PhoenixGeoff

Personally, I don't see it that way. Both roles are highly masculine to me. I love a manly man who looks me in the eye and spreads his legs and takes my cock deep. I would never fuck a pussy. I don't think you are a real man unless and until you got the balls to take another guy's dick.

My general profile advice. Standards are sexy. Don't say stuff like "Will take ANY raw cock!" I know you're a slut. You're on a hookup site. We're all sluts. But geez, at least try to make me feel like you find me somewhat attractive. (Note: don't be too obnoxious with this. For example, if you're a size queen, it's OK to say so. But insisting that only men with 9+ inches fuck you is unrealistic unless you're an A-list porn star.) Try not to come across as a greedy, needy bottom. The last thing I want to hear from you is "Do you have any friends who are also tops you can bring?" Remember: we're getting into this scene for BOTH of us. Also, demanding the top show up RIGHT NOW or it's off forecloses on the possibility of sex in the future. Not smart. Read my profile. Think of that first contact as kinda like putting in a job application. You want to show that you'd be a good fit for the top (pun very much intended). So, my profiles usually say, "I tend to go for guys between 30 and 60." If you're outside that age range, you might say something like, "I know you don't usually go for guys my age, but we really line up when it comes to X, Y and Z." That sort of thing. Be specific in your own profile. If your first message is a job application, your profile is your resume. For example, I've often seen 50-something guys say "I'm only into younger guys." What does that mean? I'm in my mid-40s, so I'm younger than you. Or do you mean guys in their 20s? If you have a preference, state it clearly. It will help us find each other. Having and expressing your preferences shows me that you have standards, which is sexy. If you don't have any standards at all, then you're probably beneath mine. And a profile full of "Ask Me's" gets ignored. Not really germane to the question, but a couple pet peeves: 1) Don't ghost. If something comes up, something comes up. I'll understand. And I'll appreciate knowing whether or not to expect this to go forward. 2) If I hit you up and you can't or don't want to hook up, please have the courtesy to tell me. And let me know if you not interested at all, or if you'd like to hook up but can't right now, so I know if I should hit you up later or not. 3) Be truthful. Have up to date pics. Include your true HIV status. Have your accurate age, dick size, and other stats. Also, if you are using drugs of any kind, please be very honest and up front about that (as in tell me in your first message, even if I don't ask). Lots of guys out there are recovering from drug problems (myself included) and it can be incredibly dangerous to walk into a situation where they are or have been present (even if you put them away...trust me, I know what you've been up to).

I'm a big fan of slutty pigs, so it's always a turn on watching any hot guy taking dick. My fav is walking in on him at home and he's got some dude over buried in his ass and being totally surprised. That one is hard to time, of course, so it doesn't happen much. But yeah, watching my bf have sex is hot. Get's my dick nice and hard. Sometimes it turns into a three way. Sometimes I just watch. Sometimes I slide in after and feel the cum in him. Sometimes I end up getting the dick myself. You never know, which is a big part of the fun.

We've done this sort of thing together. My partner and I both enjoy putting on a show for others as well as involving them in our play. When we go to a sex party or something, we'll wander around both together and separately. One of my favorite things is to come across him getting nailed good hard and deep from both ends.

This may be true. I'd talk it over with him first. If he hasn't engaged in any ass play before, start out very small and slow and work your way up to getting your dick in him. Let him get used to his ass being a sexual organ. Lots of rimming, followed by careful fingering, perhaps a toy or two. It might take more than one session before he's ready for your cock. Virgins demand patience. And absolutely make sure you have a good, long conversation about HIV and other STDs with him. He can assess the risks himself and make his own decisions of course, but in order to make an informed decision, he needs to be actually informed. Properly informed. To be clear: you should not be influencing him to take you raw in any way whatsoever; just present the facts neutrally and objectively, let him do his own research, and then respect his decisions.

