Is stealthing morally okay?

[BigPaleBottom]

It’s called stealthing because one party intentionally and deceitfully hides, keeps secret an act of which this party already knows the partner would not agree too. This is wrong. 
 

Considering how much this stealthing thing has messed up my own sex life and left me increasingly in doubts and fear for more than a decade, until finally PrEP came along, I feel anger and almost hate on those who did it. 

[BigPaleBottom]

On 10/24/2021 at 9:49 PM, whoai said:

You might as well ask if it’s ok to poison someone’s food for your own enjoyment. Actually stealthing (not consensual role play) is so clearly morally wrong, how can there be a question? 

Agree 100%

We should always distinguish between hot fantasies and the dire reality of real life. 

[blkboibtm]

Not the best person to answer moral questions considering my cheating record, and having (regrettably) betrayed friends and lovers for dyck. However I think sleathing is prob not cool to many people.  i have been twice, but u charge that shit to the game, sadly.  I didn't get too pissed about it only cuz I figured my bad karma was coming for me

[gwmxyz]

Stealthing is obviously not ok.
Like others I've had it done on me and like others  I found it incredibly hot.  It still doesn't make it ok.  It's a bit like spiking a drink.  Even if I do enjoy a drink it doesn't make it ok to spike them.
I'm also not quite sure what "explicit consent" means or how it works.
"May I unzip your fly?"
"And now may I suck your cock?"
"What if I lick your balls?"
Most consent in sex is implicit.  It is for the person to say if they don't like it. It should only be sexual assault if they don't stop.   Stealthing's different because they don't know it's happening. 

[revemupman]

Morally it’s wrong but on porn it’s hot af lol. I never needed to stealth any bottom because bottoms usually tell me get them pregnant. I’m now just breeding my boyfriend and using condoms for hook ups. Most hook ups want me to breed them and others don’t care if I use condoms or not. 

[anoncumdumpsub]

Stealthing is a hot idea, but not something that is appropriate in most situations.

To illustrate, I've been stealthed myself. I was a condom nazi at the time but still was looking for an anon ass up head down blindfolded scene. Had my hands in the back to touch the top's cock to make sure it was wrapped, then as he started getting faster I went to touch again and he pushed my hands away, pinned me down, and grunted and left almost immediately. When I went to clean up I pushed a huge load out and no condom was found anywhere, I still wonder what happened to it.

I was pissed at the time but in retrospect I find it hot and I clearly deserved it. If you put yourself for an anon ass up head down scene it will definitely attract tops who want to breed regardless of your desires, and that's fair game. But if you meet someone face to face and fuck on agreed upon terms I also think stealthing would be morally reprehensible.

[BootmanLA]

3 hours ago, anoncumdumpsub said:

I was pissed at the time but in retrospect I find it hot and I clearly deserved it. If you put yourself for an anon ass up head down scene it will definitely attract tops who want to breed regardless of your desires, and that's fair game. But if you meet someone face to face and fuck on agreed upon terms I also think stealthing would be morally reprehensible.

Your initial reaction was appropriate and no, you did not "clearly deserve" it. It's fine if you've chosen to be okay with it now, but that's because you choose to be, not because his actions were "deserved". 

[BlackDude]

If something is illegal, argue it’s morality. 
 

If something is immoral, argue it’s legality.

Notice a pattern? 

[ErosWired]

20 hours ago, anoncumdumpsub said:

I was pissed at the time but in retrospect I find it hot and I clearly deserved it. If you put yourself for an anon ass up head down scene it will definitely attract tops who want to breed regardless of your desires, and that's fair game.

No. Stealthers do not get a pass by blaming the victim. You did not “deserve it” and it is never “fair game”.

But let’s break these two things down a little further.

In order for you to have “deserved” adverse treatment you would have had to have done something wrong. What was it that you did? You made yourself available as an blindfolded anonymous bottom. Is such an act deserving of punishment? I suppose it depends on which moral authority you’re talking to, but for out purposes, and certainly for the purposes of the Top who sought you out and fucked you, the answer is not only ‘No’, but that Top would be the very last person qualified to judge you on the matter even if it were true.

