Snubbed by a 60 YO for using Prep

[BlackDude]

So this guy hits me up in A4A and he’s 60. Ok shape still, no problem, I tell him I’m looking to breed. Then he responds something like “I always play safe, that’s why I’m negative and 60!”

I respond something like “I’m neg too, always played safe, now on prep.”

He responds “no thanks, not looking to take a load from a guy on Prep! Sorry!”

So I said “no problem, enjoy being neg. I am, and will continue to be on prep!” Then he sends me some wise ass answer back. I blocked him.

My point is dude your 60! And still bragging about being negative, and missing out of fucking for what? What are you waiting for?! Then you’ll be 65, then 70, then 75 still talking about “yeah I’m still neg!”. Ok, what did you win? 
 

This isn’t even really about Prep I guess, but at some point don’t u just let loose and enjoy life? I’m all for safe play, hell I still use condoms sometimes if it makes the dude comfortable. Just say “safe only” and leave it a that. 

 

Sorry, rant over!

Edited March 30, 2021 by BlackDude

[chipygmalion80]

Yup.

I was "ghosted" on Grindr by a bottom who hit _me_ up.  His profile said "safe", but hey: I don't judge.  He sent me a flurry of unsolicited pics of his ass so I thought maybe ...

When I said that I was undetect and was just checked out by my doc, his profile disappeared.  Hah!  Obviously he wanted to be fucked bare but is scared shit to do it with randos!

Your 60-yo reminded me of what a doctor told me.  I asked my (ex-)doc from a few years back how long poz folks live.  His reply was: "Well, you'll probably live beyond 65 because of the meds, and you don't smoke, and you don't do drugs, so you'll die of something other than AIDS.  Heart attack, cancer, or something like that.  Nobody would know the difference."  So your 60's opinion has become a moot point, but the stigma lasts.

[drscorpio]

It continually astounds me that we are almost a decade into PrEP being available in the USA, and I regularly still have to explain it to some clueless hookup.

[blackrobe]

3 minutes ago, drscorpio said:

It continually astounds me that we are almost a decade into PrEP being available in the USA, and I regularly still have to explain it to some clueless hookup.

I usually have to do this about once a week with younger breeders. It's not just PrEP they seem to be ignorant of. I give them the HPV, Hep A, and Hep B vaccine push too. The cost of PrEP and the problem of how to get it prescribed are the biggest points of resistance I hear from men. I point them to a local sexual health clinic so they don't have to tell their doctor (even though I tell them they should be able to) and hook them up with the PrEP DAP scheme in their state.

Helping breeders and bred be safe and sexually healthy is a duty I feel pretty strongly.

[BlackDude]

2 minutes ago, blackrobe said:

I usually have to do this about once a week with younger breeders. It's not just PrEP they seem to be ignorant of. I give them the HPV, Hep A, and Hep B vaccine push too. The cost of PrEP and the problem of how to get it prescribed are the biggest points of resistance I hear from men. I point them to a local sexual health clinic so they don't have to tell their doctor (even though I tell them they should be able to) and hook them up with the PrEP DAP scheme in their state.

Helping breeders and bred be safe and sexually healthy is a duty I feel pretty strongly.

I get it with younger guys. But at 60? Like a previous poster said: you’re gonna die of something.

[blackrobe]

51 minutes ago, BlackDude said:

I get it with younger guys. But at 60? Like a previous poster said: you’re gonna die of something.

True. but I've done my speech with more than a few men closer to my age too. He's ignorant or afraid or sex-negative or a combination of all three. His loss.

[ejaculaTe]

1 hour ago, BlackDude said:

I get it with younger guys. But at 60? Like a previous poster said: you’re gonna die of something.

There are no age restrictions on being clueless. The guy's remark that he "[wasn't] looking to take a load from a guy on Prep" suggests that he's inferring that anyone on PrEP is too much of a sexhound for him. And for whatever it's worth, I've seen that attitude in more than a couple of A4A profiles. As I said, there are no restrictions on being clueless.

[BootmanLA]

11 hours ago, BlackDude said:

He responds “no thanks, not looking to take a load from a guy on Prep! Sorry!”

My first thought is that this is a guy worried not only about HIV, but also the host of other STI's that can be transmitted by non-condom sex (and yes I know there are some STI's that condoms don't protect against). Someone who insists on condom sex may well be just as concerned about those.

It could be that he has a wife or girlfriend and needs to be super-careful about bringing home any unwanted ride-along visitors.