Unfortunately, we're probably responsible for that. As acceptance has increased and we've felt more comfortable checking others out, some of us are probably more obvious about our leering than we used to be. Anyways, the overwhelming majority of guys are not at the gym to hook up with you. Don't care how hot you are. And even if you do find someone to play with, the overwhelming majority of people absolutely do not want to see you getting busy. Please respect others. Life does not imitate porn. But if you really want to hook up, then rediscover cruising. The first step, as others have said, is to advertise your availability. Which doesn't mean grabbing your hardon while staring at the guy on the ab machine; don't do that--it's gross. Subtlety is the key here. Your signals should be picked up only by guys who may be interested. An article of clothing is fine. I often will wear old bar t-shirts for instance. Next step is eye contact. If that seems to be going along alright, perhaps a smile. And if that is returned, strike up a conversation. But please go elsewhere if you meet with success.

Depending on your budget as well, you may find it makes more sense to stay in a hotel and get a day pass for a resort. Rooms at the resorts tend to be a lot more expensive than at a regular hotel. Plus, if your resort turns out to be a dud, you can always go and check a different one. Incidentally, IIRC, there are Cumunion parties at CCBC from time to time. That's a good time to go visit.

Out of curiosity, is there a reason why you are collecting this information? Also, I used all of the sites mentioned in your survey at one time or another, but I don't really recall exactly when I started using them or indeed when they were around.

That's a tough one. Because you do have a duty to protect your top's privacy, but also have a duty to protect your friend. My way of resolving the dilemma would be to tell your friend a very hot story about him loading up your ass with an emphasis on the stealth nature and how much you got off on it. Make sure you include the part about pretending to use a condom and all that. That ought to give him sufficient warning. Meanwhile, all you're doing is telling a very hot story about what an awesome fuck the top guy is.

First time I ever went to a DILF party I ended up getting fucked (briefly) on the dance floor. I'd say that was a bit of a giveaway. Depending on the dress code they enforce there (which will be based on your local laws) dress to show your availability. Boots and a jockstap is a good outfit if you can wear it (there's a clothes check at the DILF parties I've been to). Jocks are great because there's lots of easy access to all of your equipment. Bear in mind that the evening at these things tends to evolve as people drink (or their drugs kick in). Action at the club tends to be pretty sparse where I am, but what does happen tends to happen later on, some time after midnight. Do respect your bouncers while you're there. Try to be fairly discreet and if you are told to stop doing something, then stop.

You sound like fun. So another advantage to being more sexually experienced is that you'll have a wider repertoire to draw on. I'm a pretty big and strong guy, and I very frequently do perform as a bit of a piledriver since that plays to my strengths. A lot of the experienced bottoms who get off on that sort of masculine energy really seem to appreciate it. But it's important to me to be able to do more than that, to take that longer and more sensual route. And to have a number of techniques to draw on that will keep the bottom's attention as the sensations you're giving him change. Same thing applies to bottoms too: obviously cocksucking is a great artform with many techniques to draw on, but I've fucked men who were virtuosos with their assholes and who could give me all kinds of great sensations as I fucked them. This is yet another reason why I tend to shy away from the younger guys. Most of them are simply not experienced enough to be able to perform like that. Give me a well-trained slut any day lol

" Men of my age flock together; we are birds of a feather, as the old proverb says; and at our meetings the tale of my acquaintance commonly is --I cannot eat, I cannot drink; the pleasures of youth and love are fled away: there was a good time once, but now that is gone, and life is no longer life. Some complain of the slights which are put upon them by relations, and they will tell you sadly of how many evils their old age is the cause. But to me, Socrates, these complainers seem to blame that which is not really in fault. For if old age were the cause, I too being old, and every other old man, would have felt as they do. But this is not my own experience, nor that of others whom I have known. How well I remember the aged poet Sophocles, when in answer to the question, How does love suit with age, Sophocles, --are you still the man you were? Peace, he replied; most gladly have I escaped the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I had escaped from a mad and furious master. His words have often occurred to my mind since, and they seem as good to me now as at the time when he uttered them. For certainly old age has a great sense of calm and freedom; when the passions relax their hold, then, as Sophocles says, we are freed from the grasp not of one mad master only, but of many. The truth is, Socrates, that these regrets, and also the complaints about relations, are to be attributed to the same cause, which is not old age, but men's characters and tempers; for he who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden." -Plato, Republic, Book 1.

