What's Worse? Aging As A Top Or Aging As A Bottom?

[C10H15N]

I'm loving 52. I'm fucking and getting fucked by guys +/- 30 years of my age.

[bearasseater]

Strange thing about it is, men are physically more apt to be tops early in life, when their cocks get rock hard and they can still cum multiple times in a day, and nearly universally enjoy getting fucked more as they get older, when they've lost inhibitions about acting straight and have prostates that have gotten large and tight. I'm total Vers, but I love love love older men that like getting fucked. I just don't like total passive bottoms

[Kylan]

Well, I have to chime in with the suggestion that if you assume that aging as a top and aging as a bottom are both bad things but just want to figure out which is "worse" then you've already started down a bad road.  What's "worse" is focusing on the fact that you aren't 25 anymore -- bottom or top.

 

Aging is changing and learning.  Aging is becoming different.  I think there's a terrible tendency in men (straight, bi and gay) to assume that the sexual life and sexual behavior pattern you had when you were young is some sort of ideal.  People confuse the excitement of discovering one's sexuality with a misguided belief that youthful (by which I think most of us mean some combination of "frequent, multiple partnered, experimental, anonymous/emotionally unconnected") sex is some standard to hold to as long as possible.  I'm certainly not saying that sex when you're a young stud isn't fun and thrilling -- it sure as hell is.  But as we get older having that sort of sex life on an "every weekend and twice during the week"  is something that takes a physical and sexual energy level that has started to wane and, frankly, a mental point of view that starts to get a little dull (or requires, for some, increasing consumption of "additives" to get you as interested and engaged as you were 20+ years earlier  --- and I say that not meaning any criticism of people who like to use "additives."  But I believe that a lot of the problems some people experience using them stems from a reluctance to accept that physically and mentally you are a different - not better or worse but different - person than you used to be.) 

For me, interesting sex is something that, like many things in life, changes and goes in directions I never would have expected when I was young.  I'm not saying that I don't think back to some crazy nights in years gone by or that I don't occasionally manage a crazy night from time to time today. But being open to all of those changes, rather than interpreting them as yet another bad or negative part of aging, feels like an approach that leaves me less angry/distressed/resentful, etc. about growing older than striving to imitate and compare my sex life now to my sex life then.

[hungry_hole]

Well, I have to chime in with the suggestion that if you assume that aging as a top and aging as a bottom are both bad things but just want to figure out which is "worse" then you've already started down a bad road.  What's "worse" is focusing on the fact that you aren't 25 anymore -- bottom or top.

 

Aging is changing and learning.  Aging is becoming different.  I think there's a terrible tendency in men (straight, bi and gay) to assume that the sexual life and sexual behavior pattern you had when you were young is some sort of ideal....

 

I agree that there are many good things about aging but it's difficult to see how aging can help a guy in the anon cruising environment of parks, saunas, Grindr, chat, etc. It's clear to me that aging is a disadvantage when it comes to cruising online or in anon places. I don't mean to say that after a certain age a man can no longer find sexual partners. From my own experience I know that hooking up is easier for men in their 20's and 30's. A 25 yr-old in good shape may not be everyone's choice for a sexual partner, but no one would use the word "disgusting" to describe him. They may say "I'm not into young guys". But older guys very often are viewed as disgusting to young guys, which I know because that's the way I felt when I was young. The idea of having sex with a guy over 40 seemed disgusting.

 

Evidence of this is everywhere. Bathhouses advertisements show muscled young men in their 20's and 30'2 but inside all you find is aging men in their 50's and 60's.

[NLbear]

I accepted the fact that once you get older and are single you don't have sex that often anymore as when I was in my 20s and 30s.

I am no longer the handsome attractive young guy with the incredible young ass who spent every night in cruising areas getting plowed by rows of guys in my late teens/early 20s. Or had my pick of tops when online dating took off. But now it is no longer the quantity but more the quality. Still have my sex drive but not as strong as it was then. I can go without a few days or even weeks without getting fucked. And hey, the advantage is I won't have to spend hours in the bathroom every day to clean as I did then ;-)

 

I am looking more for guys around my own age or in their 40s now than for younger guys. I do get hits by 18+-somethings (the boring first message: "Hi", then the obvious second: "how are you"?). I don't let it bother me anymore. Most are flakes anyway, some get off on getting a reply from an older guy and then go silent. Happy wanking to those. Only a few lead to something. Some young guys like the idea of fucking a "daddy". But they are few and hardly repeats. When it happens though it is hot. But there must be more younger guys who get off by being fucked by an older guy than vice versa. So aging is probably easier for tops than bottoms.

