in situations like I was in a few years ago when I'm on the ward in the hospital which houses my HIV clinic as part of their GU services and my notes weren't allowed out of the clinic. If you use a false name, do give them usable contact details: many places send out results as a text message. Also it would be a good idea to have a full STI workup: throat, dick and arse, and repeat every three months. It's the advice we used to give in the seventies and early eighties and I think it's just as relevant today as many STIs show few if any symptoms in many people. I would say, though, that STI/GUM clinics have done a lot in the past twenty or thirty years to improve how they treat patients: the attitude of "this is going to be painful and you deserve it because you're a slut" has gone. Their focus is where it should be helping people maintain their sexual health. If NICE ever approve truvada as PrEP, go for it! I've read of lots of guys regretting that they weren't on PrEP but I've yet to encounter a story of someone who regrets PrEP. Don't believe the guys who say "I'm negative" on the basis of a test last year: they could well have picked HIV up recently and have a viral load in the millions - highly infectious. Strange but true, safest guys are the guys with HIV and an undetectable viral load. Safest because if their viral load is undetectable they're as good as non-infectious, taking their pills regularly and generally looking after themselves, including STI checks, which are always offered when you have an HIV appointment. (And I'm not saying that to get more trade for me!) Best of luck to you!

In a condom, wrapped in a cum and piss-stained jock in the post. He was such a nice vanilla boy before he met me

Great to hear that you've got through the first two weeks: if side effects are going to happen they tend to make themselves known by the second week. Just make sure that your doctor's keeping an eye on your kidney function (easiest way is to ask about the results), as that's the greatest possibility should things go wrong (which with proper monitoring, they won't). And I, along with most of the UK, am over the moon about the referendum result. While I doubt if I'm the marrying kind (though as ever, I'm open to offers), if people want to, it's only right that they should be able to!

I seroconverted almost without symptoms. One day in 1980 a housemate came home from the clinic in a foul mood: he'd tested positive for second stage syphilis by blood test and showed us the rash that he thought went with it. The same rash as I had had at the time. So I went to the clinic expecting a syphilis diagnosis, but there was no trace of syph. Of my rash the doctor said that they didn't know what it was, probably some virus going around, and that they'd seen a lot of it recently. Although I was diagnosed by blood test in 1987, I actually didn't join the dots of the rash till sometime relatively recently when I saw a photo of a typical serconversion rash on (I think) wikipedia: the exact same rash I'd had. I checked with my doctor who said that if I had that rash in 1980, then I was clearly seroconverting. The housemate moved out in the late spring of that year, and we moved the following year, which is how I can narrow it down to the year. The things you learn when you go over old memories...

I bow to your great knowledge, fskn, and thank you - as I always say I'm happy to be corrected if I've given misleading or wrong information... Outside of the USA getting truvada as PrEP is difficult: for example the UK doesn't allow for off-label use of it, which leads to guys using other methods of getting hold of truvada. When we in the UK are aware of someone doing this (I'm talking about via the charity where I volunteer), we do our damnedest to make sure that they somehow get the relevant tests done: I've had differing replies from different hospitals as to whether they'd co-operate on the kidney and liver issues something I'm very hot on as I got the short straw in the tenofovir lottery). I'm hoping that the news from the START trial might also result in truvada being permitted for use as PrEP. We also ahave the ridiculous situation in the UK that unused medicines are destroyed even if the pack is still sealed. Given the cost of ARVs this is patently ridiculous. However, there is an organisation that collects and illegally sends ARVs abroad, usually to Africa, but wherever they're needed. Having had my prescription changed just after I received a load of my previous prescription. Rather than see the drugs incinerated as UK law requires, I'm sending them off to be sent wherever...

Nothing in medicine is 100%... the protection offered by truvada as PrEP is as complete as can be managed at present (and is still better than a condom). The very few guys who have seroconverted while taking PrEP religiously represent the very far end of the graph. Which isn't much of a consolation for them, though today's/yesterday's news of the START trial which states that the earlier treatment starts, the better the outcome offers some consolation. The only thing about life that's 100% is death...