It's stuff like this that makes me thank my lucky stars that my tastes in men have always been around my own age or older. I do mess around with younger guys too now that I'm in my 40s, but in most cases I don't really go for anyone below 30. So I'm about 8" long and fairly thick. Not the biggest guy in the world, but big enough to attract favorable attention. I can't say that I've had much trouble with guys not being able to take it since I gave up using condoms many moons ago. The rubbers could be very problematic since they had all that increased friction. Barebacking solves much of the problem and fucking experienced bottoms solves the rest. Oddly enough, I do happen to recall one guy who gave me a lot of trouble as a bottom. Very handsome guy. Decent cock, a bit above average but nothing too crazy. Girth was probably normal. Shouldn't have been any trouble at all. But then he got me on my back with my legs spread in the air and there's where my troubles began, not because of the size of his dick, but because of its shape. Our bodies were such that when we lined up that way, each thrust of his hit a really uncomfortable spot inside me. Not painful, exactly, but very unpleasant. I toughed it out because that's what I tend to do in situations like that, but it ended up being a difficult fuck. I've never, ever had that happen with any other man besides him, so his cock must have been the one in a million that just ended up being just wrong for me. Of course, the sensible thing to do would have been to suggest a change in position, but as I recall, he had a big thing about looking in the eyes of his bottom. And I'm stubborn enough to put up with a situation like that just to prove to myself that I'm tough enough to handle it.

So, a couple thoughts here. 1) The current situation is completely crazy. There are far too many firearms out there that are far too easy for far to many people to acquire. 2) But for that very reason, any form of gun control that would have a meaningful effect on crime would entail mass-confiscation of firearms, which is politically untenable. The half-measures that the Democrats tend to get behind will not solve the problem. Enacting them would lead to a situation where gun advocates can say that they are ineffective and therefore more of a burden on the law-abiding than on the law breaking. And while they may have marginal effects on the numbers of shootings, there won't be a qualitative difference to voters so long as gun violence continues. Even if Democrats did pass their current wish list, there would still inevitably be another shooting and we'd be right back where we are now. In other words, any solution to this problem needs to address the fact that there are so many guns already out there. Current Democratic solutions do not address this, they only address sales transactions and new supplies. So I'm not really in favor of assault weapon bans or bans on bump stocks or certain sized magazines or whatever, not because I think those things should be legal, but because the bans would be ineffective. My focus would be on keeping people who shouldn't have weapons away from them. And the current background check system is not equal to that at all. I'd probably replace it with a licensing system, much like a driver's license. You would not be allowed to own a weapon without having a license. You would not be allowed to handle a weapon for training purposes without having a learner's permit. A learner's permit would require a psychological examination, a criminal background check, and passing a written safety test, plus a fee. That would not allow you to own your own gun, but would allow you to go to a range to borrow one under supervision for training and recreational purposes, including marksmanship classes and gun safety classes required for licensing. Shooting enthusiasts who like to fire off rounds at a range or shoot clay pigeons or go on hunting expeditions under the supervision of a professional could borrow or rent a weapon for those purposes. A learner's permit might be enough for many people. If you want to own your own weapons, in addition to the learner's permit, you would need to complete a gun safety course with government-set exams and pay a fee, just like a driver's license. This would allow you to own your own weapons, which you could use or carry at your discretion. You would not be permitted to allow anyone else to handle it unless they were qualified. And you could only sell or give it to someone else who was licensed. It would qualify as a government ID and you'd be expected to carry it with you at all times, just like a driver's license. The attainment of a special professional's license, perhaps similar to an associate's degree, which would involve training and experience, would qualify you to train and supervise others, including learners. Conviction of any violent crime, to include domestic abuse, would result in forfeiture of your license or permit, either permanently or for a certain duration, depending on the severity. Judges would be able to include surrender of firearms licenses and permits as part of sentencing or the issuance of things like restraining orders. Anyone placed on a mental health hold would have their license or permit suspended as well, pending a hearing. In short, it would work like driver's licenses for people charged with DUI. If you lost your license permanently, you would immediately be forced to turn in your weapons to be held by a third party, who could then assist you with sales or giving them away. If you lost it temporarily, you would be obliged to put your weapons in storage until such time as your license is restored (or you could sell them or give them away). You might petition to have even a permanent loss of your license overturned after the passage of several years (say 10) and demonstrated good behavior. In short, I think this kind of system would help establish both the right to own a weapon and the responsibility that goes with that right.