 

The main disadvantage as you get older is that you cannot easily get sex when you want it. 20s/30s guys just have to go to a Bathhouse, publish online they want sex now or go to a cruising area and drop their pants and they won't really have a problem getting it (depending on where you live of course). That is no longer the case when you get older. At least for bottoms, not so much for tops I think. And sometimes it is frustrating when your hormones are raging, you're horny as fuck and can't find someone.

 

I find I also hardly ever plan fuck dates far ahead anymore (Can you do next week Tuesday?). It could very well be on that planned date I am not in the mood or just don't feel like going through the process of cleaning, just too tiresome. Didn't have that when I was younger. I was ready to go 24/7 with anyone who offered a juicy hard dick.

 

But all and all I am satisfied even though it is sometimes not as often as I like it to be or when I want it.

[cumluvnbottom]

I would agree with the consensus that bottom's strugggle as we get older. I am 50 but  I like to think I'm decent looking (gym at least  times / week, etc etc).  At this point, with the exception of  extremely rare attention in saunas (bathhouses) I haven't had sex that I haven't paid for in months. And, even then, I've had escorts flake out on me when someone hotter is available.  

I also constantly see ads from tops older and / or heavier etc than me who won't talk to anyone over 30 / 35 or really fit. I even see guys like this getting fairly frequent action in the sauna while I'm relegated to voyeur status in a corner.  I have become "no ones type".  To be honest, it's depressing as hell. 

(For the record, I'm NOT  saying I think they are 'less hot' than I am... just that they have attributes MODERN CULTURE would say are less desirable. Many of these guys, I would happily offer my holes to.  In fact, I have only to be told I'm not their type, that sure we should get together in the mythical "someday", or just not get any reply at all. )

Edited January 3, 2017 by cumluvnbottom

[skinster]

I can agree with most things already mentioned on here, based on my own experience and other witness' accounts. But I want to mention something else, in my opinion very related - as you might notice that you're getting more tender in sexual contexts and more accepting of things coming as a reaction towards you from others (or may be not, I can be blamed for both), one tends to forget that sex is all mental. "Brain is the biggest sex organ" (The Big Liebowski). As a younger guy I haven't even paid attention to that.

And while I find that such self-reflection (as this thread) is generally a good thing, possibly motivational for physical and mental upkeep of oneself, the mindful side of getting older can really drive you bonkers for not good enough reason. As someone (oh horror! - straight) shared to me exactly today, it is totally upsetting that emotionally you're still seeing yourself as capable and available, but physically things are so very different. (In gay terms, you're getting judged by the cover. She is also much older than me, my parents' range older, and we've known each other for decades), so the issue at hand is a bit bigger than just being a top or a bottom, and it is common to most other humans - aging with time but against your will - however narrow you want to focus it. Effectively you're just limiting your sexual demographic to a mostly-losing scope of singular self, when it should be the main driving force going forward, just like in your younger years, - another cinematic quote - "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." (Fight Club)

At this point I think it is all in your own mind, whether you agree to slow down or keep on whipping on that batter. I do enjoy taking breaks, but on the other hand I enjoy more the quality of my encounters. Yes, it is accepting a registered change in self. Granted, you get more skilled with age, both in sex and righting the situation for a more satisfactory outcome, and things may take more time than before. You enjoy wider variety of activities and entertain your body with stronger senses.

Everything has an opposite side. It took some time for "Fight Club" to grow on me. I find the dialog in it rather motivational. If you allow someone else to impose their passing opinion of you on your own self and of your own free will doing so, you're effectively aging yourself without even looking in the mirror. I can also be blamed for that, and now I try not to do it.

Edited January 3, 2017 by skinster
-punctuation

[hungry_hole]

6 hours ago, cumluvnbottom said:

...I am 50 but  I like to think I'm decent looking (gym at least  times / week, etc etc).  At this point, with the exception of  extremely rare attention in saunas (bathhouses) I haven't had sex that I haven't paid for in months. And, even then, I've had escorts flake out on me when someone hotter is available. 