This refers to the START (another clever acronym - who thinks them up?) trial whose aim was to find out whether it was better to start treatment immediately or when the CD4 count had reached a certain level (500 in the USA, 350 in the UK, other countries vary). The decision to halt the trial because it's unethical to continue to deny people ARVs is excellent news. Basically when you're first infected HIV goes to work very quickly attacking various parts of your body besides the CD4 cells that it uses to reproduce. Most visible possibly is their attack on the lining of the gut leading to malabsorption (wasting) syndrome if left untreated. It's a further encouragement to know your own status, testing on a regular basis, and if you test positive then it'll be before too much damage is done to your body. If you're equivocal about starting meds, it allows you some wriggle room while you get used to the idea. If you want to start meds immediately, it's a clear signal that the meds are good for you. Don't be put off by the horror stories about past drugs (and I admit to having had bad experiences with a number of drugs, but then I did start treatment in 1989 when there was only AZT). Side effects these days are minimal. And we know that if you have HIV the drugs will save your life. Of course, you might be down for a heart attack or colonic cancer or a car crash, but that's another story...

From what I've heard this one is the real generic: https://www.inhousepharmacy.vu/p-610-tenvir-em.aspx . There are others around though, and some are cheaper. The USA protocol is the one to follow: before you start taking the generic truvada, establish that you HIV-, by antigen testing rather than antibody testing, after a period of celibacy or strictly safer sex. Reason is that should you have acquired HIV recently it won't necessarily show on the test and by just taking the two drugs in truvada, you'd be be doing yourself more harm than good: except in isolated cases, such as salvage therapy, two drugs are not sufficient to treat HIV disease, especially in the seroconversion stage when viral levels end up soaring. You also need to check for other STIs, as HIV can "ride on the back" of them (especially syphilis and hep C), and their presence can give HIV an extra chance at making itself at home in your body. You need also to organise quarterly liver and kidney function tests: emtricitabine is processed by the liver and tenofovir by the kidneys. Any damage done by either drug needs to be addressed quickly before it becomes permanent. Admittedly HIV- guys deal with the side effects of truvada better than us poz guys, but it seems that HIV- have a higher incidence of the rare weird dreams side effect of emtricitabine than poz guys: A number of people on a facebook PrEP group have said that they experienced this side effect when I've had a number of doctors tell me it's impossible. Luckily my HIV doctor is a believer in the effect and agreed that emtricitabine was no longer suitable for me. Tenofovir is processed by the kidney and can interfere with how your body processes vitamins and minerals, by causing damage to the tubules leading in and out of your kidneys. This effect is rare, but reversible (by stopping the drug). There's also a possibility of osteopenia (thinning bones) caused by your kidney sending calcium and vitamin D3 to your bladder rather than recycling them. Again, reversible by stopping the drug. I had the worst effect of tenofovir (Fanconi's syndrome) which has left me on mineral and vitamin supplements for life and damn near killed me. Not trying to frighten you here: I'm telling you worst case scenarios and how to avoid them, namely liver and kidney functions tests every quarter, together with STI testing (full range) and HIV testing to make sure that you haven't been the one in a million that gets pozzed whilst on PrEP. (Medicine is never 100%) The vast majority of people (poz and neg) using truvada have no issues caused by it. I've been in treatment for HIV for 25 years and have a number of resistances and side-effect issues (as I put it in an interview with a Sunday paper recently "I fell out of the side effect tree and hit every branch on the way down") from taking the early drugs when we didn't know what the correct doses were or what sort of damage they might cause down the line: we just wanted to stay alive... I don't know the figure of take-up for PrEP in the USA, but the guys I speak to are delighted by the loss of fear from their sex lives. My personal opinion is that using PrEP shows that you care about your health and, in a country that hasn't licensed it yet, you're prepared to go one hell of an extra distance to get it. There are a number of organisations in Australia trying to get truvada authorised for PrEP for use in Australia. It might be worth contacting them (local HIV organisations would be your best starting point, else search for them on facebook - it does have its uses!) for further advice and suggestions. The best of luck in your efforts to get truvada - hope you're successful and that you explain how you did it, which would be way better than my cobbled together ideas!