I don't do the hookup sites and apps much at all these days because of my frustration with them. 1) There's the "Facebook FOMO" effect they encourage. They put out this idea that all of this sex is happening out there except for you. The reality is that no-one is probably hooking up online as much as you think they are. But because you think it's happening, the whole thing seems to end up making you frustrated. This site kinda does it too (everyone posts about their hot hookup, no-one posts about the other nights sitting at home watching TV). In fact, I don't think there's a way of solving this problem except to shut down the sex sites and the internet altogether, which I've been doing more and more lately. 2) Hookup sites and apps, especially those geared towards barebacking, seem infested with drug use. Which isn't a problem if that's your thing. And maybe that's where the money is to be made, in which case, cater to the partiers like Nasty Kink Pigs does. But that's a really annoying thing for people who don't do drugs, and that's a really dangerous thing for people like me, who have had drug problems that we're battling. Plus, no judgment, but many people who party will lie about their drug use if it will get them laid. So self reporting is not sufficient. So I stay away. I'm not sure how you fix that either. 3) People use hookup sites for more than hooking up. Starting with fantasies and masturbation fodder. Or they might be thinking about hooking up, but maybe just going to bed also sounds good. In other words, how do you ensure that everyone online is actually ready and willing to have sex? Again, BBRT and other sites try to do this by flagging a status, but, again, people are really crappy at self-reporting. 4) All of the sites have a habit of leaving people logged in for a long time after they're actually gone IRL. The sites benefit by being able to inflate their "active" figures, and the users like it because, even if someone messaged them hours ago while they were gone, they still get that little dopamine hit of attention being paid. But for messengers, it leads to questions of "Is this guy blowing me off? Or is he just away?" Plus, people online will just leave conversations abruptly in a way that would be completely rude in real life. The conversation will be going great and you're getting ready to head out, then *poof* he vanishes. What happened? Who can say? 5) Liars generally. Not naming names, but I happen to know people who have not updated their pics on BBRT in over 15 years. Or there's the cousin of liars: marketing. Morbidly obese men giving themselves "linebacker builds." "Boys" who are old enough to be grandfathers. Pictures taken through so much vaseline on the lens and artistic mood lighting and photoshopping that it's sometimes hard to tell if you're supposed to be fucking an actual human. Not to mention guys who have be 35 for at least the last two decades. How do you fix all this? I've got no fucking clue. For a while I thought some kind of review system might help, but the reality is that that would rapidly turn into a raging morass of bitchy queens all throwing shade like rampaging divas. Although maybe a way of sending someone a private anonymous message might give someone the opportunity to give a gentle nudge to correct some shady behavior. So my current solution is this: I go out. I meet people. I go to sex parties (carefully selected, where I know that drugs aren't welcome...again, that's my weakness so no judgment if that's your thing). I do things like game nights and having people over to dinner and hiking and so forth and that often turns into FWB. Which is a lot healthier. The internet promises us that you can do human relationships more efficiently, like ordering a book from Amazon. Up 'til now, that has proven to be a lie, albeit a seductive one. I doubt it'll ever be as good as the real thing, although, sadly, enough people may find it to be "good enough." I've known people on FB (which I have also quit outright) who are like that. But if you think you can get it right, then more power to you. Good luck!

