PhoenixGeoff

Yeah, that's kind of the problem. The online sites have displaced a lot of the action that used to take place elsewhere. I guess a lot of it really boils down to knowing where you live and what kind of action can be found where. And, of course, if getting laid really is a priority in your life, you probably should be looking at finding somewhere to live that will support that. Conversely, if you need to live in a smaller town with fewer guys around, understand that part of the price you will pay is less available action. In which case, travel is probably your best bet. You can use the online sites to help things along. When I was a truck driver, the mobile apps were pretty much my lifeline for finding guys. But my experience is that they'll never be as reliable a means of hooking up as a good cruisy bar used to be.

Personally, I like sex with men in all its manifestations. That includes playing with and enjoying his cock and balls and getting him to shoot a load. I love it when a bottom I'm fucking gets hard. I also love all the myriad things testosterone does to the male body, and testosterone is produced mostly by your nuts. So no, I'm probably not going to get into fucking a eunuch.

1) Online hookup sites suck. Especially if you live outside of a major city. You may get some action from them, but never as much as you think seems likely. 2) Having said that, I've noticed that there are certain things you can do to improve your odds a bit. First of all, have good, high quality, recent pictures. Try to have them taken by someone with a good eye for photography. Include a good face picture. Don't be shy about showing off. Second, you probably don't want to mention inexperience too much. Never mention anything that could potentially turn away guys for no reason. You've had enough experience to know what you like, which is all that counts. 3) You don't mention this, but if you are the shy type, waiting for others to approach you, you need to get over that. Send messages to men you see online that you are attracted to. Avoid "oinks" and "woofs" and the like. They do express interest but little else. Far better to send a message that says something like, "I love your profile, your pics are hot, I saw you're into X, that's my favorite thing, what are you doing tonight?" Actually read their profiles, don't just look at pictures. You may find someone with a common interest who could become either a friend or FWB (or a fuck or a relationship). 4) Become comfortable with rejection. Hooking up is a numbers game. There are going to be a number of "nos" before you get to a "yes". Try not to get hung up on that really hot guy you know you'd be perfect for (I can be guilty of this). If necessary, block his profile so you don't get all stalkery. 5) When you find a good fuck, and he's into you, keep up the relationship. A good stable of regular fuckbuds will help keep you happy.

The supplements and everything are great and all that, but I've personally found the biggest boost to my libido has been diet, exercise and sleep. WRT to exercise, I think weightlifting boosts my testosterone and hence my desire to fuck and my hardons. Cardio, especially longer distance higher intensity (e.g. running for 30 minutes+) on the other hand, seems to boost the size of my loads for some reason.

Read this. I can personally attest to the effectiveness of Pygeum. I have a friend who used Ogoplex and said he had a lot of success with it, but I haven't tried it myself and the site kind of looks like one of those Enzyte-like scams to me.

As I recall when I got a PA, it took me about a month before I fucked someone the first time. Be careful fucking with a higher gauge (thinner) PA. They're liable to hurt more, both you and the bottom. It's because the force behind your fucking is applied over a smaller area, so they can end up feeling like you're fucking with a dull knife. Be aware that this increases the likelihood of HIV transmission. My suggestion would be to move towards lower gauge PAs as quickly as you can. Always get the new one professionally sized and installed. No need to go all the way to a huge 00 (although taking one of those up your ass is fucking hot!), but you don't want to stay with an 8 or 10 or whatever you started out with.

