PhoenixGeoff

Moral of the story: disclose, disclose, disclose! Put your status in your profiles. Tell guys up front and if you're hooking up online, tell them in an email message you can save to prove that they knew in advance. This is exactly why I put my HIV status in all of my online profiles, even the ones on sites where I don't really expect to hook up. I want to be able to provide proof that I've been extremely proactive about disclosure. For those guys into converting neg guys, you better make damn sure that that guy you're breeding is really a chaser and that you can prove it. And oral disclosures are not enough (no proof). You probably want to do your hooking up online, from a profile that clearly states you have HIV and with a record that you took further steps to warn your partner (dated email messages where the guy explicitly acknowledges your status and states he still wants you to fuck him bareback and cum in his ass). And you probably want a third party knowing what's going on who can back your story up. If you're into stealthing, then this right here should be a huge fucking wake-up call. There are some fantasies that should NEVER be allowed to cross into reality. This is one of them. The fucking huge moral problems aside, this case is proof that you can destroy your own life. Prosecutors are vicious asshole rat-bastards. Many of them see their careers as preliminaries to political climbing, and putting away "sexual predators" who "spread AIDS" is a huge feather in their cap. They do not care about justice. They'll want your sex life in the media and they'll want to destroy YOU to further their careers. Don't give them the excuse to do it.

nycboy, the way I look at HIV is that it's just a virus like any other, using a host (us) to multiply and spread. The cold and flu viruses do exactly the same thing. They're just not sexually transmitted (most of the time). They're neither good nor bad. They just are. To that end, I don't view HIV as a source of pride or shame, any more than I'd assign moral value to a rhinovirus. But unfortunately, most of society doesn't see things that way and looks down on people who get STDs as being morally defective. And of course in this country, health insurance rates skyrocket if you have a pre-existing condition like HIV. So I can understand why some people want to keep it quiet.

Back before I tested poz, I would have considered myself one of those "Don't Care" types. What it meant to me is that my partner's HIV status was irrelevant. I was interested in whether the guy (or guys) were hot. I was interested in having sex bareback. I didn't care about my partner's status. I didn't care about my own status either. At that point I was only getting HIV tests if I was required to while I was in the Army. While those came up negative, I was aware that I was routinely engaging in risky activities. So it wouldn't have been fair to my partners to call myself negative. And I hadn't officially tested positive either. I suppose saying "don't know" would have been reasonable, but "don't care" not only described my status as far as I knew it, but also my approach as well. FWIW, I personally believe that sex sites, especially those catering to barebackers, really should not have a "Negative" option available. It's possible to have HIV even if you tested negative yesterday (it can take months for the antibodies to show up). And, of course, many guys don't get tested as often as they should. And some guys will lie in order to get laid. So unless you're a virgin, the only honest options really are "Positive," "Undetectable," "Unsure," and (if you like) "Dont' Care." That would go a long ways towards ending the myth that only having sex with men who say they're negative is somehow an effective means of prevention.

Mostly good rules, though I just cannot endorse the one about plucking and shaving. Personally, I can't stand a guy who shaves his body hair. Hell, I wish I had more of it myself. To me, I find it a huge turn on to look down and see my cock pounding a real hot hairy ass...just adds to the masculinity of the sex. But then, I like fucking men. Not women, not boys, but men. Everything else on the list is pretty damn cool though. Although I wouldn't tell a bottom he can't cum while I'm fucking him, just that I'm not going to stop just because he shot. Actually, I find it kinda hot when I can make a bottom cum without touching himself. Did that earlier tonight, and it's a bit of an ego boost (not to mention fucking him even harder after he shot knowing that it's real intense for him appeals to the sadist in me). Gotta say, the guy did good by these rules, right down to sucking my cock nice and clean when I was done.

Heh...I'll just go ahead and mention that I've got a fairly large scar on the back of one hand (though it's kind of faded now...happened when I was a teenager). There's also one more on my forehead from where I was dropped on my head as a child

I get that a lot of guys are uncomfortable posting their HIV status in a public place. Never know who might come across it after all. So I just put my status out there and ask the question if it comes to that. The profiles that really annoy me are the ones that have just about every field "ask me". And few or no pics or written information. I understand that some of the guys there on the site just want to fantasize about raw sex and jack off to pictures and profiles. I'm cool with that. But give the rest of us something to look at and think about too!

I call myself versatile because it's the easiest label to apply. But usually, I'm kinda looking for one or the other more. It's just that whether I really want to top or bottom depends on my mood and goes through phases. Recently, I've been doing almost nothing but top. There have been times when I've done almost nothing but bottom. It really all depends on when you catch me. The exception to this rule is when I meet up with a guy I'm really attracted to. Then I really am versatile, both in terms of top vs. bottom and in terms of most kinks. If you're a hot enough guy, I'll be up for almost any kind of sex.

