blackrobe

I've been talking to a dominant visiting my city. We haven't been able to get together because we have no place to do the kind of intense play and fucking he enjoys. Still, he's mentally cranking up the fuck-need in me to a point that I needed something yesterday. I went to a porn theatre on a terribly slow day, where no one came in for several hours. It started getting to be around quitting time for tradesmen and more men filtered in. I sucked and teased a big bearded guy with massive thighs until he decided he'd waited long enough. After I'd been jamming him into the back of my throat, holding him deep while holding my breath and sliding my tongue up and down his shaft while swallowing, he lifted up his belly, pushed my head further down onto his root, and let his belly hold me down on him. Then he grabbed me by the back of my skull and neck and fucked up into me fast and hard, cutting off my air in favor of getting his seed into my throat. I worked his nipples and fucked my skull onto his cock like my life depended on him cumming. After almost a minute of skull-fucking me, he jammed his fat knob extra-hard in me and pumped his cum into me for about 20-30 seconds. Then his vice grip on my head relaxed and I could swallow the sperm he'd fucked in and breathe. I was light headed, but looking up into his widely grinning face, I was happy I'd pleased him and earned his load. While I'd been focused on him, a few other men had filtered in. Straightening myself up, I did a quick turn through the three rooms to see who was there. One man stood out, a tall, very strong-looking Hispanic man in his mid to late twenties wearing worn construction gear and boots. I decided to hang out nearby to scope him out. He unbuttoned his dirty work jeans and put one hand into his underwear while putting the other up and resting on top of his head, exposing a sweaty pit. Good enough. I sat next to him and looked openly at his groin and face testing his reaction. Seeing he was comfortable, I asked if I could touch him and, a little surprised I asked, he said "Sure". I pulled the waistband of his trunks below his balls and touched him, feeling stubble from his balls to his cock shaft. Encouraged by his thickening under my hand, I licked and sucked his cock into my mouth. After a minute of this his cock was very hard, that hard we dream of, although a fairly average size. Moaning with pleasure as I tasted a surge of his precum, I sucked him in deep, licking his knob and polishing it, feeling it throb and jump in my mouth. He was clearly enjoying it, groaning and sighing and, when I'd take him root deep and hold him in my throat, he'd grunt softly and fuck up into me with gusto. He felt like a breeder. After sucking him a fair while and tasting a few more surges of his precum, he commented that it takes him a long time to cum. I asked if he liked to fuck ass and he said yes. I smiled and did something I knew he liked and made his cock throb and dance. After a few more minutes of teasing I ask "Do you wanna fuck me?" He looked at me with that sex drunk look guys get and nodding, said "Yeah" standing up right away. I got up, turned around, dropped my jeans, and handed him the lube. "Use plenty, I'm tight at first, but I'll be ready to take it hard pretty quickly." He nodded, lubing up his cock with one hand, and bending me over the chair I'd been sitting in with the other. He rubbed his firm knob below my hole, swiping the lube up into my cunt lips. He pressed in and I felt the burn of not enough slickness. Turning my head back, I whispered, "A little more..". He complied and the next time he rested his cock on the lips of my cunt they parted tightly, but smoothly around him. He slid all the way into me forcing the contented groaning sigh that penetration gets out of me. I set my legs to hold my cunt at his height and he started to fuck me. He gripped my hips firmly and slapped his cock hard into me, earning a slutty moan, and me bracing one arm against the wall for what I suddenly realized was going to be a rougher fuck than I'd expected. As he hit a fast slapping rhythm in my ass, his whole body's strength was focused on fucking as hard as he could into my cunt. At a young and strong 6'2" and ~230lbs that was pretty damned hard. I put both hands on the wall and pushed back through my arms, shoulders, torso, and rotated my hips so my cunt lined up with his pounding. I set my legs a little stronger too. Taking my setting myself as a kind of signal, it felt like his cock got even harder and he started to really pound and rotate his hips with each stroke to get deep into me. He'd been making low grunting noises of satisfaction as he fucked, and I'd been letting each thrust push the air loudly out of my lungs, occasionally muttering "fuck" and "yes", but now they stepped-up in intensity. I suddenly realized how loud and energetic our fucking had become, and saw we had a number of people watching him pound into my cunt. I didn't know how he felt about the onlookers, so under my breath I started saying "That's it, get it all the way in there..." "Fuck, you feel so good in my ass..." bringing his focus back onto his cock in my cunt. At one stage he slowed down and seemed to be trying to lift my body off the ground just with his cock, forcing himself deep inside me. Fuck, he was strong. I think he was deciding whether and when he wanted to cum in me. I lifted and dropped my ass onto his cock a few times slowly, rotating my hips to change the sensation for his cock. I think that's when he decided he wanted to cum. He used his hands on my hips to pull me into the position he wanted, and started fucking hard, but slowly into my cunt, each slapping thrust easily heard in the other rooms. After a few minutes he sped up to the kind of pace I think of as a chase. He got faster, and fucked into me harder, his breathing now heavy and each thrust sending me into the wall hard. Instinctively, I felt like he was building up to breed me. Firming up my legs and my torso, I started pushing back on his thusts, sending him the message that I needed his seed in my gut. That's when he thickened in me and began fucking his virile seed up into my fertile well-fucked cunt. Each thrust he pulled himself into me hard, feeling his cum filling me, emptying his balls with a long groaning sigh, punctuated by more thrusts. He slowed and stopped, staying inside me. I gripped his workpants and pulled and pushed his cock into me a few more times. Clearly saying "More?". He pulled out and I tightened my cunt to keep all that young virile cum inside me. I said if he has another load I'd love to take it. He smiled, said "Thanks", and fixing his clothes, left. Holding that juicy cum inside me, I sucked another load from the big sexy bearded guy who'd been watching me get fucked through the glory hole from the other room. I really needed more fucking, but I was out of time, so I headed home. Lifetime loads at this stage were 29 taking me to 30. Yes, it was 12 in my last "Last load" story. Since then I found a guy who gave me at least 17 loads over many hours of deep intense fucking. That's the post I lost.