It's funny...one of the bars here did a '70s themed blackout party (complete with an old school DJ spinning vinyl!) and precisely because it captured the vibe so well (complete with backroom), it really drove home just how much things have changed. Perhaps I'm becoming a curmudgeon in my old age, but I'm really starting to come around to the opinion that quite a lot of the technological changes we have seen over the course of my lifetime have been for the worse. I look now at what the Internet brings to me that is unabashedly positive. I can only think of a few things and they are all research tools I use for work. Let's face it: online hookup sites have ruined cruising. They draw us in with the promise of easy sex. But how often do they really deliver? Yes, I've gotten hookups that way, but it's hit-or-miss. And the honest truth is sometimes it really is easier to use it as masturbation material. I'm as guilty of that as anyone else. Meanwhile, if you can find a bar with a backroom, if you have your cock out stroking, at the very least someone is going to give you head. Let's face it: widespread cheap porn has ruined sex. It's way too easy to say "Fuck it" and not go through the hassle of getting laid and just stay home and rub one out to a video. That and it sets expectations that real life will never be able to live up to, at least not on any consistent basis. That's the problem: porn has gotten too good, too varied and too available. In the past you might have a few VHS tapes that had models that probably weren't exactly your thing having lackluster sex. Now Rule 34 is in full effect, and you can vicariously enjoy exactly the kind of sex with the kind of men you always wanted. It's a much stronger competitor for the real thing than it used to be. And it's only getting worse. VR will be a disaster. And I really hope the day never comes when really good sex bots are a thing, because they will kill real sex almost completely. Even sites like this are a problem. I don't really want to talk about having sex. I want to have sex. The sorts of conversations we have here really never came up all that much in real life prior to the internet, except perhaps in the most fleeting of ways. Why? Because if we were face-to-face talking about sex, our cocks were going to be out two seconds later. And really, how many ways is it possible to have the same conversation over and over again? "I really love getting fucked raw and taking loads!" "Really? That's hot...so do I!" "And I really love fucking ass bareback!" "HOT!!!" That's a good 95% of this site right there. Again, it's that vicarious thrill, this time from thinking about and talking about our fantasies, rather than watching them. Just like with porn, it's not quite as good as the real thing, but all too often good enough. But it's so hard to stay away from all this precisely because it is good enough. It kinda makes me wish I could get internet access that blocked out all the sex sites, the porn, the hookup sites (and all the other time sucks like Facebook and Twitter and all that). More than that, it's killing our local communities. How many guys don't do bars now because they can just sit online? How many guys don't support their local leather shop who actually makes what he sells because we can order stuff mass produced in China from some website? Every minute you are sitting here instead of getting out of the house is a minute that could have been spent getting laid, or actually having real friends, or doing something in a real, not virtual, community. That's what the internet is: Virtual. Good enough. No effort needed. And the price we pay for "good enough" is the mindblowing awesomeness of the real thing (that yes, does take a little work). It's a shitty trade. We're stuck with internet mediocrity.

I remember Bareback City, and that it eventually became unusable due to its popularity (the owners, as I recall, basically were footing the bill for the site themselves). So the only reason I'll nitpick over when "bareback" became the accepted term for condomless sex, is that I'm pretty sure I remember reading an article before I enlisted (i.e. pre '95) which talked about straight female hookers in San Francisco charging for "bareback blowjobs". Although the SF connection suggests that the term could easily have jumped from gay men to straight sex workers. On the other hand that also suggests that the term was generally in the air at the time. I hope we can get together sometime...I would absolutely love to fuck a load into a guy who was so involved with all the stuff you got into. I sometimes wish I'd spent those years whoring around So Cal myself instead of being in the Army LOL. But loading up your ass seems like the least I could do in appreciation!

My guess is you're putting too much pressure on yourself to perform. Getting anxiety about getting it up is probably the biggest surefire boner-killer there is. I think the secret here is to shift your focus. Don't worry so much about fucking. Instead just concentrate on him. Get thoroughly into the sex without any preconceived ideas of how it's going to proceed. You may also find that there are certain things that get you hard and ready to fuck. For me it's playing with a guy's hole or fucking his face.

