GermanFucker

That is probably true for 1% of all poz guys, namely the aforementioned long-term-nonprogressors. So you can count yourself lucky that you belong to this select group. However, your truth doesn't apply to the other 99%. These 99% live longer and healthier lives thanks to ARVs. But he was cute nonetheless. Like the kid with the killer smile who so many of us choose to ignore, because he doesn't wear the right clothes, because he doesn't fit in, doesn't belong, or worst of all, isn't doing the right drugs. IMHO opinion it's not insulting to call a clearly handsome man cute, especially as such a statement is tinged with the melancholia and sadness of loss and what-could-have-beens. If you are looking to find insult, I would like to paraphrase one of the guys from the documentary METH IIRC he basically said that it's an absurd waste to survive AIDS and then stick needles in your arms to shoot up meth. Not caring about others and letting meth rule one's life, that is the real insult.

The simple truth: 99% of all poz men will have to go on meds at some point in time in order to survive. Eating healthy is not a substitute for that (one should do that anyway as it is always a benefit to your general wellbeing). WHEN you will have to start meds depends on your body's reaction to the virus. Some need to go on meds after 5 months, others after 5 years, only your doctor can tell you which category you belong to. Many say that with all the new regimens starting meds early will help you in the long run, so you can always start taking them before you absolutely have to. That is your decision. But it's not recommendable to wait beyond the point where your body can't put up enough of a fight. So discuss your options with your doctor. Eating healthy, sports, yoga etc. are allways good, but the only thing proven to fight the virus itself are antiretrovirals. There is no alternative to starting meds at some point in time (at least for 99% of all poz men).

Totally agree! I think it also has to do with guys being in relationships. Let's be honest, at least 50% of all gay men in "monogamous" relationships cheat, plus the huge number of open relationships with certain rules (e.g. sex with strangers only using condoms). Many of these guys will admit to some "harmless" cocksucking but not to getting fucked raw outside the relationship.

I think what les is saying is that the guy is on medication, therefore the viral load in his blood is quite low, also ingesting it is probably less risky than e.g. sharing a needle. Hep C in this regard can be more of a problem as it usually requires fewer copies of the virus to successfully infect, especially when sharing the same needle or razor. So there's a really good chance you're still HIV neg. On the other hand, if your partner were HepC pos, there's a very good chance he would have passed it on to you. Other than that you'll have to wait for the test. But you should be realistic: Blood sex is risky. If you sincerely want to avoid infection, stay away from it (otherwise at least minimize the risk by e.g. only getting fucked with your own blood, safely extracted using e.g. a syringe beforehand). Having doubts and regrets after cumming is never good. You clearly are conflicted. Take a step back and assess your priorities: What is more important to you: Your blood fetish or your health? Try to find the answer that is right for you and act accordingly. A constant cycle of acting out, regret, shame, self-imposed pressure and then acting out again will just FUCK YOU UP. FIRST, try to get to a point where you're at peace with yourself.

Prep does not lead to resistance. Resistance develops because of mutagenic pressure. If you're poz, the virus will replicate in your bloodstream. Antiretrovirals supress replication. From time to time mutations happen, but if you're sticking to your dosage schedule, viral activity is low so that it's unlikely these mutations will survive and get a hold in your body. Developing resistance to a certain drug means that one of the mutated viruses is immune to the mode of action of a certain ARV and that this mutation was given a chance to prosper (e.g. by not adhering to therapy guidelines). Bottom line: you need to carry HIV in order to develop a resistance. If you're not poz, there's no mutagenic pressure working against the meds in your body. If you're neg and taking PreP as prescribed, one of two things will happen: 1.) HIV enters your bloodstream. Because of the PreP it cannot replicate and will die off shortly thereafter. It cannot build reservoirs in your lymphatic tissue. No infection, no virus remains in your body. No mutagenic pressure, no resistance. 2.) The HIV that enters your system is already resistant to ALL the components of your PreP regimen. Then there is a chance of infection. BUT the virus was already resistant in the first place. Also many cases of multiresistant HIV are often on some kind of salvage therapy, meaning lower viral loads (less likelyhood of infection) whereas HVL fresh infections are mostly "normal", unmutated HIV. The only real problem is not adhering to your dosage schedule, as with poz guys. Not enough ARVs in your blood mean better chance of infection, and once infected, a better chance for mutations to survive. As to the issue itself: I think PreP is great because it slows / stops the chain reaction of one guy infecting another one and so on. All the guys doing PreP are working towards a world where HIV has been starved out, and therefore ALL gay sex is bareback again.