While I understand the sentiment above, that open relationships are hard and take work from everyone in them, the implication that they are somehow dangerous, or of themselves an extinction level event for a relationship is alarmist and not born out by any of the data I've seen, or the open relationships I've known. A couple of observations I think might be helpful. According to my therapist friends in Seattle, about 50% of gay relationships are open. So about half of gay couples are making it work where I live. One study I found in Germany had a base of 1000 gay men and of them 41% were currently in an open relationship or had been in the past, so we are in the same ball park. Next, that society has traditionally used similar rhetoric referring to consensually non-monogamous relationships, that they are dangerous, unsatisfying, and less than ideal, but the reality is far from the stigma applied by society. From a recent study "Reasons for sex and relational outcomes in consensually nonmonogamous and monogamous relationships: A self-determination theory approach" by Jessica Wood, Serge Desmarais, Tyler Burleigh, Robin Milhausen (First Published March 23, 2018, in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships): “We found people in consensual, non-monogamous relationships experience the same levels of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being and sexual satisfaction as those in monogamous relationships,” said Jessica Wood, a PhD student in applied social psychology and lead author of the study. “This debunks societal views of monogamy as being the ideal relationship structure.” Finally, it's easy to blame the open relationship when a relationship ends, certainly much easier than acknowledging all the other underlying reasons that it might have ended. Open relationships, like many other things in our lives, create a crucible that lets us see what's important, what we want, and what we don't want. Once that happens, hard decisions are the next step.

Now I want to know about all of them.

You need to get tested and get on PrEP immediately. First, here are the PrEP providers in Texas. I can't see a DAP in Texas, but there is always financial support from Gilead, the drug maker. It looks like you can get it at Planned Parenthood and I found this article talking about a doctor who runs a clinic focused on PrEP in Dallas. From the article (my emphasis): "Truvada has been FDA-approved for about six years. It’s a once-a-day pill that would cost about $1,200 a month in cash. But it’s covered by most insurers, and its parent company, Gilead Sciences Inc., offers programs to help high-risk individuals cover costs that are associated either with a lack of insurance or with high deductibles and co-pays, Pounders says. “If somebody wants to do it, there’s a way to get it,” he says." Go get it.

In Washington State there is a program called PrEPDAP which allows at risk populations to get free access to PrEP. That's how I'm getting PrEP at the moment. If you are in Washington State or any other state with a similar DAP, there is *NO EXCUSE* for not being on PrEP.

I had this experience for the first time a few weeks ago. A tall, strong, 9+" man got up in me so deep and tight that I felt my guts shift around him. After hours of fucking and more than 8 loads, I didn't see a drop escape into my lower cunt. It was in so deep, I absorbed it all.

I think you're talking about the sphincter to the Sigmoid colon.

