Loveitraw

Thanks. I know its been a while but I keep thinking about ways to finish this one off, that and a few other ideas that have been slowly ticking over. Life does get in the way but I would like to write some more. Its good to know I can provide a temporary enjoyment to the guys on here.

So many places that I associate with my early exploration have been closed or demolished. I remember writing a few messages in my favourite places, but mostly I loved sitting there waiting and reading the variety of filth from other guys minds. A fond reminiscence.

OK, so everything that follows are estimates because when I was young I was reckless. I'm not looking for affirmation and I don't care about condemnation; but facts are facts and I was dumb in the way I behaved. More on that later. I was dignosed in 2018. I went in with pneumonia, stayed for a month in isolation while they got that under control before they could start my HIV regimen of meds. The consultant who came to see me was, and I cannot stress this enough, fantastic. They laid everything out straight for me because unlike me they were definitely the expert. Almost ironically the thing that stopped me dying was the fact that I have always been fit and healthy. I am active always enjoyed the outdoors and sports. This meant I responded well to treatment, and I was lucky. I almost never get colds, rarely feel off for more than a day or two if I do. Because of this its next to impossible to guess accurately when I seroconverted but the consultant gave a broad estimate of between 5 and 10 years. This is because my CD4 was below 20 when I ended up being carried in. In modern terms, I fucked around and found out. The thing is when I was fucking around I was untested which is why things ran the course they did and that put others at risk that I was oblivious to. TBH whoever infected me was probably unaware too. That's a guess of course because I'll never know. But what is true is that I was clearly active and positive for several years before things came to light. Like I said, I don't care about judgement or reassurrance. I did what I did and there's no going back. After 5 years and not a single missed dose I am in a good place. I'm back to as normal as I can be. I enjoy myself and live my life my way. Now, however, I am much more aware of how everyone is responsible for their actions and how those will effect those around us. Fantasy is great. Fetishisation can be fun. Reality hits hard.

Ok, so I know there are a few threads decrying the state of hook-up sites. I have written on them myself. This is not one of those. I had a perfectly civilised exchange with a vers guy and it turns out we wanted different things so we parted wishing each other luck. (I know right) Then I got hit up by a top who wanted to stop off after some ahopping and he's on his way right now! Maybe I should buy a lotto ticket 🤷‍♂️

An absolute yes from me. I don't think I ever considered it to not be part of the fuck. Now its an absolute must. I understand that some guys become very sensitive after they cum and the sensation can be too much, but it really is part of the service. As much as I love tongue fucking a Tops hole as foreplay, I love tasting myself on him, and the last few drops of spunk when he finishes.

I'm sorry, I know this is off topic but this made me laugh much more than it should have. 😅

It definitely wrecks 😈

Its definitely hard to explain to those that haven't experienced it but it is absolutely addictive. I've taken toys and hands but the eye (and hole) opener for me was a guy who had me in a sling in his play room for a couple of hours. He just kept me there revelling in the sensation and had me feeling like I was cumming for most of the time. A good fisting Top is everything. He also loved being fisted too and showed me how to enjoy being on that side of things, I'm no Top certainly but there is a pleasure all of its own to making someone squirm with your hand inside them!

If I don't click with the Top and it has to be mutual, if one party isn't into it then its not going to be a good time. I've met guys with big dicks who think that alone is a free pass, so I'll pass thanks. Then I have met guys with porn star dicks who lack confidence because to them its a hindrance, they tend to be patient and attentive and all the better for it. I know there are bottoms who seem to live by the "no cocks refused" creed, but personally speaking I have to have some measure of liking for the Tops I hook up with, and so far it seems to work.

It depends on what is wrong for me. Anything to do with my stomach and I just want to curl up in a ball and be left alone. If its my head I'll find a dark room and try to sleep it off. If its a cold or something like, even if I don't particularly want to be near someone else, I always get very horny and can't stop playing with myself. I think of it as kind of therapy. I'm pretty sure the endorphins released from orgasm help boost your immune reaponse 😉

I can't speak for spiritual, I've always been very earthly in my approach to everything, but I will admit to sometimes finding myself in an almost meditative state while sucking cock. That point where all my focus is on the cock in my mouth and what I am doing to it. This is different to the "sub-space" mind set I get into from being fucked, this is getting pleasure from giving pleasure, feeling the twitches and pulses and responding. In this head space I have maintained blowjobs for a very long time (comparatively) certainly as long as the guy in question needs.

To be honest I've never counted. I know it is lots and certainly enough to raise the eyebrows of all good, decent, god-fearing folk. But I've never really been interested in keeping any kind of score. Just so long as I can keep on scoring that's all that truly matters.