Do you mean that as "he was a dirty pig" or simply that he didn't apply deodorant? Because IMHO often the deodorant is the problem, some are nasty, chemical weapons. Also, while most deodorants work well when wearing a collared shirt, that isn't always the case when being naked and covered in sex sweat. Some develop a really weird tang. I think that "freshly showered, no deodorant" (of course using a neutral, not a heavily perfumed shower gel) is always the safest bet. That way a man still smells like himself, but doesn't stink. When asked, that would always be my recommendation for sex dates with strangers. Personally, I'm an adventurous guy, so with the right guy, I'm open to a variety of smells. A few examples: - Guys in their late teens usually haven't really learned how to use deodorants / eau de toilets. But if I'm seeding an 18-year-old boy hole, I don't even mind the Drakkar Noir. - The musk of a hard day's work is always ok with me, same as with fresh gym (soccer/biking etc.) sweat. - So is the smell of a day at the beach, that mixture of sunbathing sweat and salt. - Talking of swimming, if you are indeed a swimmer and look the part, even a whiff of chlorine can be very hot. - Some raunch can be ok, but only with the right guys. I had a fuckbuddy, one of those clean, athletic types, who loved fucking bareback after not having showered for one or two days (especially with that slight smell of piss in the crotch area). Because of the total contrast it was very, very hot. I don't really like raunch when it comes to mature, hairy guys. Just not interesting to me, because it's what you expect. Sometimes even comes across as slobbish. But that's not something for a ONS / the first hook-up. As I said, IMHO, you can't go wrong with freshly showered, no deodorant.

Agreed. I also don't get bottoms who don't like condoms but are willing to shove dildos up their asses. Plastic is plastic and it doesn't belong in asses.

First of all, all that talk of "straight guy", "met him on the street", "spontaneously decided to fuck his ass" is usually bullshit. At least there has been some kind of talk, ID verification and signing of some legal documents / waivers. Anything that looks likek coercion or shady dealing on screen is cleared beforehand (just think of baitbus.com, if that was real they'd be in court all the time). Or do you believe all the drama on so-called reality TV shows like "The Biggest Loser" or any show with Gordon Ramsay is in fact real? No, it's all scripted. As to the sero-sorting, I can only speak of European porn (I know some German porn producers and fucked the occasional actor), but that is more or less in line with what RawTop said. Legitimate porn companies usually fall into one of three categories: 1.) Those who work with a lot of young neg guys, because it's their business model (in the US that would probably be Active Duty, Sean Cody or Chaosmen, but I don't know for sure), who do their own rigorous testing (usually they have friendly doctors / labs who will do PCR tests for them). 2.) Those who work with a more diverse set of actors, many (or even most) of whom are poz, who insist on medical paperwork, which can be an HIV / STD test for neg models or in the case of poz actors documentation that they are on meds and of course tests for other STDs. Those producers often do get somewhat involved and serosort. 3.) Others do not get involved. They just have the actors sit down with each other and afterwards have them sign that it's their responsibility and that they've discussed all the pertinent issues. That can sometimes lead to ironic results, like one neg actor who's only fucking other neg guys for one company, seeding poz holes when working for another one. Then there is a fourth category. 4.) Amateur and street-hustler porn, where pretty much anything can happen, because no professional looks out for potential legal trouble.