When it's used therapeutically, rather than for PrEP, truvada can cause an upset digestive system in the first three weeks, which is only to be expected as it's two pretty powerful drugs in one. If you erm... run with it, it should clear up within a few weeks. Meanwhile a diet richer in wholefoods, unrefined foods and less oil and sugary food (as I proposed in the thread about keeping your ass clean through diet) should help. Imodium may help as it forces the gut to absorb more liquid. If it doesn't clear up: see your doctor. In PwHIV it tends more to cause excess wind, to the extent of it being known as the farty drug, well before Weinstein's hysterical denunciation of truvada as a "party drug". Personally I see PrEP as the natural counterpart of TasP (treatment as protection): rubber condoms have had their day - we can tell that from the number of new infections. The new condoms are chemical, and it's time for a change...

That's great, Bottomhole! I've taken two of the drugs contained in Eviplera, but not the third, but I've heard little bad about it. Only thing to watch for, really, is that your liver and kidney function tests are done every three months. Tenofovir is the closest to problematic drug in the combination and any side effects from that, caught early, can be completely reversed simply by changing drugs. Bus as I say on another board, side-effects are not compulsory! You can expect to see faster results than evilqueerpig saw simply because today's drugs are much better than what he (and I) was taking at that time... Got the TV on right now (rare for me) hoping to catch news of yesterday's referendum. So much hoping for a "yes" vote!

Hi mate, Sorry not to have gotten back to you quicker - life happens and I only found your message while having a look through older post, watching how this board and guys' attitudes have changed since PrEP became available. With the number you quote, were it possible, I'd have gone with you to your next appointment if you weren't put onto meds! The Uk is still sticking to <350 CD4 for meds while I think we should be adopting the American number of <500. That said, there is considerable latitude in approach: people are going on meds with much higher CD4 counts because they're in a magnetic relationship (one poz one neg), so that their viral load is reduces to undetectable and therefore (almost certainly) non-infectious. In the UK there is now interest in the science of HIV gerontology, womething we never thought we'd need. The thing that isn't being done is any real organised investigation of what makes the difference: I had an ex-boyfriend and a husband both die in 1992, who, in turn had been boyfriends. The triangle of HIV transmission between the three of us was complete, yet I survived. No-one's asking why... It's shame that a CD4 count is automatically done on everyone whether they have HIV or not, but the cost would be too high and the results equivocal because of the way that CD4 counts can vary. So all doctors have to go on is the first post diagnosis count. After diagnosis what becomes more important is the viral load: in a PwHIV the viral load is actually a better indicator of progression than CD4 count. By now your VL should be down to undetectable levels, giving your CD4 count a chance to begin to rise again. Below CD4 200 there's a strong risk of pneumocystis pneumonia, strong enough that it's not unusual for people to be given a broad spectrum antibiotic (septrin/bactrim) to prevent it, and below 100, CMV, MAI, TB, most of the "aids-defining illnesses" are liable to hit at that point. Medical professionals don't lie to the patient. In extreme cases they may tell a partner or family member ahead of the patient, but it's always the truth. John, diagnosed late in 2003 and died in 2007, was an incredible hypochondriac: we always had our appointments together and our doctor would examine him, send him out for a cigarette and discuss her conclusions with me, my job being to drip-feed him the information as appropriate. My feeling is that you've been given the truth: the numbers you quote are pretty much average for someone just diagnosed. Once on meds, the tendency is to include a med that acts quickly on the virus, along with a couple of drugs which are slower and steadier in their action, so the usual aim is to achieve undetectability within three months (and we're sometimes seeing it within three weeks here!) with a small rise in CD4. It takes the CD4 cells time to recover and their rise is nowhere near so dramatic as the viral load's fall.Also worth bearing in mind is that the CD4 count likes to wander throughout the day: if you can have your appointment for bloods at the same time of day, with the same sort of breakfast/lunch, basically re-create the previous day you had bloods drawn. Don't worry about the CD4<200 marker as a definition for aids: it's not health related, even though it shows an increased vulnerabilty to pneumonia and other less stressful opportunistic infections. It was originally added into the definition in the USA in order to allow people who were ill but who hadn't shown one of the defining infections access to benefits only available to people with aids. In other words a political rather than a medical definition. It remains as part of the growth of understanding of the entire spectrum of HIV disease. I'm always willing to answer questions about HIV (and if I don't know the answer pass people on to someone who will), but sometimes miss them as I did in this instance - maybe a personal message to say there's a question in forum X you'd like answering or ask in a PM? Anyway, please let us know how things are going... and sorrry again for the delay in getting back to you...