There is a really good point in here. A lot of jurisdictions here in the US have statutes that state that if you have HIV and you have sex without disclosing, then your ass can be thrown in jail. Yes, even if the guy you bred was lying blindfolded in the sling in a bathhouse. Yes, even if he doesn't convert. I haven't heard of it happening, but it could. All it would take would be one bitchy queen who converted and got mad at the world to lash out and take out his frustrations on you. Better by far to cover your ass.

Why not? Just because we're sex pigs doesn't mean we're amoral bastards. Never heard of the classic "hooker with a heart of gold?" I am very up front with potential sexual partners about my strong preference to bareback. I won't say I'd never use a condom because it has happened, but there better be a damn good reason. Especially nowadays in this age of PrEP and undetectable men. Communication is key. My profiles have my HIV status all over them. They are also very up front about barebacking. Weeds out a lot of the "safe only" guys. I highly recommend it.

Phoenix definitely has that reputation. I dunno...seems to go in phases for me. Much of the time all I can find is bottoms who want my load (especially if I'm hanging in that back corner in the Anvil). But sometimes I get surprised and I'll get hit up by guys looking to top. I try to keep a good circle of friends I can call on to drop by for a little fun. And the summer time pool parties can be entertaining. The flakiness is real too. Hell, I had guys who were moving here from out of state hit me up. Things would be going great in conversation but when it came to actually meeting, the conversation would end. I'm not sure if Phoenix attracts those types or creates them, but they're annoying. I'm sometimes up for a fuck, though I've been spending a lot of my free time visiting my new partner in San Diego.

The problem with the fiscal conservative position (low taxes, minimal government, free trade, low regulation, union busting, etc.) is that that is exactly the formula that has destroyed the middle class in this country. That's the Reagan formulation that has been conservative orthodoxy for the last 40 years. And, coincidence of coincidence, the problems we face with income inequality, lack of decent paying work, etc. all started with the Reagan years and have gotten worse and worse as time has gone on. That's not meant to exonerate the Democrats. Bill Clinton basically abandoned the labor roots of the Democratic party in the 90s. He embraced outsourcing manufacturing overseas. He deregulated the banks and laid the foundations for the Great Recession. In short, he adopted exactly the stance you advocate and killed off the long-term prosperity of much of the country. Obama was supposed to be different, but was basically Clinton redux. Even his signature legislation, the ACA (aka Obamacare) was policy lifted from the Heritage Foundation and first implemented by a Republican governor. The US has not had anything like a left wing party in decades, and people who work for a living have paid the price for that. The reason Republicans are anti-gay is the same reason Democrats are pro-gay. As a fairly small but visible minority, we make a very convenient political football that distracts the voters from the fact that the Democrats and Republicans long ago settled on a pro-corporate, anti-labor agenda. Therefore, they play up the social issues because that distracts from the real issue: the fact that the country is being bled dry. Trump is good for the country in this sense: he's revealed the depth of the economic problems in the country. The very fact that he could get elected at all gives me some hope that, in spite of all the "fiscal conservative" brainwashing that has been flowing out the mass media, there may be some hope of actually attacking the problem head on. Trump isn't the solution. But at least he's revealed the problem.

I'm not sure that the two are directly connected, at least not for me. I think gay men generally are more prone to get into kinky/extreme sex. Maybe its because we overcome some pretty huge taboos when we first come out and start chasing other guys rather than girls, so the later taboos hold a lot less fear for us to break through. I actually got into exhibitionism before I started routinely barebacking. Some of my earliest experiences were in cruisy parks, where I might end up giving or getting head in front of several other men (there wasn't too much fucking that went on there). Later I discovered back rooms in bars and they too became a favorite place to have sex, again in front of a crowd. My love of fucking bare only came along a bit later. But when it did, it fit right in with my love of showing off.