So, excellent question! I'm all in favor of more bottom guys being willing to top, at least now and then. Helps sort out the imbalance a bit. A lot of people seem to be on to the thought that this is a mental block. I think this is quite right. And I think there are a few ways to get around it. First of all, look at where you get your pleasure from when you have sex. Are you really attracted to the man you're with? Or are you really focused on cock in your ass? I hope you're more keyed in on your partner, because that will make you a much better lover. But there are a lot of guys who are just all about getting fucked. If that's you then step one is finding a guy whom you're really attracted to, whom you really want to make happy, who makes you willing to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do. OK, so you got a hot fucking stud that you're drooling over. Next step: slow the fuck down. You've got this guy...enjoy him! Do you even remember how hot it can be just making out with a dude? On the couch, kissing madly, hands all over each other, fully clothed? Do you remember the excitement of the first moment you slid your hand under his shirt and felt his chest? The art of undressing each other without stopping kissing for even a moment? Guys...when you have that energy between you, that shit is HOT! What I'm getting at here is the lost art of foreplay. That brilliant moment when time stands still and you don't give a flying fuck if the rest of the world burns because there is nothing more that you want that this man, right here, in your arms, right now. (BTW, this is why cruising in RL will ALWAYS be superior to online hookups because when you pick up in a bar, the foreplay starts right there in the bar and carries on that mad drive home where you've both got your cocks out and he's going down on you as you drive....) Now foreplay is fucking hot in and of itself, but it also serves a very useful purpose: it gets your dick rock fucking hard. This brings me to step three: ditch all of your expectations for how the night is going to play out. If your love life resembles that badly scripted porn where you can practically hear the director going, "And now, position 2, and SWITCH! ...[20 minutes go by in position 2]... and now, position 3, and SWITCH!" then you're doing it horribly wrong. Bring back the spontaneity! Bring back the fucking romance! I fucking LOVE that moment when we're in bed and we're naked and lost in each other and our hands are roaming all over each others' bodies and I haven't got a fucking clue what's going to happen next, only that it's going to be hot as fuck. Read your partner, let him read you. Maybe your hand wanders to his ass and starts holding his glutes with fingers sliding into his crack...maybe you feel him tending slightly and hear just the slightest moan as your fingertip brushes his hole. And it's entirely possible you're both rock hard and neither one of you has even touched either cock yet. Feel him out...does he want you to take charge? Maybe be more aggressive? Roll him over, hold him down, play with his hole (God, is there anything hotter than that beautiful cleft on a man? Forget about fucking, assholes should be worshiped in so many different ways!) When the time comes, you'll be ready to go. And you will enter him because being joined to him is what you want...need...more than anything else, because you've been building and building up to this moment all night long. Your desire to invade him will crescendo. And as you watch your cock sink inside him, you'll know there is nothing better in the world than two men joined together this way. At this point, you're beyond thought. Your instincts will take care of the rest. Though take the time to gaze into his eyes as your cock is sliding in and out of him and see in his expression the intense pleasure you are giving him, especially at that instant when your own body tenses and he knows what you are giving him. That's how you learn to top again. (Incidentally, a big part of this is being completely willing to enjoy the scene and being OK if no-one gets off. Sometimes that happens as we get older. Some of the hottest sex I've had has involved me taking more of a top role, even when I couldn't get hard enough to fuck that night. You just have to trust that with the right man, it doesn't matter what you do...you know you're going to have fun no matter what.) Don't worry about the sensitivity. That goes away with time, practice and experience. All it means is that you need to have sex and take on the top role more. It's a problem that will fix itself. Plus I find that if I'm so turned on that I shoot too soon, I'm almost always good for another round, even at my age. And the second time around, I always last much longer.