 

I think that 50 is too soon to be receiving so many rejections. At 50 I felt old and less desirable but the experiences I was having told me a different story because I was having lots of sex and getting good feedback from guys. I would say that 60's is definitely a turning point in the arena of sex with men and is when you go from a "daddy" to a "grandpa" category. Most young guys who are into "older" they usually mean men somewhere between 40-55. Of course there are exceptions and I even know a guy in his 30's who likes men 55 and up.

Older than 55 and 60 tops don't seem to have any problem getting young bottoms even in their 20's. Most older tops prefer younger bottoms which is what makes it harder for older bottoms. I'm sure some older guys chose being a top because it gets them more action. Any older top in this situation?

[cumluvnbottom]

23 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I think that 50 is too soon to be receiving so many rejections. 

I definitely agree. Now if I could just convince more tops of that.  Lol. 

Ive found myself getting more and more into kink / fetish (ws, bc, dp, and recently just starting to ecolore ff)  as a way to try to get more action but even that is only marginally successful..  My sex drive hasn't decreased... but my ability to get that itch satisfied has.  I'm Not whining (at least I hope not), just hoping to find what I'm doing wrong. 

[bberik]

Depends. If you lose your ability to get hard it must be worse to age as a top. Otherwise it's harder to get fucked when you're getting older and don't appeal to everybody like you used to. I don't mind a young cock, but not all young guys like me any longer. Well, that's life.

Luckily I still don't have problems getting hard yet, and I still find people who wants to fuck me.

[hungry_hole]

9 hours ago, bberik said:

Depends. If you lose your ability to get hard it must be worse to age as a top.

It's a good point.

Are erectile issues in tops present in one-to-one or also in group sex? I ask because many times I see in bathhouses even bottoms topping some sloppy holes or share it with another top. So I imagine tops can also get some stimulation from the other tops apart from a Viagra pill. A top can suck some cock and that would make him hard.

I'm assuming erectile issues are more common in one-to-one encounters. I may be wrong.

 

[subbytch]

I'm older (47) a bear, and with grey hair, and I get fucked a hell of a lot.  I've gotten hit on by guys as young as 15 -- flattering, but call me in three years! -- to guys in their 60s,. I like guys in their 20s and 30s and I've been pretty amazed at the number of guys that find me hot. 

I also live in a huge metropolis, so there are a larger quantity of people who like older guys, even if that's a smaller percentage overall. The apps really help. People are able to self-select for the kind of guys they like, find them, and fuck them.

I used to be very worried about getting older and still finding sex. I'm not sure that's the case anymore. Maybe when I'm 70 it'll be really difficult to get sex. But maybe when I'm in my 70s I'll just be too tired to care. 

[Ranger Rick]

When I was in college, being a cocky jock worked. But you have to accept that what works changes as you get older. Now, I'm at an age where the most attractive persona is muscle-daddy, so I work that. It's kind of funny because over Christmas I was with my family and my heterosexual brothers, a bit older than me and who haven't put the effort into keeping themselves up, were lamenting that their best days were long behind them. And all the time I was thinking, I have a 28 year old husband, a 20 year old fuckbuddy, a 27 year old fuckbuddy, and a 30 year old I hook up with occasionally. Really, it's a matter of taking care of yourself and willingness to adapt as you mature. 

[atlfukbud]

Late 40's here and have a 23 year old top pal that is always trying to get in my holes and a 28 year old who wants my bare cock in him every chance I get. But, I actually prefer sex with my contemporaries -- age 40-60... I find the quality of sex much better with confident, mature men not afraid to give into pleasure -- but confidence is key regardless of role preference, I think.

[mblad99]

I am in my 50's, not great shape, but not terrible, and I am pleasantly shocked by how much action I can still get.   Sure, I am open to age and weight  but I have had guys 23 to 58 in the last year.    If I put a Craigslist ad, I am sure to get a real hit or two.  On grindr I don't start discussion, I wait till someone pings me.   I always send an updated picture so nobody is misled.   No problem getting ass (I am a top).   And 80% of the time, they come back for more.   I am honest and really focus on giving my partner the best I got, and it works.