Doesn't excuse him from being rude, of course. But guys have a right to insist on condoms (and guys have a right to decline to fuck someone who insists on condoms). 

[BlackDude]

10 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

My first thought is that this is a guy worried not only about HIV, but also the host of other STI's that can be transmitted by non-condom sex (and yes I know there are some STI's that condoms don't protect against). Someone who insists on condom sex may well be just as concerned about those.

It could be that he has a wife or girlfriend and needs to be super-careful about bringing home any unwanted ride-along visitors.

Doesn't excuse him from being rude, of course. But guys have a right to insist on condoms (and guys have a right to decline to fuck someone who insists on condoms). 

All those could be true. But then why say “that’s why I’m 60 and I’m still neg!”?
 

No, you’re saying That and because you were telling yourself you are better than the other gays because you secretly have distain and resent them living and doing what they wanna do. You more than likely wasted your “prime years” pretending you are straight or being one of these “hotter than thou” gays. You are full of regret, in denial, and projecting that onto others. 
 

Like I said, I get condom use. I just started BB in the last few years. I’m just saying, don’t act all high and mighty. 

Edited March 30, 2021 by BlackDude

[BB1954]

I’m 66 and not taking prep and enjoying raw loads. Like the previous posted said “you’re gonna die from something” I get some of the same shaming from other mature guys who think they are going to live forever. I communicated with one guy who is pushing 80 and is on prep. Really ? 

[Spunkinmyarse]

There’s still a lot of mistrust about Prep in some far-flung corners of the gay ‘community’, just like there’s a lot of mistrust about the current COVID vaccines.

Some people just have a hard time understanding the concept of risk. 

[travelingbi]

In this day and age, the endless PrEP and undetectable conversations are ridiculous. I play quite often with str8 men. So, I can understand some of them not understanding. But for sexually active gay and bi men to not know about PrEP or to understand that undetectable means that virus transmission is near zero, is quite shocking and disappointing. But sadly far too often these men are just ignorant.  When someone asks me what PrEP is, I don't even waste my time anymore. I just say "Google it". And I walk away and leave them with their ignorance. 
Before my pandemic lockdown, I had been repeatedly hit on, on Grindr, by a handsome, middle aged, str8, married man. He said that he had been sucked by a few guys, but wanted to try fucking a guy for the first time. We chatted over several weeks. He told me that he was just now beginning to accept that he might be bi and finally accept that he was attracted to men as well as women. Before we set up our first meeting, I told him that I was undetectable. I told him that I preferred to get fucked raw. But if he wanted to use a condom, to please bring some. He flipped out. He was really freaking. 
I said to him, "You never even asked my status. If I hadn't brought it up, you would have gone ahead and fucked me, possibly even raw, and you never would have known."  He confirmed that he was planning to fuck me raw, because he didn't like condoms. But he said there was no way he'd fuck some guy with AIDS. Obviously, he didn't know the difference between HIV and AIDS. Let alone, understand undetectable. I just told him that if he was going to fuck guys, he seriously needed to educate himself or just keep his dick in his pants. 
For whatever reason, he contacted me a few more times on Grindr. But, I was done with him. Just put a block on the fool. 
 

[DarkroomTaker]

8 hours ago, BlackDude said:

I get it with younger guys. But at 60? Like a previous poster said: you’re gonna die of something.

An unfair comment, why would you think its ok for younger guys to be accepted by you to do this? sounds like you are being ageist, anyway moving along.

Is it not his choice?, you dont know his lifestyle, circumstances etc.afterall it is his body to choose what he does with it, yes he was impolite, but hey ho, that could just be how he is, his manner, not excusable, but you do not know him.

 

[DarkroomTaker]

3 hours ago, BB1954 said:

I’m 66 and not taking prep and enjoying raw loads. Like the previous posted said “you’re gonna die from something” I get some of the same shaming from other mature guys who think they are going to live forever. I communicated with one guy who is pushing 80 and is on prep. Really ? 

Not getting the thought behind this post. He is 80 and choosing what he wants to do with his life, yes really, his choice.

[DarkroomTaker]

4 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

My first thought is that this is a guy worried not only about HIV, but also the host of other STI's that can be transmitted by non-condom sex (and yes I know there are some STI's that condoms don't protect against). Someone who insists on condom sex may well be just as concerned about those.

It could be that he has a wife or girlfriend and needs to be super-careful about bringing home any unwanted ride-along visitors.

Doesn't excuse him from being rude, of course. But guys have a right to insist on condoms (and guys have a right to decline to fuck someone who insists on condoms). 

Exactly ^^