So in part this is just a natural progression. There are some younger guys who love fucking older men (see here), but they tend to be the exception rather than the rule. Some guys tend to settle down a bit as they age, which pulls them out of the fucking pool. On the other hand, some start getting into topping more and more (that's happened with me for sure). First bit of advice: if you're not already, start taking care of yourself. In your 20s and 30s, a lot of men look hot even if they're overweight, have drug problems, smoke, don't eat well, etc. By the time you hit your 50s, all your bad habits start catching up with you. Premature aging from smoking really sets in. Heavy drinking starts to become more apparent. The large solid build of a 20-something bearcub starts sagging. There are men out there who are in their 50s and insanely hot. There are a lot more 50-somethings who do not look good at all. At that age it's largely determined by habits. Second: opportunities to bottom will start to taper off a bit. That's natural. There's something that seems to draw more young men to bottom and more older men to top. That's been true since ancient times. So, as much as you can, run with that thought. I can tell you that no matter where you are, it's always easier to find a man who wants your cock than it is finding one who wants your ass. Finally, like others have said, figure out if you want quantity or quality. A hot young man might get both. Most older guys have to settle for one or the other. If you want quantity, then lower your standards. If you want quality, then understand that you'll probably get less dick than you were previously used to and try to build up a stable of regulars.

First off, congratulations on branching out. A lot of men find one thing they like and that's all they do. But variety is the spice of life. So the first bit of advice I'll give you is...relax. You're 21. You've got a lifetime of sex ahead of you. And personally, I can attest that it gets better as you grow older. In part that's because your own skills will expand and deepen (kudos again on branching out). In part, it's also because the skills of the guys you're with will as well. So here's the good news: finding a man to at least hook up with will not be hard. There are a lot of 40+ men out there who would absolutely kill to land a guy like you. And, it's a notorious problem within the gay community that the supply of bottoms far, far outweighs what the tops can provide (again, you want to be part of the solution here...you really are awesome). So you can afford to be a little picky when it comes to finding the right guy. The first bit of advice I have for you then is to be up front in your profiles about what it is that you are looking for. In your case, your ideal sounds like a "Friends With Benefits" set-up rather than just randomly hooking up. It is also perfectly legitimate to specify that you are only interested in men who identify as gay and who are out of the closet. A good way to test the waters with a guy (in case you are still having residual trust issues after your experiences) is to ask to meet him the first time at a local gay bar if you have one. That way you can feel him out in person in a public place. It also ensures that he's comfortable enough with his sexuality to walk into a gay bar. I would also be very up front in your profiles that you are not looking for a sugar daddy. Sad to say, there are young men your age who are, and many older guys are on guard against that as a result. Incidentally, you are also absolutely right to avoid men who are unwilling to stand up for proper treatment. Frankly, I'm not sure why you are running into this so much, unless it's internalized homophobia. I can assure you that I myself and none of my friends who are 40+ are anything less than fully supportive of gay rights. Many of us have been a part of that struggle in one way or another (I personally used to volunteer with a group that worked to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell). You shouldn't expect anything less. If you are having trouble finding men in your local area and/or if there is no local gay bar, I suggest expanding your search to look at nearby cities. Depending on where you live in the south, you may want to look into guys in Atlanta, New Orleans or Nashville, which all have gay communities of a respectable size (Atlanta especially). If your transportation options are limited, it's still possible that you might run into someone in one of those cities that might be eventually willing to take a chance on coming to visit you. You mentioned Grindr and Growlr. I'd add Scruff to that list. In some places I get more hits off Growlr, in others more hits off Scruff (I don't use Grindr, but that's because their clientele skews younger and that's not really my own personal thing; you will run into older guys looking for guys like you there). It's hard to know which is more effective in advance. Have a face picture publicly available there yourself and insist that the men who contact you do too (another way of filtering out the closeted types). You can also check Adam4Adam and barebackrt (though not the latter if you insist on condoms...see below). Personally I find that Craigslist can be kinda sketchy. Lots of meth users and closeted guys and married men and the like. But that might just be where I am, so feel free to check it out. As for learning how to top, the basics are pretty straightforward. You're going to let him do most of the cocksucking. Basically, when your cock comes out, he needs to be on his knees in front of you. Let him get you good and hard. If you want, and want to signal you're willingness to fuck him, you can reach down and start feeling up his ass or fingering his hole. Older gay men who bottom will typically be pretty experienced with it, so he'll absolutely be able to help with direction. In general, you want to make sure his ass is well lubed, as is your cock, and when you first go to enter him, you take it nice and slow, especially if you're well hung. Once you're inside, hold it there for a bit while he adjusts to you...you'll probably feel his ass open up a bit. That's your cue to start fucking, gently at first, but as he gets going, you can pick up the intensity a bit if you want. Where you go from there is really all on you (and your feel for the guy you're fucking...pay attention to what you're doing to him so you don't get too intense...unless intense is what he wants!) You made reference to rednecks preferring "unsafe" sex. So, this site being what it is, I'm going to endorse their willingness to bareback wholeheartedly. This is a very good thing. You will rapidly discover that fucking a guy with a condom on is nowhere near as much fun (although it is true that fucking is always pretty damn good...fucking raw is incredible). My suggestion to you is that you look into whether or not your health insurance will cover PrEP, which is basically a pill you take every day to protect you from getting HIV. It's also true that there are other STDs out there to worry about. Your best defense there is to have yourself tested for syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea as well as HIV every three to four months (or, of course, if you have symptoms). Each of those diseases is trivially easy to treat if they are caught early. It will absolutely help if you are fucking non-closeted guys and keep to just a few FWBs that you fuck routinely. But definitely get on PrEP and then definitely make your bottoms happy by fucking them bare and cumming in their ass.