Where's the "I haven't really changed" option? The thing is: of course the sex I have in a year differs from the one before. Different opportunities lead to different outcomes. But my tastes haven't really changed over the last 10 years or so. I'm a top. Just the way God made me. And, yes, that means anal. I've always been adventurous, so from time to time I have extravagant daring sex. But I never mistake the garnish for the main protein of the meal. Overly fetishistic sex leaves me cold. I do enjoy piss and the smell of a real man, just as I did when I was 23. But again, it's still the whole man that interests me, my focus hasn't shifted.

If anyone is wondering: Androgel is a testosterone ointment. It's usually prescribed to younger men with abnormally low testosterone levels (testosterone deficiency is also more common amongst poz guys), but it is also helpful against wasting in HIV patients. That shouldn't be confused with testosterone use as an anobolic steroid, as e.g. bodybuilders usually take much, much higher doses. But iff your natural testosterone levels are on the low side, it can indeed lead to a more pronounced sex drive. Tried it once (not that I really needed it), gave me acne where applied and not much else happened. I think it depends on your personal body chemistry and maybe a bit on whether you actually believe in its efficacy. Just as a caveat: Once you substitute testosterone, your body will react by lowering its own production. So the best and safest way is to talk to a doctor first and if need be, get a prescription.

I'm with RawTop on this one. Had half a dozen over the course of nine months and then nothing for three years (while fucking at least two different guys per week). It's totally random. I don't think STDs are a badge of honor. Neither do I think it's something to be ashamed of. It's just something that happens along the way. The important thing IMHO is to be honest about it and treat them immediately.

Exactly. It's a plastic toy for those who like their sex playful. But to me it isn't even real fucking, it's masturbation by gluteus. It's the same as with bareback bottoms who send you dozens of pics showing them using dildos and butt plugs. Why would anyone think that's supposed to be enticing for a bareback top? Those guys are confused!

Excuse my harshness, but: If you need encouragement from strangers on the internet you shouldn't have sex all. Sex should be about doing something you enjoy, not something you got talked into. Should poz guys just be cumdumps? No, they should be whatever the fuck they damn well please. Same as neg guys. Same as everyone. HIV doesn't change a damn fucking thing when it comes to your elementary right of self-determination. If you want to be a cumdump, be a cumdump. If you want to seek enlightenment, do that. YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICE.

First of all: Congrats on always being honest. That is by far the best policy. As to guys fucking you bareback while insisting on condoms when bottoming: That is for you - and only for you - to decide. Some submissive guys get off on the double standard. Most guys feel akward like you. You should do what YOU feel comfortable with. If you really want to fuck the guy and that's the only way, why not? But noone has the right to dictate the way YOU want to have sex. Be open about what YOU want. You'd be surprised how many guys suddenly agree to your terms once you show them that you're willing to walk away from a fuck. Just don't be an asshole: Don't stealth. Stick to what you agreed upon. If you agree to condoms, don't pull them off. If you agreed on bareback without seeding the ass, shoot outside. But don't agree to something you're not comfortable with in the first place.

To the best of my knowledge: The risk when having "normal" bareback sex (e.g. using lube for anal penetration, no fisting or oversized toys, slowly working up to anal penetration, so the ass is relaxed etc....) is indeed very low. However, one should avoid blood. So no cruel condom, being careful with rough sex and so forth. Also keep in mind that group settings and anonymous situations can be risky. Imagine a big bareback party, where a bug chaser comes with a toothbrushed asshole. If he has HepC, the tops who fuck him will also most likely fuck a few drops of his blood into other other asses. On the other hand, HepC, if caught early is usually very treatable, so if you are worried, make sure to get tested regularly. I know guys who had it two or three times over the last years. Sure, treatment was a b*tch, they had problems with depression and the Hepatitis treament fucked up their digestive system, but after a few weeks months they were cured.