Odd to come across this now: most of the posts are from before I joined. Names I recognise, names I don't. Just hope that the names I don't recognise or haven't seen around in a while are okay still. Since I joined, I've worked out many of the confusions and contradictions in my head (some of them publicly). I've also seen the direction of the board change since the advent of PrEP: after all, the board is basically what we put into a framework that rawTOP provides us with. Now that guys can make a choice not to become poz, at least in areas where truvada is available as PrEP, there's a lot more about safety and less focus on "must get pozzed". I think, more acceptance that pozzing (or threat thereof) is edgeplay and good for fantasy but not for the real world. I was in hospital when PrEP was announced, going through the most extreme side effect tenofovir has to offer, which has left me disabled. But for anyone taking tenofovir, it was needless: my ex-doctor should have seen it coming and didn't. Its frequency is 1 in 100,000 in PwHIV, and so rare in HIV- guys that I don't believe I've ever seen any data on it, and believe me, any mention of Fanconi's syndrome leaps off the screen to me! These days I divide my life with HIV into two halves: before and after Fanconi's. I was diagnosed in 1987 and given the proverbial five years to live. Spent most of the nineties with a recorded (in my hospital notes) life expectancy of eighteen months. I've written an extended piece on chasing, which started as a challenge to myself: could I write chasing fiction and make it erotic? Well you guys seemed to think so. However, would I advise anyone who asked "should I get pozzed" no I damn well wouldn't. HIV is still relatively new to medicine and, good as they are, we don't know how well the drugs will stand up to continued use. Me, I'm back on salvage therapy, having exhausted all other options. Not the most comfortable place to be. Overall since I first learned I was poz I think I've been forced to look at sex (and I'm aware that the original question avoided the subject, but bear with me) and in my rush to get through the bucket list gone down a lot of bye-ways I might have missed. Similarly in life, I haven't had an official paid job since the nineties, having been unable to maintain the required level of health to manage. Pre Fanconi I was pretty liberal in my approach to life, even more so now. I've also leaned to say what I'm thinking, especially the good stuff that we so often miss out or are too embarrassed to say. I recently scared the living crap out of a friend who I'd known for four years (I spent a lot of time encouraging him to explore his inner pig) but only met for the first time earlier this year, by telling him how much I'd enjoyed the three days we'd spent together, how I'd like to see him again, and the rest of the stuff you think when you've met someone you're very attracted to someone. I had to convince him that he was safe: I wasn't going to kidnap him to get him to a registry office and marry him; I'd just had a really good time with him. I've been through extreme financial shit, with my late partner having to go bankrupt, we were chased from our home by homophobes, and just as I was getting over the medical problems I'd had throughout the nineties, my late partner got sick, having been sprayed in the face by an IDU who tried to inject an artery instead of a vein. In that situation you don't have time to take precautions, you have less than a minute to get the tourniquet in place, which he managed to do, unfortunately getting HIV in the process, something we discovered much later. I was his main carer for the four years he was ill, which taught me even more about patience and taking time out for myself without feeling guilty. We'd not bothered with the gay scene since our favourite bar closed in the late nineties and instead of adopting kids, we went the classic animals-as-babies route. I'd been involved with first gay helplines, then HIV helplines since the seventies and put the same sort of energy (and knowledge of counselling techniques) into training rottweilers. Post Fanconi's syndrome I can't walk far enough to keep a rottweiler (or me!) happy, otherwise I'd have one pawing at me now wanting a walk and supper. I still do a lot of HIV support work online: it's not unusual for me to spend most of the day at the keyboard. I think the patience I've learned over the years helps with this as well as being willing to be totally open mentally and emotionally, things I wouldn't have learned without spending so much time in waiting rooms and so on. The doctor's running late, ah well, that just means someone else is getting the sort of attention I sometimes need... And a retroactive diagnosis from my being incarcerated in that damn hospital: we (doctor and I) are as sure as anyone can be that I got it in 1980. Although my memory has suffered quite a bit, I'm pleased to see jtonic's answer above: I do remember what he went through when he got his result and said something that sums it up, I think, for many: "my answer isn't that interesting". Once your past the initial shock it just becomes part of life. when I have meetings for the site I volunteer for, people are shocked by the number of pills I take - that's just normal for me. I'm now facing new stuff in that I'm moving back to England to be closer to my hospital - when I was diagnosed it was never envisioned that we'd need a science of HIV gerontology, but we do. Moving alone scares the crap out of me but when I look at what I've managed to do on the time I've been poz it's not so hard to believe that I can do it. And the HIV- pig who came to visit? Well, he put it best "in another time and place we'd have been good together" which doesn't mean that we can't meet up occasionally and fuck each others' brains out... So yeah, fuck you HIV, you tried to end my life and I've ended up with a fuller life despite you.