Dammit I've already lost track. Maybe next year.

Number 1: Don't apologize (I know, I know, British habit. It's fine, just dial it back a bit). Remember, self confidence. You're presenting a problem here. That's (in part) what this place is for. If we weren't interested in helping then we'd ignore your post. OK, as for what to say after "Hi." I've added a sample profile from BBRT (first one that popped up on the worldwide listings for me). Let's say this guy is doing everything right for us. How to proceed? First thing I check: does he have anything in his profile that disqualifies him right off the back? From my perspective, he's versatile, so we'll find something fun to do. He wants to host, and I'm fine with traveling. He's negative, but at least open to sex with poz guys, so he may be fine with me as I'm undetectable. My big concern is that "Ask Me" next to drug usage. Might just mean he smokes pot now and then, but maybe he's got a serious drug problem. Or maybe he just ignored the question when filling out his profile. So I'll ask about that if it comes to it. Next, how do his interests line up with mine? He's into Daddies, Tattoos, Truckers, Bears and Leather. I can pretty comfortably fit into most or all of those categories somehow, so it seems likely he might be into me. Also, we like a lot of the same activities (Anonymous Sex, gang Bangs, Exhibition, Voyeurism, Kissing, Rimming, WS, Group Sex, Fucking...all good things.) So on the basis of what he's told the world, I think I'd likely be into him, and there's a decent chance he'll be into me. Looks promising. So I'll shoot him a message, and open with something complimentary. Because BBRT is just for hookups, we can be pretty direct. No-one is expecting Romeo and Juliet here. Now this guy's profile is pretty generic (kind of a good example of what not to do actually), but he did mention his location and cock size. It can be a good idea to work in some of the details he mentioned in his ad, which tells him you actually read what he wrote and that you're not just sending the same old email out to every guy on the site. So maybe here's my first pitch: "Hey stud, your pics and profile are fucking hot. I'm about ten minutes away from Oak Lawn and would love to come over and get off with you." Plus unlocking the pics. So that's me being versatile...I just want to get in his pants and don't really care who fucks who. If I was looking specifically to top or bottom tonight, I'd probably mention that right up front. I won't go into much more detail than that; he can look at my profile after all. This email is pretty much just to establish that I'm interested and also that I've noticed that he prefers to host. From here's it's pretty simple. If he messages back expressing interest in you, then you move to asking about any potential problems or dealbreakers. Here's where I will ask him about his "Ask Me" next to drug usage. Because he says he's negative, I will also explicitly mention my HIV status to make sure that he's noticed it and still wants to bareback with me. I do this because in the US, there are laws in some states about people not disclosing their status to partners. So that covers my ass. Also, it's just the right thing to do. "Hey man, before I head out, I wanted to ask you about the "Ask Me" next to drug usage on your profile. Do you party? Also, just so you know, I'm HIV+ undetectable. Hope that's cool." Assuming his answers are acceptable, I'll then get his address and phone number, give him an ETA and off we go. Another possibility is that he responds and says he's not interested, in which case you just move on to the next guy. But the most likely possibility is that you just hear nothing. So this isn't necessarily a rejection. BBRT might be in a background window on his computer and he hasn't seen your message. Or maybe he just logged out and the system hasn't caught up yet. Or maybe he has another prospect on the line he's trying to land but if that falls through he'll take you. Or maybe it is a rejection and he's just too rude or lazy to respond. Or maybe he's just trying to figure out what he's going to say. BBRT will let you see if he's checked out your profile or read your message. If he's done either of those and not replied in the next 15-20 minutes, then you can assume that he's not going to get with you, at least not tonight (though generally if guys are interested but just unavailable, they will tell you). You don't want to turn into a stalker here. I think if you like, you could try messaging him one more time on another night in case he was just busy or forgot about your message or whatever, but if, after that, he's still ignoring you then he's probably just not into you. So because you seem to really need a clear, logical cheat sheet, here's a flow chart.