From personal experience: While syphillis leads to swollen lymph nodes and a rash, I personally didn't have that flu-like malaise feeling with muscle soreness and stuff. However, what is a dead giveaway for syphillis is the ulcus durum, the hard-to-the-touch chancre, where the first bacteria entered your body. If you find one in your mouth or on your dick, it's probably syph. It's more complicated if you got infected with syph deep in the ass, where you can't see the chancre or feel it with your tounge. But as hollywoodslut and jjjeep said: The guessing game is totally pointless. GO GET TESTED for all STDs, not just HIV! GO see a doctor or check the web for anonymous testing locations in your area. You can take a home HIV test after four weeks and if you're poz it will already show in 60-70% of the cases. It's good first indicator if that helps soothe your mind. But you MUST repeat the test after another 2 or more months to be sure. However, with syph it's VERY important to start treatment early. Because that's the difference between two shots of penicillin in the ass (and your done) and hours / days of IV antibiotics in a hospital and / or weeks of pill-popping. So for fuck's sake, just GET TESTED.

I'm with RawTop on this one. It sounds hot in theory and it can indeed be fun to try it out and experiment, but it often lacks the natural rhythm and instinctive quality of (1)-man-on-(1)-man action. If the situation arises, I'm game. But it's not something I really instigate or seek out (same as fisting in my case).

But for the younger generation this is already changing. If you look at sites like Chaosmen or Sean Cody, they're almost completely bareback but without the fetishistic stylization (Brooding music...."oooh, come join the brotherhood", camera closeups to the point of pointlessness) of some other bareback porn. In many ways bareback is indeed becoming the new normal. It is for me (which is also why I often enjoy CM or SC more than TIM). I believe that there is an important distinction. While almost every aspect of sex can be fetishized (which of course plays a role for the porn industry, as they are under the constant pressure to come up with something "you can't get at home") I don't think something is necessarily a fetish PER SE, if it concerns the core of the sexual activity (the evolutionary imperative one could say in a heterosexual setting). To use an example from the straight world: Yes, some guys have a fetish for giant, unnaturally huge silicone tits. But the fact that most straight men like nice big breasts is completely normal. So is wanting to shoot a load in a guys ass. It's just the natural way.

Yes, it's very unlikely that you have HIV. But still: GET TESTED. Don't speculate - GET TESTED. Don't worry about what-ifs - GET TESTED. Then you'll know for sure. And after your test comes back neg, make a habit of GETTING TESTED at least semi-regularly. Because once you get used to it, it's not only free / cheap and painless, it's also the most banal and boring thing in the world.

The thing is: Probably everyone argues this situation with a real-life example in mind. But all of the examples differ at least in nuances. Reality isn't black and white, most of the time it's about interpreting shades of grey. From my personal experience: Almost all the fuckbenches I have seen in saunas, bars, clubs and cruising mazes were at least semi-lit and thus not completely anonymous. Most of the time the bottom was able to see what's going on and decide on what to let happen. If that's the case, it's simply his right to insist on condoms, just as it is the bystanders' right to tell him to go somewhere else. As to the "partying". With all due respect: If someone wants to use drugs, it's HIS fucking choice. But he shouldn't fucking expect others to accomodate him. That is true if it's a bareback sex party or a P'n'P scene. If its just a general sex club, an ABS, a bathhouse or a cruising are, what actually happens is always up for discussion. Just like, for example, I have to put up with time-wasting cocksuckers when I'm cruising for anal: "No, you won't get to swallow my load, now piss off." Group sex is a dynamic thing. And if the scene shifts into a certain direction (tweakers, barebacking), you are a major douche and an embarrassment if you insist on your way when ten other guys around you want something different. But it's just as embarrassing if none of the ten other guys is man enough to tell the spoilsport off. I really don't get how some men are courageous enough to bareback, to do drugs etc., but afraid of saying a few words like: "Just go away and let us have our fun."

