PhoenixGeoff

You know, you can just tell us you don't want to get fucked. Most versatile guys I know would be happy to oblige. I've hooked up with many total tops over the years, and managed to avoid going anywhere near their assholes pretty much every time. One big reason I'm versatile is so we can do whatever it is will get you off and we'll both have fun. All you have to do is use your words.

I get that, and it does make sense. There's no way for a website to know if you've just flipped over to a different site for a minute or if you've left the house. But here's where I think the sites know what they're doing and taking advantage of it: many of them make it very difficult to log out. Growlr and Scruff both make you go fairly deep into the settings menu before you can sign yourself out. Adam4Adam does something similar. They want you to get into the habit of just closing the window but leaving the session active. And then there's the length of time it take for the system to decide to log you out. I have no idea how long it is, but it seems to be on the order of quite a few hours. That's far too long. If I haven't been active on the site in the last 30 minutes, or 1 hour at the most, I probably ought to be signed out. But here's the thing: if I signed into a site or an app in a reasonably large city and there were only half a dozen guys active online at any given time, I'd probably decide that the site's userbase was too small and I'd move on somewhere else. So I'm to blame for this too. Maybe the solution is to steer people away from the "I Wanna Hook Up Right NOW!" mentality to towards the "Let's set something up for this weekend" kind of thing. BBRT and A4A kinda let you do this with party ads, but I'm sure there's some improvement to be made. Maybe part of your profile could be posting your general availability. Most of us have to work around our jobs, family, school, and other commitments, so if you can tell people you're free to hang out on Sunday afternoons, or that you'd like to set something up for Friday night, that would be good. Maybe some kind of calendaring function (which you could even export), so people can see when you're free and when you're not, and when you set up a hook-up with someone that time gets blocked off on your calendar. Something like that would actually give you a bit more flexibility, from setting aside ten minutes to drop by and fuck a load into an anon bottom, to setting aside a whole evening for a date, to setting aside several hours at a bathhouse to meet up with a group.

The level of entitlement and lack of self-awareness in this post is absolutely stunning.

I'm not a total top, but even when I'm in total top mode, I still like seing dick pics. Why? Well, for one thing, I make a real fetish of the male body, its appearance, feel, smell, taste. I love everything that makes a man different from a woman, including attitude, build, hair, and yes, cocks and balls too. When I fuck, I love knowing that I'm inside a man, not a woman. I'm also extremely turned on by the visuals of bareback fucking. It's a major reason why I refuse to use condoms. I absolutely love watching my cock sliding into an ass, and seeing those balls and that cock right above the asshole I'm fucking. Even better if the bottom gets hard while I'm pounding him...I take that as a great review of my sex skills. Best thing about cameras is all those angles we usually can't see. For instance, getting to watch my cock sliding into a hot ass to the hilt, with my nuts planted right in his asscrack and his balls hanging down below mine...fucking amazing. Even better if I pull cock out at the end and my load drips out his hole, down his crack and onto his nuts. Woof! In short, I like seeing your cock and balls because I'm into men, not pussies.

It's not what you think. Generally it's me reaching out to other guys and not getting a response or getting shot down. Sometimes it turns into a bit of back and forth with someone that eats up several messages. Also, if someone messages me and I am not interested, I kinda feel obligated to let them know so they're not left waiting on a response (basic Golden Rule stuff). It's also a reflection of the fact that I'm not very good at planning and scheduling my hookups. I'd probably do better if I were. But I never know when the urge will hit me AND I'll have the time to set something up AND get myself ready. Plus, my schedule can be weird. It's all a bit disorganized. Which means I end up scrambling for a hookup. Which also tends to blow through the messages a bit.

I'm a starving student, so I very rarely pay for any online memberships, for either hookup sites or porn. That said, over the years I've usually had a paid BBRT account. Why do they get my money when so many other sites and apps don't? 1) I probably have the greatest success with hooking up on BBRT. 2) The pain threshold is just about perfect. Free accounts are not so restrictive that I just ditch the site. I can still hook up even if my membership has lapsed. Squirt is an example of a site that's TOO restrictive with its free accounts. If I can't hook up with your free account, I'm not going to risk a paid one. 3) On the other hand, dangling the better resolution pics in front of me is a good incentive to pay up. And in a big city, it's possible to blow through your 35 messages in a day sometimes. Adam 4 Adam goes too far in the other direction...I feel no incentive to pay up for them at all. 4) The price isn't too steep, especially if you go for longer term memberships. I'll occasionally look at getting a paid Scruff membership. And then I look at the prices and decide that I really don't need it. 5) The site looks professional, not like a sketchy mess (looking at you, NastyKinkPigs). And they've always treated me fairly. So there's a trust factor there too.