But you may argue that it was at least not unfair of the Top to do that because placing yourself in that particularly vulnerable position made you “fair game”. Game can be interpreted in two ways in this context: First, as suggesting  that stealthing is nothing more than a form of play; and second, in the sense that the bottom becomes ‘game’, as in the prey of a predator. The second is the only true application of the term here. It isn’t a ‘game’ in the sense of play at all. It’s a violation, a form of sexual assault, and in some jurisdictions, a crime. Stealthing is the act of a sexual predator.

You being anonymous and blindfolded does not change the equation. Can we all just for God’s sake get over this idea that a different set of rules apply to anonymous encounters? A human being is on the other end of that hole or cock, whether the Top knows him or not. The anonymity of the hookup may spare the participants the complications of normal social relationships, but it does not release them from their duty to treat each other as human beings.

In the sci-fi show Westworld, people interact in a wild west environment with androids designed to perfectly simulate human beings, but the human participants are under no obligation to exercise any restraint against their baser impulses because the androids aren’t actually people. And they don’t, which shines a light on the dark underbelly of human nature. It isn’t pretty. (The androids, naturally, revolt.)

A bathhouse or a hotel room or a sex club darkroom isn’t Westworld, and that ass-up bottom isn’t an android - he’s a person, even if to you he’s nameless, faceless, and all you see is one pink eye winking at you. There’s no ticket another man can buy that gives him the right to treat that bottom in a way that would be unacceptable to anyone else. This isn’t a hard concept to grasp, yet men here keep suggesting that anonymity = license. It doesn’t.

So, the guy who did it to you has no excuse, and it certainly was not your fault. Bottoms must stop accepting this false narrative that we’re to blame because predators can’t control their sociopathic impulses, and Tops must stop supporting it. The fact that you find it a hot fantasy is immaterial. Don’t get your fantasies tangled up with what’s real. Don’t come on here and say uou think stealthing’s fine because the idea turns you on but you agree that it’s wrong in practice.

(And in case you’re wondering, I’ve been stealthed, too, more than once. But don’t they say ‘you never forget your first’? It was the fourth guy who ever fucked me - stealthed on my fourth hookup ever. Young guy, curly blond, shot two big loads - the first one into the condom, the second into me. He left with a big smile on his face. No, you never forget.)

[BlackDude]

Let’s just keep it real here.
 

There isn’t that much “stealthing” going on. It’s really just folks wanting to lie about their HIV status so they can have sex and the want the rest of us to go along with it. 

[Guest]

I think it's about setting. 

[alwaysready]

you put morality in the picture, everything becomes tricky. if a guy does not ask, then generally it is accepted you can breed him and knock him up. i know others will disagree. i am not being rigid abut this.  (find the two puns in here and win...nothing but possibly hot emails  lol

[hornyguyindc]

I’m just starting to take anon cock… and I’m really uncertain about being pozzed up.  Personally, if I asked a Poz top to fuck me and even use a condom (which Im not sure I would do… don’t know yet)… if they stealthed me and then told me that they squirted their toxic load in my hole, I would find it incredibly hot!!!  Not commenting on stealthing in general as I understand and kind of agree with everyone else… but I think it would be an incredible turn on for me.

Because I think I’d be being a wuss for asking for protection… and I think the poz top would be teaching me a valuable lesson.

[Sissywhoresuzy]

I think it totally acceptable  to be stealthed

[BigPaleBottom]

1 hour ago, BlackDude said:

Let’s just keep it real here.
 

There isn’t that much “stealthing” going on. It’s really just folks wanting to lie about their HIV status so they can have sex and the want the rest of us to go along with it. 

Not sure tbh. To be clear, when I say stealthing I mean not using, removing or sabotaging a condom without the knowledge and consent of the partner. 
 

It happened to me several times. A guy removing it secretly, another fucking me doggie without putting the agreed condom on. Also one where it turned out the condom had a hole. Not a poked hole, but a 5 mm piece missing (I have photos). I may write about it in this other thread here. 
 

it happens. Worse, these are those cases where I noticed. Were there more where I didn’t ?

 Can’t say how often it happens but it definitely does. And it fucked up my sex life for a long time.