So the first thing to understand is that everyone experiences these feelings of difficulty handling social situations to varying degrees. I myself am more introverted by nature and always had a very hard time making friends growing up. So I would suggest that this is probably the first thing that you need to tackle. You can attack this on two fronts. The first is relatively easy: gaining self confidence. The way you do that is by going out and doing and accomplishing things. Over the years, I've done this by taking on new challenges (a lot of the stuff I did in the Army was like this) or by going out and doing new things. If you're not doing it already, I've also found that working regular exercise into your routine works wonders in this department as well. I have a friend here in Phoenix who was kind of loose ends after he retired. At one point he just decided to start changing things in his life. He quit smoking, quit drinking, started walking and hiking every day, and just ran his first 10km race. The change seems to have changed his mood and personality very much for the better. The harder part lies in learning how to relate to people. One clue I might have seen in your post is that you seem to be looking at people as means to an end a bit. If you are going out to socialize just with the object of having sex, try reframing your expectations a bit and just going out to meet people. Most people really appreciate it if you can learn to relate to them as a person: take interest in what they are doing, find out what's happening in their lives, offer support when they're having trouble. Once you start doing that, the opportunities for sex will start turning up. One key to making friendships is looking for commonalities (beyond the obvious sexual ones). If there are organizations you're interested in (like a leather group perhaps), try signing up and committing to show up to their events. I know here where I live, there are groups that get together just to play board games. Facebook can be an obvious place to find out what people are interested in. Once you start meeting people on that basis, you may find that the opportunities for sex follow along. In the meantime, by building friendships, you're also adding to your self confidence and hence your attractiveness. It should also be pointed out that having a strong social network is also highly correlated with personal happiness. And don't limit your socializing just to men you're attracted to. Make it a goal to be able to meet someone new each time you go out, and learn their face and name and phone number (I find exchanging phone numbers to be an excellent way to learn names and faces...I just ask for them in the context of adding them to my phone's contact list). Make a point of saying hello to anyone you recognize who's out again that night, whether they're your type or not. A little kindness and concern for others goes a long ways. None of this is easy. But making and maintaining friendships is a skill. Like all skills, some people have more of an affinity for it than others. But also like all skills, everyone can benefit from practice. So the way you do this isn't to read up on a WikiHow or anything like that. You go out and do it. And perhaps fall on your face once or twice, or put your foot in your mouth, but you learn from your experiences and keep at it until you're good at it. Incidentally, just by doing all of this you'll start learning how to pick up on all those cues you're missing without even knowing that you're doing it. The more you can learn to concentrate on other people and the more you pay attention to them in non-sexual ways, the more you will learn how to read people, quite subconsciously. That, too, is a skill, and one that is also developed with practice, not theory.