Damn! I should have kept my mouth shut - last time I sent twenty or thirty copies out as private messages to stop this looking like a Good Housekeeping convention. All measures are european or British - do your own translation. Google isn't that hard to use... NUT ROAST (five or six servings) 1 onion garlic to taste 1 red pepper some mushrooms a couple of carrots grated olive oil teaspoon marmite or a vegetable stock cube 200g peanuts 100g hazelnuts 100g cashew nuts 100g other nuts to taste half a mug lentils cooked till mushy 4 eggs herbs and spices to taste salt Line a couple of cake or bread tins with greaseproof paper (the second is in case of overflow). If you use those flexible silicon "tins" you don't need to line them. Chop the onion, pepper, garlic and mushrooms fairly finely - I like to make long strips of the onion and pepper. and fry them long enough for the onion to go transparent. Add the grated carrots and fry a little longer. Remove from the heat. Make flour of the nuts except for the cashews and mix all the nuts in with the fried veg. drain the lentils well and add the marmite or stock cube into about half a mug of the liquid from the lentils. (Marmite takes a while to dissolve into the water.) Add the spiked lentil liquid to the pan and stir in well together with whatever seasoning you're using. You need to be heavy handed with the seasoning. Try tarragon, basil and rosemary, or curry spices can work well. Experiment! Add enough lentils to get something approaching a dryish xmas cake mix in consistency. I usually cook way too many lentils - they'll freeze well and can be a dahl or whatever another day. Taste to check the seasoning. Once you're satisfied with it add the eggs and mix them in well. If the mixture appears to be a bit too wet at this point add some breadcrumbs. The mixture should be just a bit wetter than xmas cake mix now. Spoon it into the tin(s) and pat down so that the top is level. Bake at 190 or 200 C (sorry I can't remember what gas that is) for 45 to 50 minutes. There should be the odd black spot on the top and a knife should come out fairly cleanly. Keeps well in the fridge for about a week or so. I haven't tried freezing it but I see no reason why it shouldn't do okay.

Same issues here... If you're poz, what's your medication? Some (notably ritonavir) can exinguish your libido - I was unfortunate enough to take the old version of ritonavir at the turn of the century and that was chemical castration that I've never really recovered from. New ritonavir can, in a few people, diminsh the libido, but not as much as SSRI antidepressants do. Bear in mind I took 800mg old ritonavir a day as opposed to the 100mg dose that's the standard for the new ritonavir and reports of its having a negative effect on libido are very uncommon. Note also that if you're on ritonavir you need a much smaller dose of an ED drug than other people because the ritonavir blocks the main pathway in the liver that's used for processing a number of drugs, including some ARVs and definitely ED drugs. Blood pressure medications can interfere with hardons simply because a hard on relies on pumping the dick full of blood and that blood staying there. If you're combining BP medication with any of the ED medications, check with your doctor first. Diabetes, I'm afraid, is a big cause of ED problems. So much so that as part of the diabetic checkup in Wales, nurses have to ask men with diabetes if they're having any problems with hardons: we get four viagra (or equivalent) free per month! Main physical causes of ED that I'm familiar with... Also bear in mind that it can be psychological: if there's something about sex that reminds you of something unpleasant (like getting diagnosed poz, for example), that can take its toll. Expand your repertoire... try bottoming. I've told a number of guys I've bottomed for not to be surprised if my dick doesn't seem to respond, I'm still enjoying it. I've started seeing a guy who doesn't care what goes up his ass as long as something does, so the toys get a workout when he's here. Planning on fisting him at some point. And I'm lucky in that he's a good enough slut with a good imagination that when we cyber (he lives a couple of hundred miles or more away) I sometimes do manage a hardon. Basically he's supportive of how I feel about ED (doesn't bitch about it, looks for solutions), he's doing me a lot of good. Distraction therapy can be effective too: something takes your attention away from worrying about getting a hardon... The two other "solutions" I'm aware of are caverject (don't know its USA name), which is an injection of papaverine into the base of your dick. You have to get the dose right as too much means that your dick is permanently up, fin at first till it starts hurting. A lot of guys are put off by the idea of injecting their dicks too, which to me isn't any great deal. I once tried using a diabetes testing lancet on my dick to try wanking with blood. No great turnon and one hell of a bruise the next day! And there's a reason that lancets are single use apart from cross infection: they get blunt fast! The other solution is a prosthesis which involves having what amounts to a couple of balloons either side of your dick, which you can fill with saline from a small storage container near the bladder. The fill/empty control is in the scrotum. I believe this was originally developed for trans guys, but isn't very popular: I know more trans guys who prefer the construct of a dick that doesn't get hard or else who keep their vaginas as Buck Angel has done. Apart from that I'm out of ideas - anyone else got more?