One correction: You don't continue to test positive for syph because it stays dormant in your system. The antibiotics (usually penicillin, but others work, too) do indeed kill the bacteria. It's because even then you will still have antibodies for many years. But that's not a problem. It only means that when getting tested for STIs you will have to tell, so they can do a second test, which doesn't just look for antibodies. Because that test is considerably more expensive, it's not standard (just like cheap ELISA search tests vs. PCR in the case of HIV). Converting back in the case of syph means that after decades the antibodies will have vanished.

Good definition, totally agree.

First of all, as a European I find the US American notion of "straightness" just a little bit funny. Just because you live in the suburbs and fuck your wife once every five months and otherwise live a seemingly heteronormative lifestyle, that still doesn't make you straight. If you prefer boys, you're bi at best. Other than that, I believe it's a question of taste. I have no interest whatsoever in HIV fetishism or any other fetishism, drugs or all that other bullshit. But I do like to try new things and have little adventures when it comes to sex. So yeah, I really dig virgins, curious guys and first timers. I also enjoy seeding partnered and married guys. I find a little clumsiness endearing and most sluts that have been around the block countless times rather bore me, that is, if there's nothing else of interest other than experience about them. But then again, in many ways, straight guys (real heterosexuals, that is) are the guys I can relate to the most. I like cars. I watch sports. I don't get "Madonna". Give me the Fast and the Furious over Glee any day.

Interesting post, MMM! Just some quick thoughts I had. I think drug use is indeed a problem in the barebacking community and it doesn't hurt having it discussed by a wide audience. However, especially with promiscuous gays / barebackers these problems often play into each other. As I said once before on another thread, the problem often isn't HIV alone or occasional drug use alone, it's the combination / nexus of HIV / Hepatitis, drugs, depression, de-socialization etc that can kill guys. Well, sex has addictive potential as well (just like many former smokers suddenly become overeaters), many straight people can't image a gay reality and mistake common promiscuity for sex addiction. Many gay prudes do as well. Couldn't have said it better. The secret is to fully enjoy sex without using it as a crutch. Most 12-step programs with ABSTINENCE at their core can't really help with that. Also I'd say: Try to become self-aware and see all the aspects of the problem. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Some questions as to ascertain what is part of the problem and what's not might be: - Can I enjoy sex for its own sake or does it only work in certain, drug-heavy, setting anymore? - What are my real priorities (Drugs, sex, work, friends....)? - Who are my real friends and what are my relationships really worth (if you believe your dealer is your best buddy, you have a problem)? - Do I really enjoy bugchasing or is it just an obsessive behaviour typical for depression? - What things are connected in my mind and elicit the same psychological reaction (addictive behaviour, withdrawal, anxiety etc.). If sex and drugs are one thing for you, that might be something to work on. And so forth.... If I have a clear picture of what my problem is, I can choose the right setting for me (12-step, psychotherapy etc.). Conversely, I believe that with gay settings analysing the nature of the problem is so important, as it is often more complex than just "I am an alcoholic".

I'd disagree. I would say that most guys are indeed versatile and just prefer to take one role. However, there are also some for whom it's not just a role, but an identity, who realized, that theay are either top or bottom. For whom it's not dedication to a role, but the easiest thing in the world: to be what they are. You see, to me that just sounds absurd. For me it doesn't take one iota of resolution to be a top, it comes natural. On the other hand, bottoming for me has nothing to do with sex. It's about as clinical and unpleasant as a colon exam. Just as for other guys it feels absurd to stick their dicks into pussy. Many guys are somewhat bi, but some guys are just gay and that's it. Yes and no. I tried bottoming once or twice when I was young and stupid. With a very nice fuckbuddy who I really liked at the time. The experience did nothing whatsoever for me. You can't really learn much from something that feels completely wrong. So I think one has to be careful, because there is nothing more annoying than missionary zeal ("But you HAVE to try that....")