Stripped to just a jock and a harness I gripped the branch in front of me tightly and kept my eyes forward. I felt hands grab my hips and a heavy set body press against me from behind. I had put myself in this position for this very situation and I was making sure I stayed true to my self-made promise. The woods around here have always had a reputation, and just walking through them you could tell it was well deserved. Various hollows and gaps in the trees that veered from the main pathways were strewn with discarded condom wrappers, lube sachets and even the occassional piece of torn underwear. It felt sordid to just stand in a spot like this and that was exactly what I wanted. During the daytime there was always a steady passing trade. Work types on a lunch break, guys just taking a "stroll." Drivers who knew all the best places for quick relief and didn't care where it came from. Days could be fun. Nights, oh nights were quite different. The dark brings out all kinds to a place like this. You could guarantee that, while they might be responsible for the pieces of torn clothing found in the bushes, they certainly weren't leaving behind used rubbers or the wrappers. They never used them. The shades who drifted through these woodlands at night were the kind who indulged in every vice. If you've ever thought, "I don't think I'd like that." Whatever it was you didn't like, someone was doing it here under cover of darkness. That is exactly what I needed. I wanted to feel unrestrained by any social decency. I had to give myself over to the lusts that kept threatening to surface during daylight hours when I have to wear the mask of a good, responsible and civilised man. So I made myself ready, dressed accordingly and made my way to my nocturnal destination. Having parked up and walked a little way into the darkened woodland I found a likely hollow and stripped quickly. Having done so I waited. Facing into the hollow, bent over and back arched presenting myself fully for use. Anyone finding me like this would know exactly what I am and in this place at this time I am a fuckhole. I don't know exactly what it is about being mostly naked in a vulnerable position, but the mixture of fear, anticipation and need heighten every response. The little voice asking, "What the fuck are you doing?" Well that is easily drowned out by the other voice. The one that is begging to be caught, the one that says, "Whatever happens now, you deserve it!" I hear the crack of a branch as someone negotiates the darkness but its not enough to gauge their direction of travel. I try to concentrate, to pick up on any sound to indicate whether I am in a good location tonight. Then I feel it. How he is behind me without a sound I don't know but my whole body tenses and immediately relaxes as the hot calloused hand runs over my arse and up my back. Fingers run under the straps of my harness and jock as if he is mentally mapping every inch of my exposed skin. Nothing has been said so far but I can hear his breathing deepen as he slides a hand between my cheeks and runs his fingers over my hole. I gasp at the feeling and push back instinctively and he doesn't dissappoint as, finding me already wet with lube, he shoves two fingers right up me. Holding my harness with one hand and pulling me onto his questing digits he grunts approvingly and hoarsly whispers, "You really are ready for it aren't you?" I just grunt as he pushes as deep as he can and nod at the night. I squeeze my hole on his fingers and hope that is affirmation enough. He slides his hands from me and I hear the unmistakable sound of rustling fabric, of clothes being shed. Hands grab my head and a bottle of poppers are pressed to my nose with a simple command. "Breathe." I let it happen, let myself inhale the fumes deeply and repeat as he switches sides. Fuck they are strong and I feel the warmth and slight sensation of dizziness as he pulls the bottle away. "Going to take my bare cock aren't you boy?" I just groan knowing that no answer I can give will make any difference but knowing that that is exactly what I need. Stripped to just a jock and a harness I gripped the branch in front of me tightly and keep my eyes forward. I felt his hands grab my hips and a heavy set body press against me from behind. I had put myself in this position for this very situation and I wasn't about to give up now. The sudden pressure of a thick cockhead finds my arsehole easily and just as easily slides in. I groan at the intrusion glad of the lube because I get the feeling he would have shoved into me with or without it. "Nice fucking hole," the hissed words match the time it takes him to bottom out in me. His hands tighten on my hips and he begins to rock in and out with my hole squeezing down around that rigid flesh pole. He grips me tightly, his fingers pressing into my skin as his cock pumps steadily in and out of me. We are both panting at the exertion, each one enjoying the sensations running through our bodies. I am pushing back onto his dick telling him through my movements and animal grunts just how much I want him, want his cock, his fucking, his cum. He slides a hand up my body and grips my neck as he leans into my body and I feel his panting breath on my ear. "You fucking want it don't you?" I grunt a "Yes." "Yeah you do. You want me to ruin this slutty fucking hole!" As he grinds himself all the way inside me. Holding his hips right up against me he begins a short jabbing rhythm that stabs his cock into my hole rapidly and has me groaning in need. "Fucking taking it bare like a dirty fucking whore. Tell me you want my load." I can tell by his movements and his ragged breath he is getting close and I love it. "Fucking ask for my cum you slut." He rasps as his pace quickens even more. "Please," I manage to pant out. "Fuck your cum into me. I need it!" The desperation is clear in my voice, this is what I came for. "Yeah! Take my dirty cock you cunt. Gonna knock you up like you want!" "Do it!" I cry out. "Fucking load my hole!" It is clearly what he needs to hear as he jams his cock right up my hole, holds me tight and his cock pulses inside me unleashing the pent up sperm to paint my insides. "Fuuuck!" The exhalation is drawn out and I feel him relax even as he holds on to me. "That was fucking great. I needed that. I think you did too." He chuckles as he slides himself from me. I remain in position. The cool night air chills the sweat on my skin and I can feel my hole, wet and used pulse from the recent abuse. "Thank you." I whisper to my unseen fucker genuinely glad for the essence he has left in me. I feel a hand glide over my skin and a playful swat at my arse cheek. "Dirty fucker taking dirty loads in the dark. You looking to get knocked up?" For the first time I glance over my shoulder with a half smile on my still flushed face. "You're too late for that, but I really needed the recharge." "Fuck! You dirty cunt! I wish I'd known I'd have really wrecked your hole but if you're staying for more and I see anyone else I'll point them this way. Hope I see you up here again." With that he's gone. My ears are still ringing from the poppers and the exertion and I don't hear him walk away I just wait and hope for more.