Yeah I also find I have to stay away from alcohol and other drugs if I want to top. It's not unusual for me to just drink water at the bar when I go out these days, though I do like to tie one on every once in a while.

I will start out with one thing in particular that made a huge difference in my life as a top: Exercise, bitch! Seriously, nothing makes me more of a top than when I'm in my groove exercising. And I've found I need a good mix of exercise to be at the top of my game. Ever find you're fucking some hot hole and then all of a sudden your energy level drops to nothing? You need more endurance training, specifically cardio. A good level to shoot for is being able to run or jog (not walk) a 5k. Endurance cardio will turn you into the Energizer bunny. Great for your mood too. Ever find your bottom trying a stifle a yawn as you're plowing him? You need more weight training. Building some muscle, especially core and glutes, will have you slamming your dick into that hole in a way that will absolutely focus any bottom's attention. Bonus: weight training boosts testosterone levels in your body which makes you hornier, gives you better hardons, and bigger loads. Also great for your mood too. Plus exercise will give you confidence and have you walking taller. Gives you a more masculine energy. That instantly makes you more attractive. And your sex will go from "Lay back and think of England" to "Swinging from the chandeliers." Seriously: I'm not a big fan of going to the gym to cruise or to get a body that will land me in porn (though if that's your goal, that's great). I work out for me, partly because I like to be healthy, but mostly because I love how it makes me feel. And I love the results in bed.

No man likes to wear a condom. That's a fact of life, and any woman who's relying on a guy to wear a rubber is a fool. Most women know this, so they go on the pill or use an IUD or whatever if they are sexually active. I think the higher STD rates among gay guys have to do with extreme promiscuity mostly. I've spoken with straight guys who think a girl is a massive slut if she's had sex with 50 guys in her lifetime. For many gay guys, it's within the realm of possibility to have sex with that many men in a weekend under the right circumstances (at least if you're young and hot enough and lack standards). There's just no comparison. Gay men can and do routinely rack up Wilt Chamberlain type numbers over the course of a lifetime. Partly, I think it's just how male sexuality is; many straight guys would act in the same way if they could. Partly, I think it's because that's how a lot of us get our sense of validation; we feel valued as people if a hot guy is willing to have sex. The other thing I'd suggest is that we have higher substance abuse rates than the general population. Again, hard to say way, but my anecdotal observation is that that seems to be true. And, of course, if you're drunk or high, you're generally more likely to make decisions that will end up with you having sex. Hell, way back in the day, I'd drink in order to work up the courage to approach that hot man in a bar, or walk into a bathhouse or sex club. And, of course, if you're drunk or high, you're much more likely to bareback with a stranger. Lack of inhibitions and all that. Finally, culture does play a role. Straight people are still heavily encouraged to be monogamous within marriage (and within relationships outside of marriage for that matter). Not everyone is, of course, but swingers are still the exception. And even if a straight person does "cheat" they still generally buy into the idea of monogamy as an ideal. For gay guys, monogamy is entirely optional. There is no opprobrium is a married couple wants an open relationship. To some degree it's may even be expected at some point.

We see a lot of guys here talking about how to be a good bottom. I thought I'd solicit a few opinions from guys who like to top about things you do to be a better fuck. Could be anything from fucking techniques bottoms really like to how you present yourself to lifestyle decisions you make to be a better fucker. Any tricks you have up your sleeve to get your dick wet and plant your seed in the bottom of your choice. Any ways you know to get that bottom whore's eyes rolling back in his head and begging you for more. Mostly looking for input from guys who like to top here, though of course suggestions from bottoms about what a special top has done to them that really stood out is welcome too. What should the top fuckers be doing that we're not doing right now? Mostly thinking about fucking, btw, but really anything you want to talk about, from receiving head to any kind of kink is fine too.