How many daddies are you fucking, brother slut?

It's his boss fucking him. Who teaches that silly idea? Its always good to serve men higher in the pecking order.

I'm down with most everything here. Of the things that are on the "will remain fantasy" list, 2, 3, 4, and 7 are all frequent things colonizing my mind. Regarding #3, I have my chastity cage already picked out, sized, and priced. I don't get why it's on your "stay fantasy" list.

This. 100% this.

I've never been fisted, but if it's like this, I'd definitely like to be.

Thanks, lesson learned. The side effect being I'm not going to invest the same level of effort in my writing again.

I have been working on a Last Load draft post that I'd just about finished over many days. Suddenly the draft is gone and I can't get back to it. It was real work to write and I'm pretty down thinking it's gone forever. Is there any way I could find the post or recover the text?

I was either 12 or 13, I know it was warm weather. The religious brother who was my dormitory master at a Catholic boy's home took me away for an overnight trip. I'm pretty sure he drugged me before fucking me so hard I was still bleeding the next day. Full story here. <= Not erotica.

I think of it as savaging the West.

I think we need to establish a kind of legacy or membership inter-breeding program.

I don't know about that last statement. I was able to arrest the pushing out at a certain stage. I'm not sure how much of his 9" were still inside me, but I did something and he said "You've stopped pushing me out". It's all a learning experience.

I'm really interested in understanding in what way guys you've fucked are damaged goods and therefore no longer fuckable.

Color me shocked. Not. 😉

Thanks, this was after more than four hours of him fucking me pretty hard, pissing into me and filling me up, and then piss-fucking me while I was full. I lost count after eight loads. It sounds like it's just my body working as it should by design.

I've been told by a dominant man who's been fucking and breeding me that I'm "domming from the bottom" because after he cums in me my hole "pushes him out". Firstly, there's no conscious desire on my part to push him out, in fact the reverse is true. I want him to stay inside me until he's ready to give me another load. The reality is that I have a tight hole that hasn't been fucked much and it seems pretty normal for a tight hole that's just been soundly fucked and stretched to try and return to its prior state. This is especially true when his cock is less hard than it was before he came. Now, he has a long cock so it takes a fair while for his cock to slide out of my cunt. I'm interested in hearing from tops and bottoms on what's normal, what their experience is, and what this might be about.

You're a great candidate for a chastity cage to formalize his control and denial of your orgasms, and to limit your ability to even get hard.

It presses my buttons hard. Consensual adult dad/son fucking and breeding is beautiful.

