Advise with work “outer”

[BlackDude]

So we have a guy at work who thinks it’s his business to tell everyone’s activities at work. It goes from telling who he seen at what club and who they went home with to as far as screenshooting guys on the apps and their interests, and sharing it with coworkers. And if your discreet/DL he takes more joy in it. Because of my position, I can’t really say anything to him or risk getting In trouble and/or outed. Another coworker tried to complain about his gossiping and he totally flipped it around to a victim role. He’s killing hooking up for a lot of guys who are afraid to go out or even post their picture on line without him trying to out you based on your stats.  Any help (other than coming fully out of course which I feel is no ones business at work)?!?!

[seaguy]

Be out and proud and own up to being on Grindr or whatever app he finds you on.  Not letting him have the satisfaction of embarrassing you ought to teach him a lesson.

[PG1961Canada]

I guess the fallback position for me would be.... "Hey dude... what are YOU doing on that app???".... people will judge no matter what you do..... so do what makes YOU feel good.  I know in some office situations this can be dicy - but this is blatant harassment.  If enough people have facts of his behavior, he cannot play the victim.... he is a harasser.  Companies don't like having law suit liabilities around... Just my thoughts.  I wish you luck.  This is bullshit behavior on his part.

[Guest]

It's sexual harassment.  Make an anonymous report to HR, complete with screen shots, emails, etc.

If that doesn't work, band together with co-workers and figure out the best way to humiliate him.

Make sure to video his humiliation and share it widely, especially here.

I'm sure the degenerate hive-mind of breeding zone can help you come up with a way to turn the tables.

Hire a whore to help.  Put him in a compromised position.  Give him a taste of his own medicine.

[bbinbpark]

3 hours ago, CoolKink said:

It's sexual harassment.  Make an anonymous report to HR, complete with screen shots, emails, etc.

If that doesn't work, band together with co-workers and figure out the best way to humiliate him.

Make sure to video his humiliation and share it widely, especially here.

I'm sure the degenerate hive-mind of breeding zone can help you come up with a way to turn the tables.

Hire a whore to help.  Put him in a compromised position.  Give him a taste of his own medicine.

So close...your first point is spot on assuming Blackdude's work takes this kind of thing seriously. The rest of the points could get him into trouble as well, especially since the asshole he's asking for help on turns himself into the victim according to the post. Keep those last 4 points a fantasy.

[Guest]

They were primarily a revenge fantasy.

The filming that's illegal.  And probably the whore.  But on BZ everyone's an eager whore, so that would be easy.

Maybe someone could take a crack in the fiction section.

"Outer Avenged"

 

[Guest RawCunt]

I'm from Aus, and old school.  That sort of thing would get sorted out the old fashioned way.

[lovetobefucked]

I

24 minutes ago, RawCunt said:

I'm from Aus, and old school.  That sort of thing would get sorted out the old fashioned way.

Time to take him to the woodshed and beat him black and blue.  If you don't want to do it yourself then report him to a local biker club as being a child molester .... they will take care of him ... !!

[Pozlover1]

This may help:

When I first came out in the 70’s my recourse was to be totally out and shock them. Most straights are actually terrified of us. 

Then watching current events vis a vis Bible prophesy I became convinced that we are at the End of the Age. 

The church I got Saved in was a Word church, loosely affiliated with Kenneth Copeland, Jesse Duplantis, Jerry Savelle, Creflo Dollar... they said I could change but I had to avoid all things gay like a gambler avoids card games.

I mostly did delivery work that only involved brief, shallow contact with people. But on stationary jobs invariably some people  picked up on an animal level that I was Gay and resented being lied to. I actually had more trouble than when I was totally out!!

I found some Gay Christians and read up on the changes made to Scripture, usually taking full advantage of translating it into a new language,  to boost the power of the Church,  shake down the flock for money and grab believers for political gain. Are you aware Jesus healed a Centurion’s lover? That He never ONCE mentioned homosexuality? 

But  while I was away, workplaces had become PC Gulags. My old defense of shocking my attackers into silence now usually resulted in accusations of sexual harassment as the vicious bullies suddenly transform  into innocent victims. 

What works now is to never mention being Gay but have reasonable responses based on Liberty for the secular and knowing the Bible well enough to shut up the pious evil bastards, the hollow Alabaster shells filled with darkness (as Jesus called them) but in a careful, non threatening way. Finding common ground on unrelated topics works with all but the most psychotic, but those will always find a reason to project their own evil onto others so just ignore them.  It takes practice and actually uses some of the same skills as cruising for sex.