Loads of high fibre foods, muesli is pretty good. I've got a recipe for nut roast that's been compared to colonic irrigation (as well as being very tasty and nutritious) you actually feel the shape of the turd as it passes along the right to left part of your colon (transverse?). Sick to brown rice, wholemeal bread, and so on. (Does wonders for your cholesterol too.) I find I really only need a quick spurt with an average size douche to be ready.

I'm in South Wales, but the journey the goods go on to get here suggests it might be a good source wherever you are: just watch out for the exchange rates! <edit> left this here to prove that nobody's infallible, especially me. Egg on my face, cuntspunker? yep... Can thinkof things I'd rather it be, though

I've had no trouble with https://www.skyhi.me.uk/ though it's a while since I last ordered from them. They have a byzantine method of processing orders with poppers being apparently Canadian, but shipped from somewhere like Sofia...

We carried on the theme of the 4x4's into the corners of the room to add to the dungeon feel. Wood painted black, walls dark grey. A sheet of plywood over the window with closed curtains behind it so as far as the eighbours were concerned it was just a room whose curtains we never opened. After one party we had to replace the hall carpet because of the piss leakage (bare tiles in the playroom). Gods! I miss that room

Love a sling... either way round. Rather than leather or rubber I ended up inheriting a heavy-duty nylon sling, which has served me well. When we created our play room, we didn't trust the wall or ceiling to put in loops for the sling to hang from so we built a framt for it out of 4"x4" timber with a 45 degree support at the corners (think of the outside of British half timbered buildings and you've got the image). Rather than just a frame for the sling we used the entire width of the room, giving us various attachment points, hanging space for storage of toys, straps and so on, which all added to the general ambience. You didn't notice that our main clothes store was in the same room - although someone did as I discovered that I had practically no jocks left - thieving bastards! Also managed to rescue a couple of hang-on-the-wall urinals from a building that was being demolished. John's story was that he was going to use them as planters! A bleach-heavy clean-up and rinse of the downpipe and you had to be careful of the bodies waiting under them when heading for the sling at one of our parties.

Really pleased for the guys who have quit - Tiger, at six months, I reckon you can start saying you're an ex-smoker. Not the same thing, I know, as nicotine is more addictive, but I'm quitting too, except for me it's alcohol. Haven't had a drink since 1 January this year. Although I've alluded to it occasionally, I'm being upfront about it now. There's eight cans of beer and a can of cider sitting in my kitchen, left overs from last year. I forget that they're there even though they're right next to the sugar free soft drinks I get through so much of. I've passed what I consider three major tests: a two day residential business meeting for the charity I volunteer for where the evenings were boozey, a weekend retreat for PwHIV where the bar stays open as long as someone's drinking (I ran them out of diet Pepsi) and a fuckbuddy staying who got through a bottle of vodka while I stayed on soft drinks. I've saved enough money to order a new bed (the old one collapsed under the weight of a very horny bear - kinda ruined the moment!).