This thread is why God gave us duct tape and ball gags: to deal with uppity bottoms who don't know their place.

I like 'em looser for a few reasons. First, I prefer to use spit for lube because it's more natural. But because I'm uncut, I need the hole pretty open and relaxed if I'm going to slide in with nothing but spit, otherwise the friction can hurt my foreskin as I go in. Later on, once things get going, I can really fuck a loose, sloppy hole deep, hard and fast for a real good long time without shooting. I've noticed the really talented bottoms know how to work the tightness angle to really get me off. They'll open right up to let your cock in and tighten as you're pulling out and vary the sensation just as I vary my strokes. I've known one or two guys who could practically stroke my cock and make me cum without me doing anything at all. It's what I try to do when I bottom...I always know I've done a good job if the top complains I've made him cum before he wanted to.

Yeah, I'd really love to take a nice long extended vacation touring the sex scene in Germany. I've visited before (with family unfortunately) and been really impressed with how hot the guys are. The fact that there's so many kinky guys there makes it all the more attractive.

The only rule that matters is whether the OP is willing to live up to his promises or not. I'd agree with you that I personally think it's BS for my partner to insist that I only fuck people outside of the relationship with a condom. That's why I told my current partner that I had two non-negotiable rules up front: the relationship had to be totally open and I had to be free to bareback with whoever I wanted to (and of course he can too). If he hadn't agreed, we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. OP didn't make that agreement. He has an open relationship, but he promised that any fucking would be with a condom. He gave his word. It's not the agreement you or I would have made, but he did it. Now he has an opportunity to see just what kind of a man he is. Is he the kind of man who'll break a promise for the sake of a hot fuck? Or does he have the integrity to stick by his word and/or the courage to approach his partner directly to discuss renegotiating the relationship? I am totally turned on by men who fuck around bareback. I do it myself, and my favorite guys to have sex with are just as piggy as I am. But if you want to know what is a turn-off in my book besides condoms, it's dishonesty and cowardice. If your word's worth nothing then you're not much of a man in my book. OP's name is "topdad." There's a hell of a lot more to being a dad than just shoving your cock in a younger guy's ass.

Yeah, I've recently started flagging again via the hanky code to let the bar know what I'm interested in that particular night. Things kinda went crazy there with way too many colors, but most people know the basics: dark blue, red, black, yellow. I've seen guys with colored leather worked into their getup too. Seeing a guy with a red armband on his right arm will generally attract my attention

I'm not a huge nipple guy, in that mine aren't hardwired to my cock as much as other guys' seem to be (although that's been changing a bit). But I love playing with someone else's. Actually, I have a very strong memory of one scene I got into several years ago while I was still in the Army. I'd gone down to Nashville to one of my favorite bars, a little redneck place in an industrial part of town (that's gone now to make way for the Titans, unfortunately). I had my shirt off and made eye contact with a very hot, hairy red-headed guy with a full beard who was probably in his early to mid thirties. We didn't say much, but kinda made out a bit for a while before we each latched on to the other's tit. And that's where the fun started. We both started ratcheting up the intensity and pressure. It was pretty painful but I was damned if I was going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know that. And I looked him in the eye and saw the exact same thought there. So we stood there, gazes locked, ratcheting up the pain and grinning at each other the whole time. It was, frankly, one of the most competitive, masculine, testosterone-fueled scenes of my life and my cock is hard right now just thinking about looking at his face as the pain was flashing through my head. That's all we ended up doing, as I recall. We'd more than established ourselves as equals in each other's eyes and any kind of more conventional sex would have ruined that kind of camaraderie that we both felt afterwards by making one of us the top and the other the bottom. But it's striking that, out of all the men I've messed around with in my time, that's one of my very strongest sexual memories. Just goes to show that memorable sex doesn't even require anyone's cock getting pulled out.

I've been a big fan of leather and the leather scene pretty much from the time I first came out. For me, it started because of the look of the kind of guys who were into it, and how the leather itself looked. The kinky sex stuff came along later. So I'd be curious to know if a lot of the guys who have it wear leather because they just like the look, or whether they wear it because it signals a greater than usual level of sexual deviancy. I'm also kind of curious about the level of activity in different cities. My general impression is that, while guys get into the various kinks to the same degree as before, there's much less of a leather community out there, especially in the bars (my guess is that this is partly due to stricter enforcement against public nudity and sex from the cops and partly because a lot of the scene has moved online). Our local Eagle tries...they've got a great space, hold various leather and fetish themed events, etc., but on any given night you're far more likely to see polo shirts. If they ever tried to do any kind of a dress code, the place would probably be empty. Is that true elsewhere too?