[tallslenderguy]

Ditto those who are factually stating that this is blatant sexual harassment and invasion of privacy.  You are absolutely right, who you chose to share your sexuality with is your business.   Most businesses have policy on sexual harassment, even if they are too small to have a HR department.  A harassment law suit can really wreak havoc on a business, they don't want it. You are protected by Federal law and either way you slice it, the company stands to lose if they don't handle this properly.  Since you are concerned about outing your self, report it anonymously to human resources if your company has such a department, or to someone in management. 

[VersAlwaysLooking]

 I'm a senior level director and what you describe is legally a hostile work environment (federal).   May or may be sexual harassment, depending on state.   Your employer has an obligation stop the situation 1) if it is observable to management; or 2) if you report the situation.   If your employer fails to take action (based on either scenario), it's legally actionable but make sure your evidence is solid.   (For example, follow-up via e-mail after you report your concern, if you decide to do so.)

Based on the details you shared, it sounds like your employer is part of the problem.  What you describe is extreme, must be known to management and I've fired people for far less.   I sounds like they tolerate this  behavior (in violation of federal law) and will not fix the problem.   Your best outcome may be finding a better employer.   If you take that route, make sure to complain formally before resigning to preserve your legal rights. Do this when you're relatively far along in the interview process and if your current employer is stupid enough to fire you or take some other retaliatory job action, then you'll have a cash money $$$ legal case after you're happily at your new job.   

Most important - don't suffer in silence.  Do something you are comfortable with to resolve the situation. 

Feel free to private message me and I can send you links to relevant legal reference material.  

Edited September 3, 2019 by VersAlwaysLooking

[wood]

On 9/1/2019 at 3:15 PM, BlackDude said:

So we have a guy at work who thinks it’s his business to tell everyone’s activities at work. It goes from telling who he seen at what club and who they went home with to as far as screenshooting guys on the apps and their interests, and sharing it with coworkers. And if your discreet/DL he takes more joy in it. Because of my position, I can’t really say anything to him or risk getting In trouble and/or outed. Another coworker tried to complain about his gossiping and he totally flipped it around to a victim role. He’s killing hooking up for a lot of guys who are afraid to go out or even post their picture on line without him trying to out you based on your stats.  Any help (other than coming fully out of course which I feel is no ones business at work)?!?!

So as others have noted this is blatant harassment.  Your response to the situation is going to depend a lot on your job, and company size IMO.  Say you're a bartender at a gay bar, even a large one.  I doubt even the owners are going to take it very seriously beyond someone saying something like "stop it" to the offender.  If you work something more corporate, and have HR,  go to them first.  Most HR wont come close to tolerating stuff like that because its their job on the line.  I worked two jobs where a manager/director showed overt favoritism to their friends in promotions.  Long story short one was demoted, one was fired.

With that said, I take a very private stance with all things work related.  I don't talk with ANYONE about my personal life, I keep work friends at a certain distance, and I friend any of them on social media.  Most people don't go as far as I do, but I just find it easier to keep work and personal separate.      

[AirmaxUK]

 

10 hours ago, wood said:

With that said, I take a very private stance with all things work related.  I don't talk with ANYONE about my personal life, I keep work friends at a certain distance, and I friend any of them on social media.  Most people don't go as far as I do, but I just find it easier to keep work and personal separate. 

+1 for this. I keep a clear line between work and home life and don't let colleagues into my social media. I don't share my personal email or mobile phone number with colleagues. When colleagues have popped up on Grindr, I've blocked them as soon as I notice. Although we have a proactive HR and a diversity group, I am still cautious. 

This is a bit passive-aggressive but why not just block him on the apps so he can't see your profile(s) and therefore has no leverage?

It doesn't solve the fundamental problem but it mitigates it somewhat. 

[Qban]

Go to HR and tell them he’s creating a hostile work environment and that you’re going to file a formal complaint if it doesn’t stop.  You’ll have to tell them how and why but that should be enough for someone HR to investigate, talk to him about it and document it in his file.  Most HR departments take this kind of thing very seriously.

Edited September 19, 2019 by Qban

[Sfmike64]

I'd completely agree with the others here who say you should absolutely make a complaint to HR. Perhaps with others in a united front. This is 100% a firing offense in the States (I don't know where you live but I can't imagine this being acceptable in Europe either).  Any company worth working for will take this very seriously and get rid of him quickly.

But they can't do anything until someone makes a complaint.