For me, this isn't a simple question to answer. TL;DR: It takes time, effort, and luck to get back to who and what you were always meant to be. A thirsty-cunted bottom. I was a sweet, sensitive, and cute little boy. I can remember having strong feelings for boys in my class at primary school (the blond sports loving rough-houser, the beautiful Italian musician, etc.). Looking back I can see they were crushes and pretty natural ones. I didn't have any similar feelings about girls in my class. Shit happened and my brothers and I ended up in a procession of Catholic children's homes. In the final one, a Catholic boy's home, I spent 4 of my 6 high school years. For reasons too involved to go into, I really, really hated it. It was like "Lord of the Flies". In my second year there, the dormitory master for that year, a religious brother who ran the Army Cadet Corps (think ROTC) for an adjacent school, put me right across from his room. He gave me some of the affection I'd been so starved of, but some of it made me feel strange. After we'd been sent to bed and the dorm masters had their evening meal together, with alcohol, he'd return to the dorm and come quietly into the room I shared with another boy. Then he'd kiss me on the lips saying "Good night" and leaving the smell of alcohol on my lips and in the air around me. He'd have me in his room and hold me immobile on his lap, his very strong arms wrapped tightly around me as he tried to kiss me as I squirmed over his cock and balls. These things made me feel strange because he was acting as a parent to me and many other boys. I was 13 and very small for my age compared to all the other boys in my dormitory. Puberty had not set in yet, so I wasn't aware of my own sexuality or anyone else's. During the summer of that year, the dorm master needed to make a trip along the coast to pick-up or drop-off something for the boy's home. Unlike many other boys at this home, we didn't get to go home and have time with our family very often. When the dorm master proposed taking me on this overnight journey on a weekend, it would get me away from a place I thought of as my prison. He got my mother's consent and off we went. I don't remember much about the trip apart from being in the car and feeling the warm sun and wind against my skin and hair. I remember the motel we stopped at to stay overnight dimly. It was like a hundred other coastal motels in other country towns, strange atomic age design and signage, and a fancy restaurant as an anchor to bring in both the locals and out-of-towners to spend their cash. We ate dinner in what seemed like a fancy restaurant. I remember a lot of glasses on the table and it seeming very fine. We ate and I have a vague memory of him giving me something to drink, or a taste of his drink. When we went up to the room after dinner, I remember being excited to be away. The room had a double bed and a single bed and, for some reason, I was bouncing around laying claim to the double bed. Looking back, that was very unusual behavior for me. We started to get ready for bed and I remember getting undressed next to the big bed and finding him next to me stripped down to his underwear. I was feeling odd by this time, and having the wiry, muscular and hairy adult so close to me with an enormous erection stretching his briefs made me feel even stranger. The last thing I remember clearly is being put on my back on the bed and him climbing over me, his adult sized hard-on hot and firm under his briefs as it brushed my skin. The first memory I have after that night is the next morning, standing under the hot shower and feeling both a kind of heavy dullness in my head and a powerful throbbing soreness in my bottom. I've thought a lot about why I don't remember what happened in any more detail. Whether, as I strongly suspect, he drugged me, or whether my unconscious mind kept the memories locked away to protect me, I can't say for sure. That made it tough to say with much certainty what had happened to me. Many years later after lots of work with therapists I came out to my mother. As soon as I told her she asked me, "When you went away with Brother X while you were at the boy's home, were you sexually abused?" I was startled, but said "Yes, but why do you ask?" It seems she had found blood-stained underwear in my travel bag when I came back from the trip. She had seen the proof of what happened to me, never told me, and done nothing about it. She only mentioned it then to say "Post hoc ergo propter hoc" to absolve her of any possible blame for my gayness. That was the moment I knew without any shred of doubt that I'd been raped until I bled. I'd always carried the trauma of my rape in my body, whether I remembered what had happened to me or not. The prospect of having sex with a man filled me with a kind of terror that was not hard-on inducing. At the same time I was a horny young man who needed something. I had no idea what I wanted. I muddled through my first boyfriend, who made me cum by fingering my prostate and sucking my cock at the same time, and my second boyfriend, who desperately wanted to fuck me but I could not relax and get into the idea. In fact, one night as we were lying in bed together after he'd been asking me for it, I had a full on panic attack. What had happened to me as a boy made sex as an adult feel incredibly dangerous, physically damaging, and mentally and emotionally traumatic. I had even tried getting fucked when I was drunk enough to avoid the terror, but then I couldn't enjoy it or even feel it. Not a good long term plan. Lots more therapy and personal effort got me over the sex hump through a workaround. When I met a guy we did other things and occasionally I topped. As years went by it just started to feel more wrong to me and my desire to fuck or have any sex at all left me. In the last few years I've been dogged in working to find and understand my kinks, acknowledge their likely sources (including my rape), and explore and accept them as a natural part of me. I also recognized a strong vein of submissive thoughts and feelings in me, and how much I really wanted to surrender myself and be fucked. Starting a few months ago, I've sought out men to fuck me, and dominant men to explore my submission. For those of you have been reading my "Last Loads" posts, this won't be a surprise. My past mental image of myself was of a dud fuck who was too traumatized to take a finger in his hole, let alone a cock of even average size. Being penetrated used to connect back to the feelings of being raped. What I've learned in the last three months is that I really, really enjoy having my ass fucked, and that I really prefer being fucked bare and bred. Thanks to: 1) to a visiting Brazilian bear who had no english but did have a dominant streak and fucked me breathless over a chair, 2) a traveling man who I had an incredible connection with and whose passion and intensity made him fucking me so easy that I had the beginnings of my first ass-gasm, 3) a granddad who treated me like a boy when I needed it and fucked me until I was relaxed and open and encouraging him to go harder, 4) an Hispanic bear who fucked me so well and with such finesse in so many positions that's I'm eagerly looking forward to a repeat, and finally 5) to a very calm and dominant black man who fucked me and bred me 9 times in two and a half hours and showed me that I'm built for, and need, the big cocks in my cunt too. When did I know I was a bottom? I suspect I always was as a boy, before someone distorted and stole part of my life. When I think back to how I felt about those boys I had crushes on, it connects so strongly to wanting their cocks inside me and fucking their seed into me. But I only knew I was a bottom the first time a man's cock was inside me and making me cum through my ass for the first time. That was about three months ago.