We've all had moments of doubt. Often with a side-order of realisation. I tend to put both in the basket of deal with tomorrow because, like most advice that comes from tv movies and mothers everywhere, if you still feel the same way later on then you might be on to something. Generally I find after some sleep and then some coffee most doubts about whether I should feel bad about myself or my sexual proclivity are filed under, "fuck it!"

As stated above its worth keeping toys separated by material type just because some do react badly together. For example silicon causes TPE to melt. For my toys I stick to soap and water for the firmer ones and that has proven sufficient for long enough that I only get rid of toys because of wear or they don't hit the sides any more😈. For the softer ones I follow up a clean with a light pat down with fine unscented talcum powder. This has kept them all good so far. If you have several it can seem like a chore but its worth it as some of the toys out there can be pricey.

This! Finding out just how they break in the toy has my rapt attention.

It would be a little bit of a stretch to say that I can honestly recall the difference in sensations because its been a long time since I had a wrapped cock in me. What I can say is this, and it echoes what others have already said, bare feels so much more intimate. Not only taking the guy inside you but openly inviting them to leave something of themselves inside. Its partly psychological and a lot physical but I definitely feel happier with another guy's cum inside me. As with all things it is a personal choice but I can categorically state I will never fuck any other way.

Never actually tried that one, might have to give it a look.

It's not much better in Bristol (UK). All the apps are hit and miss tbh, but I've found that Squirt is generally better than BBRT for my local area. Even if no guys are on or looking it at least shows the busiest cruising spots. Like others have mentioned all my hookups are raw, I specify it as a preference on my profile and express it beforehand. So when things work everyone leaves satisfied. I mostly find that I am more successful if I switch off my phone and actually go out looking. This might be the age of tech but the problem with that is too many don't want to go outside.

Thanks for putting this up. Self-image and acceptance are so important. I always find it hard to believe that people can be so insensitive especially in a group that has struggled so long to be recognised and included. Then I remember that people are people and no particular sect has the monopoly on arseholes. My weight has fluctuated wildly since I was a teen and I have been every stage from skinny to chubby to, even if I say so myself, ripped. These days I am very comfortably in dad bod territory, the muscle is still there but well insulated. I have been passed over on more than one occassion either for my age or my build and had quite a few, "why are you wearing that?" Remarks thrown at me. There are days I brush it off and days it hits home. Thankfully I am mostly of the mind that I am old enough to know better and at the same time old enough to know it doesn't matter. So wear what you want. Flaunt whatever you have. Everyone is someone's fetish. And yes that model should be told how many guys are literally drooling at the thought of some "quality" time in his company.

Great build up.

When I was young I loved super hero comics and shows (TBH still do) and action movies. When I was allowed to put posters up I always chose strong masculine characters often in spandex and had those surrounding me in my room for many years. While I knew I liked looking at guys (and had discovered playing with myself) It wasn't until my mid teens that I realised that other boys had bikini models etc on their walls. That kinda cemented it in my mind that I might be a bit on the queer side.

Oh I did.

I guess that for me it depends where this is taking place. If I'm pre arranging a hookup then definitely. If my getting fucked is not on the table I will absolutely make it clear I'm not interested. I've been hit up a few times on sites by "oral-only" guys and I just tell them I'm looking for a bit more especially if I'm travelling. A couple have been open to negotiation, others are not down to fuck and the conversation ends there. If I'm out cruising I get that some guys just want a quick blowjob which I will happily provide. Whilst I much prefer my backdoor being loaded sometimes a nice mouthful is its own reward.

I work out at home, I've never felt the need to pay for something when you don't need to and I like to focus on the routine away from distractions. I've always kept fit but being poz and getting older I want to stay as strong as possible as long as possible. Being gay is just a part of who I am it doesn't dictate how I live only who i want to sleep with 😉