Have you considered a 3-way? If your partner (Fiance? Congrats on the recent vote!) is versatile, that may be the way to bring this whole thing to the point where everybody's comfortable with barebacking (assuming you all test negative) in this situation. If you're the more dominant type you could probably even get into a bit of a scene where you get them to fuck each other as you watch. The one thing you absolutely, positively must not do is start barebacking Rubio on the side without getting the OK from your partner. If Rubio's the one pushing you to fuck him raw, I guaran-fucking-tee he's taken loads from other guys, and based on your relationship as fuckbuds, I highly, highly doubt you're the only guy he's fucking around with. What you can do is talk to your partner about the situation. Maybe he'd be cool with opening things up to allow barebacking with other guys under certain circumstances. You never know until you ask. But your primary obligation is to your partner and the relationship, not your fuckbud on the side or your own horniness. Another way of looking at it: could you handle the worst-case scenario? What if, Dog forbid, Rubio actually turned out to be positive (or had some other STD) and passed it to you without either of you knowing it, and you subsequently infected your partner? How would you feel? How would he feel? What would that mean for the relationship?

Mind if I ask what city this was in? Sounds like my kinda place!

Hit a bath last night after the bar. I was walking around through the dark and sleazy public part of the place and came across a hot, hairy cub barebacking some guy. He invited me to jump in so we started trading off on the bottom guy. Then he decided he wanted my cock too, so I fucked him for a bit. The really hot part was he had this thing where he wanted me to force him to take my raw cock. So I ended up pinning him down on his back, crammed into a corner of the booth we were in (still in public of course...I like showing off) as I fucked his ass real good and hard. I kinda get off on seeing just how rough I can get with a bottom sometimes, and I got a decent sized cock that is sometimes a bit of a challenge for a bottom. So I had him yelling pretty good for a bit there. Ended up blowing a real huge load in his ass, which left me totally drained. Never did get his name or any contact info. Hopefully I'll run into him again sometime.

Staph is already everywhere. All over pretty much every surface you use. And all over your body. For the most part, your immune system deals with it just fine. However, if it gets inside your body, particularly if your immune system is compromised (by HIV, but also by drugs or alcohol, lack of sleep, poor diet, etc.) then you can get a localized infection. I've had staph infections before, and they can be painful (red, swollen, tender, warm to the touch) but antibiotics generally fix it. Many staph infections will go away on their own, but that should not discourage you from seeking medical attention promptly, especially if you're HIV+. The real danger is if it gets into your bloodstream. Staph can infect your heart valves, which can potentially cause a heart attack and kill you. This is one reason why IV drug users are at particular risk, and should always thoroughly clean and disinfect (with alcohol) injection sites, use sterile water, and fresh syringes every time (or give up the IV drugs altogether, but that can be hard to do).

Man, guys who can cite the classics are fucking HOT! (Seriously...call me!)

Nothing like fucking a hot man visiting the area in his hotel room while his bf watches and trades off with me. And I gotta say, I am unreasonably turned on whenever the guys I've been barebacking with only get around to bringing up names and introducing themselves after we've already been going at it for a while. Fuck, I love anonymous raw sex with slutty, promiscuous guys!

Tough question. This sort of situation is exactly why I try to be proactive about bringing up my status before we get together. It sometimes sucks, but in my opinion, one thing having HIV absolutely does is impose a responsibility on us to disclose our status in advance to potential sex partners. One thing we lose is the privilege of not talking about it. If I'm neg and don't care about my health, that's one thing. If I'm poz and don't care about someone else's, that's quite another. Looking at how it might affect the relationship, let me ask this: Are you the only guy he's fucking? Or does he fuck around and breed other guys too? Does he identify as gay, bi or straight? If he's gay and fucks around with other guys, my guess is your status is a total non-issue. He almost certainly knows the risks. Especially if he's aware that you're getting fucked bareback by other guys. He may not care. Or he may get a thrill from the uncertainty and the potential danger (either to you or to him, depending on his status). Or he may just be in denial. Coming right out and telling him might fuck up the relationship you two have right now, as it would remove any uncertainty (you might go from being a potential danger to a known risk, for instance). But most likely he doesn't care about his own status or is poz himself and doesn't care about you. If he's bi or "straight," and especially if he doesn't know about your sexuality, the risks to what you have right now are almost certainly greater. There's even the potential that he may react violently to you having put him at risk. Now, having said all of that, you have to be able to live with yourself. And I know that, if I were in the same situation, I'd have to disclose my status, even if it meant potentially losing a good fuckbud. In this situation, if you're concerned about his reaction, a white lie may be the way to do it. Tell him you recently were tested and came back poz. That way you don't have to worry about questions of why you didn't tell him before. (It it turns out that he was poz all along and is concerned that he gave it to you, you can just say that you hadn't been tested for years, probably happened some time ago, etc., etc.). Otherwise, I'd just take the direct approach and come right out and ask him his status and tell him yours.

