Versatility: a turn-on or a turn-off?

[find91]

4 hours ago, blackrobe said:

I'd add that its often not just preference. I'm wired as a bottom, topping isn't a decision I'm able to make. It took me a very, very long time for my cunt to flower open and find true joy in being used and fertilized, I won't be forced into dishonoring my nature by anyone.

Very fucking true. I have bottoms friends that loose their erection at the mere mention of topping. I really felt that last line. And you never should have too

[tallslenderguy]

1 hour ago, Davidc said:

I’m top only and only look for guys who identify as total bottoms, I just don’t like my ass being played with.

Same here, but in reverse. i.e., i'm a bottom only and only look for guys who identify as total Tops, i don't like my penis played with. 

4 hours ago, find91 said:

I don't mind hooking up with vers guys, my main hesitation and annoyance is their constant need to flip. Vers guys tend to agree to one thing online and then when you meet in person all of a sudden want to change roles. It's annoying AF. I've had vers guys told me they were looking to bottom, but when we meet, they can't handle my dick and start trying to suggest that I should try bottoming for them. I'm like get the fuck out of here do you not know how to read???? It's like they don't understand that not everyone is like them. Some guys don't want to be fuck/ can only be fucked and don't want to top. Respect people's preferences. And know it's not being selfish being solely a bottom or s strict top it's who they are.

^^This^^

i have tried. Really. i have nothing against versatile guys, and love bottoms too, but i know i am not sexually compatible with them.  i have had so many versatile guys tell me online that they want to breed and love to top, and then try and get my penis when we hook.  And i am completely clear. i explain in all of my hook up profiles that i am "total bottom and don't want my penis touched."  

A year ago i talked to a guy on Squirt for a few weeks, he was versatile and lived about an hour and a half away. i was so clear about being total bottom. i even ask most guys if they are disappointed that i am total bottom and don't want my penis touched.  i opened up with this guy and we talked kinks and i decided to spend a week end with him. i even picked him up and brought him to my house. The guy did a total flip on me and was all over me touching my penis. i'm pretty sub, so i didn't resist. When he got back home he emailed me and was excited and wanted to know how i liked the weekend. i told him the truth and he got defensive and made fun of the fact that i am a total bottom.

It's a mystery to me because i have had some great experiences with versatile guys, so i want to believe if i am just clear enough that i am total bottom that they will only approach me when they are wanting to top.  But i have been burned so many times that i am gun shy.  Honestly, BZ seems to be the exception, it seems most of the versatile guys on here get it and wouldn't try to make a bottom top them.  But there are so many who just don't get it. i get the impression that some believe that everyone is like them, that because we all have a penis and asshole we can all choose to top or bottom. Because they don't relate, they seem to doubt it's a reality that total Tops and total bottoms are a thing lol. sigh. 

i will still hook on occasion with guys identifying as "versatile," but am painfully clear that i won't flip.  But i will not entertain having a romantic relationship with a versatile guy, because i don't want to become emotionally entangled with a guy and not be sexually compatible.  i was married to a woman most of my life. i loved this person dearly, but wtf, i'm gay and we were not sexually compatible... and that caused us both a world of hurt that i won't repeat.

Prolly made me a little gun shy even for hook ups lol. 

[Spunkinmyarse]

3 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

i get the impression that some believe that everyone is like them, that because we all have a penis and asshole we can all choose to top or bottom. Because they don't relate, they seem to doubt it's a reality that total Tops and total bottoms are a thing lol. 

I am SO with you on this, @tallslenderguy!

Pretty much all of us will accept these days that our sexual orientation isn’t a choice, but is something that is hard-wired inside is.  Why then will some gay men not accept that for some of us, being a total bottom (or a total top, for that matter) is similarly hard-wired inside is?  I’m constantly having to explain that I don’t top EVER, that I could not top EVER, and that I do not enjoy having my penis played with EVER.  I’m not just being pig-headed for the sake of it, it’s just the way I’m made.

It’s not something I’m proud of, but equally it’s not something I feel I should be made to feel ashamed of either.  I do understand that it may seem quite baffling to some versatile guys, but please accept that it is something I have no control over.