So, much as I love my slutty bottoms, do keep in mind that by telling a top you take any and every raw cock you can, you're basically telling him that you only think of him as a cock and balls. Now, lots of men, both tops and bottoms, may like being objectified like that. I get into it myself sometimes. But here's what I'm going to suggest: expecting a guy to fuck you just because you're advertising yourself as available is both kinda lazy and kinda arrogant. If you're porn-star hot, then you can perhaps get away with it (for now). But most of us just aren't that hot. So maybe you take a minute or two to figure out what turns your top on and then try to give that to him. And maybe that's being a dirty, nasty, slutty cumwhore. But maybe it's something else. What I'm saying is, why not try taking a page out of the book straight women use and practice a little seduction?

How about a regular white jock and a sharpie? Depends on how sleazy you wanna be I guess. There are literally a ton of brands out there marketing sexy underwear to gay guys. Dunno about Ottawa, but in Toronto there are shops like the Men's Room in the Village that have all kinds. As for looking good, a lot of underwear is designed to look good on twinks. I don't know if there is anyone actively chasing after the bear or cub or daddy market for that kind of thing. Being willing to display your body almost completely naked can be a bit of a gamble depending on what your body looks like. Sometimes when it comes to clothing, more is more...a lot of guys look better when they hint at their sexuality rather than display it. And if you want people to know you're a cumdump, you can always, you know, tell them.

I still pick up guys at the bar every now and then. But mostly either BBRT, Growlr, or Scruff. Or a bathhouse. Sex party if I can set one up or get an invitation. I do find I'm really missing CL for full on anonymous action. I wish there were a good replacement.

I FUCKING LOVE that kind of scene. Sitting here stroking just thinking about it. I wish Americans would get into it and venues offer it. Unfortunately, compared with the Europeans I know, most Americans, even our gay guys, are fucking prudes.

That boy needs to start fucking guys for recreational sex.

I'm an exhibitionist, so I have zero objection to my sex scenes being distributed as widely as possible. I don't have many of them though, mostly because I find the results of amateur videos disappointing. Still, I'm always thrilled to see what my ass looks like when it's filled by a hot raw cock or dripping with sperm. I will admit that I once did a very bad thing that nevertheless turned me on a lot. I'd set up a Craigslist hookup to have a guy come breed my ass. And I was talking about it in a chat room that had video capabilities. And as I was telling the other guys in the chat room about the impending hookup, I couldn't resist turning on my webcam while turning off my monitor when my hookup arrived. So everyone in the chatroom got to watch me get fucked by some random guy, which he did not know. It was a huge turn on for me. And the audience loved it. But it really was wrong, and hopefully no-one captured the video.

Well I get where you're coming from with glory holes. Fucking through them can be a pain, even if you're lucky enough to have a long cock. Most of the time the bottom ends up doing a lot of the work, riding it, which some tops may not like. But if you and I both relish completely anonymous scenes, we are actually pretty special and "out there." Not everyone patronizes places where gloryholes, dark rooms and the like may be found, and of those that do, I find few are generally willing to fuck a completely unknown man bareback (oddly enough, I find it's usually easier to find a bottom willing to take an anon load than a top willing to give one). Most would say that the risks of sex like that (STIs, HIV, having sex with an "undesirable" etc.) are far too great. You and I may think they're wrong...we both value getting fucked and bred or planting our seed in the right place. But we are a distinct minority.

James, where do you use these things? When we pull out the dildos, it's usually part of a fairly long and involved scene, involving cleaning out, and some pretty intense ass play that will likely result in some audible moaning and groaning. Ditto for poppers and lube, most commonly used for sex (unless you use lube to JO, in which case I'd say the appropriate place for it is on your nightstand). Are you playing with dildos or bringing guys over to have sex in your parents' house? If so, chances are that you'll likely be caught sooner or later regardless of where you store things when they're not in use. You are an adult and so entitled to a sex life, just like anyone else. And you do have expectations of privacy. But on the other hand, there's also the matter of being respectful of your parents' home and the other people you live with. So given that, I'd suggest you keep this stuff in an unmarked box in your closet. And if someone snoops and comes across it, I'd just nonchalantly say, "The dildos, lube and poppers are for my ass. They feel great! Wanna see?" I guarantee that the problem will be solved immediately. It's amazing how powerful it is when you're not ashamed of who you are and what you're doing.

Cumjunkie, that ass is a thing of beauty! If I saw you ass up and face down, I'd definitely shove my cock in ya!