Well now, you see, back in my day, we didn't have no fancy PrEP or HAART...just condoms and lingering deaths and we LIKED it! Nah, not really. The future's pretty cool. I think there is a message that's floating around with the younger guys that HIV isn't really a big deal. It's a testimony to all the hard work and success of the researchers and doctors and even the guinea pigs who allowed ourselves to be experimented on a little bit in order to get us to where we are today. And so there's probably some complacency out there, which I suppose is good news if you like barebacking, but not so good if you're looking to limit the spread of HIV (it IS expensive to treat and it WILL likely end up killing me in the end, one way or another, so we really ought to take care not to spread it if we can). Some of it is really just youthful exuberance. I certainly remember feeling like I'd live forever. HIV was the first turning point in that realization that my time here is finite and the world will quite happily keep on turning without my presence and for that I'm grateful. On the other hand, I also remember sometimes subscribing to the "live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse" philosophy (or its nihilistic variant the "Fuck it!" philosophy)...what a bunch of hooey that was! Either way the end result was the same. The pozzing stories have been around since at least the '90s and probably earlier (I know the terms "gift giver" and "bug chaser" go back at least 20 some odd years) so my guess is there's always going to be a small subset of guys for whom HIV is their kink, and those guys have a decent chance of ending up here sooner or later. I doubt there are many of them (especially if we don't include the tweakers who only feel that way when they're fucked up; I personally don't, on the grounds that if you need a drug to get kinky, you're probably really straightlaced by nature). I got a feeling that the crowd we get around here isn't very representative of gay guys at large.

So this is the crucial bit of information. You have a choice to make. Like Mick Jagger said, you can't always get what you want. So what is important to you? Sex with strangers or your relationship? Because I'll tell you this right now: you can't have both. Not indefinitely. Sooner or later something will happen that will give you away. Your online profile will turn up. You'll catch an STD. You'll run into a trick with your bf somewhere. Your manner will change because you're lying. Something will go wrong. It always does. I will tell you this. That cheatingjock guy up there? Yeah, I'd probably fuck him. But I wouldn't want to date him. Because I'd know he wasn't trustworthy. If you decide to go ahead and fuck around behind your partner's back, you put more than the relationship on the line. What is your personal word and honor worth to you? If those things don't matter much to you, if you're willing to lie and cheat and sneak just to get a little action on the side, then you're not much of a man. Yes, being men, it's really hard to limit ourselves. Yes, being gay, we have much greater opportunities for sex. That's all well and good. But none of that means that we don't have integrity. Don't sell yourself out with this.

Personally, when I was a teenager, growing up in a fairly well-off, liberal family, to the extent I was aware of guns, I couldn't understand why anyone would want one and thought they were a little dangerous and scary. My time in the Army cured me of that. I don't own any guns or rifles now, but would have no objection to any of the people I know owning them (and a few do; I live in Arizona, which has very liberal gun laws). My experience is that having some good solid training in how to store, care for and handle weapons took away the fear of them for me and helped me to see them for what they are: a tool. Does the relative availability of guns increase my personal risk? Sure it does, a little. Not as much as getting behind the wheel of my car and driving with the nutjobs out on I-17 though. Risk is a part of life. That's why we bareback, right? A life that was 100% safe would be pretty damn boring. Seems to me, personally, that the freedom to own a weapon is worth a little bit of elevated risk.

American by birth. Also have Canadian citizenship (and yes, would be Trump exiles, I am assembling a harem to bring over the border LOL) Background is 50% Polish, 50% Kentucky hillbilly. It's a mix I like.

Yeah, if you really want to have sex with other men, why not open up the relationship? What's the worst that could happen? Your partner says no. Then you have your answer and you just carry on like you have been (and it sounds like you've been really happy with this guy). What's the best that could happen? Hmm...how about, next time your partner takes off on a business trip, you bring this Grindr guy over and covertly set up a Skype link with your partner so he can watch this stranger nailing your ass and jack off a massive load to it? OR, you and your partner start taking trips together to some gay resort where you do nothing but lay out by the pool naked sipping cocktails while you arrange your next three-way? I'm sure someone else can come up with something even better. One suggestion: before you do anything at all regarding this decision (including everything from contacting this guy again to having the conversation about opening things up with your partner), I would like you to do one thing: I would like you to sit down and hand write a minimum 300 word paper that is all about the reasons why you are grateful to have your partner in your life. After you have done that, then do the next right thing. (Oh, and you might consider, the next time you two go out for a date, pulling out that little letter, reading it out loud to him over dessert, and giving it to him to keep. Up to you.)

You know, you really need to post face pics and your location so we'll recognize you and know you to go ahead and fuck you in this situation.

#4 is a lie. You know you love it.