For me, versatility isn’t necessarily a turn-off, but experience has taught me to be wary of versatile guys.  I tend to find that more experienced versatile guys get it: they’ve come across this situation before, and they know better how to handle it.  If I find myself having to justify my position to a guy and end up jumping through hoops just to explain it to him, then the chances are he’s not very experienced, and I lose interest: from that perspective, yes, I suppose it is turn-off.

In some ways, I’m actually very envious of versatile guys: it must be great to be able to flip-flop, your chances of a hook-up are doubled every time.  But please don’t try to ‘convert’ us:  in exactly the same way I’ll never be converted to be straight, I’ll never be converted to be versatile either.

[Veytoss]

A turn on for me! You're missing half the fun being only top or bottom 😛

[wood]

On 2/16/2020 at 8:38 AM, find91 said:

I don't mind hooking up with vers guys, my main hesitation and annoyance is their constant need to flip. Vers guys tend to agree to one thing online and then when you meet in person all of a sudden want to change roles. It's annoying AF. I've had vers guys told me they were looking to bottom, but when we meet, they can't handle my dick and start trying to suggest that I should try bottoming for them. I'm like get the fuck out of here do you not know how to read???? It's like they don't understand that not everyone is like them. Some guys don't want to be fuck/ can only be fucked and don't want to top. Respect people's preferences. And know it's not being selfish being solely a bottom or s strict top it's who they are.

This is very true, but also on of the things I do like about being vers, and vers guys.  Sometimes things just don’t work out like you plan,  but you are still really into the person so flipping is a fun alternative to just canning the whole experience.  

[ScorpionFF]

Well, put it this way, if you are anything less than 100% bottom or sub/bottom, then we won't fit. It is just the way it is. I have absolutely zero interest in dick (hence why having a dick covered by a jockstrap pouch and/or in chastity is an essential part of the dynamic for me.)

For those that are truly Vers, and/or Bi, obviously are lucky to have more choice.

[drscorpio]

The thought that the guy who just bred me also takes loads - turn on.

The guy I am fucking wanting me to be verse because he is - turn off. 

[NWUSHorny]

As someone who is a true versatile, I've never understood why guys want to limit hookups to only total tops or bottoms.  My personal experience is that while there are lots of total bottoms, there are very, very few total tops.

[NLbear]

I can understand that vers guys can have fun both ways. But I am a bottom. I don't care if a guy is vers as long as he knows that when he is with me his dick goes into my ass and I am not returning the favor. I have a top buddy who is a vers top but he gets his ass filling somewhere else. Perfect.

[Pozguyinchi]

I have always envied men that were vers. As a true gold star bottom I have never and will never top. I am glad there are verse guys out there that will breed me though. 

[find91]

6 hours ago, NLbear said:

I can understand that vers guys can have fun both ways. But I am a bottom. I don't care if a guy is vers as long as he knows that when he is with me his dick goes into my ass and I am not returning the favor. I have a top buddy who is a vers top but he gets his ass filling somewhere else. Perfect.

My exact same sentiment. Just that I am a top

[Close2MyBro]

I'm a total bottom and I prefer a total top. There seems to be a certain animalistic passion when a total top feeds on his prey.

[Guest]

I'm vers bottom and love being with a vers top guy if the chemistry is there and we flip fuck all night. But you have to discuss and know your roles beforehand. If a guy is looking for top only, I'm not his guy. The worst is a guy saying he is vers to get you round, then it becoming clear he is bottom only. 

If I'm in a bottom mood and just want a top then I'm clear that me being vers that night is very unlikely and that I just want to be railed. This is why I like group sex, get a mix of people and then there's someone for everyone. 

[BBButtSlut]

Vers guys are confusing to me. I hook with them if they approach me but I’m very clear that I only suck dick and get butt fucked. If the want to suck my dick or if they’re not actively looking for bareback anal fucking, it won’t work. I prefer the apps where I can just post my butthole because that’s how I can find guys who want what I want to give.

[Piggyybttmm]

I really don't care if you are, I know that if were fucking I'm the one getting plowed lol.