Came out back around 1991 or so...before effective ARVs and while the AIDS scare was still going full bore. I was absolutely convinced at first that I wouldn't live to see my 30th birthday just because I was gay. And there were a lot of gay men dropping dead around me. So the use of condoms really got drilled into me. Still, I was young and just discovering bars and baths and having a good time. And sometimes in the bath I'd be a little drunk and doing poppers and the top would fuck me raw and I'd love it (I was pretty much a total bottom in those days because condoms have always killed my hardon). Then the next day I'd remember it and feel guilty and scared and would swear I'd never hook up with a stranger again and I'd worry for the three months it takes for the antibodies to show up before getting tested and breath a huge sigh of relief when nothing happened. And of course, I'd be right back at it quicker and quicker each time. And I began to realize that I really did like it raw, and because everyone was screaming that you had to wear a condom or you'd die I decided I was some kind of weird freak. The turning point for me was discovering other guys that actually talked about liking barebacking, and because I'm a geek, I first discovered this online, around the early-to-mid nineties on IRC. True story: I'd had a bit of a cowboy and rancher fetish and saw the #gaybareback channel on EFNet. Thinking that might be the place to find some sexy, rugged guy from Texas, I went in and found out that the discussion had nothing to do with riding a horse. That was my first experience of guys talking about sex without condoms in a positive way. After that point, I started barebacking more frequently. I didn't necessarily seek it out, but if the guy I was with was cool with going raw, I was more than happy to oblige. It was at this point that I discovered that I could be a half decent top as long as there was no rubber involved and I went pretty much versatile from that point on. The last turning point for me was seeing my first bareback porno in the late '90s. I'd never really gotten into porn all that much before. But the bareback stuff was really hot! (It helped that the first video I saw had my kinda men in it too...this was the first point I really fell in lust with Titpig). From that point on, with very limited exceptions, I never let a condom touch me again. So, casual sex first, then online chat, then the desire for better sex (the ability to top), and finally bareback porn.

I'd suggest that if you need drugs to overcome your inhibitions, you're not really doing it (and I say that as someone who's partied a bit in my time and who knows it can have a place). And you run the risk of regrets and guilt after you come down (especially with t, which can give you depression when you crash). Take your time, explore the idea with someone you trust. Patience is a virtue. When you're ready to take that step on your own, you'll know, and you'll enjoy it all the more. I've got a buddy who likes to bareback but is scared to bareback with me because I'm up front about my HIV status. That's not a problem; I know he'll come around at some point and when he does, I'll be ready. Meanwhile, there are tons of other hot men out there for me to enjoy.

That's exactly it. Part of the problem is that the hook-up process often starts out with just being friendly and chatting, whether it's online or in person. And if you're polite at all, you'll at least acknowledge it when someone say hello or asks a question. I'm perfectly prepared to chat with someone online, even on a site that's explicitly for hooking up. I try to respond to each person who contacts me, just as a matter of simple courtesy. But when the topic comes around to having sex, I do try to be as direct and honest with people as I can. If I'm not interested, I'll usually thank him for the compliment, say something nice in return but also say directly, "I'm sorry but you're not my type." If he presses the issue after that, then he's the one being rude and I have no problems with ignoring him after that. On the other hand, if he backs off and keeps chatting in a friendly manner, I have no problem with that at all. Now, I do spend a fair amount of time at the computer, either working or taking care of other business. Or sometimes I'll walk away and leave myself logged in to sites like BBRT. I try to remember to flag my account appropriately, but that doesn't always happen. So if I say that I am interested but can't get together right now, that's absolutely the truth. Or perhaps I don't respond to an email right away. Guys who are understanding about that sort of thing tend to get some extra attention when we do get together--I'm turned on by decent men. Guys who freak out and call me a fake get ignored. Moral of the story is that if you want to get laid, be polite. And practice while you're still young and hot: you won't be forever. It also doesn't hurt to throw an older and/or less attractive guy a bone now and then either. Two reasons: first, it's good karma (which hopefully means you'll get laid when you're older too) and second, those guys who've been around for a while can often teach you some really cool stuff. I had a guy in a bath the other day show me some awesome CBT techniques that I'd never experienced before. He gave me a rock hard cock and drove me up the wall with overwhelming pleasure/pain. Even better, I got to turn around and practice the new stuff on him. And I never would have experienced that if I'd been going off looks alone. Major reason why I love being such a slut!

I'll give Paul Morris and TIM credit for really understanding the market. McKey knew that barebacking was hot and had the sense to make it obvious in a way that wasn't true of pre-condom porn (I remember the first time I saw cum drip out of a just-fucked ass and onto the camera lens in one of his videos...woof!). But I think it was really Paul Morris and guys like Dawson who really elevated it to a true fetish.