As a bottom I pretty habitually get fucked with only spit for lube. A little on my ass, a little on his cock and we're good to go. As a top, I'm uncut, so I have issues fucking a bottom dry, especially if he's tight. My foreskin gets kind of hung up in his asshole and then as I push into him, it at first rolls back and then pulls on the head of my dick. Painful, and not in a good way. At a minimum I need some spit to get inside, unless he's already well fucked and lubed up with other guys' cum. Then, no worries...I'm in like Flynn.

Some basic safety suggestions first: Do you know and trust at least one of these guys well? If all of these guys are strangers (especially if they know each other), then I would seriously suggest not getting into a bondage scene. Simple reason: if things go sideways, you need to be able to assert your right to say no. As hot as the loss of control can be, having your property stolen or getting seriously hurt is not fun. Use some common sense. As for what happens within the scene, when I'm being an aggressive top, I'm willing to entertain suggestions from the bottom prior to the beginning of the scene. But frankly, if you want guys who are basically going to take what they want (which is what it sounds like), I really don't want to hear about your desires. I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Let them know what your boundaries are, but otherwise give carte blanche. Trust me: it's hotter when you don't know what's going to happen next. With that in mind, another safety rule: have a safe word. That way you can scream "No!" all you want and they'll keep on pushing you. That can be really hot too. Again, I strongly advise you to look carefully at who these men are. If you don't know them well, or at all, then I'd suggest and more standard fuck session one-on-one with each of them prior to the four way. At the very least, make sure you're comfortable with and have had good experiences with whichever top is taking the lead role.

The point is he had no way of knowing what your wishes were. You were unable to express them. The fact that his choice happened to coincide with what you wanted to have happen is irrelevant.

Been a while since I did one of these. So where did I get my last load? In the sleeper berth of a Volvo tractor-trailer. I had decided to take a roll of the dice and post to Craigslist. I seem to have reasonably decent success with arranging hookups via CL, but there's a lot of flakiness and frustration too. There have been times when I've had multiple lines on hookups and it looks like the hardest part is going to be coordinating them all so that no-one runs into the person in the next time slot. But then inevitably, things will go nowhere and the whole thing ends in wishes for what might have been. So it went today. After a promising start, one rejected me for my HIV status. One simply flaked. One was just weird. But the last guy was the one I struck up the longest conversation with. And he turned out to be a truck driver who was just settling into Phoenix for the next few days. He was actually kind enough to drop his trailer at the truck stop and drive his tractor into town to a parking place close to me. But more than anything else, it was a bit of a nostalgia trip, getting fucked on that narrow sleeper mattress, reminding me of when I used to drive over-the-road and would try to arrange hookups wherever I thought I was going to be parking that night. So it ended well. A good deed done for a brother truck driver. A load for my ass from him in return. And a little trip down memory lane. Plus I've attached another souvenir: that's his raw cock in my hairy ass in the picture.

I tend to prefer hairy men generally. Hell, I think back hair is sexy. So yeah, hairy ass for me too. There's something about a big huge hairy hulk of a man aching for a cock up his hairy asshole. Woof! You asked about general rules of attractiveness for men and body hair. I'd say that there aren't really any. If you look at the advertising marketers use, you'll see both hairy and smooth guys held up as ideals. Body hair does seem to be more associated with a more adult masculinity perhaps. The only general rule is that, depending on how it comes in, you may need to trim it to keep it looking good.

The first thing that needs to be said is that fucking someone who's unconscious or passed out isn't "practically rape," it is rape in the eyes of the law. Now these cases typically involve sorority girls who drink too much rather than guys in bathhouses, but the point still stands and a top who fucked a passed out guy could technically be prosecuted. From the perspective of being a bottom, I'm of two minds about this. I really love the idea of the anonymity...the not knowing who fucked me. But I also really, really enjoy the experience of getting fucked and if I wasn't present for that, I'd kind of feel like I'd missed out. I guess I'd put it this way. If it happened, I'd be fine with it. But it's not a scenario I'd seek out for myself. As a top, I'd leave you alone. I want my bottoms responsive enough to participate in the sex. If all you're going to do is just lie there, I'll find someone else.