Ink and piercings are a huge turn-on for me too. Among my many "types" I've got a huge thing for blue collar guys, street punks, rednecks and trailer trash, where piercings and especially tattoos are often found. Beyond that, I'm a firm believer that, especially as far as ink is concerned, it ought to be something unique to and reflective of you. So a slutty tatt is pretty much ideal. But if you want to advertise that you're a slut, actions speak louder than anything else. Public sex usually does the trick.

So years ago, when I was still in the Army, there was a bookstore not far from my barracks that had one particular booth that was perfect for me. I'd go in, drop my trousers, and put my ass to one glory hole and bend over to suck cock through another (with a third glory hole across from the door that allowed guys to watch the action). God damn it was hot taking anonymous cock and cum from both ends! A close second was the feeling of walking back into the barracks afterward with anonymous loads leaking out of my wet, cum filled fuck-hole. I always wondered if anyone else ever caught that heavenly scent on me. (This habit of mine also led to an uncomfortable conversation with an Army PA about why my case of gonorrhea wasn't showing up in my dick LOL) Unfortunately, I haven't had much chance to get into that kind of scene lately. Truly anonymous scenes often scare off a lot of guys; it takes a special kind of pig to truly not care at all who you're having sex with. Note that guys advertising anonymous "face-down-ass-up" scenes often have to give away a fair amount of information about themselves in order to find a top willing to come over and fuck them. The sad reality is that far too many are still put off by the perceived risk of barebacking and anonymous fucking. I live in a city where we are fortunate enough to have a bar with a backroom, but you almost never see anyone getting plowed there (and if you do see someone fucking there, say hi...it's probably me). Even in bathhouses there's not as much fucking and breeding in public areas as I'd like to see. Sad but true.

I will say that the day will come for you that you will value the friendships that you have more than the anonymous cocks that you can find in the park. I will also say that the day will come where it becomes much harder to get those anonymous cocks to fuck you. Take care that when that day comes that you've put the effort into keeping and maintaining your circle of friends. Lastly, there are some, perhaps many gay guys out there who choose their friends on the basis of what they look like. It's only natural to be drawn to men we find attractive, it's true. But the attractive men don't always make for the best friends. In fact, attractive men can often be vain and needy and self-centered. Try to choose your friends on the basis of other qualities if you can.

This is what I get for not reading the thread. OK, sounds like you're ditching the guy because he's unattractive to you physically and has a personality you don't care for. So here's the thing: it costs you zero to be civil to other people in our community. If you see him out and about, you can smile, nod, and move on. If you see him in the right context, like a bar or whatever, you can politely make small talk for a couple minutes before excusing yourself to go get another drink or something. If he hits on you, you obviously always have the right to say no. Be honest but polite. "Hey man, thanks, I'm flattered but we're not a good match," is fine. In the overwhelming majority of cases, that will be all there is to it. Now, obviously if it's heading in a different direction, if, say, he keeps trying to get in your pants after you've told him no, then yeah, deal with that firmly. If he keeps trying to socialize with you more than the acquaintance-level stuff I'm talking about here, then you can be polite but firm. "Please leave me alone," works if he's not taking the hint. But if you decide to treat him like shit just because he's overweight or shy or nerdy, that makes you the asshole. And others will see how you're acting. And you really do not want to have the reputation of being an asshole, especially when you are no longer young and pretty. Life is hard enough on all of us as it is. There's no call to go about making someone else's life even more difficult than it already is. Be friendly wherever you can be. It costs you nothing and will make you someone people really enjoy being around.

Could you elaborate on this, please? Because my advice on how to proceed depends on why you ditched this guy as a friend.

Excellent point. My advice here would be, be positive about what you do like rather than negative about what you don't. Be realistic about the kind of men out there, or expect that you'll only get laid once in a blue moon. And show flexibility. I also strongly suggest stepping outside your comfort zone sexually now and then. If you're a total bottom, fuck a guy. If you're a total top, take a load. If you've only ever been with white guys, hook up with someone of a different race. Or an age that's outside you're usual comfort zone. Or a different body type. Hit up someone who's into a particular kink and say, "I've never done that before, would you be willing to show me the ropes?" Learn to appreciate all of the wonderful sexual diversity out there. Hell, you might even consider fucking a woman just to see what it's like.