I would say, since it's never been a big deal for you, then leave well enough alone. We've got a medical system in this country that has all kinds of incentives to turn anything and everything into a "condition" that requires expensive interventions. I'd suggest sticking with the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" motto. I'll also add that on the very few occasions I've run into a top with a downward curve like yours, I've always thoroughly enjoyed the encounter. You might even consider advertising it more prominently. The novelty factor my end up helping you get more business!

My rules of sexual etiquette for hooking up 1) Take rejection with good grace. If a guy is not into you, no matter how perfect he is for you, it ain't gonna happen. My practice is to block men who turn me down due to lack of interest on their part. It keeps me from bothering them in the future. 2) If a man shows interest but demurs due to commitments or not being prepared or whatever, take it at face value and with good grace. Always assume honesty. Corollary to one and two: When declining, always respond and always be honest about why you are declining. If you're not attracted, say so (nicely). Don't just ignore a message, and don't string him along. 3) Be honest in your responses. Keep your profiles up to date, with reasonably recent pictures. Especially do not lie about drug usage or HIV status (leaving those blank in a profile is OK, but if asked about them, respond honestly) Be up front about condom usage, PrEP and barebacking. 4) Have profile pictures. At a minimum, show your face and body. They can be private if you like, but have them to share. 5) Do not post a quick hook up ad unless you are ready to go right now. 6) Once you lock in a hookup (i.e. there have been an address and phone numbers exchanged) then no more cruising. Even while you're waiting for him to arrive. Take down any hookup ads and log out of hookup sites. If you're traveling, don't dilly-dally around, but get what you need and get on the road. From the moment you commit to a hookup to when you have sex, your focus should be on that one scene, not finding others. 6a) If you've been working a few guys in parallel and two or more pan out at the same time, let them know what has happened and offer to get together later. I guarantee you, if he is a real pig, he's going to understand. I always appreciate it when guys are up front with me instead of simply disappearing when things seemed to be going well. 7) Be understanding when scenes don't play out exactly as you had envisioned them. Sometimes this is a good thing! Go with the flow. 7a) If you are a top, understand that sometimes, shit happens, despite the bottom's best efforts. Be understanding. and be as open as you can to continuing the scene in other ways. 7b) If you are a bottom, understand that sometimes, no matter how hot things are, the top simply won't be able to get it up, or cum, or whatever. Be understanding, and be as open as you can to continuing the scene in other ways. Hint: pressuring a guy to get hard is a surefire way to keep it from ever happening. 8) In a three-way or group, try to pay attention to everyone involved over the course of the scene. 9) You are not the focus of everyone's attention in a group scene (unless the group has explicitly been set up for that purpose). Don't hog the sling. 10) Cultivate versatility. Especially if you're a bottom. You'll see a hell of a lot more action if you're willing to top now and then. 11) In a public sex scene, feel free to approach and offer to join in, but remember, no means no. 12) When posting an ad, offer broad guidelines for what you're looking for (age ranges, body types, demeanor). Be descriptive about your own appearance and interests (Hint: calling yourself "hot" or "good looking" is totally meaningless; you and I probably have very different ideas of what we find attractive) Corollary: When responding to an ad, read it first. If you don't fall into the guidelines offered (e.g. he says he likes men 30-50 and you're 21, or he's looking to get fucked and you're a bottom) then don't respond. And don't get offended by someone's preferences. Even if they're racial. Gay guys are in no position to bitch out someone for whom he is attracted to. 13) No hard drugs unless it's really that kind of party. If in doubt, ask. Ask before using poppers, 420, drinking, smoking, etc. Some guys are allergic; many rentals ban indoor smoking. And don't overdo it. Guys who are sloppy drunk can't get it up and give shit blowjobs. Bottom line: we're all here looking for fun. Be respectful, be considerate, and be attentive to your partner(s) desires. Any others?